


The Choices We Make

by lullabelle_moon



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Drinking, Gen, M/M, Mentions of Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-10
Updated: 2014-03-15
Packaged: 2017-11-28 21:20:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 59
Words: 124,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/679008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lullabelle_moon/pseuds/lullabelle_moon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Enjolras makes a decision regarding Grantaire, something that shakes the foundation of their relationship and changes the dynamic of the group.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The knock on the door woke Courfeyrac suddenly, with a groan he sat up slowly; cursing the time and whoever it was on the other side of his door.

  
“Okay okay I’m coming.”

  
With a yawn he unlocked the door and swung it open.

  
“Jesus.”

  
Standing in his doorway, wet from the rain and white as a sheet was Enjolras. Courfeyrac ushered him inside and shut the door.

  
“What the hell happened to you?”

  
Enjolras stood in the middle of the floor, his hair dripping onto the wooden floor. He was staring into space and shaking slightly from the cold.

  
“Enjolras?”

  
The man looked up at him and answered in a whisper,

  
“I had to do it Courf…I had to.”

  
“You had to do what? What happened?”

  
Enjolras rubbed his face, sending more water onto the floor.

  
“I couldn’t watch him kill himself. I tried to change him. I….I tried to save him and I couldn’t. So I had to do it. You understand right?”

  
Something twisted in Courfeyrac’s stomach. He was talking about Grantaire. Another shiver went through Enjolras, prompting Courfeyrac to fetch a towel and give it to his friend.

  
“Sit down E. I’ll make you a coffee.”

  
Enjolras rubbed his head dry and sat on a chair. When Courfeyrac returned with a steaming mug he was staring at the floor again, the towel hanging limply from his hand. Courfeyrac placed the mug next to him and sat down. He put a hand on his friends shoulder,

  
“Enjolras what happened.”

  
The room was silent, save for the noise of the rain outside and the passing traffic. After what felt like a lifetime Enjolras began to speak.

  
“I came home, and he was….”

  
He stopped and shut his eyes, Courfeyrac was scared; he had never seen Enjolras upset. Angry yes, but never upset.

  
“He was in the bathroom, and he was passed out. He wouldn’t wake up, I thought he was…I took him to the hospital.”

  
He turned to Courfeyrac with tears in his eyes.

  
“He’s not…”

  
“No…no he’s alive. But he could have been….He’s such an asshole.”

  
Courfeyrac let out a breath slowly.

  
“So what happened? If he’s okay I mean.”

  
Enjolras let out a choked sob,

  
“Okay? He’s not okay. They uhm…..”

  
He ran his hand through his hair again,

  
“They put it down as a suicide attempt. They wanted him sectioned, I figured it was the best thing for him….so I signed it. I sent him away.”

  
Courfeyrac stared in shock; he wasn’t expecting that at all. Sure Enjolras complained about Grantaire’s drinking but since they began sleeping together everyone thought he was dealing with it. He looked at his friend, head in his hands and sniffing hard and felt disgusted for a moment.

  
“You sent him away? Enjolras he doesn’t belong in a goddamn loony bin. He belongs with you.”

  
“He needs help Courf, I can’t give him that. I told him I wouldn’t do it.”

  
Courfeyrac stood up suddenly,

  
“What do you mean you told him? What did you tell him?”

  
“I told him I wouldn’t stand by and watch him drink himself to death. I told him that if he didn’t stop then that was it.”

  
Courfeyrac rubbed his face and turned away,

  
“Courfeyrac, I did what I had to do.”

  
Courfeyrac laughed at this,

  
“You did what you had to do? You don’t just lock someone away because they have a fault, you stay and you help them.”

  
“AND HOW AM I SUPPOSEDTO DO THAT? IF HE WOULD RATHER DRINK THAN BE WITH ME THEN WHAT CAN I DO?”

  
Courfeyrac stood in front of him,

  
“It never occurred to you that maybe, just maybe he did whatever he did because he thought he was losing you? That maybe if you picked your words a little better he wouldn’t be where he is now? That maybe instead of acting all high and mighty you can get off your high horse and figure out that, for some unknown reason, he loves you. And you sent him away.”

  
Enjolras stood in shock, he and Courfeyrac never fought. He nodded,

  
“Well I see it was a huge mistake coming here.”

  
“Yeah it was.”

  
Enjolras walked toward the door,

  
“You better get him out of there Enjolras. He doesn’t deserve this.”

  
Enjolras looked back at him for a moment before walking out of the door, slamming it behind him. Courfeyrac picked up his phone and dialled a number; he paced up and down the room waiting for the person to pick up.

  
“Marius, its Courfeyrac. We have an emergency. Can you get the others? Thanks, I’ll see you in a bit.”

  
He hung up and grabbed a sweater from his room before leaving the apartment.

 

 

Enjolras stalked through the streets, the rain had slowed a bit, but he had no interest in going home. He stood in a shop doorway and folded his arms across his body. His mind was racing with the things his friend had said to him. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t show love as openly as Grantaire did. It wasn’t in his nature. It didn’t mean that he didn’t love the man; just that he hated certain things about him. His phone vibrated in his pocket, he picked it up and saw a message from Eponine:

  
‘Where r u? Please call me.’

  
He closed the message, not wanting to talk to anyone; not wanting someone else to yell at him. He caught sight of his wallpaper- a picture that Grantaire had taken and that he had grown to love, the two of them smiling and happy, he had his arms wrapped around Grantaire and was pressing a kiss to his temple. Grantaire had the biggest smile he had ever seen on his face, the sight of him sent a shockwave through Enjolras’ body, and he found himself in the alley next to the shop doubled over and vomiting on the pavement. Sobs wracked through him and he collapsed down the wall until he was sitting on the floor, head in his hands and tears pouring down his face. He couldn't even feel the rain anymore. He felt sick, sick with himself, with what he'd done. He remained there until the tears dried out, he was frozen and tired; and he wanted Grantaire. God help him he wanted him there more than he ever wanted anything. He stood up on shaky legs and made his way through the streets to his apartment.


	2. Chapter 2

Marius paced around the café floor like a caged animal, the hospital had him on hold for ten minutes already and he was losing his patience. Eponine sat in the corner furiously texting Enjolras to no avail. The others were sat around tables, none of them spoke really, instead they drank coffee and stared at Marius,

“Yes hello, finally. I need to get some information on a patient brought in tonight. His name is Grantaire…..well no I’m his friend he doesn’t have any family left. Yeah his partner signed the papers……well if I could find him I would ask him but….why can’t you just tell me if he’s okay? I understand that I just need to know if he’s alright. Thanks for nothing.”

He hung up his phone and groaned in annoyance.

“They won’t tell me anything. Something about patient confidentiality.”

Joly turned in his chair,

“They do have reasons for that, it is a mental facility.”

“Yeah well he’s not meant to be there is he, he’s not crazy. ‘Ponine you get hold of him yet.”

“He’s not answering anything. Didn’t you see where he went Courf?”

Courfeyrac shook his head,

“I came to get you didn’t I?”

Marius sighed and collapsed into a chair.

“Well then we’re screwed aren’t we? We need Enjolras to get information and he’s chosen now to fall off the face of the bloody earth.”

He huffed and got up again, he walked over to the window and stared outside at the street.

“I shouldn’t have lost it like that. The things I said to him. It’s my fault he’s vanished.”

Eponine walked over from her chair and put a hand on Courfeyrac’s shoulder,

“You were angry; he’ll know that you didn’t mean it. Give him some time to clear his head and he’ll sort this all out, he has to.”

Courfeyrac looked up at her,

“You didn’t hear me though; I basically told him everything is his fault. I didn’t mean to- I just…..I thought of Grantaire locked up and I lost it. I lost it.”

Eponine squeezed his shoulder and looked over to Marius.

“We’ll find him. Don’t worry.”

Enjolras turned the key and entered his apartment. He went straight to the bedroom and stripped off his wet clothes. He stood naked for a moment, shivering from the cold that seemed to sink to his bones; he turned toward the bathroom and turned on the light. He shut his eyes as images of Grantaire flashed into his brain. Shaking his head he turned on the shower and waited for it to heat up. Standing under the flow of hot water calmed him slightly; he braced himself against the wall and let the water fall over his head. He turned the taps off and got out. Rubbing a towel over his hair quickly he walked back into the bedroom and collapsed on the bed. His stomach was still heaving, had he had anything left in there he would vomit again. He stared at the ceiling for a while before shutting his eyes tightly and waited for either sleep or death to take him.

Grantaire opened his eyes slowly; his head was throbbing and his throat raw. The room around him slowly came into focus and panic set in as he realised that he had no idea where he was. He sat up and looked around. The room was white- apart from the chair in the corner and the curtains over the window. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and noticed the blue pyjama bottoms he was dressed in.

“What the hell is going on?”

He got up and walked toward the door, he tried the handle and found it was locked. He banged his hand on the glass,

“HEY. HEY ANYONE.”

The door opened suddenly and he jumped backward. A doctor came in, smiling at him.

“You’re awake.”

Grantaire stumbled back onto the bed.

“Where am I?”

“You’re safe. This is a secure ward at St Marks hospital.”

Grantaire rubbed his face,

“Man I’ve been drunk before but never enough to hallucinate this.”

“You’re not drunk Grantaire, the alcohol has been removed from your system and you’ve been sleeping for,”

The doctor checked his watch,

“Twelve hours now.”

Grantaire stared at him dumbfounded; the doctor took the chance to sit on the chair across the room and face him.

“Are you okay?”

Grantaire swallowed hard,

“Can I have some water?”

The doctor nodded and motioned to the orderly to bring him a drink. Grantaire gulped it down, relishing the cold against his sore throat.

“Grantaire?”

“Why is my throat so sore?”

The doctor sat back slightly and crossed his legs.

“You had your stomach pumped. You consumed a lot of alcohol, and judging by the state of your liver it wasn’t the first time.”

Grantaire felt cold. Why hadn’t he been left to sleep it off? Why was he here?

“I don’t understand why a binge would get me locked up.”

The doctor looked at him for a moment, choosing his words before he answered,

“You are under secure observation for at least 72 hours, as is regulation when it comes to…suicide attempts.”

Grantaire’s head snapped up,

“Suicide attempt? I didn’t…..what are you talking about? I never tried to kill myself I wouldn’t.”

“Grantaire, you were found unconscious after consuming an entire bottle of vodka. That doesn’t sound like normal behavior now does it?”

“I didn’t want to die…..I wanted to forget.”

The doctor looked at him with pity in his eyes. Grantaire hated that, he didn’t want pity.

“You can talk about that more in your therapy session later, for now I just need to make sure you’re okay."

“Is Enjolras here?”

“Enjolras?”

“My boyf…….my friend.”

He wasn’t sure if Enjolras was still his, he was so angry when he last saw him. The fight had been a huge one. A pain went through him as he thought of the man, his blue eyes filled with anger and sadness at the same time.

“You were brought here by a man; he was the one who signed the papers needed to keep you in.”

Grantaire nodded, his finger fiddling with the paper cup; tearing it apart so it looked like snowflakes on the floor. 

“I really didn’t try to kill myself.”

The doctor nodded and stood up,

“You’ll be able to get all of this out later, for now just try and rest a bit. Jonathon here will be outside your door.”

The orderly smiled at Grantaire and opened the door for the doctor, following him he shut the door, Grantaire heard the click of the lock and dropped the cup. He put his head in his hands and wept.


	3. Chapter 3

Grantaire sat on the couch and stared at the woman. The room was a lot brighter than his bedroom; there were books everywhere; a coffee table in the middle of them with two mugs and a pad of paper. The walls were covered in framed certificates and paintings. He twisted his fingers around the hem of his t-shirt and swallowed.

“Grantaire? You were telling me about that night?”

Grantaire looked down at the table. The coffee in the mug was steaming; he wanted to gulp it down fast- to get the burn in his throat that usually came from his first drink of the day. It had been two days since his last drink and he was starting to feel it.

“I don’t want to talk about the fight.”

“I think you should, it might help to understand what happened. Why you made the decision to—“

“I didn’t try to kill myself.”

Grantaire let go of his shirt and rubbed his face.

“I don’t need to be here. I need to go home.”

The doctor wrote something in her notebook and tilted her head to look at him,

“You know why you’re here. You have an addiction, we want to help you but we can’t if you don’t open up.”

Grantaire sighed deeply; he picked up the mug and took a sip. His hands shaking slightly as he held it.

“We fight a lot.”

He looked up at the woman,

“Enjolras and I, we’re different in a lot of ways, and we fight a lot. But usually we make it up straight away and we’re fine.”

He put the mug down and crossed his legs; he began picking at the thread on his pyjama bottoms.

“I had been drinking and I came home. He was working and I don’t know…it just…blew up.”

_Grantaire opened the door and dropped his keys in the bowl_

_“Enj? You in?”_

_He heard the drawer shut in the bedroom and smiled to himself, he walked to the door and leant in._

_“Hi.”_

_Enjolras looked at him briefly before turning away._

_“You’re home.”_

_Grantaire propped himself against the doorframe and smiled,_

_“What’s wrong?”_

_Enjolras shook his head slightly and carried on folding the pile of shirts in front of him. Grantaire put a hand out and touched his shoulder, Enjolras shook it off,_

_“I found your stash Grantaire.”_

_Grantaire stood back slightly,_

_“My stash?”_

_“Don’t act dumb okay. I found them. The bottles, hidden away.”_

_Grantaire let out a breath and ran a hand through his hair._

_“So I had a couple bottles in the house, what’s wrong with that?”_

_Enjolras laughed and picked up another shirt._

_“You don’t understand do you?”_

_“I don’t understand what Enjolras? What is so wrong with a grown man having a drink? You worried that it’ll reflect badly on you?”_

_Enjolras turned around at this,_

_“What the hell are you talking about?”_

_Grantaire turned and left the room, stalking into the kitchen he opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water._

_“Come on Grantaire you started saying something, finish it. Tell me why you drinking is bad for me.”_

_Grantaire took a gulp of water and put the bottle on the counter,_

_“You care more about your stupid protests than you do about me. Don’t deny it.”_

_Enjolras stared at him for a moment; he crossed his arms across his chest,_

_“At least I’m passionate about something other than chasing my next buzz. At least I’m not constantly in a drunken stupor- I mean has there been a single day in our relationship where you’ve been sober?”_

_Grantaire leaned against the counter,_

_“Well maybe if I felt a little more love from you I wouldn’t have to go looking at the bottom of a bottle would I?”_

_Enjolras pointed at him, his anger rising_

_“Don’t you dare suggest that I don’t love you? Don’t you dare. I love you so damn much that I’m trying to keep you around.”_

_Grantaire found himself getting angrier with every passing second, whether it was the whiskey in his system or something else he wasn’t sure, but he decided to go for broke and get everything out in the open._

_“Why so you can continue being the model leader? Friend of everyone? Lover of the local lush.”_

_Enjolras felt a wave of shock go through him- he couldn’t believe that Grantaire would even think those things._

_“You think I’m using you?”_

_Grantaire shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets._

_“Why else would you be with me? How the hell would I ever be able to have you if it weren’t for gain?”_

_Enjolras ran his hands through his hair and groaned,_

_“I don’t know, maybe the fact that despite what you so clearly think I actually fucking love you? And I can’t stand by and watch you kill yourself I can’t.”_

_“Did it ever cross your mind that maybe I need it?”_

_Enjolras grabbed his boyfriend by the shoulders and looked at him,_

_“And I need you. YOU, here, alive. Not dead in an alley somewhere”_

_Grantaire felt tears spring to his eyes, he pushed Enjolras away._

_“I can’t stop. I can’t”_

_Enjolras wiped a tear away as it fell from his eye,_

_“You mean you won’t. Not even for me.”_

_“Enjolras…I…”_

_He nodded and sniffed, something made Grantaire feel cold. It was almost as if he knew what was going to happen_

_“Look if you want booze, you go get booze. But I won’t be here.”_

_Enjolras turned away and grabbed his jacket from the back of the sofa, Grantaire stared at the floor until the door shut, a sob wracked through his body and he let the tears fall. Sobbing until there were no more tears in him. He wiped his eyes and looked over to the cupboard by the TV. He walked over and opened it, pulling DVDs out and letting them fall on the floor; he reached into the back and grabbed the bottle of Vodka hidden. He gasped out a sob as he opened the bottle and began to down it._

Eponine banged on the door.

“Enjolras!”

Silence.

“Enjolras I know you’re home okay just open the door.”

Still nothing. Marius moved her out of the way,

“Enjolras open the door. Enjol-“

The door swung open,

“What do you want?”

Marius stepped back,

“We just want to make sure you’re okay. Enj, no one’s seen you for five days, just talk to us. Let us in.”

“I don’t wanna see anyone,”

He slammed the door shut and locked it. Marius sighed deeply and turned to leave when Eponine grabbed his arm,

“What?”

She looked into his eyes and whispered,

“He was wearing Grantaire’s shirt.”

Enjolras walked into the living room and dropped on to the sofa again; rubbing the stubble on his face he stared into space for a few minutes. He had never felt pain like this before. Grantaire had been gone for almost a week, and with each passing day Enjolras was finding it harder to hold on to his sanity. He wanted nothing more than to give in to the crippling guilt he felt every single moment; Grantaire would never forgive him, he was sure of it. He’d lost the most important thing in his life and he wanted to die. He realised that tears were dripping down his face; curling up on the sofa he grabbed the blue hoodie from the floor and breathed in deeply, taking in the smell of Grantaire that lingered there. He wrapped his arms around the hoodie and himself and sobbed into the soft fabric.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is homophobic language in this chapter, not a lot but be warned.

Grantaire was sure he was going to bite his nails off completely. It was the first day that he was allowed visitors- special treatment for doing so well at not relapsing. His legs were shaking up and down as he watched the door. There was still a part of him that was sure no one would turn up. He had spoken to Marius on the phone and he seemed positive but there was no mention of Enjolras, he assumed that it was because he had moved on and no one wanted to upset the recovering alcoholic and have him slip again. He chewed on the side of his finger and suppressed the urge to vomit from nerves. He was alone in a room; it was set out like a living room- with two big red sofas’ and a coffee table in the middle, all set up with coffee cups and biscuits. Grantaire figured they wanted to people to feel comfortable when they visit their family members going through withdrawal. 

The door opened suddenly and Grantaire felt his face break into a huge smile at the sight of his friends. Marius strode in first, grabbing him and giving him a big hug,

“Oh it’s good to see you.”

Marius held him at arm’s length and looked at him,

“You look great man.”

Grantaire laughed and ran a hand through his hair,

“Sobriety shockingly suits me- who would’ve thought”

Marius laughed and moved out of the way as Eponine hugged Grantaire tightly,

“How are you doing gorgeous?”

Grantaire squeezed her and smiled into her hair,

“Much better now I’ve seen you guys.”

Cossette was the next in the room, followed shortly by Joly and Courfeyrac. He hadn’t felt so elated in the two weeks he had been away, he thought his face would break he was smiling so much, and yet his eyes kept flitting back to the door. Marius noticed and lent into his ear,

“We tried I’m sorry. Maybe next time.”

Grantaire nodded,

“Yeah maybe.”

Eponine pulled him down onto one of the couches,

“So tell us everything. “

Grantaire lent back as everyone found a seat,

“It’s going good, really good. Just a couple weeks left and I’m free to go.”

Cossette squeezed him hand,

“We’re so proud of you. You know that right?”

Grantaire beamed,

“Thank you. Really.”

Something seemed to distract him for a moment and he shook his head,

“I have, uhm, letters for you all. It’s part of the recovery. You can have them before you leave.”

He turned towards Marius,

“Will you take…?”

Marius nodded,

“Of course.”

Suddenly Courfeyrac spoke up,

“Okay enough about that, what are the other patients like?”

He asked it with a wink and Grantaire laughed,

“Ahh I wouldn’t know. But there is a meth addict down the hall with very low standards if you fancy your chances.”

“Think I preferred you drunk.”

Everyone laughed. Grantaire couldn’t believe how happy he felt, and yet the whole time there was a hole inside him; a hole that could only be filled by one thing and for the first time in a long time that thing wasn’t alcohol.

Enjolras stood in the kitchen and stared at the kettle. He didn’t really want anything but he couldn’t sit in the bedroom any more. The bed still somehow smelt of Grantaire and every time he shut his eyes he was bombarded with memories of them both. He rubbed his face and looked at the clock. Time had been moving so slowly since he left. The desk in the corner was still covered in his papers, untouched they lay there. Mocking him; the reason the argument had begun, if he hadn’t cared so much about work then Grantaire wouldn’t drink so much, he wouldn’t have felt unloved and he would be there then. Enjolras shook his head. He needed to forget, he needed to hide from reality for a bit. There was a man, Enjolras had heard about him before. He had ways of making you forget things for a while. All you needed was some cash and somewhere to hide out until the effects wore off. He grabbed the hoodie from the counter and left the apartment.

Pulling the hood around his face; Enjolras walked through the streets. He looked around him to make sure he wasn’t being followed and dipped into an alleyway; he stood for a moment and rubbed his hands together. He didn’t know what he was doing there really. He hadn’t thought it through properly before leaving. He felt something falter inside him and before he knew what he was doing he turned his back on the alley and began walking away. He passed a group of men he vaguely recognized and was about to cross the road when he heard a shout,

“Oi pretty boy.”

Enjolras kept walking, keeping his head down.

 

“Oi I’m talking to you. Where are you going?”  
Enjolras turned his head to see how far they were from him just as a fist connected with his jaw and he fell to the ground.

“I’m talking to you fag.”

A memory rushed into Enjolras’ brain- he’d run into these men before, they were outside a bar once; Grantaire was waiting for him and the men began hassling him. Calling him names, trying to fight him. Enjolras jumped up and swung for the man, he hit the side of his head and the man stumbled backwards, Suddenly Enjolras had his arms pulled back and the man was punching him in the ribs and stomach. He kneed Enjolras in the crotch and he fell to the ground, he was retching and trying to get air back into his lungs, blood was dripping from his nose and he wiped in, smearing blood over the blue fabric of his jacket.

“Careful lads. Don’t wanna get aids.”

Enjolras stumbled back onto his feet and faced the man, he smiled and spat in his face, sending a shower of blood all over him. The man started and wiped his face,

“You’re fucking dead fag.”

Enjolras put his fists up,

“Go for it.”

The man punched him square in the jaw. Enjolras fell back and was met with a punch to the back sending him to the floor. All he could do was lie on the cold ground and take the repeated kicks to his side and punches to his body. He shut his eyes and thought of Grantaire.


	5. Chapter 5

Combeferre knocked gently on the door. He waited for a moment and- hearing no movement inside- grabbed the key from his pocket and let himself in. The apartment was dark, save for the blinking light on the answer phone on the table and the moonlight pouring in from the window.

“Enjolras?”

Silence greeted him and he sighed, assuming that no one was there he turned to leave and that when he saw it. The boots in the kitchen, the empty bottle of whiskey on the floor; he walked into the kitchen and gasped. Sitting on the floor, with his back against a cabinet was Enjolras. His head was slumped forward and for a sickening moment Combeferre was sure that he was dead, that is until he noticed his finger tapping a beat on his leg. He strode over and picked up his friends head. Enjolras half smiled at him – not an easy feat considering the dried blood covering half his face; he hand one eye swollen shut and already a nasty shade of purple, his lips was badly cut and his hair was matted down with blood on one side from an unseen injury.

“Christ Enj, what the hell happened to you?”

Enjolras waved him away and reached for the other bottle of whiskey sat next to him. He took a gulp and winced before answering.

“I had a run in with some guys.”

Combeferre knelt down,

“A run in? They fucking pummelled you.”

Enjolras shrugged and groaned.

“When did this happen?”

Enjolras closed his other eye and thought about it for a moment.

“Yesterday. Nothing like a good old gay bashing to top off Monday night football.”

Combeferre winced slightly. It was Thursday. He took in one more look at his friend and made a decision,

“Come on; let’s get you in the shower.”

Enjolras looked at him and grabbed his face, his hands; also covered in blood and scrapes, were cold as ice.

“Why Combeferre I never knew you swung that way.”

He laughed at his own joke and allowed his friend to pick him from the floor. He pushed Combeferre away and lent against the cabinet, clutching his side and groaning. Slowly he was led into the bathroom; Combeferre turned the shower on and waited for the water to heat up. He peeled Enjolras’ shirt off and felt his stomach drop at the sight of his body- almost completely black from bruises and a long cut along his ribs. He looked away and instructed Enjolras to take off his pants and helped him into the cubicle. Holding the man up he managed to wash off the blood and grime before turning the tap off and grabbing a towel. He wrapped it around the steadily sleepy Enjolras and led him into bedroom. He sat him on the bed and turned his attention to finding some clean clothes. Grabbing a shirt and some underwear he turned back around. His heart sank at the sight of the man he looked up to for so long, sitting naked and dejected on the bed, his focus was on a corner of the rug, and his body language screamed giving up. Combeferre shook his head and helped him to get dressed before pulling his legs onto the bed and covering him with a blanket. Enjolras stared up at him, desperate to ask him but terrified of the answer. Combeferre seemed to know exactly what he wanted and smiled,

“He’s okay.”

Enjolras nodded and let go of the breath he didn’t know he was holding. Combeferre reached into his pocket and pulled out the letter,

“We saw him today, he uhm…he wrote you a letter.”

He held out the envelope and Enjolras turned his head away,

“I don’t need a Dear John. I get it.”

Combeferre scrunched his nose up,

“I don’t think that’s what it is. Please just…read it okay?”

He put the letter down on the night stand and walked back into the kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and a pack of painkillers from a drawer. He popped two pills out and pocketed the rest- he had no intention of leaving the apartment but he didn’t want to temp a broken man. He went back into the bedroom and put the items next to the letter.

“I’m gonna crash on the couch okay? No arguments. Let me know if you need anything.”

Enjolras nodded and pulled the blanket up over his head. Combeferre turned off the light and left the door ajar. He sat on the sofa and pulled out his phone. He sent a mass text to all their friends.

‘I’m with him now. He’s okay. Got in a fight but no serious injuries. I’m gonna stay with him now.’

He dropped the phone next to him and grabbed the remote. He turned on the TV but he paid no attention to it. Instead he watched the door and prayed that he would find a way to pull his friend from this hell he was in.

It was around 4am when Enjolras woke up. For a moment he had no idea where he was. He reached out to the nightstand and found the bottle of water, sitting up slowly he gulped down as much as he could. He closed his eyes for a moment and tried to clear his thoughts. He looked over to the clock and noticed the envelope, cream coloured and slightly crumpled, his name written on the front in handwriting he knew better than his own- Grantaire’s. He picked up the envelope and turned it over in his hands.

“It’s a break up note.”

He thought to himself. He didn’t want to read it, didn’t want to see ‘I’m leaving you.’ ‘I hate you.’ ‘You ruined my life.’ But he knew that he had to read it, had to read every single painful word. Had to face the consequences of what he had done. He exhaled slowly and turned on the lamp. Slowly he opened the envelope. Two pages covered in Grantaire’s careful script fell out. He brought the pages to his face and smelled them, he could smell Grantaire. It was faint but it was there. His forced himself to find the first page and start reading.

_“Dear Enjolras,_

_It’s ridiculous how formal this is. It isn’t us is it? Formality I mean. I guess I have no idea how to start a letter like this. This is my third attempt at this so please forgive any rambling. The others were so easy to write, but this? No I can’t find the words to put on paper to tell you how I’m feeling. I wish it wasn’t like this but instead face to face. I long to see your face. To tell you how I hate myself for hurting you so much. To let you know that there hasn’t been a day here that I haven’t wished with all my heart that I could go back in time and stop those words from coming from my mouth. That I could not be so weak and just stop drinking. You said I wouldn’t not even for you. But I have, and it is you, it is the idea that I could see you again that’s getting me through._

_I love you Enjolras, please know that. Please know that not a moment goes by without my heart crying for you. I apologise to you Enjolras, I apologise for those nights when you didn’t know where I was. For those nights when I came home too drunk to function. For making you scared that I wouldn’t wake up. For making you think for even a second that I would rather have drink instead of you. I am so sorry that my fear of losing you led to drinking the idea away, because in the end it did just that- I lost you. And it’s killing me. Please forgive yourself any responsibility for this Enjolras. I never blamed you- not for a second. I need you to know that. I need you to know that you saved me. You did. And I love you even more for that. You asked me if there was ever a day when I was sober. I hope you remember that there was. Of course there was. The memory of one in particular helps me the most here. Do you remember? The weekend of the storm?”_

Enjolras smiled through the tears pooling in his eyes. Of course he remembered that weekend; Grantaire had stayed with him for three days. They never left the apartment, just spent the days reading to each other and cooking, Grantaire sitting on the counter top and swinging his legs like a child, stealing kisses whenever he could. They made love that night through the rain, it was slow and beautiful. They took their time to explore one another. Fingers entwined they lay in the bed, Enjolras pushing into Grantaire whilst trailing kisses down his back and neck. Grantaire moaning his name into the pillow. It was as he came that Enjolras whispered “I love you.” And he meant every syllable. He opened his eyes from the memory and returned to the page.

_“I remember every moment of those days, when we were drunk on each other. When you whispered those words in to my ear. It is those words that I hear every night I am here. I am sick with the idea that I could make you think I didn’t believe you. Of course I believe you. I believe in you Enjolras. All of you. From your brilliant brain to your pure heart. And now I must tell you some words myself. No matter what happens with you, whether you have used the time away to move on or not- I am still here with you. I am still in this. Forever._

_All I ask of you now is to be happy. Be happy my Apollo._

_All my love_

_Grantaire.”_

Enjolras read the words again and again. His heart was beating in his ears and he felt faint. The same sentence rang in his mind over and over.

I’m still in.


	6. Chapter 6

"Grantaire how about you?" 

The woman beamed at him from across the group. He looked up from his leaflet and raised his eyebrows.

"How about me?" 

The group chuckled,

"You are leaving tomorrow?"

Grantaire shifted slightly in his seat,

"Yeah, yeah I'm going. Clean and sober apparently."

A spatter of applause went through the group and Grantaire smirked. 

"Do you have a plan for your recovery?"

Grantaire fiddled with the side of the paper in his hands, 

"Uhm yeah, I'm moving in with my friend for a while. I have a good group of people so they're about all the time." 

The counselor nodded and smiled, 

"That's great. We all need support from our friends. It won't be easy out in the real world, but you can do this. And soon you can come back to the group and tell us your success story." 

Grantaire smiled politely at her. Truthfully he was terrified of leaving the safety of rehab, at least in here he could hide from the outside world. He could convince himself that Enjolras was just busy. That he hadn't forgotten him, that he was out there waiting for him. He felt it in his gut though that when he was out and amongst the group he would have to face the truth. That their relationship was through and that he was alone. It was that part that caused the panic to rise inside him, he took a breath and tore the paper into strips.

He'd had a dream the night before that he was sitting in the cafe and Enjolras walked in with a new partner, he found himself frozen; watching the two of them- hands all over each other, kissing and touching. He had woken suddenly in a cold sweat, gasping through painful tears. It took him a few minutes to calm down and for the first time in the last five days he was desperate for a drink. The lingering sickness that came from the dream had plagued him all day, instead of excitement about returning to his life he wanted to curl up and hide. But instead he was sat in group therapy, reading a leaflet about AA meetings and trying to avoid the lingering looks from a man across the room who; upon discovering that Grantaire was gay had decided that they were destined to be. Grantaire found it slightly difficult to explain that he wasn't necessarily gay, just in love with one person. So now he was stuck in a game of avoiding eye contact and never lingering in the bathroom.

Once the session was over he picked up his leaflet and made a bee line for his room. Shutting the door he sat on the bed heavily. He dropped the paper onto his bag and picked up the book Marius had given him. He found the page he was on and lay back, the words on the page blurred and he sighed, dropping the book on the floor he rolled over and opened the drawer to the nightstand. He pushed aside the bible- provided by the centre- and the cards from his friends and found the envelope in the back; a gift from Joly who was concerned that being completely cut off would damage his already fragile brain. He pulled it open and took out three photographs; how he had snuck them out of the apartment Grantaire didn't know. But there they were; pictures of him and Enjolras. He'd kept them hidden from everyone there, didn't want them on the wall for fear of difficult questions. His finger trailed over Enjolras' smiling face, laughing at something going on behind the camera, his arms around Grantaire who was looking at whoever was taking the photo in surprise, Courfeyrac must have taken the picture. He didn't even know anymore; all he knew was that he wanted nothing more than to curl up next to Enjolras and feel those arms around him again. he closed his eyes and tried to picture it. tried to imagine his arms wrapped around him; the way Enjolras would always trail designs on his arms with his thumb. the smell of his hair from the shampoo he used, his aftershave, how he always smelt like mints. Grantaire smiled to himself at the memories. he longed for those smells again. He lay down on the bed and stared at the photos. After a few minutes he shut his eyes and prayed for the hours to pass until it was alright to go to sleep.

 

Enjolras stared at himself in the mirror, his bruises were almost gone, his eye opened and closed perfectly and he could bend over with out nearly passing out. He picked up the razor and ran it under the tap. After a few minutes he was clean shaven. He pulled on a shirt and walked into the living room, Combeferre was in the kitchen making coffee; he had barely left Enjolras' side since finding him, and it seemed he had almost moved in. Enjolras found it oddly soothing to have someone there. Granted it wasn't the person he wished it was, but Combeferre had kept him from going completely insane and he was grateful for that. The guilt he felt every moment had somehow evolved into anger at himself and it took a lot to not let it out. Having an audience around kept him under control. He sat on a chair and picked up the paper, he stared at the words for a moment before throwing it back on the table and allowing his head to fall back onto the cushion, attention wasn't exactly his strong suit these days. He stared at the ceiling, tapping his fingers on the arm rest. Combeferre slapped his knee and put a mug of coffee next to him.

"You look less....hobo like." 

Enjolras looked at him with his eyes narrowed. Combeferre laughed and sat on the sofa. He took a drink and leaned back, 

"Enjolras I uhm...I need to tell you something."

Enjolras sat up straight, 

"You're not gonna yell at me for something are you cos I'm not really in the mood."

Combeferre shook his head and sighed. 

"The thing is...well..." 

Enjolras took a drink and raised his eyebrows quizzically, 

"What?" 

"Grantaire is coming home tomorrow. And well...he's gonna need somewhere to stay and...I've given him my spare room."

Enjolras looked at him for a long time before rubbing his face,

"He's coming home? So...like he's okay?"

Combeferre nodded, 

"Three weeks sober now."

Enjolras felt a pang in his chest, 

"Three weeks?"

It felt like a year since he had last seen him, 

"Yeah he's doing good, he'd....love to see you." 

Enjolras stood up and ran his fingers through his hair,

"No, No he wouldn't" 

Combeferre turned around to face him,

"Enjolras he loves you. Why wouldn't he want to see you?" 

Enjolras stopped and turned slowly, he was ringing his hands together and shaking slightly. 

"I'm not good for him. Look what happened to him, look what I did."

Combeferre stood up and grabbed his friend by the arms; forcing him to look him in the eye. 

"Listen to me Enjolras, you are not to blame for this. You did the right thing for him. He knows it, we know it. Deep down you know it." 

Enjolras looked away then looked back, 

"No. No courfeyrac was right. I'm too proud, too involved in my work to notice when he needs help. It's my fault." 

"Courfeyrac is a fool." 

Enjolras shook his head, 

"He's right though. The best thing I can do is...is let him go." 

Enjolras hated the words coming from his mouth, he didn't want to let go; he wanted to find Grantaire and take him in his arms and never let go. But he was scared, so very scared of ruining things again. 

"Please go. Please take care of him." 

Combeferre put a hand on the side of Enjolras' face. Tears began filling the blonde mans eyes, 

"Please don't let him hurt anymore." 

His voice was cracking and it was killing Combeferre to hear it. 

"You're being a fool Enjolras, why won't you accept the fact that he loves you, and he wants to be with you?" 

Enjolras wiped his face. 

"Because I don't deserve it Combeferre. I know that now. I don't deserve him." 

Combeferre pulled his friends forehead and pressed it against his own. 

" You deserve to be happy, Grantaire deserves to be happy. You make him happy. Not dreams, not art...not even drink. You.....please come see him. Don't do something you'll regret." 

Enjolras smiled through his tears; he would never know regret again, not after this. He had no room left in his broken heart for that. He pulled away from Combeferre and nodded, pinching the bridge of his nose to try and stem the tears. 

"You should go, you need to get things ready for him." 

Combeferre rubbed his face for a moment.

"I'm not dropping this Enjolras. Ill be back later okay?" 

Combeferre walked toward the door then turned back to his friend.

"You know I'm not letting him stay with me to hurt you. That's not why I said yes to him...he just....he needed somewhere to go."

"I know...I know it's okay."

Combeferre looked at him for a while,

"I will call you later alright?"

Enjolras nodded, he stuck his hands in his pockets and watched his friend leave. Once again he was left alone in the apartment. 

He walked into the bedroom and pulled the pillow away, he picked up the letter and read it again. Something built inside him until he couldn't handle it anymore, dropping the letter he grabbed the glass from his nightstand and threw it across the room. It smashed against the wall. Shards of glass flew across the room; Enjolras yelled in frustration and ripped the pictures from the wall, he turned to the book case and began flinging his law books on the ground, cursing each and every one of them. The clock and the books still on the night stand followed shortly after; Enjolras turned and threw himself against the wall. Slamming his back into the brick he screamed again and again. He slid down onto the floor sobbing, head in his hands he cried out for Grantaire like a lost child for their mother.


	7. Chapter 7

Grantaire was in heaven. Lying in bed; the sheets pooled around his ankles as Enjolras swallowed him down. He looked down at the blonde eye and caught his eye- a wink in return nearly sent him overboard. Enjolras reached out and pushed him back into the cushions. He let his head fall back and a moan slip from his lips. Enjolras trailed his fingers down Grantaire’s chest, pinching his nipple lightly before moving to his hips. He hitched his hips up higher and swallowed more of him down. Grantaire moaned freely, feeling the tightness in his stomach as his orgasm began to build. He found the blondes hair and dug his fingers in, a moan from Enjolras vibrated around him and that was enough; he arched upwards as he shot again and again into his lovers mouth. His eyes squeezed shut and he let go of his hair. Panting he reached out for the man’s shoulders; ready to return the favour, only to find nothing there. 

He opened his eyes and found himself in the empty bed. He squeezed his eyes shut again. He was dreaming. 

"Shit."

He muttered, running his shaking fingers through his sweat drenched hair. He prayed that no one had heard him moaning; sitting still he listened until he heard the reassuring sound of Combeferre snoring in the room next door. He got out of the bed and padded to the bathroom. He grabbed a hand towel and pulled his sweat pants off. After cleaning himself up he sat on the edge of the bath and stare at himself in the mirror. Since coming home from the centre he had dreamed about Enjolras every single night. And every single night he woke up alone. He ran his fingers through his hair and tried to clear his mind. He looked at the clock on the wall- 3:45am. God he wanted a drink. 

He walked back into the living room and picked up a blanket from the couch. He grabbed his cigarettes from the counter (a social habit that had become more common through therapy) and his sketch book and went out onto the balcony. Setting himself up on the chair he wrapped the blanket around himself and opened the book. Page after page of drawings; each and every one of Enjolras, him sleeping, him writing at his desk, him standing with a beer. No matter what Grantaire started drawing it always ended up being Enjolras. He flipped to the back of the sketch book and noticed something in the corner of the last page. There in the corner, scribbled in the most elaborate handwriting was a message;

"If you're gonna draw me naked at least make it big enough to cause shock. I'd love to see people wonder how you walk so well. Xxx" 

Grantaire stared at it, that was Enjolras' handwriting; no doubt about it. He knew that handwriting. When had this been written? He racked his brain for a minute. He couldn't remember when he got the book. But it wasn't long before the fight. He ran his finger over the message. God he missed him. He craved him every second of every day. He woke up aching for him; more than he wanted a drink. His head fell back against the chair. He abandoned any hope of drawing and lit up a smoke instead. He took a deep drag and blew smoke out in a line above him. His eyes moved across the skyline of the city. He was looking for their building. He stared and stared until his eyes hurt and his smoke was nearly out. He wrapped the blanket around himself tighter and tried not to cry.

Eponine woke to the sound of her phone vibrating. She reached out for it and flipped it open. It was a text from Grantaire.

“Can you come see me? I need a favour xx”

She sighed and climbed from her warm cocoon of blankets and made her way to the shower, texting as she went.

“I’ll be there in 15. Make coffee xx”

Grantaire smiled at the reply and looked in the mirror at his reflection. He was making the right decision he was sure.

 

“Are you sure you want this?”

Eponine was standing behind Grantaire and looking at him in the mirror. Grantaire swallowed and nodded.

“Yeah…it’ll help. New start and all. Might help me move on.”

Eponine chewed on her lip for a few moments. Grantaire reached for her hand and squeezed it.

“It’s okay Eponine….really.”

She let out a breath and nodded to him. Then bending down she flipped the switch on the wall and picked up the clippers.

“Last chance.”

Grantaire smiled at her and closed his eyes. She turned the clippers on and put them to his head. It wasn’t long before the floor around him and covered in black curls. She turned them off and blew at his neck to get rid of any hair left over. Grantaire opened his eyes slowly and let out a shaky breath. 

“Well….good job.”

He laughed for a moment and grabbed her hand again.

“Thank you Eponine.”

She ran her hand over his head and placed a kiss on the top of it.

Enjolras was tired. He was so tired he could barely see. He hadn’t slept in three days- not since he had a meltdown and practically destroyed his room. Instead he sat on the floor and thought about things. He stared into space and thought about Grantaire. He wanted him back. It was killing him, he knew it was. He could feel himself slipping away day by day. And he hated himself more than anything. He hated himself for the things that he had done to him. He hated the fact that he hadn’t told him how he felt more often. He slammed his head back onto the wall and bit his lip, why hadn’t he just told him? Why hadn’t he pulled him into his arms and held him. Told him he was perfect and kissed him? And now he never could. Grantaire may have written that he loved him but Enjolras was certain that it wouldn’t work out that way. Grantaire was a better person than he was. His thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing. He picked it up and looked at the name flashing across the screen. It was Courfeyrac. Enjolras sighed and answered it.

“Hello?”

“Enjolras thank god. Where have you been? I’ve been calling you for weeks.”

It was true, almost every single day Courfeyrac had phoned him, texted him, emailed him. All of them apologising for his behaviour, all of them begging him to talk to him.

“I’ve been….busy.”

“I spoke to Combeferre….are you alright?”

“I’m fine.”

“Enjolras I’m sorry for what I said to you. Truly. I was shocked and angry and it came out all wrong and…I don’t think those things about you. I don’t. I know you love Grantaire, we all do. Please just….talk to him. Talk to us.”

Enjolras closed his eyes. Why couldn’t they see that he couldn’t have Grantaire back after this?

“Enjolras?”

“Yeah I’m here.”

“Please talk to us.”

“I know you’re sorry Courfeyrac…it doesn’t change the fact that you were right about everything. But I know you’re sorry.”

“Enjolras I wasn’t right. I wasn’t. Please.”

“I have to go…I have an appointment.”

“Enj…”

Enjolras hung up the phone and let his head fall back to the wall again. He looked at the clock on the wall and got up from the floor. He picked up his jacket and left the apartment.

 

As he made his way through the streets he couldn’t help but think of what Courfeyrac had said to him, the words from the night all those weeks ago were still ringing in his ears and he couldn’t shake them away. He walked faster and as he passed by someone his heart stopped, he grabbed their shoulder,

“Grantaire?”

The person turned around and looked at him in shock,

“I’m sorry I thought you were….sorry.”

Enjolras stuck his hands in his pockets and carried on walking.

“Great.”

He thought to himself.

“Now I’m hallucinating about him.”

He walked quickly without stopping until he reached the university. Pushing the door open he strode in and made his way to the Dean’s office.

 

Marius stormed into the apartment as soon as Combeferre opened the door. He walked into the kitchen and ran his hands through his hair before turning to his friend.

“Enjolras quit.”

Combeferre looked at him for a moment,

“What do you mean Enjolras quit? Quit what?”

Marius pulled a chair out and sat down.

“Quit school. I just went there to see if he had been in and our professor told me. Said he had some family emergency and had to take a semester off. He quit.”

Combeferre sat down hard,

“Jesus…”

Marius sat back in the chair,

“I’m worried about him Combeferre….really worried.”

Combeferre nodded and ran his hands through his hair.

“How’s Grantaire doing?”

Combeferre rested his head on his hand,

“On the outside he’s doing great. Staying sober, going to meetings…he’s great. But….he’s falling apart. Every night I hear him shouting out for Enjolras in his sleep. Every night.”

Marius sighed,

“I could bang their heads together.”

Combeferre smiled,

“We need to do something about this….”

Just at that moment the door opened and Grantaire walked in, his arms laden with bags.

“Hey man.”

Marius got up and gave him a hug. The bags fell to the ground to reveal new sketchbooks, paints and pencils.

“Been shopping?”

Grantaire smiled and pulled his jacket off.

“Yeah it’s amazing how much you can buy when you don’t owe money to bars.”

Marius sat on the back of the sofa and grinned at his friend,

“It’s good to see you getting back in to it all.”

Grantaire smiled briefly.

“Coffee?”

Combeferre jumped up and grabbed the kettle, he looked over to Marius and shot him a look that said don’t say anything and got on with the coffee.

Marius left after about an hour, Combeferre waited until Grantaire went to his room to unpack his new supplies then grabbed his phone and dialled a number.

“Courf listen to me, Enjolras quit school. Marius and I are worried sick we need to sort something. Meet me near the café in ten alright?”

Grantaire felt his stomach clench, Combeferre had no idea that he had heard. But he had; he couldn’t believe that Enjolras would quit the course- it was his passion. Suddenly he was filled with fear about what had become of his love whilst he was away. He felt sick to his stomach.

“Grantaire I just need to nip out, I’ll be back in a bit okay?”

He couldn’t let him know that he had heard. Grantaire smiled,

“Sure thing.”

Combeferre grabbed a coat and left. Grantaire sat heavily on the sofa, trying to collect his thoughts, what if Enjolras was doing something stupid? Eponine had confided in him that he was wracked with guilt over what happened- what if quitting meant he was going to do something drastic? Grantaire felt panic rise in his chest. He had to find him, he had to. He grabbed his jacket and his keys and turned to the door when a quiet knock came from the other side. He dropped his things and opened it up, expecting to see Combeferre having forgotten his keys again. It wasn’t Combeferre.

It was Enjolras.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note: I am sorry this has taken so long to update!! I just moved house, but have full internet again now so regular updates will resume!

**Earlier that day.**

Enjolras had quit his course. Not forever he assured his professor but he had some issues he needed to deal with before he could focus on school again. The man looked at him; Enjolras looked as though he was on his last legs and it didn't take much convincing that he had issues to work out. He wanted to ask if Enjolras was on drugs but that would be crossing a line and he decided against it.

Enjolras walked through the streets; worried that he would see Grantaire again- whether real or not. He had to hide out somewhere. Not home he thought, but somewhere. He pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts before pressing a button.

"Hi, are you free? Can I come talk to you? Thanks. I’ll see you in a minute."

Enjolras hung up the phone and breathed slowly.

It took a few moments for Enjolras to work up the nerve to actually knock on her door. When he did he suddenly realised that out of all of them Eponine might the one of them who hates him the most; being Grantaire’s best friend. His stomach clenched as the door opened but he was greeted with a huge smile and as Eponine pulled him into a hug he felt himself relax.

"I'm so glad you're here sweetheart."

Enjolras gripped her tightly, suddenly thankful for her, he wanted to stay there in her arms for ever. But she pulls away and takes his head in her hands.

“Are you okay? Come in."

They walked into her apartment and she practically pushed Enjolras onto the sofa. She sat opposite him and put a hand on his knee,

"Are you alright?"

Enjolras nodded and tried to smile but he can't. He sighed and scratched his hand, Eponine put a hand on top of his, stilling him.

"I don't think I'm okay Eponine. I think I need help."

Eponine felt a lump in her throat at that. She had looked up at Enjolras- as they all had- for years as a pillar of strength. And here he is now; broken and sad. She hates it.

"What do you mean Enjolras?"

He looks up at her, her face full of concern and for a moment he doesn't want to say anymore. Doesn't want her to be bothered by his problems.

"I need him Eponine. I need him so much and it's killing me. I can't.....what I did....he'll never want me again."

Eponine can't help but choke out a laugh, Enjolras looks hurt and she squeezes his fingers.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to laugh at you. I'm not laughing at you I swear it’s just...suggesting that Grantaire doesn't want you anymore? That's crazy Enjolras you know that right."

Enjolras sighed and leant back in the chair. He ran his hand through his hair,

"Then I guess I'm crazy because no matter what I do I can't think of a reason why he would ever forgive me for this."

Eponine watched him for a moment then stood up,

"I have to show you something."

She grabbed her phone from the Counter and sat back next to him. She flipped it open and began scrolling through all the messages from Grantaire.

"Grantaire texts me every day. He always has. And 90% of them are about you. Look at this."

Enjolras looks at the screen; it's a message from months ago:

"Is it too early to tell him I love him?"

"Have you even kissed yet?"

"Not exactly but it doesn't change it. I love him."

His eyebrows rose slightly and she scrolled up through them.

"Enjolras kissed me, send help I fear I may be having an aneurysm."

His eyes flitted to the ones higher up,

"When he sleeps he looks perfect. Like a statue of a god."

"Do I wanna hear this?"

"I might have to keep him Ponine. He makes everything shine brighter."

"You love him don't you?"

"More than there are stars in the sky."

Enjolras close his eyes briefly,

"Why are you showing me these they’re old."

Eponine sighs and scrolls up higher,

"To show you how in love he was then, now these are from his time in rehab."

Enjolras took the phone and read the messages,

"Is he okay? Does he still hate me?"

"He doesn't hate you R."

"I pray you're right. I miss him. Tell him I love him."

Enjolras felt his stomach clench. How could Grantaire ever think he could hate him? If anyone was to hated it was Enjolras himself. He scrolled down further,

"Tell me he's okay. I need to know that."

"He's okay R, he misses you."

"He told you?"

"He misses you trust me."

"I'll never stop loving him. You can tell him its okay; I'll never stop even if he does."

A tear falls from Enjolras' eye and he wipes it away furiously. He continues scrolling down the messages. Conversations flash past his eyes, talking of family and friends, Grantaire asking for books or clothing. Times of visiting hours. In every message however he writes the same thing. 'Is he okay?' And 'tell him I love him.' He gives up trying to stem the tears and allows them to fall. His eyes fall on one last message,

"I'm not sure I can do this without him Ponine. It's hurting too much"

"You need to stay strong R you're doing so well."

"What's the point? If he hates me? I might as well give up and drink myself to death like he wants."

Enjolras felt sick, Grantaire thought he wanted him dead. He knew it all along. He felt shaky and had a sudden urge to throw himself from the nearest window. He kept reading,

"R, don't talk like that. He doesn't want that. He doesn't. You need to get healthy and be out here with us. With him. Please."

"I can't Eponine; you don't understand how much it hurts. It's like I'm dying."

"I'm going to phone you. Hold on."

Enjolras scrolled up, the next message was about dropping off a sketchbook at the cafe. He looked at Eponine.

"He never stopped loving you Enjolras. Not for a second. He's never even been angry at you. All we need is for you to forgive yourself. Not him forgive you."

Enjolras wiped his eyes and stared at the floor.

"I need to see him."

"Then go see him, he's waiting for you. He always has been waiting for you."

The next sentence was spoken so quietly that Eponine wasn't sure she actually heard it at all,

"I'm scared."

Eponine dropped on the couch next to him and hugged him hard. He gripped her and shook with sobs,

"He loves you Enjolras. That's all you need to know."

Enjolras pulled back and looked at her; she pushed his hair from his eyes and ran her thumb over his cheek. He smiled sadly.

"I can't.....he's better off without me."

Eponine dropped her head and sighed,

"No, Enjolras, he's not. And you're not better without him. You need each other."

Enjolras looked at his hands, could it be true that he could repair the damage? He nodded and made up his mind.

"Thank you Eponine."

Silently he got up and left the apartment.

He made his way to Combeferre's building and stood outside it. He felt his stomach clenching so hard he was sure he was going to vomit. He walked in and pushed the lift button. He stood in silence as the lift moved up to his floor. He got out and wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans. He walked to the door and heard it open, panicking he darted around the corner and watched Combeferre leave, whispering furiously on his phone. When he disappeared around the corner and into the lift Enjolras went back to the door. He raised his hand and faltered. He felt sick with nerves. He shook his head and knocked gently, quietly hoping no one was in. The door opened and there he was. He was face to face with Grantaire.

 


	9. Chapter 9

Grantaire stood in complete shock. The two men stared at each other for what felt like a lifetime. 

"Hi Grantaire.”

Grantaire swallowed hard; every fibre of his being wanted to launch him onto Enjolras, wanted to hold him and kiss him and make sure he was really there. 

"Thank god you're okay."

Enjolras eyes flashed with sadness at this. It took Grantaire a few moments to realise he was still in the doorway.

"Come in, come in."

Enjolras exhaled slowly and shut the door behind him. Grantaire stood on the other side of the sofa, figuring that distance was the safest thing- it didn't look as though Enjolras   
would take too kindly to having him jump all over him. 

"Grantaire.....I am so sorry."

That wasn't what he expected to hear. Grantaire looked at his love, or the man his love had become. Enjolras looked exhausted, his skin was pale and his eyes had lost the sparkle that Grantaire loved so much. He was thinner and his hands were covered in scratches. Grantaire felt his stomach clench again. 

"What are you sorry for?"

Enjolras looked at him incredulously, his eyes were red and he was in the verge of tears.

"For this, for...sending you away. For everything I'm sorry. I'm so sorry"

A tear fell from his eye and Grantaire couldn't bear it. He clenched his fists by his side and bit his lip.

"Don't... You have nothing to say sorry for. Nothing Enjolras."

Enjolras shook his head as more tears began to fall. 

"Don't Grantaire, don't forgive me. I can't please...."

His legs gave way as the tears came on hard. He fell to his knees and sobbed. Grantaire leapt over the back of the couch and grabbed Enjolras' in a hug, Enjolras pushed his head into Grantaire’s stomach and sobbed. His fingers clenched in his shirt and Grantaire wrapped his arms around him as best as he could,

"It's okay Enjolras."

Grantaire covered his mouth with his hand and tried to silent the sobs that were coming out. He dropped to his knees in front of the broken Enjolras and picked his head up; making him face him.

"You have nothing to apologise for. You saved my life"

Enjolras shook his head,

"Yes you did. And I am so so grateful for what you did."

Enjolras looked him square in the eye. Grantaire was brushing the blonde hair from his face with one hand and running his thumb over his cheek with the other. He wiped away a tear and Enjolras pressed his head into the caress.

"It's too much to forgive Grantaire. It's too much."

Grantaire smile through his tears,

"Why? Why can't I forgive the man I love for helping me?"

Enjolras close his eyes. The man he loves. God he wants to say it back, he wills his brain to do it. But nothing comes out. He doesn't need to say anything. Grantaire wrapped his arms around him in a hug. Pulling him tightly and nestling his head into the soft curls by Enjolras' neck. Enjolras gripped him tightly and breathed in his smell. He smells like coffee and smoke, paint and him. He smells like home to Enjolras and its damn near killing him. The guilt won't go away. 

"I never wanted to change you. Not really. Not like I said. I'd never have walked out on you properly. I hate myself for what I did."

The last sentence is choked out through another sob and he can feel Grantaire crying into his shirt collar. 

"Shhh I know. It's okay, you're okay." 

But Enjolras couldn't stop, he needed to get it all out, he needed to say the things that had been killing him all these weeks.

"Please don't hate me Grantaire, I understand that you can't trust me but I need you to know I thought it was for the best. I never wanted you gone, I wanted you safe. You know that right? I just need you to know that. Tell me what I can do to make this right I need to make this right please."

Grantaire paused for a moment; he had no idea that Enjolras was holding in that much guilt about what had happened. He pulled away and looked at Enjolras again before whispering,

"I just want you to love me again."

Enjolras starred at him for a moment before grabbing his face,

"I never stopped loving you Grantaire. Never. Not for a minute."

A tear fell from Grantaire’s eyes and landed on Enjolras' hand,

"I need you Enjolras, I need you so much. I can't do this without you. Please, please you have to forgive yourself. You hold no guilt. None."

Enjolras was about to say something when Grantaire pressed his lips to his. For a terrifying moment he thought Enjolras was going to pull away, but then there it was. He was kissing him back. Slowly at first but soon they fell into the kisses they used to share, desperate, full of wanting and mingled with their shared tears. Enjolras is the first to break away, a smile slowly appearing. 

"God I've missed you."

Grantaire knots his fingers in the blonde hair. 

"You have no idea."

He presses his forehead to Enjolras' and moves his hands down to grip his hands.

"Come on let's get off the floor. I’ll make you a drink."

Enjolras searches his face for a moment making Grantaire half smile,

"You can have coffee or juice. It's all we got."

Enjolras smiled again, Grantaire stood up and pulled him to his feet.

"Can we just sit for a while?"

Grantaire gestured to the couch and Enjolras sat down with a sigh. Grantaire sat beside him and put a hand on his knee. Enjolras turned and looked at him. 

"What happened that night Enjolras?"

It was the question he dreaded, but of course Grantaire waited to ask him, he was of course the only person there. Enjolras shook his head briefly and looked down at the floor.

"I can't....not yet. I'm......please Grantaire."

Grantaire nodded,

"Of course...just....I need to know at some point."

Of course he did, Enjolras knew that. He never thought about the fact that Grantaire had no idea how he had gotten to the hospital. Another wave of guilt hit him hard and he felt sick.

"Jesus I really fucked this up didn't I?"

Grantaire kissed the side of his head,

"I can be strong with a lot of things Grantaire but you....you're my downfall. And I'm...." 

Grantaire placed his finger on Enjolras' lips.

"Don't say sorry again."

Enjolras smiled sadly, 

"I can't help it."

Grantaire leant back into the couch and pulled Enjolras until he was lying on top of him. Enjolras placed his head on Grantaire’s chest and listened for the steady heartbeat. Grantaire began running his fingers through Enjolras' hair. It wasn't long before Enjolras found himself falling asleep. His fingers entwined with Grantaire’s as his eyes closed. Grantaire was humming quietly to himself and Enjolras allowed himself for the first time in days to relax.

 

It was dark when he opened his eyes. Enjolras sat up slowly and looked around. Grantaire shifted slightly but didn't stir. Enjolras sat and watched him sleep. He couldn't believe that he was really there. Weeks of dreaming about Grantaire never led him to actually believe that he would be there, in his arms; forgiven. Somewhat at least- not totally though. Not yet. He sighed and rubbed his tired face. He could sleep for a year. He shifted down and regained his position, Grantaire stirred slightly and put his arm around him; Enjolras laced their fingers together again and closed his eyes.

 

"He's not in his apartment"

Jehan blew out a puff of smoke and pulled his jacket around him tighter.

"Think he would have left town?"

Combeferre shook his head,

"Nah, he's an idiot but he wouldn't leave Grantaire. You know how he is."

Jehan nodded, he was right; Enjolras was a statue most of the time but his biggest weakness was Grantaire; it always had been- whether he wanted to admit it or not. They knew that he wouldn't skip town without him. He would rather suffer alone but be able to still see him than disappear from his life forever. Combeferre looked at his watch,

"I gotta get back; I can't leave Grantaire alone all night. He starts to panic when he's on his own."

Jehan nodded and clapped him on the back,

"I'll call Joly; he's bound to be about."

Combeferre nodded, 

"Call me if anything happens."

"Same to you."

Combeferre made his way down the road and toward his building. He opened the door to a dark room. He was about to shout to Grantaire when he saw them, fast asleep on the sofa. His heart stopped for a moment and he went to the kitchen. He pulled out his phone and sent a mass text.

"Enjolras came home to him. They're asleep. There's no blood anywhere I think we might be okay"

He stuffed his phone in his pocket and got a throw from the cupboard. He went over to the sleeping pair and couldn't help but grin as he whispered,

"Good lad Enjolras."

He covered them with the throw and left the apartment as quietly as he could. As soon as he got out the door he grabbed his vibrating phone. Ignoring the messages coming in he sent a new one to Joly,

"Clear a space I'm coming to stay. Giving them some time alone."

Moments later he got a reply,

"Bring detergent and the others. Jehan has beer."

He gave the apartment door one last look and found himself praying that they would be okay.


	10. Chapter 10

Enjolras opened his eyes slowly, his head was banging and he felt like he might throw up. He groaned; confused because he was not hangover, it's a different feeling.

Relief.

He opened his eyes wide as he remembered where he was. He sat up quickly and pushed the throw onto the floor. He was alone, panic began to rise inside him, and he feared it was all a dream.

"Grantaire?!"

Silence.

He stood up and clutched his head, he felt sick. Was it all a dream? Was he ever even here? Then he heard it, a drawer closing in the bedroom. He walked straight in and almost fainted from happiness. There was Grantaire, pulling on a shirt and talking silently to himself.

"You're here."

Grantaire turned around and smiled broadly,

"Of course I am. Where else would I be?"

Enjolras ran a hand through his hair,

"I thought I'd dreamed you up."

Grantaire pulled the shirt down more and rubbed his hands on his jeans.

"I didn't wanna wake you. You looked like you needed the sleep so..."

Enjolras nodded,

"When did u get up?"

"Uhm about six. I wake up early now."

Enjolras shifted slightly. He knew nothing of Grantaire now. That terrified him.

"Do you want to shower? You can, Combeferre isn't in."

Enjolras took a step closer to him,

"Come home."

Grantaire stopped and his eyes shifted slightly,

"I can't."

Enjolras nodded,

"Of course, I mean you and I....we're not...it's okay."

Grantaire smirked,

"No, I mean I actually can't. I'm signed out to Combeferre so I need to stay with him whilst I finish treatment."

Enjolras felt his body relax at that and choked out a laugh.

"I didn't even think of that."

Grantaire walked over to him and up his hand on his chest.

"The second I can come back to you, I will. I promise you that. I'm not losing you again."

Enjolras placed his Hand on Grantaire’s face,

"Are you really here?"

Grantaire let his eyes shut and lent into the touch. He opened them and met Enjolras' lips with a gentle kiss.

"Go shower, I’ll make coffee."

He began to walk out the room when Enjolras grabbed his wrist,

"You look amazing by the way. I didn't tell you yesterday."

Grantaire smiled,

"You look like hell."

Enjolras grinned and let go of his wrist.

"Towels are in the bathroom there and feel free to borrow whatever clothes you need. Take your time there's no rush."

Enjolras nodded and made his way into the bathroom. Grantaire watched him for a moment then walked into the kitchen and turned on the kettle. He pulled his phone out and sent a mass text.

"Whoever it was that convinced him. Thank you."

They stayed together that night. They lay in Grantaire’s bed and stared at the ceiling. Enjolras slipped his hand into Grantaire’s and squeezed his fingers. Grantaire wanted to lean over and kiss him, touch him, hold him, make love to him. But he couldn't. There was something stopping him. No matter how many times he told Enjolras that everything was okay, that he loved him; it didn't seem to matter. He was so distant, so lost still. Like there was something keeping him from returning to normal. He hadn't left Grantaire’s side all day, just stared at him. Touched his face, grabbed his hand and his arm; almost as if he was making sure that he was actually there. Not that Grantaire minded, he had been so desperate to have Enjolras back that he didn't care what he did. But he worried, he worried greatly that there was something Enjolras was hiding. It was in the darkness that he asked him,

"Are you okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean are you okay? You seem distant."

Enjolras looked over to Grantaire,

"I'm fine Grantaire I promise."

Grantaire sighed,

"There's something you're not telling me. I can always tell."

"I'm not hiding anything from you. Okay?"

"Fine."

They lay in silence for a few minutes,

"You still haven't told me what happened that night Enj."

"Grantaire...."

"Please."

"Not here."

"Then where?"

Enjolras shut his eyes and didn't reply. Grantaire looked over to him.

"Will you come to my therapy tomorrow?"

Enjolras opened his eyes and looked over,

"Therapy?"

"Yeah, I can have sessions with certain people and I want one with you."

"Why?"

Grantaire shrugged,

"Because I need to know what happened to me and you need to talk to someone."

"I don't need to talk to anyone. I'm not crazy."

"Like me you mean."

Enjolras sat up,

"That's not what I meant. You're not crazy."

"And you're not being honest with me. Why won't you tell me what happened?! Why is it so hard to just tell me?"

Grantaire turned the light on and faced Enjolras who was running his hands through his hair and staring hard at the ceiling.

"If I tell you. Will you then drop it?"

"Yes."

"You have to swear it to me Grantaire because I can't keep reliving it."

Grantaire was shocked to see that Enjolras had tears in his eyes.

"I'll go to the therapy. And I'll tell you everything. But please, please don't make me tell you now okay? I beg you please."

A tear rolled down his cheek and Grantaire wiped it away and placed a kiss in its wake. Enjolras closed his eyes and held onto Grantaire tightly.

"I'm sorry Enjolras; I didn't mean to push it."

"Don't. Don't say you're sorry."

Grantaire nodded and pulled away to turn the light off again. He lay down wrapped his arms around Enjolras. Enjolras lay motionless in the bed. His stomach twisted, he knew he had to tell Grantaire about that night, knew he had to tell him what happened. But he couldn't. Just thinking about it filled him with panic so strong he wanted to throw up. He breathed slowly, he had to tell him. It was the only fair thing to do. He covered his face with his hand as silent tears began to fall.

 

The therapist sat watching the two of them. Grantaire stared at his feet and Enjolras stared at him. The room was silent except for the ticking of the clock and the bubbling from the fish tank in the corner.

"Enjolras do you want to say anything?"

Enjolras shook his head, Grantaire looked at him pleading and Enjolras sighed.

"I..."

He exhaled hard,

"Take your time. Tell us about that night."

Enjolras shut his eyes and breathed slowly,

"I came home..."

 

_Enjolras unlocked the door and strode in,_

_"Grantaire?"_

_He looked in the living room and the kitchen and found them empty._

_"Great."_

_He grabbed a bottle from the fridge and went to the bedroom. Sitting on the bed he took off his boots and pulled his phone out. He was about to ring Grantaire’s number when he noticed the bottle on the floor. He stood up and walked over to it. Picking it up his eyes flitted to the bathroom door, it was ajar and there was a light coming from inside. He pushed it open and dropped the bottle on the floor letting it smash._

_"Grantaire!"_

_The man was lying on the bathroom floor, there was another empty bottle by his feet and he was on his front unconscious. Enjolras dropped down beside him and rolled him over; he grabbed his face and tried to wake him,_

_"Grantaire, Grantaire open your eyes. Come on baby please. PLEASE."_

_He put his head to Grantaire’s chest and listened for his heartbeat. Hearing it faintly he moved to listen for breath and found none._

_"No no no no."_

_He put Grantaire’s head back and began to breathe into his mouth,_

_"Come on come on."_

_Grantaire began to choke and Enjolras panicked even more. He put Grantaire on his side and grabbed his phone from the floor and punched in a number,_

_"I need an ambulance, please my boyfriend has collapsed he wasn't breathing."_

_"Okay sir just calm down, where are you?"_

_"Uhm corner of st Jacque and Marks. Apartment 27."_

_"There is an ambulance on its way sir. Is he breathing?"_

_"Yes, he wasn't but he is now."_

_"Do you know what happened?"_

_"I don't know! Please hurry up."_

_"Has he taken anything?"_

_"Uhm, there's two bottles of vodka gone. Big ones...but I don't think...."_

_And then he saw them on the side, the painkillers left over from when Enjolras fractured his wrist a year before. The bottle was lying open and only a couple pills remained._

_"Sir?"_

_"There are painkillers missing, but I don't know how many are gone or if he took them."_

_"What kind of painkillers are they do you know?"_

_"I don't know. Please what do I do?"_

_"Just stay calm sir the ambulance is almost there. Is he still breathing?"_

_Enjolras put his head to Grantaire’s face and listened,_

_"Yeah but it's shallow."_

_"Okay can you find something to keep him covered? The ambulance is almost there can you have the door open for them?"_

_"Yeah yeah hold on."_

_He ran to the bedroom and grabbed the throw from the bed. He put it over Grantaire and ran to the kitchen to open the buzzer for downstairs. Then he returned to the bathroom and picked up his phone again._

_"What do I do now?"_

_"Just remain calm sir the paramedics will be with you shortly. Do you have someone to be with you?"_

_Enjolras felt hollow, it was as though he wasn't really there but instead floating above the scene watching it. He heard the person on the phone but it seemed as if they were miles away. Suddenly they were gone and paramedics were in the room. He couldn't remember them coming in._

_"What's his name? Sir?"_

_"Grantaire."_

_It came out as a whisper and Enjolras wasn't entirely sure that he had even said it. He stepped out of the room and fell to the floor. He pulled his knees to his chest and tried to breathe. There was a Hand on his shoulder,_

_"Sir are you coming with us?"_

_Enjolras looked up at the man, he nodded slightly and the man helped him up. He stood and watched the other paramedic push the stretcher from the bathroom. Grantaire was on his back, mask on his face and his hands on his stomach. Enjolras followed the paramedics down to the ambulance and sat holding Grantaire’s hand all the way to the hospital._

_He sat in the waiting room feeling numb. His mind was racing but no thoughts were coherent enough for him to catch. He shut his eyes and prayed that he would wake up. That this was all a horrible nightmare._

_"Enjolras?"_

_Enjolras opened his eyes slowly and saw the doctor looking at him, his stomach clenched painfully,_

_"Is he dead?"_

_The doctor started slightly,_

_"Why don't you come with me?"_

_"Please just tell me. Is he dead?"_

_"No he's not. Come with me please."_

_Enjolras stood up shakily and followed the doctor through double doors and down a hallway until they stopped outside a room. Enjolras looked through the window and saw Grantaire lying in a bed; he had wires coming from his hands and an oxygen tube in his mouth. Enjolras stared at him until his eyes blurred._

_"....so we are going to need you to..."_

_"What?"_

_The doctor had been talking to him the whole time._

_"I said his stomach was pumped. We didn't find a lot of pill fragments but that's not to say he didn't start taking them and pass out. He did however have an extremely high blood alcohol level. He had vomited which is what stopped him breathing. You saved his life finding him when you did."_

_"He's going to be okay?"_

_"Physically yes. But this was either a cry for help or the start of something more serious."_

_Enjolras looked at the doctor for a moment. It wasn't the start of something, he was certain. Grantaire wanted to die because of him._

_"What do I do?"_

_"Grantaire put you down as his next of kin."_

_Enjolras started,_

_"Me?"_

_"Yes, so I need to ask you to sign the forms to..."_

_"Forms?"_

_"We need to keep him in for observation for 72 hours."_

_Enjolras felt his stomach drop,_

_"You mean section him?"_

_"It's for the best for him. We can't ignore this behaviour."_

_"I don't want him to be sectioned. He's not crazy."_

_"He tried to kill himself. He needs help."_

_Enjolras rubbed his face,_

_"I don't....I don't know."_

_The doctor put his hand on Enjolras' arm._

_"I know this is hard, but you know that he needs help and this is the best way to do that."_

_Enjolras touched the window._

_"If he's sectioned....he'll get out right?"_

_"Yes when he's safe to."_

_Enjolras tapped his finger on the window,_

_"Is this really the only choice?"_

_"Frankly yes."_

_Enjolras closed his eyes for a moment._

_"Can I sit with him?"_

_"Of course. Shall I get the forms?"_

_Enjolras turned slightly, and then walked into the room. He sat next to Grantaire and took his hand gently._

_"I am so sorry I made you do this. Please be okay."_

_The doctor entered the room and put the forms in front of Enjolras._

_He looked at Grantaire again and then back to the doctor,_

_"He'll be okay this way."_

_"Yes. I assure you."_

_Enjolras nodded then swallowed hard. He picked up the pen put down next to him and signed the form. The doctor nodded to him and left him alone with Grantaire._

_"Please forgive me Grantaire."_

_Enjolras stood up and kissed his love on the forehead,_

_"I love you."_

_With one last squeeze of his hand, Enjolras left the room. He walked through the halls of the hospital, the sound of his blood rushing in his ears. He walked out into the roads and walked aimlessly. His mind was completely blank; he felt numb. So much so that he didn't even notice the rain coming down._

 

Grantaire stared at Enjolras in shock. He had no idea that Enjolras was hiding so much from him.

"Enjolras...."

Enjolras turned to him. His jaw was set tightly and his eyes were steely. He didn't want to cry in front of the therapist.

"I'm so sorry Enjolras, I didn't.....you know I didn't try to..."

"I know. I know that now."

Grantaire grabbed his hand. No wonder Enjolras had been messed up he thought. He swallowed hard.

"Grantaire this was my fault"

"No...No"

"Just listen...it was my fault. And I swear to you I will do everything in my power to make this up to you. I promise."

Grantaire pressed his forehead to Enjolras' and from across the room the therapist cleared her throat,

“That can’t have been easy for you to deal with, thinking that he tried to commit suicide because of you.”

Enjolras looked at her; he clenched his fists briefly and tried to keep from exploding at the question.

“No it wasn’t”

He answered her through gritted teeth and Grantaire grabbed his hand.

“How do you feel about it now?”

“Like the world is made of candy- how do you think?”

“Enjolras.”

Enjolras turned to Grantaire,

“I’m sorry Grantaire, I...I’ll do anything for you but I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”

He got up and began to walk away.

“Enjolras please.”

Enjolras turned back and looked at Grantaire, his eyes were pleading him and he felt sick,

“Please don’t go. You need to deal with this.”

“Why can’t we just deal with it? You and me?”

The therapist looked at them both; Enjolras sighed and turned to her,

“No more about that night. Please.”

The therapist nodded and gestured to the couch again; Enjolras rubbed his face and sat back down. Grantaire grabbed his hand and squeezed his fingers,

“Thank you.”

Enjolras squeezed his fingers in return and turned back to the therapist.

 


	11. Chapter 11

"You know fake sugar gives you cancer."

Grantaire looked at Joly for a moment and opened another packet, he kept eye contact with him as he poured it into his coffee and Marius started laughing.

"Fine see if I care."

They sat down at a table and drank for a moment,

"How's the wedding plans going Marius?"

Marius smiled the shook his head,

"I adore the girl you know but....my god. Don't ever mention lace around her. Just....don't."

The men laughed, Marius took a sip of his coffee and grabbed Grantaire’s shoulder, 

"Where's your other half this morning?"

Grantaire scratched his neck,

"Left him in bed."

"Ooh someone got lucky."

Grantaire smirked,

"Yeah right."

"Whatya mean?"

Grantaire shook his head slightly,

"Grantaire."

He looked at Marius,

"I uh....he won't....you know"

He gestured slightly and Joly stood up,

"Okay well I should be off."

"Why?"

Joly picked up his coffee and pointed outside,

"I have a uh...."

He silently walked out of the cafe and Grantaire chuckled,

"I have a suspicion that the homosexual undertones of this conversation have made him uncomfortable."

"What doesn't make him uncomfortable?"

"Touché"

Marius sat back and took another drink,

"So why no nooky?"

"Jesus Marius."

Marius sat forward,

"Come on Grantaire you can tell me anything you know that."

Grantaire looked at him for. Long moment and sighed,

"I don't know, I mean I want to. And he wants to. I mean we will be making out and he wants to...I mean he's up for it if you know what I mean."

Marius coughed and took a sip of his drink,

"Yeah I get that part."

"But then he just like...freaks out and won't go any further. It's like he's.....revirginated or something."

"Revirginated?"

Grantaire shrugged,

"You know what I mean."

"He won't fuck you basically."

Two women turned and stared at them and Grantaire raised his cup to them,

"Morning ladies."

They scoffed and walked off and Marius grinned.

"Why do you think he won't?"

Grantaire drained his coffee and shook his head.

"I don't know, I mean we've been back together for three weeks now, most couples would be in honeymoon phase still but he's just....it's like he's lost still. I don't know maybe he just doesn't want me anymore."

Marius shook his head,

"He loves you."

"You all say that but what if he doesn't love me in the same way anymore? What if we lost it?"

Grantaire swallowed hard and shook his head,

"What if I messed it all up and we're stuck like this. If he looks at me and only sees the mess he left at the hospital."

He began to breathe quickly and had to shake his head to keep his focus.

"Grantaire are you okay?"

Grantaire scrunched his eyes shut and shook his head hard,

"I have to get out, I can't..."

He got up quickly and stumbled out of the shop, Marius jumped up and followed him, he ran into the street and round the corner into an alleyway where he found Grantaire doubled over and retching. He ran over to him and grabbed his back,

"Grantaire just breathe okay?"

Grantaire retched again to no avail, he began to grab at his head,

"Fuck fuck...fucking damn it."

He began to yell as he kicked the bins beside him again and again. Marius pulled him into a hug and rubbed his head as he struggled and cursed.

"Just breathe Grantaire okay, just relax you're okay. You're okay."

 

The doctor put the stethoscope back around his neck and looked at Grantaire,

"It sounds as though you had a panic attack."

Marius looked from Grantaire to the doctor,

"Is he okay?"

"He'll be fine. If it happens again you'll know what to do. Just breathe and, I know it sounds stupid but, try to calm down."

Grantaire looked at him and nodded.

"Thanks doctor."

The doctor nodded and left the room. Grantaire grabbed his shirt and pulled it back on. Marius pulled his phone from his pocket and flipped it open,

"I'll text Enjolras."

"No."

"Grantaire he needs to know."

"I said no. He can't know. He's already struggling with this. If he thought he'd done this to me.....just no."

Marius looked at him and shut his phone.

"Thank you."

"You need to tell him."

"I can't. You don't understand alright, he's not right. This whole thing ha messed him up. Just......I can't deal with it right now okay?"

Marius pulled his friend into a hug.

"It's okay. It'll be okay."

"Promise me."

Marius closed his eyes and held his friend.

"I promise."

 

It was two weeks before Grantaire had another episode, he'd been doing so well that the therapist- that Enjolras refused to return to- suggested that he try to deal with being in certain social situations.

"Are you sure you're ready?"

Enjolras looked at Grantaire; his eyebrows knitted together in worry.

""Yeah. Yeah I gotta learn to do this sometime."

Enjolras gripped his hand tighter and they walked toward the door, Grantaire reached for the handle and faltered,

"Just don't let go of me okay?"

Enjolras squeezed his fingers and pulled him closer to his body,

"Wouldn't dream of it."

Grantaire exhaled slowly and opened the door to the pub. As the warm air and smell of beer hit him he stepped back. Enjolras swapped their hands and put his arm around Grantaire; he steered them both toward the table in the corner and smiled at their waiting friends.   
"Hey guys."

Grantaire focused on breathing. He squeezed Enjolras' fingers tightly and sat down. He smiled at the others and waited for Enjolras to sit next to him. He slipped his hand into Enjolras' once again and tried to focus on conversation and not the lines of liqueur bottles on the wall. 

"You're doing great."

The whispered words relaxed him and he sat back into the booth seat.

"You guys look great."

Enjolras smiled at Eponine,

"It's all Grantaire."

"What are you guys having?"

Combeferre stood up and grabbed his wallet; Grantaire scratched his head, 

"Uhhh lemonade."

Enjolras smiled,

"Same here."

Combeferre nodded and left for the bar, soon the group fell into discussion about something else; Grantaire began to relax even more as he sipped his drink. It was during a story Courfeyrac was telling about his boss that he began to feel it again, he felt as though his ribs were being pressed into his lungs stilling his breath. The sounds of the bar began to grow louder before turning into white noise. Grantaire gulped hard and shook his head. The noise grew louder and he turned to Enjolras who was looking at Courfeyrac. He let go of his hand and Enjolras turned back to him, Grantaire pressed his fists to his ears in an attempt to silent the noise that was filling his head,

"Grantaire? What's wrong?"

The others stopped talking as Grantaire began to breathe shallowly, Marius realised what was happening and put his hand on Grantaire’s shoulder, Grantaire turned to him, eyes widening in panic and face draining of colour. A whimper escaped his lips as he stumbled from the booth and burst out of the door,

"Grantaire!"

Enjolras ran out after him, finding him on his knees round the side of the building, he was coughing, Enjolras saw he had vomited on the road, Grantaire was clutching his head and cursing again and again. Marius pushed past the stunned Enjolras and grabbed Grantaire; he pulled him up and held his face,

"Grantaire look at me. Look at me, you're okay. It's just another panic attack. You're gonna be fine. Breathe with me. In and out okay?"

Grantaire nodded, tears pouring down his cheeks. He breathed shallowly in and out with Marius until he calmed down enough to speak.

"I wanna go home."

"Okay. Okay I'll get Combeferre."

Enjolras stood in the street, he watched the scene in shock, and his stomach twisting hard as the helplessness hit him. Marius helped Grantaire up and put him against the wall. Combeferre came out of the bar and patted Enjolras' shoulder,

"I'm gonna take him home, give him some space okay?"

Enjolras nodded numbly. He watched Combeferre put the shaking Grantaire into a taxi and didn't move until Courfeyrac put his hand on his arm and led him back inside.

 

Combeferre didn't say a word to Enjolras when he turned up at the apartment; he just stood aside to let him in and nodded toward the bedroom door. He squeezed Enjolras' arm as he walked past him. Enjolras exhaled slowly and knocked gently on the door before walking in. Grantaire was lying on his side in the bed; he looked over and smiled briefly before his face crumpled and he muffled a sob with his hand. Enjolras strode over to him and pulled him up into a hug, he wrapped his arms around him tightly and held him silently as Grantaire shook in his arms.

"You're not meant to see me like this. I'm supposed to be strong."

"Grantaire you're the strongest person I know."

"I'm not. I'm really not."

Enjolras pulled away and looked at him,

"Look at me. I am so proud of you. Look how far you've gotten."

"I don't want you to see me like that."

"Why? What did you think I would do?"

Grantaire shook his head, he rubbed his face and climbed off the bed, Enjolras watched him walk into the bathroom; he heard the cabinet open and the tap running. Grantaire walked back out drying his face and sat back down on the bed. He exhaled slowly and turned to Enjolras,

"You won't even touch me."

"Of course I do."

"Why haven't we had sex? Most reunited couples do that."

"Grantaire I...."

"It's not like you don't want to, you clearly want to."

"I do."

"Then why?"

Enjolras rubbed his face,

"Because I fucked up big time okay?"

"I already told you that don’t matter."

"No...I...not that."

"So what?"

Grantaire’s stomach suddenly clenched,

"You slept with someone else?"

"No! Jesus no."

Grantaire sighed in relief, 

"I don't understand then."

Enjolras looked at him then looked down at his legs,

"I missed you Grantaire. I missed you so damn much. I tried to be strong, but I wasn't. I couldn't...."

Grantaire put a hand on Enjolras' leg.

"What?"

Enjolras stood up and shakily undid his jeans, he faltered for a moment then let them slide down to the floor, and Grantaire looked from Enjolras' face to the exposed skin of his thighs and gasped. Enjolras shut his eyes tightly as tears began to escape. Grantaire reached out and touched one of the marks carved into the pale skin at the top of Enjolras' leg.

"What did you do?"

"I'm sorry."

Grantaire blinked hard, trying to shake the image of Enjolras with a blade in his hand, cutting into his skin. His thighs were covered; some were small cuts, more like gouges. Some were longs slices of skin. Then there were those that looked like tally marks, Grantaire counted them in his head, 

"Forty two."

Enjolras shook his head slightly,

"Forty two."

Grantaire felt sick to his stomach, forty two meant something to him as well- it was the number of days he had been gone. Enjolras bent to pull his jeans back up but Grantaire stopped him; he pulled him down onto the bed and pushed him back until he laying across the blankets.

"Grantaire...."

"Shhh."

"It's hideous."

"It's beautiful. You're beautiful."

Enjolras covered his face and began to laugh.

"What?"

Grantaire began to smile as Enjolras laughed harder; he covered his face and shook with laughs. Grantaire began to laugh as well,

"Why are you laughing?"

Enjolras laughed even louder. 

"Enjolras stop it!"

"I'm sorry but.....we're so fucked up Grantaire. We've been stuck in this stupid twilight zone, and you can't handle social situations and I'm scarred to shit!" 

Grantaire began to chuckle, he fell back next to Enjolras and joined him in the laughter that was filling the room.

"Oh my god Grantaire, look at us."

Enjolras sat up and wiped his eyes, he looked down at his legs and sighed,

"Not exactly your Apollo anymore am I?"

Grantaire touched his back and sat up as well; he trailed his hand up his arm and ran his fingers through his blonde hair,

"It's getting long."

Enjolras turned to him,

"Maybe I should buzz it off like you."

"It'd be sexy"

"Not beautiful?"

"Always beautiful."

Enjolras leaned in and caught Grantaire’s lips in a kiss.

"Don't ever think that I don't want you. I do. I just.....how can you want me when I'm damaged?"

Grantaire shook his head and tangled his hand in Enjolras' shirt. 

"You have no idea how perfect you are to me. None."

Enjolras felt his heart lift at the whispered words,

"Tell me what you want."

Grantaire whispered the words against Enjolras' lips; he touched his face and moved closer still, his other hand moving slowly up Enjolras' thigh. Enjolras' eyes fluttered shut as he whispered his answer,

"I want you inside me."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexy times ahead....so...beware I guess?

The words had barely left Enjolras' lips when Grantaire was kissing him hard, his fingers tangling in his hair, pulling him impossibly close. Enjolras twisted his fingers in the faded shirt Grantaire had pulled on, his other hand snaking up around his neck, he pulled away slightly,

"Just go slow okay?"

Grantaire nodded and gently pushed Enjolras back onto the bed, he pulled the jeans that pooled around his ankles off and threw them to the floor. Spreading his legs apart he ran his fingers over the raised skin. His fingers traced the marks that made up the scars on his legs,

"What did you use?"

Enjolras swallowed hard,

"Pen knife, glass.....razors."

Grantaire winced then dipped down to place kisses on each mark. He took his time, making sure he got every single scratch, every single scar. He moved upwards and placed a kiss on Enjolras' stomach, then pulling his shirt off him he moved round to his ribs where a faint line remained from the fight. Next was his chest, lips trailed over the front, through the patch of hair growing there, Grantaire breathed in the smell of his skin, lingering kisses over his nipples then up to his collar bone. He trailed his lips up Enjolras' throat, dragging his teeth over his Adam's apple and relishing the groan that it pulled from him. He kissed upwards, bypassing the lips he loved and landed kisses along the stubbled jaw, his mouth found the soft earlobe and he sucked it in, Enjolras chuckled and put his hand to Grantaire’s cheek. Grantaire shifted so he was straddling him and took the hand in his, he placed a kiss on Enjolras' palm then worked his lips on each finger, he trailed kissed down to the wrist where he rested his lips; feeling the quickening pulse under the skin he smiled and did the same to the other hand. Then dipped down and placed a kiss on each of Enjolras' cheeks. His temple and forehead followed then finally his nose, another chuckle,

"You plan on kissing everywhere?"

"Every last inch of you."

Enjolras touched his face again, he ran his fingers over Grantaire’s full lips the trailed them down to his shirt collar. Sitting up he pulled the shirt off Grantaire and began kissing his neck. Fingers became tangled in hair as they found each other’s lips. Kisses became more desperate as Grantaire shifted around on Enjolras' lap. Enjolras groaned beneath him,

"Not fair. I'm more naked than you."

Grantaire smirked.

"Maybe I like being the one in charge."

Enjolras smiled,

"You're always in charge."

Grantaire laughed loudly,

"Such a comedian."

Enjolras gripped his neck and pulled him down,

"Just shut up and take me."

Grantaire smiled,

"Mmm yes sir."

He kissed Enjolras again then broke away,

"You sure you want this? Like really sure? Don't do this just because I want to."

Enjolras rolled his eyes; he grabbed Grantaire’s hand and pressed it against the growing bulge in his underwear,

"What does this tell you?"

Grantaire blushed and Enjolras wanted to moan it was so adorable.

"Tells me I should shut up."

Enjolras' eyes flashed with something and suddenly Grantaire was on his back and Enjolras was straddling him,

"Grantaire....stop stalling. I want this. You...you want this."

"I do want this."

Enjolras began unbuttoning Grantaire’s jeans, and then hooked his fingers into the waistband of his own boxers. He got up on his knees and pulled them down, Grantaire took the initiative to pull them off him and throw them across the room. Enjolras smirked and straddled him gain, the sight of him naked and hard was nearly enough to send Grantaire overboard right then and there. He swallowed and gripped Enjolras' bicep.

"Fuck you're even more beautiful than I remember."

Enjolras dipped down and kissed Grantaire gently, he pulled away and put two of his fingers in his mouth, Grantaire watched him suck his fingers in fascination,

"Were you always this hot?"

Enjolras smirked again. He gave off an air of being made of marble to his friends but in the bedroom he could rival porn stars. Grantaire shifted on the bed beneath him, his jeans suddenly feeling very tight despite being undone.

Enjolras slid his fingers from his lips and reached behind him, it took Grantaire’s list filled mind a few moments to realise what he was doing, it was when Enjolras eyes fluttered shut and a moan escaped his lips that he realised. 

He couldn't help himself, he trailed his fingers along Enjolras' arm, sitting up slightly reached around him and slid his own fingers inside with Enjolras'. Enjolras opened his eyes suddenly and pressed his head against Grantaire’s. 

"Fuuuuck."

The groan was enough for Grantaire; he pulled both their fingers out and kissed Enjolras,

"Get on your stomach."

Enjolras climbed off him and rolled over. Grantaire climbed from the bed and pulled his jeans off completely. He threw a look to the closed door then reached into his nightstand and pulled out a condom. He looked up and smiled at Enjolras who was watching him over his shoulder. He climbed back onto the bed and positioned himself, taking the time to kiss Enjolras shoulder blades before pushing in. Enjolras groaned and pushed him face into the pillow; Grantaire moved slowly, wanting to take his time, wanting to silence the voice inside him that still doubted any of this was real. It was only when he felt Enjolras push back on to him that realised he wasn't moving,

"Agh come on. Please Grantaire. Fuck......mooove."

Grantaire reached forward and entwined their fingers tightly before moving, his hips began to find rhythm as he thrust into Enjolras again and again. Grantaire pushed his face into the soft skin at the bottom of Enjolras’ neck. He felt the tensing of his shoulders with every push. Enjolras gripped his fingers tightly and turned his head to the side,

"I love you."

Grantaire smiled against Enjolras' skin,

"Fuck I love you. I love you so much."

Enjolras groaned and pushed back again, he was close; Grantaire recognised the change in his breathing. He pressed the fingers of his other hand into his hips,

"Wait, don't come yet."

Groan

"Can't hold it...."

Grantaire changed the pace of his hips and pushed upwards as well, he felt Enjolras squeezing his fingers hard; clearly trying to keep from shooting across the sheets. Grantaire squeezed his eyes shut and thrust once, twice, three times. Suddenly he was gasping,

"Agh now. Come now."

Enjolras groaned and stuck his other hand underneath himself. Then they were moaning together and coming as one. Grantaire fell on top of Enjolras with a deep sigh. He kissed his neck and let go of his hand. He pulled out and rolled off him. Enjolras turned over with a moan, Grantaire looked at him and smirked; his eyes were heavy and his lips red- he'd been biting them hard as he held in his orgasm. Enjolras looked over to him and touched his face,

"I've missed you so much."

Grantaire kissed the hand then leant in and kissed those red lips.

"I'm not going anywhere ever again. Promise."

"Love you."

"Love you more."

They lay together, sheets twisted around their legs; Grantaire’s head nestled in the crook of Enjolras' arm, and for the first time in a long time fell asleep with smiles on their faces.

 

Enjolras stretched out his arm as he yawned. Finding the bed empty he opened his eyes and looked around, he smiled as he saw Grantaire pulling on a pair of boxers,

"Mmm why are you up?"

Grantaire turned slowly and grinned,

"Sorry did I wake you? I get up early now I told you."

Enjolras smiled at him and put an arm behind his head. 

"That didn't answer my question. Why are you up?"

Grantaire sauntered to the bed and climbed on top of him,

"Figured you'd want coffee."

"Rather have you."

"Saucy."

"Shut up."

Grantaire kissed him and allowed himself to be pulled into the bed again.

"Why don't we stay here all day?"

"What about life?"

"Fuck life. We have each other."

Grantaire looked at Enjolras and frowned. 

"That doesn't sound like you."

"Maybe it's the new me. Maybe all this crap has made me realise what’s important...”

"And what's that?"

Enjolras rolls over and ran his fingers though the short black hair,

"That I love you. And I'm not gonna put you second ever again." 

Grantaire smiled and kissed Enjolras.

"I don't deserve you."

Enjolras shook his head,

"Believe me that is completely wrong: it's me that doesn't deserve you."

They kissed again; it was the noise in the kitchen that made them break apart. Grantaire groaned and put his face in Enjolras' chest.

"Oh my god I completely forgot about Combeferre."

"Combeferre? What? Oh my god."

Enjolras began to laugh,

"Think he heard it all?"

Grantaire nodded,

"How could he not??"

"Think we should go out there?"

Grantaire sat up and looked at Enjolras.

"I think I should go out there...you....you get dressed."

Grantaire climbed from the bed and pulled his jeans back on. He grabbed a shirt from the chair and went to the kitchen. Combeferre stood against the counter with a coffee in his hand and a smirk on his face. 

"Morning."

Grantaire rubbed his head,

"Uhm morning....."

"Sleep well?"

Grantaire stared at him for a moment,

"How much did you hear?"

"Enough to know that you guys are getting back on track...."

He took a sip of his drink and chuckled,

"And enough to know that Enjolras doesn't go hard enough apparently."

Grantaire blushed and covered his face with his hands.

"I am so sorry Combeferre. Really."

"It's alright, got to test out my new headphones."

Grantaire smiled through his embarrassment.

"Besides you can make it up to me by going out and getting breakfast."

Grantaire nodded and grabbed his jacket. 

"I'll be right back."

He turned for the door then stopped,

"He's uhm...he's still in there."

Combeferre laughed,

"I'll maintain your dignity I swear" 

Grantaire smiled and headed out in search of hot food. Combeferre shook his head and grabbed another mug from the draining board. He poured another coffee and waited. After about ten minutes Enjolras came out of Grantaire’s room. He'd pulled a hoodie on and stood in the doorway.

"I uh.....morning."

"He's gone for food."

Enjolras nodded,

"Coffee?"

"Sure."

He walked over and sat at the table.

"It's good to have you guys back."

Enjolras couldn't hide his grin.

"It's good to have him back I won't lie."

They drank in silence for a few minutes.

"You gonna go back to school?"

Enjolras sat back and ran his fingers through his dishevelled hair; Grantaire was right he though, it was getting long.

"I don't know...I mean I want to....I just...there's something I need to do first."

Combeferre leant forward,

"What do you need to do?"

Enjolras stared at his mug for a while then looked up at his friend. 

"Combeferre can you keep a secret?"


	13. Chapter 13

Grantaire pushed the coffee shop door open and strode in. His face was red from the sudden drop in temperature outside. He pulled off his wool cap and looked around. He frowned as he looked for Enjolras. He was about to pull his phone out when he heard his name,

"Grantaire. Over here."

He turned and looked at the man calling him and started slightly,

"Jesus....you look amazing."

Enjolras grinned and ran a hand through his newly shortened hair. Grantaire sat opposite him and stared at the new haircut.

"You're staring at me."

"I can't help it.....you look so...dashing."

Enjolras laughed and turned to gesture at the barista.

"When did you even do this?"

"This morning."

"Why?"

"Don't you like it?"

"I love it....I wanna....touch it."

Enjolras frowned and Grantaire chuckled.

"I went to some place Eponine recommended. Cost a tonne, it's disgusting really the amount of money they charge for that sort of thing. You could school a child for that kind of- why are you laughing?"

Grantaire wiped his eyes and shook his head,

"Because you sound like my Enjolras again."

"Your Enjolras?"

"Yes. My Enjolras."

The barista put a coffee in front of Grantaire and Enjolras passed him some money. Grantaire grabbed some sugar sachets from the table and began to rip them open. Enjolras watched him and smiled,

"You know fake sugar gives you cancer?"

Grantaire stopped and dropped his head,

"Why do people keep telling me that?"

"Maybe because you put four in one coffee?"

"Are you mocking my taste in drinks?"

Enjolras took a drink of his coffee and shrugged,

"You never used to put that many sugars in."

Grantaire smiled,

"No I used to put whiskey in it."

Enjolras half smiled and looked at the table. Grantaire reached over and took his hand,

"Sorry, too soon for booze jokes?"

Enjolras entwined their fingers,

"I was so scared I lost you."

"You didn't."

Enjolras shook his head and smiled.

"What do you wanna do tonight?"

Grantaire shrugged,

"Wanna see what the others are doing?"

Enjolras cocked his head and looked down at their clasped hands,

"Or we could just have dinner alone?"

Grantaire smiled,

"Night at yours?"

"It's a date."

Grantaire ignored the looks from the table next to him as he leaned over and kissed Enjolras.

"In public Grantaire?"

"You love it."

Enjolras nodded,

"Damn you know me too well."

 

They talked of nothing for an hour, Grantaire felt as though he were made of air; it had been so long since they just relaxed and acted like a normal couple,

"What do you want to do now?"

"Hmmm could go shopping."

The look on Enjolras' face at the suggestion made Grantaire chuckle,

"Come on. I’ll let you drag me around the bookstore."

Enjolras grinned and stood up. Grantaire followed; pulling his jacket back on and slipping his hand into Enjolras', they left the coffee shop and were walking down the road when someone stopped them,

"Grantaire!"

Grantaire looked at the person for a moment and his face fell,

"Jack...hi."

Enjolras looked at them both,

"Where have you been man? The bars aren't the same without you."

Grantaire moved back slightly into Enjolras' space and shook his head,

"I don't...I don't go anymore."

"Why?"

Grantaire looked at the floor and Enjolras stuck his hand out to the man,

"Hi. Enjolras. How do you guys know each other?"

The man nodded hello ignoring the invitation to shake hands,

"We know each other through the bars. This guys a riot. Why are you so boring now? Just come out with us...”

Grantaire shook his head,

"I don't drink anymore."

"Why not? Fuck I can't think of anything more boring. Come on don’t be a douche, come to the bar I'm on my way now."

Once again Grantaire shifted back slightly, Enjolras noticed his clenching fists, and he couldn't have Grantaire panic here on the street.

"He said no okay, just drop it."

The man looked at Enjolras,

"What's up he got his Mrs fighting his battles for him?"

"Excuse me?"

"Jeez Grantaire I know you're a fag but you could at least be fun with it."

Grantaire looked up at the man; Enjolras pushed the guy back,

"I think you need to leave now."

The man laughed,

"Why are you gonna do? I'm just trying to make his life a little better, Christ relax princess."

Enjolras nodded and smirked, and landed a punch on the side of the man’s face. He stumbled back and wiped his lip, launching himself he punched Enjolras square in the jaw. Enjolras fell back slightly, the man landed another one to his nose and mouth. Grantaire pulled him off and threw him to the ground. Enjolras lay on his back; trying to cover his face to stop the bleeding.

"Just fuck off Jack. I'm not interested alright?"

Jack stood up and brushed himself down. 

"Such a loser Grantaire. Enjoy your pathetic life."

Grantaire didn't respond, he pulled Enjolras up and assured those who had stopped that they were fine. He pulled Enjolras' hand from his face and inspected his nose.

"Come on let's go home. Get you cleaned up."

 

Grantaire put a glass of water on the coffee table and sat next to it; he pulled Enjolras' hand away from his nose and put his head back slightly. Enjolras dropped his hands and looked at Grantaire,

"It's not broken. So that's good. Just bloody."

Enjolras smirked,

"He wasn't very strong, the last guy was worse."

Grantaire frowned,

"You shouldn't joke about those guys they coulda killed you."

"Not me. Nothing can kill me..."

Grantaire silently turned and picked up the cloth Enjolras was using to wipe his face. He pressed it to his nose and began to clean more of the blood away. Enjolras grabbed his hand and paused him.

"Grantaire it's okay."

Grantaire shook his head and bit his bottom lip. His hands were shaking and his eyes were becoming glassy. Enjolras pulled him into a hug and kissed his head.

"You can't do that again Enjolras. You can't."

Enjolras held him tightly,

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't even think about it I just did it."

Grantaire pulled away and fiddled with the blood stained cloth. Enjolras ran his thumb across Grantaire’s cheek,

"I just wanted to protect you."

"I don't need you to protect me."

He smirked slightly,

"Although apparently I need to protect you."

Enjolras smiled at him,

"You can always protect me Grantaire."

Grantaire looked up and grinned.

"Such a romantic."

Enjolras chuckled.

"So who was he anyway?"

Grantaire shrugged,

"No one really. Someone I used to drink with."

"You sleep with him?"

Grantaire looked up and Enjolras felt a stab of shame at the hurt on his face.

"Of course I didn't. You're the only the person I've slept with."

"Sorry."

"He was just someone that I would run into...someone that would hook me up when the bars shut."

Enjolras put his hand on Grantaire’s cheek.

"Am I pathetic Enjolras?"

"No. No of course you're not."

"I feel pathetic."

Enjolras took his face in his hands and made him look at him,

"How can you think that, look at what you've done? If anyone's pathetic it’s him."

A tear fell from Grantaire’s eye. 

"I fucked it all up, I nearly ruined us. I made you hurt yourself. Everyone is tiptoeing around me. Scared of upsetting the drunk. You quit school Enjolras. Look at me of course in pathetic."

Enjolras moved forward on the chair and grabbed Grantaire,

"You need to snap out of this Grantaire. You are not pathetic. You wanna know who nearly ruined us? It was me. It wasn't you. I was the selfish one; I was the one too proud to appreciate you. I was the one who drove you to drink. And I was the one who couldn't handle it and cut my damn self. You wanna know who stopped it? It was you. You came back and you are so strong and it made me stop so I could be with you again. So I could be worthy of you."

Grantaire scoffed,

"You don't ever need to be worthy of anyone. You're perfect."

"Grantaire I am not the person you seem to see me as."

"Yes you are. You're my strength."

Enjolras pressed their foreheads together and sighed. 

"You're my everything Grantaire. It took me so long to realise how much I love you don't you understand?"

Grantaire put his hand on the back of Enjolras' neck, his fingers played with the short hair at the back of his head

"We need to let go of this Grantaire. We need to move on. Start again."

Grantaire nodded,

"I think I know how."

Enjolras ran his thumbs over Grantaire’s cheek.

"How's that?"

Grantaire pulled back and looked at him.

"We start with dinner."

Enjolras laughed,

"Chinese?"

"Picnic and movie too."

Enjolras kissed Grantaire.

"Sounds idyllic."

He got up and went to the kitchen; opening a drawer he looked for a menu. His eye caught the corner of the padded envelope and he pulled it out, he fingered the corner of it and thought to himself.

"You find it yet?"

Enjolras stuffed the envelope back in the drawer and turned around waving the menu.

"Right here. You got an idea for the movie?"

"Not yet, gonna look at what you got."

"Same as always."

Grantaire pressed a kiss to Enjolras' lips,

"Thank you for saving me."

"Same to you."

He took the menu from his hands and sat at the table. Enjolras threw a glance at the drawer and exhaled slowly. 'Tonight' he thought to himself and picked up his phone to order the food.

 

They sat on the floor, propped up against the sofa. Empty food cartons lay near their feet as they watched a film. Enjolras had one arm sling over Grantaire’s shoulder, the other one was fiddling with a coin he picked up from the floor.

"Do you have any idea what's happening in this?"

Grantaire chuckled,

"I have no clue....but I think he wants to rob a bank."

Enjolras laughed,

"Next time I choose the film."

"Only if it’s not another documentary on health care."

"You be grateful we get good healthcare. There are a lot of people who can't afford it. It's an important issue Grantaire don't you realise how many-"

Grantaire turned around and kissed him.

"I love you."

Enjolras smiled.

"I think the films a bust."

Grantaire nodded, 

"I think you're right."

Grantaire stood up and picked up the boxes. He took them to the kitchen and dumped them in the bin,

"Do you want another drink?"

Enjolras stood in the doorway watching him. He smiled at the sight of Grantaire running his fingers through his hair then grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. He turned around and smiled.

"You're the one staring now."

"Can't help it."

Grantaire smirked and walked back into the living room. He collected pillows and dumped them on the sofa.

"Grantaire?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Grantaire smiled,

"I love you too."

Enjolras sat down on the sofa and pulled Grantaire next to him,

"I know I'm not the most vocal man when it comes to telling you these things, but I love you so much. And I am so proud of you for everything."

Grantaire blushed,

"You may not believe me but you do make my life so much better. And I can't imagine it without you."

Grantaire grinned,

"What's brought this on?"

Enjolras exhaled slowly,

"Stand up."

"Why?"

"I wanna show you something."

Grantaire looked at him questioningly then stood up, he turned his head to keep from walking into the table and when he looked back his heart stopped, Enjolras had gotten down on one knee in front of him, he pulled out a box from his pocket and turned it over in his hands,

"What are you doing?"

"Grantaire,"

He looked at him with a hopeful smile,

"Will you marry me?"


	14. Chapter 14

"Can you say something?"

Grantaire swallowed hard and looked at Enjolras with big eyes,

"I don't have a suit."

Enjolras choked out a laugh,

"That's okay."

"You don't have a suit....or a job"

Enjolras smiled, wishing he hadn't gotten on one knee or that someone had told him how uncomfortable it was.

"Grantaire? Are you going to answer the question?"

Grantaire gasped slightly and rubbed his face,

"Are you sure?"

Enjolras laughed again,

"I'm sure Grantaire. Will you marry me?"

Grantaire nodded slightly,

"Is that...did you just say yes?"

Grantaire nodded again,

"Yes. Yes I will of course I will."

Enjolras stood up and pulled Grantaire into a kiss. He smiled against his lips and wrapped his arms around him; Grantaire tangled his hands in Enjolras shirt,

"Oh my god is this real?"

Enjolras ran his hands through Grantaire’s hair,

"It's real baby. It's you and me. It's real."

Grantaire nodded and broke into the biggest grin Enjolras had ever seen.

"Don't I get a ring?"

"Oh right."

Enjolras opened the box to reveal a silver band; he pulled it out and took Grantaire’s hand,

"Grantaire, my love. Will you marry me?"

"Yes. Yes a million times."

Enjolras smiled as he slipped the ring onto Grantaire’s finger then pulled him into another kiss. Grantaire wrapped his arms around Enjolras neck and laughed into the kiss,

"What?"

"I just...I can't believe this."

"In a good way?"

"In an “I've been so in love with you for four years that it felt like I was dying every time you were in the room. And now I'm so happy I could cry.” Kind of way"

"I'm so sorry it took me so long to realise my feelings for you Grantaire." 

"Just love me now."

"Forever."

Grantaire kissed him again as Enjolras pulled him back down to the sofa, they landed with a laugh and Grantaire wasted no time in finding his lips again.

 

"You don't have a ring?"

Enjolras turned and looked at Grantaire; they lay together on the floor having fallen from the sofa some time before. Enjolras had pulled the throw over their naked bodies and  
they lay staring at the ceiling, fingers entwined and legs tangled.

"Huh?"

"You got me a ring but not you."

"Thought it rather presumptuous to buy two. You might have said no."

"You need a ring. We'll get you one tomorrow."

Enjolras kissed Grantaire’s head and sighed happily,

"When did you buy it anyway?"

"Full of questions tonight aren't you?"

Grantaire sat up and looked at him; Enjolras reached up and took his hand again.

"Come on I wanna know."

Enjoys sat up and ran his fingers through his newly short hair,

"Uh, I got it about seven months ago."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah I uh..."

He chuckled slightly

"I knew from our third official date that I wanted to marry you."

Grantaire smiled and looked down at his hands, the silver ring caught the light and he watched it for a moment,

"What are you thinking?"

Grantaire shrugged,

"Just that I can't believe the man who never believed in marriage would want to marry me."

Enjolras touched his chin and pulled his face in for a kiss.

"You don't realise how amazing you are. It makes you even more amazing really."

"Shut up."

"I'm serious it's lovely."

Grantaire shoved him away with a laugh,

"Okay marble man."

"I hate that name."

"I'll stop when we're married."

"Mmmmarried."

"Married. You sure you're up for it?"

Enjolras laughed,

"I'm always up for it."

He said it with a wink and Grantaire grinned,

"You know in not so sure I wanna marry such a filthy beast. I need someone pure."

Enjolras grabbed his arm and pulled him down on top of him.

"I'll show you filthy beast."

 

Marius dropped down onto Combeferre’s sofa and passed him a beer; the group were all over to watch a film and filled the small living room with chatter and laughing,

"Any idea where they are?"

Combeferre took a drink and shook his head,

"Nope, but wherever it is I'm betting it has a bed."

Marius laughed, 

"Back on track then?"

"Like freaking rabbits it's a nightmare."

Cosette sat next to them and picked up her wine glass,

"I think it's lovely that they're back together properly. They've been through so much."

"True but have you noticed how Enjolras is getting bossy again? I preferred him depressed."

Cosette giggled then covered her mouth,

"That's a bit mean."

She took a sip of drink,

"It is true though."

Combeferre laughed loudly and clinked her glass with his bottle, Marius grinned and shook his head,

"We should probably check on them though at some point, make sure they're not dead."

"Make sure who's not dead?"

They didn't hear the door open; Marius turned around and grinned at Enjolras,

"You're alive!"

"Mmm and cold."

He pulled off his scarf and jacket and dumped them on the table with everyone else's,

"Loving the hair Enjolras."

Enjolras beamed, 

"Thanks Jehan."

Combeferre looked around, 

"Where's Grantaire?"

"Oh I killed him long ago"

The group looked at him and he laughed,

"He's getting the mail."

Just then Grantaire walked in, he dumped the post on the table and tore open a letter,

"You alright?"

Grantaire read the letter then put his head back and laughed loudly,

"Oh my god this is amazing."

Enjolras looked at him,

"What?"

Grantaire passed him the letter; Enjolras read it through and laughed as well.

"What is it?"

Grantaire turned to the group,

"The bank wants me to come in to make sure I'm okay. Apparently there's been strange activity on my account"

"What activity?"

"There's money in it."

Combeferre began to laugh,

"That's beautiful."

Grantaire shook his head; Enjolras walked over and wrapped his arms around him, 

"Good thing you're rich now. We're gonna need it."

Grantaire smiled.

"Where have you guys been anyway?"

Eponine was watching them from across the room; Enjolras looked at her and grinned,

"We uh....we took some time out."

Grantaire looked at him,

"We have to tell you guys something."

The group turned to them, Enjolras coughed and rubbed his head, Grantaire beamed and turned to the group,

"Enjolras proposed. And I said yes."

The group was silent for a minute and Enjolras felt Grantaire’s grip on his hand tighten. Suddenly Cosette shrieked and Enjolras jumped.

"Jesus."

She clambered off the sofa and practically leapt on the pair. She wrapped her arms around them,

"I am so happy for you two!! Oh my god!"

The group all came over and congratulated them, the room filled with more laughter, backs were clapped and Eponine was demanding to know why she hadn't been informed.

"We need to celebrate!"

"How do you celebrate without booze?"

"Cake?"

"Grantaire do you want cake?"

Grantaire felt as though he was in a daze he looked around for Enjolras and smiled broadly. 

 

The group sat around a table in a restaurant, Enjolras had his arm slung around Grantaire’s shoulder as he chatted to Joly next to him,

"When are you guys gonna do it?"

Grantaire looked at Courfeyrac,

"We've already done it mate. Where do you think we've been for three days?"

Courfeyrac looked at him for a moment.

"The wedding you knob, when are you guys gonna have a wedding."

The group laughed as Grantaire blushed,

"Uhm that I don't know. Better ask my fiancé."

Enjolras turned to him,

"I heard a reference to me?"

"Courf wants to know when we are gonna do it."

Enjolras frowned,

"We already have."

Courfeyrac dropped his head,

"You two really are meant to be."

Enjolras beamed and looked at Grantaire,

"I think so."

Grantaire looked at him and gave him a kiss. 

"Besides we have a deal. We're not getting married until he goes back to school."

Enjolras nodded, he gripped Grantaire’s shoulder and took a sip of drink. 

"Are you okay by the way? I mean everyone's drinking."

Grantaire leaned into him,

"Believe me nothing could burst this bubble right now."

"Good I'm glad."

Grantaire watched the group for a moment, he saw them laughing and joking, passing beer between each other and ordering more wine, and suddenly he felt sick. His mouth began to go dry and his leg began to shake. Enjolras looked down and put his hand on his knee. He looked at Grantaire and pulled him round to look at him,

"Are you okay?"

Grantaire nodded then shook his head,

"Okay just breathe."

Combeferre started to get up when Marius put a hand on his arm, Enjolras had one hand on Grantaire’s face and the other clasped his shaking hands,

"You're okay. It's all okay. I'm here just breathe okay."

Grantaire let out a shaky breath and squeezed Enjolras' hands.

"Don't worry okay just focus on breathing."

"Enjolras......can't....."

"You're okay. Do you wanna go outside?"

Grantaire nodded and dropped his head, Enjolras stood up and pulled him from his chair, he led him outside and into a doorway. Grantaire gasped for breath before doubling  
over and retching. Enjolras rubbed his back as he vomited again and again. It was when he was coughing and grabbing at Enjolras sleeve that he spoke again,

"You're okay. Just let it go."

Grantaire coughed and spat on the floor. He groaned loudly and clutched his head,

"Fuck. Why does this keep happening?!"

"It's okay."

"I'm such an embarrassment."

"No you're not. Grantaire, you're not"

Grantaire stood up and wiped his mouth.

"I'm so sorry Enjolras."

"For what?"

"For being like this."

Enjolras shrugged,

"It doesn't change you."

Grantaire felt his bottom lip quivering and tried to stop it, a tear rolled down his cheek and Enjolras wiped it away before pulling him into a hug.

"Why won't they stop?"

"I don't know. I don't know, but we will get you help okay?"

Grantaire nodded against his shoulder,

"Do you want to go home?"

Grantaire shook his head. 

"I wanna hang out with everyone."

"Okay, let's get you cleaned up first okay?"

"I need to brush my teeth."

Enjolras looked around,

"There's a shop over there. You go back in and I’ll get you stuff."

"Don't leave me."

Enjolras gripped him tightly,

"Just for a minute okay? Go to the bathroom and I’ll get you some stuff."

Grantaire pulled away and wiped his eyes,

"Do they laugh at me?"

Enjolras' face dropped,

"No. No of course not- why would they?"

Grantaire pointed to the mess on the floor and to himself,

"Look at me. I can't even handle a simple dinner. We're supposed to be celebrating and all I can do is think about drinking. All I want is that stupid beer. And I'm so goddamn  
scared of losing you, of disappointing you. That I panic and I do this."

His voice began to get louder as he became more upset, tears began to drip down his face and he wiped them angrily,

"I can't keep pretending that everything is perfect with me. I want you more than anything and it terrifies me Enjolras. I'm terrified every moment of every day that you're going to realise how fucking weak I am. Please don't leave me please. I love you please."

He was gasping the last words through tears and Enjolras pulled him into another hug, Grantaire shook with sobs,

"I am not going anywhere. Do you hear me? I am not leaving you. You do not need to be scared."

He pulled away and held Grantaire’s hand up,

"You see this ring? This means I'm staying. I'm here Grantaire I'm not going anywhere. I’m not going to let you down again. You do not disappoint me. You inspire me and that  
isn't going to change. You need to realise this. Please realise this."

Grantaire shook his head, his breathing had started to quicken again and Enjolras was on the verge of panicking,

"I don't understand. I don't get it. Look at me, I'm not worth it. I'M NOT WORTHY OF YOU ENJOLRAS."

Enjolras grabbed Grantaire by both shoulders and shook him,

"Listen to me Grantaire. I am not going to lose you again. I'm not. No listen to me. You keep saying you're not worth it. You are. You are Grantaire. I would die for you." 

He grabbed Grantaire’s face and went in to kiss him,

"No it’s gross."

"I don't care."

He kissed Grantaire then put his forehead against his.

"You have no damn idea how much I love you."

Grantaire could say nothing, the sobs wracked through him making his knees weak. 

"Forgive me Enjolras please forgive me."

"I have nothing to--"

Grantaire grabbed his face,

"You have to please. I need to hear it."

Enjolras nodded and pulled him to a hug again, he whispered it against his ear,

"I forgive you Grantaire. I forgive you. I forgive you."

Grantaire held him tightly; he felt Enjolras shudder as the tears came,

"Thank you Enjolras."

He held him until he felt the sobs cease,

"I'm taking you home."

"What about the others?"

"Screw the others. Come on."

They began to walk toward the line of taxis across the road,

"I think I need help Enjolras….before we get married, I need to stop this.”

Enjolras gripped his hand tightly,

“We’ll do it together okay? I promise. You’re not alone.”

Grantaire exhaled slowly and nodded, as they climbed into the taxi Enjolras pulled out his phone and sent a message to let the others know they weren’t coming back. He pulled  
Grantaire close to him and stroked his hair, his stomach was in knots. 

“Still want to marry me?”

Enjolras smiled and gripped him tightly.

“More than ever.”

Grantaire smiled weakly,

“I’ll be happy with you. I will I promise.”

Enjolras held him close, praying that he was enough to make that true.


	15. Chapter 15

Grantaire walked into the dark apartment and sighed, he dropped down onto one of the chairs and put his head in his hands, he was exhausted. He heard Enjolras come in but didn't look up. He felt so embarrassed he thought he would die if he looked at him.

"Are you okay?"

Grantaire nodded and focused on the darkness of his hands.

"Can I get you something?"

Grantaire shook his head, he knew that if he opened his mouth nothing but sobs would come out. Enjolras placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, Grantaire waited for him to leave but he didn't. He just stood there, his finger pressed into his shoulder. Grantaire sighed and looked up at Enjolras, 

"I don't even know what to say right now."

"You don't have to say anything."

Grantaire put his hand over Enjolras' and squeezed his fingers.

"I'm gonna shower okay?"

Enjolras nodded and put his hand on Grantaire’s cheek. Grantaire smiled weakly and walked to the bathroom. 

He shut the door behind him and turned on the light. He faced the mirror and stared at his reflection. The shame inside him was burning. He coughed and shook his head. Sighing heavily he grabbed the toothpaste from the counter and dug through the drawer for the spare toothbrushes Enjolras always kept. He brushed his teeth then turned the shower on. He stepped under the steaming water and let it roll over his head and shoulders. Shutting his eyes he let the water fall on his face, he felt the tension escape him and didn't jump when arms wrapped around his waist, he let his head fall back against Enjolras' chest. 

Lips found his neck and he lifted a hand to tangle fingers in blonde hair. Suddenly the lips were gone and Enjolras was reaching for the sponge, Grantaire closed his eyes for a moment. He heard the snap of the shower gel opening and suddenly the lips were back on his neck, Enjolras began to wash Grantaire’s shoulders gently, he ran the sponge down Grantaire’s arm and over his back. They moved in silence; the only sound being the water drumming against the wall and the occasional moan. Enjolras turned Grantaire around and ran the sponge over his chest, he leaned in and kissed him gently on the temple, Grantaire ran his fingers through Enjolras' hair and slid his arms up and around his neck. They looked at each other momentarily then Enjolras pressed Grantaire against the wall and kissed him deeply. Hands moved slickly over skin trying to gain friction where they could. Grantaire broke away and held Enjolras' face, he ran fingers over cheekbones and over his jawline before running them over his lips, Enjolras breathed quickly and kissed Grantaire’s fingertips, his own hands alternating between trailing up his arm and grazing his inner thigh. Grantaire smiled at his intention and began mimicking his movements, trailing his own fingers over the soft skin inside Enjolras' legs. Enjolras gripped Grantaire’s shoulder and pushed him against the wall, he took his half hard length in his hand and began to rub up and down, and Grantaire let his eyes shut as Enjolras took his lips in another kiss. His breathing hitched at the feel of Enjolras determined movements. He moved his hand to grip Enjolras' own growing hardness. Enjolras gasped slightly and quickened his pace; twisting his fingers in a way he knew drove Grantaire wild. Fingers gripped tightly into shoulders as the sound of their mingled gasping and heavy breathing grew louder than the shower. Moans began to escape their lips as they moved in unison; Enjolras bit his lip then kissed Grantaire hard as his orgasm began to roll through him, Grantaire whimpered against those soft lips as his own took over. They came together, neither one stopping until Enjolras fell against Grantaire, legs shaking and breathing quick and shallow, Grantaire pressed his face into the hollow of Enjolras throat and dropped his hands. Enjolras swallowed and stood up straight, he held Grantaire up and kissed him. Grantaire grinned and put his hand on Enjolras' face. Picking the sponge back up Enjolras began to clean their stomachs. He ran the sponge under the shower and cleaned Grantaire’s chest, then ran it down and cleaned off his groin. Grantaire whimpered slightly at the feel and Enjolras shushed him gently, trailing his lips over his jaw and cheeks. He leaned around Grantaire and turned the shower off.

"Come on."

He whispered the words into Grantaire’s ear and stepped from the shower. Grabbing a towel he wrapped it around Grantaire’s waist, he wrapped one around himself and turned back to Grantaire, grabbing the towel he pulled him into a hug, they stood in the bathroom holding each other in silence, drops of cooling water landing on the floor. Grantaire placed a kiss on Enjolras chest and they broke apart. 

 

"I never said I'm sorry to you."

Enjolras tucked hair behind Grantaire’s ear and shifted slightly on the pillow,

"For what?"

Grantaire trailed designs on Enjolras back and moved his legs closer to him, 

"For you finding me that night...I don't even know if I said thank you for saving my life."

Enjolras moved closer to Grantaire and stroked his face gently,

"You don't need to."

"Please let me."

Enjolras trailed his hand down Grantaire’s back and rested it there.

"I'm sorry for that night Enjolras. Thank you for coming back, for saving me, for continuing to save me."

Enjolras kissed him gently,

"I'll always be here when you need saving. I promise."

Grantaire smiled and they lay in the bed, each on their stomachs facing one another, nose to nose they watched each other until Grantaire’s eyes shut slowly. Enjolras watched   
him for a while, ignoring his own urge to sleep, he gently ran his fingers through his hair and entwined their fingers together.

 

"Are you two okay? Give me a call later."

Enjolras read the message and quickly typed a reply,

"We're fine. Had a wobbly moment but seem to be on track. Out for the day but will go to you later."

He put the phone back in his pocket and pulled his coat on,

"Grantaire you ready?"

Grantaire walked from the bathroom and picked up his hat,

"Yeah. Got the address?"

Enjolras pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. They left the apartment and made their way into town.

 

"What style were you looking for?"

The woman behind the counter smiled at Grantaire and pulled out a selection of rings,

"Simple I think. But sturdy. Something that would look right on someone powerful."

The woman smiled and pulled out a few more from the display.

"When are you getting married?"

Grantaire shrugged slightly,

"Not sure yet, haven't chosen a date."

"Does your girlfriend already have her ring?"

Grantaire stopped and looked at her, he smirked and pointed to Enjolras across the shop, he was busy looking at watches,

"Well I'm marrying him so..."

The woman blushed slightly,

"Oh sorry."

Grantaire laughed,

"Don't worry about it."

The woman looked over at Enjolras,

"So this is his ring...”

Grantaire nodded and turned another ring over in his hands.

"Do you want matching rings?"

She took Grantaire’s hand and inspected the ring on his finger,

"He has good taste. Platinum; very nice. Traditional."

Grantaire beamed and looked down at the ring,

"Yeah I like it."

The woman smiled and let go of his hand,

"How about this one?"

She showed him a silver ring; it had a black band in the centre and was medium width. He turned it over in his hands and put in on his finger, he held it up and looked at it,

"Well I like it...”

He turned his head,

"Enjolras, come look at this one."

Enjolras walked over and smiled at the woman; Grantaire took the ring off and passed it to him. Enjolras turned it over in his fingers and tried it on,

"What do you think?"

Enjolras nodded,

"I like it. Do you?"

"I'm not the one wearing it."

He smiled and looked at the woman,

"What do you think of it?"

The woman smiled and put her hands to her chest,

"I think it's lovely."

They grinned at her,

"Is it big enough?"

Enjolras smirked,

"No I want diamonds."

Grantaire elbowed him in the ribs,

"The size dunce. Is it big enough?"

Enjolras turned his hand upside down and shook it,

"It stays on."

"You can take it today if it fits."

"It's fancier than yours."

Grantaire ran his finger over the black band and shrugged,

"I don't care about that, mines perfect."

Enjolras beamed at him and the woman behind the counter cocked he head,

"You two make a really lovely couple."

Enjolras blushed and took his hand back, he took the ring off and Grantaire chuckled.

"So what's the damage?"

The woman ran a tag under the scanner and smiled,

"900 to take away today. You're lucky it's on sale."

Enjolras' eyes widened and his mouth opened to say something when Grantaire interrupted,

"That's great. Wrap it up. I’ll take it."

"Grantaire--"

"I'll take it."

The woman nodded and took the ring; she placed it in a box and pulled out a bag. Grantaire dug in his pocket for his wallet,

"Grantaire what are you doing? That's too expensive."

"It's fine."

"No it's ridiculous."

"Tell me mine cost less."

Enjolras paused, he rubbed his face,

"That's not important."

"Enjolras....just....it's fine. Trust me okay?"

He placed a kiss on his lips and turned back to the woman,

"Card okay?"

 

They sat in the coffee shop and sipped coffee, 

"It's too much."

"I swear to god I will leave you if you say that one more time."

Enjolras smirked and looked down at his hand; the ring looked great he couldn't deny it. 

"I can't wait to marry you."

Grantaire looked up and smiled,

"Then let’s do it. Let’s pick a date."

Enjolras smiled broadly,

"When do you think?"

Grantaire blew air out and looked around, his eye caught a picture of a French street on the wall and a memory stirred of the first time he had ever seen Enjolras. He was giving a   
speech on history to a group of students and Grantaire had snuck in the back to sit down. He had been struck immediately by how passionate and handsome the stranger was. By the time Enjolras had finished his speech he was in love. He looked at Enjolras again,

"How about June 8th?"

Enjolras looked at him for a moment and smiled,

"The day we met...sort of."

Grantaire reached over and took his hand,

"Didn't think you noticed me."

"You mean the slightly tipsy man in the too tight shirt? Yeah I noticed you, just didn't wanna acknowledge the fact that you had caught my attention so much."

Grantaire chuckled,

"So we have a date."

Enjolras squeezed his fingers,

"We have a date."

 

It was later that night that they sat together and sent out the mass message to everyone; within moments people started to reply. Enjolras kissed Grantaire,

"Six months love, six months and you'll be stuck with me forever- you sure you're ready?"

"Never been more ready for anything."

Grantaire pushed Enjolras back onto the sofa and straddled him,

"Just one problem."

"What's that?"

"I still don't have a suit."

The room filled with laughter and Grantaire laid kisses over Enjolras face and neck,

"Plus there's a very good chance that I'm never letting you out of this apartment again."

Enjolras tangled fingers in Grantaire’s hair and leaned in to capture his lips,

"Pretty sure I can live with that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just quickly- I'm thinking of doing a playlist kind of soundtrack for the fic of the music that I think of when writing it, whatya think?


	16. Chapter 16

Enjolras was practically running through the corridors, he turned a corner and burst through the double doors, doctors milled about and there were people everywhere. He couldn't see Combeferre anywhere and he began to panic. He turned around and saw Marius turn around a corner,

"Marius."

He turned and looked at Enjolras, his face was pale and tearstained and Enjolras had to grab the wall to keep from falling. He already knew what they were going to say, 

"Where is he?"

Marius shook his head,

"Don't Enjolras, don't do this to yourself."

"WHERE IS HE?"

Marius stood aside and Enjolras looked into the room. He grabbed the doorway as his knees buckled. Grantaire was on the bed, his eyes shut and expression blank. Wires led from his arms to machines that were switched off. He was too late. He grabbed his stomach and cried out; Marius began to sob in the hallway. He heard him fall to floor. Enjolras stood slowly and walked over to Grantaire; he put his hand on his cold face and choked out a sob. 

"Please wake up. I'm sorry baby please. Please. PLEASE."

He covered his eyes and screamed,

 

"Enjolras wake up."

Enjolras sat up quickly, still screaming. He woke up properly with a start. Grantaire was holding his arm,

"Enjolras. Its okay, you were having a nightmare. It's okay."

Enjolras turned to him and gasped for breath. He pulled Grantaire into a hug and sobbed.

 

"You wanna talk about it?"

Enjolras ran his fingers through his hair and took the mug from Grantaire,

"It was just a nightmare."

"You were shouting for me."

Enjolras looked up at him; the worry on his face set his stomach on edge,

"You were gone."

Grantaire sat down next to him and rubbed his arm,

"What do you mean? Like I left?"

Enjolras shook his head and put his head in his hands,

"I couldn't save you. You were just gone."

Grantaire pulled Enjolras over to him and hugged him hard,

"I'm not going anywhere. Okay? I'm not."

Enjolras nodded and held Grantaire.

"Don't tell anyone about this okay?"

Grantaire kissed his head,

"Think you can go back to sleep?"

Enjolras nodded and allowed him to be led back to bed. They lay pressed together in the blankets, neither one wanting to give in to sleep first.

 

"So I'm thinking you should go for the one with the gold room ceremony"

Enjolras looked up,

"What?"

Eponine sighed and passed him the booklet,

"The hotel Enjolras- they have a wedding package, you should have that one."

Enjolras read the description and raised his eyebrows,

"Eponine this is ridiculous. We're getting married not having a coronation."

He dropped the book on the table and downed his coffee.

"Are you okay? That's like your fifth coffee."

Enjolras rubbed his face,

"I'm fine. Just didn't sleep well last night."

Eponine sighed and picked up another brochure. She flicked through it but watched Enjolras instead. He couldn't sit still, kept looking at the door of the coffee shop then to his  
watch; it was when he picked up his phone for the third time that she dropped the brochure,

"Okay seriously what is with you? You and Grantaire have a fight or something?"

"What? No. No nothing like....let’s look at these."

She watched him again for a moment before passing him another brochure, he tried to focus on the words in front of him but they all seemed muddled; it wasn't until Grantaire  
walked in and sat beside him that he started to relax. It wasn't until he could see with his own eyes that he was okay, until he could slip his hand into Grantaire’s and squeeze it that he could focus on anything.

 

They looked through brochures for a while until Eponine had to go to work, once she left the two men stayed put, drinking coffee and planning their evening. Grantaire cleared his throat,

"I need to tell you something."

"What's that?"

"I made an appointment for us to see a doctor."

Enjolras looked up from the page he was reading and frowned,

"Why do we need a doctor?"

Grantaire stared at him,

"Come on Enj....you know why."

"I had a nightmare; it doesn't mean I need a doctor."

"No you've had nightmares nearly every night. You keep shouting in your sleep. That's when you do sleep."

Enjolras rubbed his face,

"I'm not having nightmares every night."

"Yes Enjolras you are. I just can't wake you up every time. I'm worried about you."

Enjolras stared at him,

"I don't want you to worry about me."

Grantaire laughed,

"You're freaking kidding me right? Of course I'm worried about you. You've been tough for me why can't I be that for you?"

Enjolras shook his head.

"Beside I told you I was going to get help for my panic attacks before we get married. So I made an appointment. We're going"

"I'm not going to that woman again."

Grantaire sighed,

"It's not her. But you're still going."

Enjolras huffed,

"You can wipe that look off your face as well."

He looked up and couldn't help but smirk at the look on Grantaire’s face.

"Damn you."

Grantaire smiled widely and picked up his mug.

"So tell me about this gold room."

Enjolras laughed and pulled the brochure from his hand, leaning in he kissed Grantaire and took his own mug to the counter for a refill.

 

Enjolras stared at the wall; he couldn't believe he was sitting in front of a therapist again,

"Who wants to start?"

Enjolras looked at the man across the room, even Grantaire looked unsure that he wanted to talk to him.

"Grantaire thinks I need help for my...nightmares."

"You have these nightmares often?"

"It seems so."

"What are these dreams about?"

Enjolras looked from the man to Grantaire,

"I dream that I can't save him."

"Save him?"

Enjolras sighed,

"A few months back--"

"I accidentally od'd. Enjolras found me and saved my life. I went to rehab for my addiction."

"And you dream about that night?"

Enjolras shook his head,

"No not just that night. Other nights. Just....I can never save him."

The therapist wrote something down and turned to Grantaire,

"What happened after rehab? Did you resume your relationship straight away?"

Grantaire shook his head,

"No it took a while.....we had some issues."

Enjolras stared at his feet,

"Enjolras?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think maybe it was the fact that you didn't witness Grantaire’s recovery that you are feeling this left over guilt?"

Enjolras looked at him,

"I don't feel guilty. I feel scared. There's a difference."

"You're scared if losing him again. Of him relapsing?"

"I don't know."

"How is your relationship now?"

Grantaire cleared his throat,

"It's great. We're getting married."

"Congratulations"

Enjolras looked down at his hands,

"He has panic attacks."

"Grantaire has panic attacks?"

"All the time, he just....has them. I can't stop them."

"How often do you have these attacks Grantaire?"

"Not every day but....often. Less recently."

"When was your last one?"

"Uhm....three days ago."

It had been a bad one; Enjolras winced as he remembered seeing Grantaire wheezing and panicking, unable to catch his breath and asking if he was going to die. He had nearly  
phoned an ambulance he was so scared. It took a long time for him to calm down, and when he did we lay shaking in Enjolras' arms for what felt like hours. 

"What sets these attacks off?"

Grantaire sighed,

"Little things.....I don't even know."

"How do you deal with these attacks?"

Grantaire shrugged again,

"I don't even know. I guess I just let them play out. Having Enjolras near me helps."

The therapist looked at Enjolras and wrote something else down.

"How about you Enjolras? Do you have anything like that?"

Enjolras rubbed his hands on his jeans,

"Nope..."

Grantaire touched his hand,

"What about...?"

"I don't do that anymore I told you."

"You don't do what?"

Enjolras sighed,

"I don't like discussing this."

He sighed and looked at Grantaire; he was doing it for him. He remembered how distressed Grantaire looked when he woke up screaming.

"I....I wasn't dealing with Grantaire being gone very well. I couldn't handle what I was feeling...it came out in..."

Enjolras huffed,

"I cut myself. I wanted to lash out at the person I hated, that person was me. So I cut myself."

The therapist nodded and watched him for a moment,

"And you're over that now?"

"He's fine, he's with me. I don't do it anymore...so yeah."

The therapist looked at him the crossed his legs,

"I think you're suffering from guilt, it turned to anger that you used on yourself. Now it's manifesting itself in dreams where you can't save him."

Enjolras looked at the floor then at Grantaire. 

"So what? I just live with it?"

"You need to let it go. You need to understand that whatever happened in the past is in the past. Until you can do that these nightmares will continue, and could manifest in other  
more dangerous ways."

Enjolras sat in silence as the therapist turned to Grantaire,

"I want to put you on a course of medication Grantaire, low dosage; just enough to keep the attacks under control."

Grantaire nodded and looked at Enjolras. He touched his hand gently and turned back to the therapist,

"Will we then be normal?"

"Normal is subjective, but you will eventually be better. But after a few more sessions."

 

They sat on the train home in silence; Enjolras was reading the paper he bought at the station whilst Grantaire read the leaflet that came with his brand new pack of pills,

"You know I never understand why they give people pills that make them want to commit suicide."

Enjolras chuckled,

"It's so they can lure you back in and charge you more money."

Grantaire stuffed the leaflet back in his pocket and turned in his seat, he brushed the hair from Enjolras face,

"Reading Grantaire."

"Just observing Enjolras."

"Mmhmm. Then explain the hand on my thigh."

"It's observing through touch."

"It's also dangerously close to my dick on a crowded train."

Grantaire smirked,

"Thank you for going today. I know how much you hate it."

"I don't hate it I just don't think I need to discuss certain things."

Grantaire kissed his shoulder,

"Well I love you for it."

"I hope you love me for other things."

Grantaire pursed his lips and thought,

"No that's pretty much the only reason."

Enjolras pocked him in the ribs and Grantaire laughed.

"Ok maybe I enjoy other things"

Enjolras put his paper down and looked at him,

"Like what?"

"What?"

"What do you love about me?"

Grantaire smiled broadly,

"Crowded train Enjolras. Be respectful."

"Keep it clean then."

"I like your hair. It's very blonde. Makes me wanna run my fingers through it."

"You're very strange."

Grantaire sat back and looked out the window. Enjolras put his arm around him and pulled him close,

"Guess we'll be strange together."

Grantaire looked at him and leaned up to place a kiss on his cheek. They sat in silence for a few moments then Grantaire turned to him,

"I love you for making me feel safe."

Enjolras looked down at him,

"See we're meant to be. I love you for the same reason."

Grantaire rested his head on Enjolras' arm and watched the world go by, Enjolras looked down at his hand then nestled his head in the curly black hair of Grantaire's head.

"You can have the gold room if you want."

Grantaire laughed again,

"I don't care where we get married, I just wanna marry you."

Grantaire didn't need Enjolras to reply to the comment, the kiss on his head was enough for him.


	17. Chapter 17

Fuck me."

Enjolras put a hand across Grantaire’s mouth,

"Shhh. Jesus Grantaire."

Grantaire moved closer to Enjolras, an easy manoeuvre considering how busy the place was. He put a hand on Enjolras' chest and leaned into his ear,

"Come on, let’s just go in the bathroom, no one will notice."

Enjolras swallowed hard, he looked at Grantaire for a moment but jolted when he felt the hand on his crotch. He jumped back slightly, hitting someone standing behind him,

"Sorry. Sorry ma'am."

He glared at Grantaire’s smirking face and edged away. Grantaire followed him through the crowds of people; he grabbed Enjolras' hand and led him away from the crowds and   
into the bathroom,

"Grantaire what are you thinking?"

Grantaire pushed Enjolras into a stall and shut the door behind them,

"I'm thinking this convention is boring as hell and you look so...so good today."

Enjolras half smiled, 'big mistake' he thought to himself as Grantaire attacked him with kisses; he tasted of cigarettes and the sweetness of the cake they'd shared. Enjolras pushed him back onto the door and kissed him deeply, fingers tangled in his shirt as tried to taste as much of him as possible,

"Mmm what about Cosette?"

Grantaire smirked against his lips,

"We could ask her to join in if you really want but I don't think she'd agree."

Enjolras couldn't help but smile,

"She's waiting for us."

Grantaire flicked his tongue out to lick Enjolras' lip,

"She's off looking at the dresses; we may not see her for days."

Enjolras groaned slightly as Grantaire began to slide his hand down to cup him again.

"In public Grantaire? Really?"

Grantaire nodded,

"Come on. Would you rather do another trip around wedding world?"

Enjolras chuckled,

"Or would you rather do me?" 

Enjolras swallowed again, they'd been dragged by Cosette to the wedding convention under the guise that they would be able to finally plan their own wedding at the same time   
whilst she found her perfect dress. It wasn't that they had been putting off planning anything, it just seemed that wedding planning was an aphrodisiac for Grantaire and every time the magazines came out they were quickly forgotten as clothing was stripped instead.

Enjolras moaned as Grantaire unzipped his pants and stuck his hand inside,

"Shhh you want them to hear?"

"Then don't...ugh...don't do that."

Grantaire grinned,

"Don't do what? This?"

He grabbed Enjolras through his boxers,

"Mmph"

Enjolras dropped his head into Grantaire shoulder and bit down to keep from moaning at the touch.

"Now are you gonna fuck me?"

Enjolras pulled back, his eyes flicked up and down and he practically growled,

"Turn around."

Grantaire complied willingly, he heard Enjolras open his wallet and pull out the condom he kept in there, he reached around Grantaire and undid his jeans, he yanked them down   
and pulled him back so he was bent forward.

"Thank god for pre-lubed condoms."

"God you're romantic Enjolras."

Enjolras pulled his own jeans down and rolled the condom on,

"You love it."

Grantaire dropped his head and pulled his shirt up to bunch in his mouth as Enjolras worked his fingers quickly opening him up. He leaned in and kissed him quickly on the neck   
before pushing in.

 

They emerged from the bathroom red faced and laughing,

"Good thing we seem to be the only men here."

Enjolras took Grantaire’s hand and squeezed it. They made their way back into the crowd in search of Cosette.

 

"So did you see anything you liked?"

Grantaire looked at Enjolras and smirked,

"There were one or two pleasurable sights."

Enjolras looked at the floor and coughed. Cosette looked at them both and frowned, Grantaire smiled at her.

"We found the cake we want."

"Yeah?"

"Uh huh there was a woman giving out cake. It was amazing. If it was legal I would marry the cake."

Enjolras laughed,

"Thanks."

Cosette smiled,

"Did you get your dress?"

"I did but it was too big, so I'm getting it resized; did you guys do anything other than accept free cake?"

Grantaire shrugged slightly,

"They don't really cater for gay couples here. They kept asking me where my lady was."

"Yeah thanks for pointing to me and shouting 'there she is' by the way. I appreciated that."

Grantaire grinned at Enjolras.

"When's Marius picking you up?"

"He should be here any minute...did you guys at least get any ideas?"

They nodded,

"Simple and elegant is the way to go I think."

Cosette smiled and slipped her arm through Grantaire’s.

"Yours will be the best wedding.....after mine."

Grantaire looked around to find Enjolras, his eyes imploring him to stop Cosette as she led him away chattering about veils. Enjolras was quickly distracted however by a woman   
handing out brochures on hotel deals and remained in the same place.

 

Grantaire flopped onto Combeferre’s sofa and moaned,

"Four hours. Four hours she stayed after Marius turned up."

"I know."

"Four hours!"

Enjolras chuckled and passed him a bottle of water. He put the bag of brochures on the floor and lifted Grantaire’s head so he could sit down, putting his head in his lap he leant back and shut his eyes,

"Why do girls need to try on every single item before they choose the first thing they picked up?"

"I don't know Grantaire."

"It's ridiculous."

"Marius wasn't complaining."

"Pfft Pontmercy is whipped."

Enjolras chuckled and ran his fingers gently through Grantaire’s hair.

"At least we figured something for our wedding."

"Mmm Madam Lorna and her amazing cake."

Grantaire began to giggle at his own comment, his body shaking as the laughter went through him. Enjolras began to grin and soon followed with helpless laughter. 

"Why are we laughing?"

Grantaire shrugged as best he could and continued to laugh. It felt amazing to be in that moment with Enjolras, to not worry about anxiety or panic attacks. No nightmares or   
regret just the two of them laughing until tears came and they were coughing. Grantaire sat up slowly and turned to him; Enjolras put a hand on his face and stroked his cheek with his thumb.

"Where would you wanna get married? If we could do it anywhere in the world?"

Grantaire thought about it for a moment,

"Mmm the art gallery near the gardens. I love it there."

Enjolras smiled,

"We had a date there."

Grantaire nodded,

"I was so desperate to impress you. I thought you hated me."

"I was intimidated by you."

"What? Bullshit."

"No really. I never wanted to date anyone and then there you were and you knew all about the art and I don't know..."

Enjolras shrugged,

"I liked you."

"Despite my downfalls?"

Enjolras looked at him for a long moment. 

"What was it like?"

"What was what like?"

"Recovery.....I missed it all...I couldn't even. You did it alone and I'm an asshole for that."

Grantaire looked down at his hands and shrugged again,

"It sucked. I won't sugar coat it. I thought I was dying. And I missed you and I was terrified that you hated me."

He pushed his hair back,

"I felt like my insides were being ripped apart. I couldn't stop being sick but there was nothing there...but then one day it just....it didn't feel so bad. And I wanted you. I wanted   
you so much but I was sure you hated me. I thought,"

He sniffed,

"I thought you'd look at me in disgust and that hurt more than anything. I couldn't bear for you to see me like that."

Enjolras sat in silence. A tear fell from his eye and he looked away.

"You must have been so scared. I'm so sorry. I know I keep satin I'm sorry but it's true. Ill never forgive myself for leaving you there. They told me you'd be safe for three days   
they never said they'd lock you in rehab."

Grantaire looked at him and frowned,

"You know it was voluntary?"

Enjolras looked at him,

"It was voluntary Enjolras. I chose to go there so you would be proud of me, so you could love me and not the lush."

"I loved the lush."

Grantaire smiled at the whispered sentiment, he held Enjolras' hand and pulled him in for a kiss,

"Let it go Enjolras, just let it go. Stop harbouring this guilt. I don't blame you. I would have done the same thing. Just please let it be."

Enjolras looked him in the eye then pulled him in for another kiss, he fell back into the cushions, pulling Grantaire on top of him, Grantaire gripped his top and kissed him   
deeply, then sat back up, straddling Enjolras as best he could on the cramped sofa and pulled his shirt off. Enjolras smirked and pulled him down for another kiss, fingers unbuttoned trousers quickly and quick as a flash Grantaire leapt from Enjolras to the bathroom, he returned with lube and a condom and straddled him again.

"You're like a Boy Scout. Always prepared."

"I actually learned how to take someone up the arse in Boy Scouts."

Enjolras shut his mouth and blushed, Grantaire bit his lip and nuzzled his face in Enjolras' neck,

"Still so innocent."

He placed a kiss on warm skin and jutted his hips slightly, Enjolras found his ear and growled again,

"I'll show you innocent."

Grantaire can never understand how Enjolras is so flexible, he flips them over; managing to avoid giving Grantaire a head injury on the arm of the couch and pulls his legs up and   
around his waist.

"Let's see the Boy Scouts teach you this"

Grantaire laughed but had it cut off with a kiss. Enjolras yanked their boxers down with one hand and pulled his shirt up with the other.

"Can't believe you wanna do me again."

"Want me to stop?"

"Don't you Agh."

Grantaire was cut off as Enjolras stuck two fingers inside him, he was still open from their dalliance in the bathroom and Enjolras found it easy to curl his finger up until Grantaire   
was panting and writhing on his hand.

"You wanna come from this?"

"Jesus Enjolras what....agh...what the hell?!"

Enjolras leaned in; Grantaire gripped his biceps hard; keeping his hand in place,

"You drive me insane Grantaire. Fuck I love you so much."

Grantaire shut his eyes and let his head fall back,

"Ugh please....don't just do that...please....I want you."

Enjolras smirked and curled his fingers again. Grantaire cried out and dug his fingers into Enjolras' arm so hard he could swear he felt bruises forming. 

"Fuck. Me. Now."

"As you wish."

Enjolras pulled his fingers out and positioned himself; he pushed in slightly and held himself there. Grantaire groaned,

"Seriously fuck you Enjolras."

Enjolras gritted his teeth, and then in one movement thrust in completely, Grantaire cried out,

"You okay?"

"Don't you dare stop"

Enjolras groaned and leveraged himself; he hitched Grantaire’s legs higher around his waist and pulled out completely before thrusting in again. He kept up the rhythm until they were both dripping with sweat and moaning curse words and names. Grantaire was the first to come, Enjolras followed shortly after pressing his lips to Grantaire’s bare throat. He fell against him breathing heavily.

"I can't let it go Grantaire."

"What?"

"I can't let it go. And you shouldn't make me."

"Why?"

"Because I love you too much."

"That doesn't make sense Enjolras."

Enjolras pushed himself up on shaky arms,

"Don't ever stop loving me. Okay?"

Grantaire frowned,

"What are you on about?"

"Promise me you won't stop loving me. Promise me or we can't do this."

Grantaire put his hand on Enjolras' face.

"Enjolras? I promise. I've never stopped loving you. Not from the day I met you."

"What if it happens again? What if I fuck this up? What if...what if I ruin this?"

"Enjolras stop it. Stop it. You won't mess this up. I won't let you. Stop getting inside your own head. We're good."

"I love you."

Grantaire kissed him, 

"Come on. Let’s get cleaned up."

Enjolras nodded,

"Sorry. Kind of ruined the moment there didn't I?"

Grantaire half hobbled as he stood,

"You're perfect. Don't forget it."

"I'm no--"

Grantaire put his finger against Enjolras' lips.

"Stop it. Seriously."

Enjolras unwillingly nodded, Grantaire pulled him in and kissed him, he wrapped his arms around his neck and allowed Enjolras to pull him close and hold him. They broke apart   
as the door opened,

"Oh Jesus Christ."

Combeferre stood in the doorway with a very pale looking Joly.

"Seriously guys its four in the afternoon."

Enjolras panicked and grabbed his jeans to cover himself. Grantaire blushed deeply and covered his crotch with his hands.

"Clothes on. Now."

Enjolras disappeared into Grantaire bedroom and Grantaire turned slowly and limped after him,

"Why are you--?"

Combeferre put a hand on Joly’s arm,

"Seriously....seriously don't ask. Trust me."

They walked in and dropped down onto the chairs in the kitchen. Combeferre shook his head at the sight of Joly still wondering about the limping,

"Sorry just need my uhm..."

Enjolras picked up his shirt and twisted it in his hands,

"We'll clean the sofa."

Combeferre put his head in his hand,

"Don't worry about it. I've had sex on there so many times- never hurt it."

Enjolras froze for a moment and Combeferre grinned. 

"So I'm thinking of asking Grantaire to move back in with me."

Combeferre sat back,

"It's about damn time."

"What's about damn time?"

Grantaire stop beside Enjolras,

"I uh....want you to move back in with me."

Grantaire looked at him,

"I have to live with you as well as marry you?"

Enjolras pushed Grantaire slightly,

"Asshole."

"Yeah you've ruined mine."

"OH MY GOD."

Combeferre laughed loudly at Joly’s outburst and covered his face. Grantaire merely smiled and took Enjolras' hand,

"I'd be honoured to Enjolras.”

Enjolras sniffed and smiled. Grantaire turned to the two at the table,

"Sorry about the couch.....and the counter......and uhm....that chair."

He pointed to the chair Joly was sitting in and burst into uncontrollable laughter as Joly jumped up suddenly and sent it clattering to the floor,

"Are you kidding? Are you kidding?"

Grantaire couldn't do anything but laugh helplessly and walk back to his room.


	18. Chapter 18

The day of Marius and Cosette wedding came with sunshine,

"Gods shining on you today."

Marius grinned at jehan and fixed his cuff links for the hundredth time. 

"Ready for this Marius?" 

He nodded and followed a smiling Courfeyrac into the church.

 

"They look so happy don't they?"

Grantaire rested his head on Enjolras' shoulder; Enjolras put his arm around him as smiled.

"Yeah they do."

They watched the newlywed’s dance, so involved in one another that they probably wouldn't notice if everyone else left.

"That dress does look amazing on her."

Grantaire smiled.

"Think we'll look that happy when we marry?"

"I think we already look that happy."

Grantaire chuckled and laced their fingers together.

"Dance with me."

"I don't dance Grantaire."

"You'll dance at our wedding."

"It's not our wedding."

"Call it practice then."

Enjolras sighed and allowed himself to be pulled up, Grantaire led him to the dance floor and put Enjolras' hands around his waist, and he looped an arm around Enjolras' neck   
and began to dance slowly. They moved closer and Enjolras pressed a kiss to Grantaire’s lips with a smile,

"You move well Enjolras, why didn't I know this before."

"I like to keep some things to myself."

"Well once we're married, half your secrets are legally mine."

Enjolras laughed and dipped Grantaire backwards,

"And I will willingly share."

They danced through songs, unaware of the looks from the other guests. 

 

"Our cake will be better than theirs."

Courfeyrac drained his cup and put it down,

"Grantaire what is your obsession with cake? Like for real?"

Grantaire looked from Courfeyrac to Enjolras, who shrugged,

"I just really like cake."

The others laughed,

"It's either cake or booze what would you rather?"

Combeferre sat back and gestured to the waitress to bring more coffee,

"Give him his cake boys, leave him be."

Grantaire rubbed his face and sat back. Enjolras smiled at him and picked up his phone that had started to ring, he squeezed Grantaire knee and took it outside.

"We're only kidding 'Taire."

Grantaire was watching Enjolras outside and didn't notice anyone talking to him. Eponine pinched his arm,

"You okay?"

"Who do you think he's talking to?"

"Dunno, secret girlfriend?"

Grantaire looked at her in horror,

"Oh my god Grantaire I'm kidding."

Grantaire shifted in his seat and watched Enjolras again. He was smiling and chatting into the phone. He turned and looked at Grantaire; winking at him he said something into   
the phone and hung up. Grantaire looked down at the floor. He didn't watch Enjolras come back in; he sat back on the sofa with a thump and kissed the side of Grantaire’s head,

"All okay?"

Enjolras looked at Combeferre with a broad smile.

"I just booked us our wedding."

Grantaire looked at him,

"What? Where?"

"Guess."

Grantaire shrugged,

"The second hotel?"

Enjolras took a gulp of coffee and leaned in, he lifted Grantaire’s chin and whispered,

"I got you your gallery."

Grantaire stared at him for a moment before breaking out into a huge grin,

"Oh my god. Are you...are you serious?"

"Never been more so. June 8th we're getting married amongst the greats."

"You.....I love you."

Grantaire kissed Enjolras hard as the group began shouting questions.

 

Grantaire dropped the box on the floor,

"I think that's the last of it."

Enjolras looked around,

"I don't remember you having this much stuff."

"Yeah I got more."

Enjolras smiled and picked up a bag,

"Jesus Grantaire what the hell did you pack?"

Grantaire looked at the bag,

"Oh sketchbooks in that one."

"Oh okay....where are your clothes? I’ll go stick em in the closet."

Grantaire turned around on the spot,

"Uhm....I don't know."

Enjolras wrapped his arms around his waist,

"No clothes huh?"

He kissed the back of his neck gently and Grantaire smirked,

"Actually dear- I've decided we should save ourselves for the wedding night. It's only four more months we can do that."

"Not funny."

"No I'm serious, I've recently found religion and--"

He was cut off by Enjolras' lips on his; Enjolras trailed his hand over his chest and cupped him from behind, Grantaire smiled against his lips,

"We have lunch plans."

"We can blow it off."

"No we can't Courfeyrac is expecting us."

Enjolras groaned against the soft lips and dropped his head. He kissed Grantaire’s shoulder held him tightly,

"Come on stud. We can carry on later."

Enjolras grumbled into Grantaire’s shirt and let him go. Grantaire chuckled,

"I'm so gonna build a fort later. Ill barricade us in the bedroom."

Enjolras looked up,

"I'm marrying a child."

Grantaire threw Enjolras' jacket at him,

"No you're marrying a genius."

They pulled their coats on and left the apartment.

 

They stood outside the cafe in the melting snow; Grantaire lit up a cigarette and took a drag. He passed it to Enjolras and rubbed his hands together,

"We seriously need spring. There's so much beauty in spring."

Enjolras blew smoke out above his head and passed the cigarette back,

"There's beauty in winter."

Grantaire took another drag and shivered. Enjolras unwrapped his scarf and put it around Grantaire’s neck, he pulled him in and wrapped the scarf back around his own neck as   
well,

"Kisses in the cold are a thing of beauty."

Pulling the scarf Grantaire lurched forward and flicked the cigarette away, he slid his hands into Enjolras' jacket and wrapped his arms around him; he kissed him gently and smiled.

"You know exactly what to say."

Enjolras kissed him again, his cold hands cupping his face, Grantaire smiled,

"Your hands are cold."

"Your nose is cold."

Enjolras placed a kiss on Grantaire’s nose and smiled.

"You two finished?"

The turned and smiled at Courfeyrac, 

"Just keeping warm."

"Mmhmm"

Combeferre came over and smiled at them,

"Shall we go in?"

Enjolras unwrapped the scarf from his neck and wrapped it properly around Grantaire who immediately nuzzled cold face into the soft red wool.

 

"We need to discuss your stag nights."

Enjolras tapped his fingers on the table,

"Stag night."

"Yeah, obviously you can't have a joint one that takes all the fun out of it."

Grantaire sipped his drink and looked at them,

"Grantaire I don't know what we're gonna do with yours cos you don't drink so that takes out like 99% of the normal activities. So we figure you can hang out with like Eponine   
and Jehan and do whatever it is they do. And we will take Enjolras to a strip club."

Enjolras frowned at Combeferre,

"I am not going to a strip club."

"We can make it a male strip club if you want."

"No. No strip clubs."

"And why do I get shipped off to Eponine and Jehan?"

Courfeyrac laughed,

"Well what do you suggest?"

Enjolras looked at Grantaire,

"I don't know. Dinner or something?"

Grantaire shrugged and Combeferre sighed,

"Okay what about your honeymoon?"

"We get a honeymoon?"

"Yes Grantaire- do you have idea how marriage works?" 

Grantaire smirked,

"We aren't doing a honeymoon yet, we can't afford it."

"Why not?"

"Cos Enjolras is going back to school and we have to pay the therapist."

Courfeyrac swallowed a mouthful and looked at them,

"Why the hell are you seeing a therapist you're not even married yet?"

Grantaire sat up slightly,

"Enjolras has this thing where he can't orgasm unless he's choking me. So we need to get it figured out."

Combeferre and Courfeyrac fell silent; they looked at Enjolras slowly,

"What the..."

"I knew he was a freak."

Enjolras rolled his eyes,

"He's kidding. For the love of god Grantaire stop doing that."

Grantaire snorted and laughed.

"Remember when you drank and your humour was simpler? I miss those days. I didn't get dirty looks from strangers in those days."

Grantaire turned to Enjolras and pinched his cheek,

"You're just so cute when you're embarrassed!"

Enjolras swatted his hand away and sat back in his seat,

"I'm not happy with you."

Grantaire pouted at him, Combeferre and Courfeyrac sat watching them for a while.

"Uhm guys?"

Enjolras turned to Grantaire again and stuck his tongue out at him. Combeferre shook his head,

"That is why you hang out with Jehan"

Courfeyrac smiled to himself,

"Jehan is fun."

"Just cos you fancy him Courf."

"I....."

Enjolras looked at him and raised an eyebrow,

"Is there anyone in this group who isn't gay?"

"Marius?"

Combeferre laughed,

"No he said not gay."

The others laughed.

"It's funny because he's in Turkey. If he was here that joke never happened."

The conversation turned to other things and Grantaire rested a hand on Enjolras' knee with a smile.

 

Grantaire stood in the cupboard searching for a spare folder, the classroom was practically empty except for a few people finishing off projects. He stood behind the door and rummaged through a box when he heard his name,

"Did you hear Grantaire's getting married?"

"What? Why?"

"I don’t know...he loves the guy?"

He smiled to himself and carried on looking.

"I don't get why he would wanna marry him. You know he's the reason Grantaire disappeared for months?"

"Really?"

"Heard he dumped him and Grantaire had like a full on breakdown. Had to be put away."

"Jesus."

Grantaire froze; he stood up slowly and listened against the door. They clearly had no idea he was in there.

"If you ask me he's an idiot. I mean the guy left you already so the odds are he's gonna do it again. It's just a matter of time."

Grantaire felt his stomach drop; he scratched the back of his neck and pursed his lips to keep them from wobbling.

"I mean why would you even wanna go back to someone that did that to you? He must realise that the guy is probably only with him because he feels sorry for what he did."

Grantaire felt sick, he wanted to get out. He wanted to run, run away from the words that had laid buried in his own mind for months. Eventually the two outside walked away and he waited a moment before stepping from the doorway, grabbing his stuff quickly he left the classroom.

 

The wind outside was biting, he strode through the streets; not caring where he went. He wanted k get away from the words he'd heard. His heart was racing; if other people were thinking those things then surely Enjolras was as well. He felt his stomach constrict suddenly and he darted into an alleyway and threw up. Tears streamed down his face as he emptied his stomach into the cobbles. He fell backwards and slid onto the floor. He put his head in his hands and let the tears fall. He was sure his heart was going to stop completely it was beating so fast. He needed to relax, but his pills wouldn't do it. He knew what he needed and the idea terrified him. He sat on the cold ground for a while praying that he would calm down,

'He’s just gonna leave you again. He did it once.'

The voices were screaming at him, it was as though his body was automatic as he stood up and walked to the shop across the road, he rubbed his face and went in. 

 

As he sat on the ground he stared at the sky. The empty bottle fell beside him with a clatter but he paid no attention to it. He wanted to die. His phone had been vibrating in his pocket for nearly an hour but he couldn't face anyone. He had never felt so ashamed of himself. Eventually he picked the phone up and stared at the screen blearily, Enjolras flashed across the screen and he pressed answer and shut his eyes before putting the phone to his ear,

"Grantaire? Grantaire are you there?"

Grantaire sniffed,

"I'm here."

"Where are you? I've been calling you for ages, are you okay?"

Grantaire shook his head and choked out a sob,

"Grantaire?"

"I fucked up Enjolras. I fucked up so much."

Enjolras was silent for a moment, but his voice was soft and it made Grantaire hurt even more,

"Where are you Grantaire?"

"I'm sorry Enjolras, please don't leave me."

"Where are you?"

Grantaire wiped his eyes and looked around,

"I don't know. I don't know."

"What do you see?"

"Uh there's a church. There's a church and a bookshop."

"Okay just stay put I'm gonna come as get you okay?"

Grantaire let out another sob,

"Grantaire are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"No...No. I love you Enjolras please don't leave me."

"I'm not going to leave you. I'm coming to you now okay?"

Grantaire nodded,

"Grantaire?"

"Yeah. Yeah okay."

"I love you Grantaire. I'm on my way."

Grantaire hung up and pulled his knees to his chest, the whiskey was burning inside him and making his head swim. He put his head against his knees and shut his eyes tightly,   
desperately hoping that this was all a horrible dream.


	19. Chapter 19

Enjolras stalked through the streets, his heart was jumping from his chest with each step. He had a rough idea if whereabouts Grantaire might be but couldn’t be certain. He searched the area for Grantaire panicking more with each person that walked by. Turning down a street he saw a church and stopped, he turned around and saw the bookshop, nearly running he looked around for him and stopped dead when he saw the alleyway. There; slumped forward was Grantaire, Enjolras ran over to him and picked up his head, 

"Grantaire. Grantaire wake up."

Grantaire groaned and opened his eyes slowly, seeing Enjolras he put freezing hands to his face,

"You came for me. I'm so sorry."

Enjolras looked him up and down and noticed the whiskey bottle on the ground. He shut his eyes and pulled his jacket off. Ignoring the chill that hit him he wrapped it around Grantaire’s shoulders and pulled him up. He put Grantaire’s arm around his shoulders and walked them from the alleyway,

"You should just leave me."

Grantaire was slurring so much Enjolras barely understood him,

"Come on we're going home."

 

Enjolras rubbed his face and closed the bedroom door. Grantaire was wrapped in blankets and had been practically force fed half a litre of water before passing out. Enjolras had sat with him for an hour before he got up and left him. The tears came as soon as he shut the door. With shaky hands he picked up his phone and typed out a message.

"I know it's late but can you come over? I really need you."

He sent the message and sat on the sofa. Head in hands he waited in silence.

 

Combeferre knocked on the door and Enjolras looked over, he walked slowly and opened up.

"Are you okay?!"

Enjolras stood there, his face was pale and his eyes were red. Combeferre began to panic at the sight and grabbed Enjolras by the shoulders,

"What happened? Enjolras?"

Enjolras shook his head,

"I don't know. He was fine. He was happy and then..."

He wiped his eyes and sniffed,

"He's been drinking."

Combeferre's face fell.

"Shit"

"I don't know what to do. I'm scared."

Combeferre led Enjolras to the sofa and sat him down,

"Where is he? Did you...”

Enjolras looked up at him,

"I didn't abandon him again if that what you're thinking."

"No no I didn't mean."

"Is that what you all think? That I'm just gonna throw him away again?"

Combeferre took Enjolras by the shoulders again,

"Enjolras no one thinks that. Come on."

His heart broke as Enjolras' face crumpled and he let out another sob,

"He's here. He passed out. I put him to bed."

"But he's okay? He's not hurt?"

Enjolras shook his head.

"He's okay. I just don't understand what happened."

Combeferre rubbed his face and looked to the bedroom door.

"We'll have to wait for him to wake up Enjolras."

Enjolras nodded.

"Thank you for coming."

Combeferre put a hand on his shoulder,

"Don't mention it....I’ll make you a coffee you're freezing."

 

Grantaire opened his eyes slowly; he rubbed his face and looked around. Enjolras was asleep in the chair by the window; his head slumped forward on his chest, his hand dropped down by his side. He looked down at himself wrapped in what he assumed were all the blankets they owned, he shut his eyes for a moment and tried to figure it all out. The stab of shame in his gut and the pounding headache reminded him suddenly and he felt sick. He opened his eyes again and looked back at the sleeping Enjolras, he took in the puffy eyes, the pale skin and he felt like crying. He had no idea how long Enjolras had been sitting with him, but by the look of him it must have been all night. As quietly as he could he edged out of the bed and padded into the bathroom. He ran the tap and splashed his face. Looking at himself in the mirror he felt awful. He'd messed up again, those girls had gotten in his head; he'd done the one thing he kept telling Enjolras not to do and it was killing him. He heard the chair creaking in the bedroom and froze. Hearing no other sound he grabbed his toothbrush and brushed his teeth before searching for painkillers. He was about to turn on the shower when he was interrupted,

"You're awake."

He froze for a moment, he didn't want to turn around and see the look of anger and disappointment on Enjolras' face. When he felt the hand on his wrist he knew he had to, turning around slowly he looked up at Enjolras and wanted the ground to swallow him up. There was no anger, just relief.

"I'm so sorry Enjolras. I know I fucked up. I know I did. Just please...please don't hate me. I understand if you want to leave me but just please-"

He was cut off as Enjolras pulled him into a hug. He held him tightly and pushed his face into the crook of Grantaire’s neck. Grantaire wrapped his arms around Enjolras' warm body and felt his lip wobble. He clenched his jaw and held him tighter,

"Don't you ever. Ever disappear like that again do you hear me?"

Grantaire nodded tightly,

"I'm sorry."

Enjolras pulled away and held Grantaire at arm’s length,

"The hell happened yesterday?"

Grantaire looked at him,

"I was stupid. I overheard these girls talking about us and I just....the things they said got to me. I was weak and I hate myself."

Enjolras looked down then looked back at him,

"What did they say?"

"I...."

"Grantaire."

"They said I was stupid to marry you. That you leave me again. That you only felt sorry for me."

Enjolras dropped his head again, looking back up he wiped the tear from Grantaire’s cheek and put their foreheads together,

"How many times Grantaire? How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not going anywhere? That I love you?"

"I know. I know but.....it got in my head and....hearing your biggest fears come from someone else...."

Enjolras pulled him into another hug, he stroked his hair,

"I know. But it's not going to happen. We are forever okay? Say it."

Grantaire just gripped him tighter,

"Grantaire say it."

"We're forever."

He whispered the words but it was enough. Enjolras held him tightly and kissed the top of his head, Grantaire pulled away and stroked Enjolras' face before leaning in and kissing   
his lips.

"Thank you for coming for me."

"I told you I’ll save you. I’ll always save you."

Grantaire nodded,

"You shower, I’ll get you some food then I'm calling your sponsor."

"I don't go to the meetings anymore."

"Yes we do."

"We?"

"I'm not leaving you to do it alone again."

Enjolras looked at him for a moment then gestured to the shower,

"Go shower. I'll wake Combeferre."

"Did he see...?”

"No. No it was just me and you. He came later."

Grantaire nodded and turned the shower on.

"I love you Enjolras."

"I love you more."

"Not possible."

Enjolras smiled and shut the bathroom door.

 

They barely left the apartment for the next three days. Enjolras set up meetings with Grantaire’s sponsor and they attended another therapy session where the incident was discussed at length. Enjolras didn’t want to leave his side; he made sure Grantaire was happy every minute of the day, his own needs going ignored. Their friends found Out through Combeferre what had happened and tried to Visit them, but Grantaire didn't want to see anyone and Enjolras wanted no one but him. They spent Sunday morning in bed sleeping on and off before venturing to the living room in the afternoon. They lay between the mess of leftover boxes still packed with random things and turned on the TV. 

Enjolras lay propped against the sofa with Grantaire over his legs, head in his lap watching the TV. He fiddled with the bottom of Enjolras' jeans and yawned. Enjolras turned the page of his book and ran fingers through Grantaire’s hair. Grantaire sighed and looked up at him,

"Do you think we'll ever have kids?"

Enjolras froze for a moment then put the book down and looked at him,

"You're not pregnant are you?"

Grantaire stared at him for a while then turned back to the TV,

"Actually yes. Don't tell the priest."

Enjolras chuckled,

"I think one day we might discuss it. But we're still a bit young don’t you think?"

Grantaire looked at him again,

"You'd make an amazing father."

Enjolras couldn't stop the grin,

"Really? I'd have thought you'd be better."

Grantaire shook his head,

"Nah."

"You would be the fun father; I'd be the strict one."

Grantaire smiled,

"True."

"I would want to have kids with you."

Enjolras smiled and ran his hand up and down Grantaire’s arm.

"Let's focus on getting married first."

"But that's not a no?"

"You stay sober for five years and we will discuss it seriously how about that?"

Grantaire smiled and nuzzled his head into Enjolras' stomach.

"You'll still love me in five years?"

"I'll love you until the world stops spinning."

Grantaire looked up at him,

"I can't believe that I have you Enjolras."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I can't believe you would fall for me."

"Why not?"

Grantaire laughed,

"Remember how you were when we met properly for the first time? You wouldn't give me the time of day. I practically stalked you just for a hello."

Enjolras smirked and blushed,

"I knew you were there. I thought of you a lot I just....am not.....vocal on my feelings."

"Ohhh I know."

"Shut up."

"But you fell for me."

"I fell for you. Especially when you kissed me that time. Then I knew."

Grantaire took his hand and held it,

"Best kiss ever."

"Our wedding kiss will be better."

Grantaire sat up and kissed him.

"And every kiss after that."

Grantaire kissed him again; he tangled his fingers in his hair and held them there. 

"You've perked up."

Grantaire smiled against his lips,

"Guess you fixed me again."

They slid down further to the floor, laying side by side and kissing lazily. They were in no rush, Enjolras wanted to savour it, wanted to feel Grantaire’s warm lips against his, taste   
him completely before running fingertips over his skin. He slid a hand up Grantaire’s shirt, felt his ribs beneath his fingers; he pinched Grantaire’s nipple lightly pulling a chuckle from him and kept his hand there so his thumb could run over the raised nub again and again. He felt it harden under his touch and moved his hand away. Grantaire grabbed it from the other side of the t-shirt and pushed it back up,

"Don't. I like it."

Enjolras smiled against those soft lips again and licked Grantaire’s bottom lip.

"Monsieur are you trying to seduce me?"

Enjolras nodded and returned to kissing him.

"We're gonna be okay Grantaire, you know that right?"

"I'm trying to."

"I will always, always love you. And I swear I will tell you every day if you need me to."

Grantaire put his hand on Enjolras' face and smiled at him,

"I think we need to start again. We need to forget all that crap and just be happy."

"I'm happy with you. Right now. This makes me happy."

"School made you happy."

"You make me content."

Grantaire grinned,

"We need to get you back to school."

Enjolras nodded,

"Okay. I’ll go back. If you go back to class. Ignore those.....bitches. They know nothing. They don't know us. We know us. I love you for who you are."

"For someone who isn't vocal with their words you say a lot."

"To you."

"I'll be okay. I think. Might need you on call on Monday if I see them though."

"Want me to come in with you? Rub it in their faces?"

Grantaire traced patterns on Enjolras' arm. 

"A little bit yeah."

He said it with a laugh then bit his lip,

"I'm trying to be strong here. Bit dented though I think."

Enjolras put his nose to Grantaire’s,

"I got you. You can wobble. I got you."

"And I have you. You know that too right?"

Enjolras smiled,

"I know you do."

They kissed for hours, taking breaks for a while to watch the TV or chat. Grantaire lights up a cigarette and Enjolras steals it. They never go further than kissing. Once the room became too dark to see each other unless they were right in the path of the TV Grantaire sat up. Enjolras rolled onto his back and stretched, he rubbed his jaw and laughed,

"Not done a make out session like that in....ever actually."

Grantaire looked down at him and ruffled his hair.

"You hungry?"

Enjolras stroked his thigh,

"Why what are you offering?"

Grantaire smirked,

"Pizza you filthy beast."

Enjolras laughed and rolled over so his head was resting in Grantaire’s lap. Grantaire sat stroking his hair for a while.

"We should get a tattoo."

Enjolras looked up at him,

"What?"

"Just bear with me. We should get or together. Show people that we mean forever. Nothing lasts longer than a tattoo."

Enjolras laughed uncertainly,

"You're serious."

"Yeah!"

He sat up and turned the lamp on,

"You really wanna get a tattoo? With me?"

"Matching ones!"

Enjolras frowned for a second.

"Come on. It'll be awesome."

Enjolras rubbed his face for a minute then smiled.

"It'll need to be somewhere hidden."

Grantaire broke into a smile.

"Really? We can do it?"

Enjolras nodded,

"I must be crazy but yeah. Hidden though alright?"

Grantaire nodded,

"Yeah totally. Oh my god."

He pulled Enjolras into another kiss,

"What are we gonna get?"

"I’m sure we will think of something."

Grantaire laughed and fell back as Enjolras reached for another long kiss, any thought of food long forgotten.


	20. Chapter 20

Enjolras exhaled slowly and stared at the ceiling. Grantaire picked his hand up and kissed it,

"You okay?"

"Mmhmm"

The tattooist turned to him,

"Shirt off buddy."

Enjolras looked at him and sat up, he pulled his shirt off and passed it to Grantaire, lying back down he lifted his arm and breathed deeply, he reached for Grantaire’s hand and squeezed it,

"Do not let go of me."

Grantaire smiled and kissed his palm,

"Just keep breathing."

The tattooist sat beside him and pressed the stencil against his skin,

"Have a look see if it’s in the right place."

Enjolras got up and walked to the mirror, he looked at the lines on his skin and nodded,

"Uh huh."

The guy gestured him over again and he lay back in the chair. Grantaire took his hand again and kissed his forehead,

"You'll be fine."

Enjolras half smiled then looked at the tattooist,

"Is this gonna hurt?"

He looked at him for a moment and lifted the tattoo gun,

"Yeah. Sorry."

Enjolras swallowed and stared at the ceiling again trying to breathe normally.

"Don't move okay, if you can't hack it let me know and I’ll stop."

Enjolras nodded and shut his eyes, the tattooist started the machine and Enjolras gripped Grantaire’s fingers hard.

 

"It looks so good."

Enjolras stared at himself in the mirror, he turned slightly into the light and smiled at Grantaire, the swallow on his ribs did look amazing. He looked over to Grantaire who was staring at his own swallow, located on his hip.

"This is so cool Enjolras, I love you."

Enjolras turned to him and pulled him in for a kiss.

"That hurt so damn bad."

Grantaire stroked his face,

"You were very brave baby."

Enjolras chuckled,

"I'm not doing that again."

"Really? I want more. I'm thinking sleeves, maybe a chest piece."

"Noo"

Grantaire laughed,

"You don't change another thing about yourself."

Grantaire kissed him again,

"Whatever you say hubby."

Enjolras smiled against his lips,

"Oh actually speaking of we have a meeting with the owner of the gallery on Friday. We need to get planning."

Grantaire nodded and pulled away, he reached for the tube of nappy cream and began rubbing it on his tattoo before passing it to Enjolras. He couldn't help but smile as Enjolras winced as he spread the ointment.

 

"So I thought you could have the ceremony in here."

They followed the woman into a room and nearly gasped,

"You would have the seats here and be standing under this window."

Enjolras was in awe, the room was stunning; there were pillars in each corner with paintings in gold frames on each wall. The floor was made of stone- giving the room a feel of being almost Greek. The arch window filled the room with light and as Enjolras followed the window up to the ceiling his mouth dropped open, there on the ceiling were thousands of tiny crystals on a blue background. It was as though the stars were out in the middle of the day.

"I've never seen this room before."

The woman smiled,

"We keep it aside for weddings and special events."

Enjolras looked at her and grinned,

"What do you think?"

He turned to Grantaire and smiled,

"I think it's beautiful."

Grantaire laughed then wiped his eyes,

"Oh god sorry. I just.....I love it."

Enjolras smiled and held his hand out, Grantaire took it and walked over to him, and Enjolras put his arm around his shoulder and kissed his head. The woman grinned at them,

"You know you two are our first gay couple to wed here?"

"Really?"

The woman nodded and leant against the pillar,

"How long have you two been together?"

Grantaire looked at Enjolras and frowned,

"Two years now?"

"Something like that."

"I've loved him forever though."

Enjolras blushed and pointed to the doors,

"Will the gallery be open on the day?"

The woman stood up straight,

"No we'd close for the day to hold the reception in the main gallery area."

Enjolras nodded,

"How many guests are you expecting?"

The woman took out a pen and flipped a page on her clipboard,

"About 20 give or take."

"Not a very big wedding."

Grantaire walked over,

"We're not very popular."

The woman looked at him for a moment then smiled.

"Do you have a colour scheme yet?"

Enjolras looked at Grantaire,

"Something simple. Not too..."

He gestured and Grantaire smiled,

"Gay?"

Enjolras looked at him,

"No. I was going to say...”

"You were going to say gay. We don’t want gay."

The woman laughed,

"Good sense of humour your fiancé."

Enjolras folded his arms,

"Mmm he thinks so."

Grantaire poked him in the ribs and walked over to the window. Suddenly he turned around.

"What about music?"

The woman looked at him,

"Music?"

Grantaire rubbed his head,

"Do you have sound in here? We need something to walk down the aisle to. I know Enjolras' dream of walking to 'Dancing Queen.'"

Enjolras burst out laughing, the woman looked at them both unsure of whether to laugh as well,

"He's kidding, about the song but we do want music."

The woman smiled,

"That's fine we have speakers here or you can have a musician."

Grantaire walked back over to them,

"Ohh we have some work to do then. Still have to figure out our first dance."

Enjolras looked at him and smiled. The woman made a note on the page and gestured to the door,

"Let me show you the stage area."

 

Enjolras kicked the door open and stumbled in; Grantaire was clinging to his shirt and attacking his lips desperately. They fell into the living and against the wall.

"Mm mm door. Door."

Grantaire groaned and slammed the door shut before turning back to his work on Enjolras' lips. They broke apart panting; lips bright red.

"That place was amazing"

Enjolras nodded whilst pulling Grantaire in for another kiss.

"Marry you under the stars..."

Enjolras fisted his hands in Grantaire’s shirt and turned them around so he was pushing Grantaire against the wall, he moved down to Grantaire’s neck and began kissing and sucking the stubbled skin.

"You gonna be this horny when we're married?"

Enjolras smirked and trailed his tongue up Grantaire’s jaw,

"Mmm worse."

Grantaire pulled him into a deep kiss as Enjolras lifted his arms up above his head; he held Grantaire’s arms up with one hand as his other snaked between them and began unzipping his jeans. The knock on the door interrupted them,

"You have got to be kidding me."

"I'm sorry I forgot I asked jehan to bring his music over."

Enjolras let his arms go and frowned,

"Maybe if we stay still he won't hear us and we can still do it."

"Settle down stud."

Grantaire smiled and zipped himself back up before opening the door.

 


	21. Chapter 21

"So what do you think?"

Enjolras stepped from the changing room and looked his friends; four of them had crowded into the small room despite the argument from the shop owner. Eponine looked at him and bit her lip,

"You look incredible Enjolras."

Enjolras smiled at her then frowned,

"When did you arrive?"

She shrugged,

"I think you were in your underwear."

"Oh?"

"There was a lot of cursing so I presumed."

"I do tend to curse when in my underwear. Just seems appropriate."

Courfeyrac laughed,

"Sounded like they didn't fit right mate."

"They're Grantaire’s so...."

Eponine pulled a face,

"Really? Your boyfriend’s underwear?"

Enjolras sighed,

"He's hidden mine. I don't even....he's strange when he's bored."

Eponine laughed,

"You two are strange anyway."

He laughed and turned to face the mirror, he pulled the jacket sleeves down and turned slightly,

"It looks amazing Enjolras, really. Grantaire is a lucky man."

Enjolras smirked at jehan and caught sight of Courfeyrac watching him,

"Courf whatya think?"

Courfeyrac started slightly and broke his stare with the side of Jehans face to look at Enjolras,

"It looks really good. Not too foofy....what's Grantaire wearing?"

Enjolras flattened the waistcoat against his stomach,

"No idea, Combeferre is taking him tomorrow."

Combeferre smiled,

"I'll make sure he looks good. In thinking blue ruffles."

"I'm thinking I’ll kill you if he's wearing that."

Combeferre laughed and put his arm around Eponine shoulder. Enjolras raised an eyebrow and straightened his tie.

"Okay I think this is the one."

"Looks fantastic sir."

Enjolras turned to the tailor,

"I think the leg is a bit long."

The tailor pushed past the others and threw them a glare; Eponine pursed her lips and tried not to laugh.

"Well take them off and we will measure you."

Enjolras cleared his throat and looked at his friends; they stared back at him before realising,

"Right lets go."

"Cigarette time I think."

"Courf come get tea with me."

They left in a mass of noise and laughter and Enjolras was left with the tailor,

"Your friends are very enthusiastic."

Enjolras smirked and undid his trousers, he pulled them off and stood facing the tailor who pulled out his notebook and tape measure and began to measure Enjolras' legs. His hands worked fast as Enjolras looked at the display of jackets in the corner, suddenly he felt the tailor measure his inseam and he felt a stab of panic. He looked at the tailor as he put the tape against his skin, over the scars and tried not to make eye contact.

"Okay all done."

The tailor didn't look him in the eye,

"I'll get the trousers altered and give you a call. Should be a day or so."

Enjolras nodded,

"I'll leave you to get dressed, is this suit you want?"

"Yeah. Yeah it's nice."

The tailor nodded,

"It's a good choice."

Enjolras smiled weakly and turned to pull his own trousers back on. After zipping them up he turned back to the tailor and took the jacket off.

"My fiancé is coming in tomorrow to get his suit sorted. Could you err....?”

"Make sure he doesn't get the same?"

Enjolras smiled,

"Sort of but also...."

"I'll keep him away from the prom section. He won't leave here ruffled."

Enjolras chuckled, ignoring the pulse of shame that came with a stranger seeing his marks.

"So when's the big day?"

Enjolras unbuttoned the waistcoat and ran a hand through his hair,

"Nine weeks or so."

The tailor nodded,

"Bet your family is excited."

Enjolras smiled and nodded,

"Absolutely they can't wait."

The lie came so smoothly he was surprised. The tailor wrote something down and gestured to the front of the shop,

"I'll be at the till when you're ready"

Enjolras turned and went back behind the curtain to change.

 

"Enjolras? You here?"

Grantaire dropped his bag by the sofa and looked around. He heard something the bathroom and knocked on the door,

"Enjolras you okay?"

"It's open."

Grantaire walked in and found Enjolras sitting on the floor, back against the bath. He'd been crying. Grantaire dropped to the floor and took his hands,

"What's wrong? Are you okay? Why happened?"

Enjolras looked at him and licked his lips before answering,

"Promise me something."

"Anything."

"Don't ever hate our children for who they are."

Grantaire looked puzzled for a moment before realising,

"Shit. You went to see your parents didn't you?"

Enjolras dropped his head and moved his legs so Grantaire could sit next to him. He put an arm around Enjolras' shoulder and kissed his temple,

"Why did you do that baby?"

Enjolras sniffed and pinched the bridge of his nose,

"I thought they should know. Thought they would be happy, fuck I'm so stupid."

"No you're not. You're not."

Enjolras shook his head.

"What happened?"

Enjolras looked at him for a moment.

"They didn't want to know."

 

_Enjolras faltered before knocking on the door. His stomach twisted hard and he wished he had waited for Grantaire to come with him. The door finally opened and the woman looked at him for a long time before he could say anything,_

_"Hi mum."_

_"You're here."_

_"Can I come in?"_

_The woman stepped aside and he walked into the house. The smells immediately sent memories rushing back; his childhood, sitting in his room wishing he was with the people in his books. The first time he realised he was gay. The fight with his parents when he told them he hated their money. Leaving without looking back._

_"You can sit down; I'll get your father."_

_Enjolras sat on the sofa, nothing had changed in the room, the furniture was the same, the carpet was the same only a little more faded, and the pictures were still in the overpriced silver frames. He looked at them and felt something inside him break. The frames were the same but the pictures weren't. He was no longer in any of them. He looked down at his hands and twisted his ring around his finger. He wished Grantaire was next to him, wished he could lace their fingers together and hear Grantaire’s voice telling him everything is okay._

_"You came back then."_

_Enjolras looked up and stood as his father entered the room,_

_"I presume you're here for something."_

_"I have something to tell you."_

_His parents sat opposite him and he sat slowly back on the sofa._

_"Well?"_

_Enjolras took a deep breath,_

_"The thing is uhm..."_

_"You need money?"_

_"No no nothing like that."_

_His parents looked at him, he felt as though he were seven again, being told off for arguing with his teacher._

_"I'm getting married. Soon actually. In June."_

_His parents sat in silence for a few minutes, Enjolras looked at his mother, and he thought he saw a flash of something in her face before she looked away._

_"Well who is she? Is she known?"_

_Enjolras felt his body snap in shock,_

_"I....dad I'm gay. He....my fiancé is a man."_

_Enjolras' father dropped his head,_

_"Not this again. I thought you'd grown out of this nonsense."_

_"Nonsense?"_

_Enjolras' mother stood up and walked to the bar in the corner._

_"You are not marrying a man. Son it's not right."_

_"Mother I’m in love with him why wouldn't I marry him?"_

_Enjolras father rubbed his face,_

_"We do not have a gay son."_

_Enjolras felt something build inside him, he tried to keep it in but it exploded out,_

_"It seems as though you don't have a son at all. Why would you even care who I marry."_

_"Then why tell us? Why come out here and tell us this if it wasn't for some sick satisfaction."_

_"Sick satisfaction?"_

_"Isn't it bad enough that you threw every chance we have you back in our faces without coming back with this? Do you have any idea the shame we have to bear for having you as a son? For having a...a faggot?"_

_"Arthur."_

_Enjolras turned to his mother._

_"Mum. You know in not trying to hurt you. I thought you'd want me to be happy. I'm still your child."_

_His father scoffed and Enjolras felt sick,_

_"As long as you are living your immoral...disgusting"_

_"Disgusting?"_

_"Yes disgusting life. You are not our son."_

_Enjolras threw one last desperate look to his mother, when she didn't look at him he shook his head._

_"I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment to you both. You won't hear from me again."_

_He got up silently and left the house. It wasn't until he was safe in his own apartment that the first tear fell._

 

Grantaire held Enjolras and kissed his head. They sat there for an age. Grantaire whispered into Enjolras ear,

"You don't need them. I know they're your family but if they can't love you for who you are then it's their loss. We have our own family now."

He put their left hands together,

"See? This is us. You and me. We don't need them."

Enjolras took Grantaire’s hand and kissed it.

"In another life there's a me that deserves you. I love you."

"We're gonna be fine....did you get your suit?"

Enjolras nodded and rested his head on Grantaire’s shoulder.

"The tailor saw the scars."

Grantaire squeezed his fingers,

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I mean someone was gonna see them sooner or later I just....I don't know. It bothered me; you're the only one that ever saw them."

Grantaire kissed his head again and they sat in silence.

"How was class?"

Grantaire smiled,

"Got an A."

Enjolras sat up and looked at him,

"Really? That's brilliant."

Grantaire rubbed his head,

"Yeah they wanna put the picture in the exhibit next week."

Enjolras beamed at him,

"That's brilliant. What was it of? When's the exhibit? We're going right?"

Grantaire laughed,

"Yes we're going. It's next Thursday night....and it's you."

Enjolras frowned,

"It's me?"

"It's.....a painting of you."

"Oh Christ not the nude one?"

"No no no that's hidden...it's just you."

Grantaire shrugged and looked down. Enjolras stood up and reached for his hand, he pulled him up into a kiss,

"We'll I for one can't wait to see it."

Grantaire pressed their foreheads together,

"Don't worry about your folks okay? They're idiots. And they lost an amazing son.........in law."

Enjolras snorted and laughed,

"I bloody love you, you know that?"

Grantaire smiled at him,

"Good cos I have a few ideas for this wedding thing."

"Thing?"

"Hoopla."

Enjolras gasped in fake shock,

"How dare you sir!"

Grantaire laughed and walked into the living room. Enjolras turned up behind him and pulled him to the sofa,

"Thanks for cheering me up."

Grantaire smiled at him,

"No problem."

Enjolras sat back up,

"So what are your ideas?"

Grantaire stretched upwards and let his arms hang over the arm of the sofa behind him,

"Lanterns."

"Lanterns?"

Yeah I thought we could all release them in the evening."

"Okay?"

"And I've been doing some thinking about the whole alcohol-at-an-alcoholics-wedding thing."

Enjolras looked at him and bit his lip,

"People need to have fun. So let’s not worry about it. Give them the alcohol just don’t let me have it."

"No that's ridiculous."

"No one’s gonna wanna come to a dry wedding Enjolras."

"I was thinking more bring your own."

"What?"

Enjolras sat up,

"Think about it. That way the majority of the drinks are non-alcoholic and people can still have it if they want to. Plus I was talking to that woman at the caterers and she told me about all this alcohol free wine and stuff, so we can have the fountain thing and you can enjoy it too."

Grantaire stared at him and put a hand to his face,

"You're too good to me."

"No I'm not."

Grantaire sighed then sat up suddenly,

“Oh my god we could have doves.  Hundreds of doves released in to the sky.”

Enjolras laughed freely, the laughter filled the room until he was doubled over and gasping for breath. Grantaire fell on top of him and laughed as well until they were a heap on the sofa, breathless and wiping tears away.

“Oh Grantaire……don’t ever change.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it my love.”

Enjolras reached up and kissed his lips gently.

“Thank you.  For everything.”

Grantaire smiled and pressed his forehead to Enjolras’.

“I love you the moistest.”

Enjolras laughed again until he was cut off by another kiss.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry.....I really don't enjoy doing this to them....

Enjolras opened his eyes slowly; the half open blind sent sunshine into the room, warming it slowly. Yawning he looked over to Grantaire’s side but found it empty. He lifted his head and smiled at the sight before him, Grantaire was stood in front of the mirror, wearing only jeans and fiddling with his hair. He turned sideways and looked at himself for a moment before making eye contact with Enjolras in his reflection and smiling,

"Do you think I'm getting fat? I feel like I've put weight on."

Enjolras chuckled and put an arm behind his head, he rubbed his eye and looked at Grantaire,

"You're kidding right?"

"I don't wanna go to the suit shop and not fit in the damn thing."

"You're not fat Grantaire. You're lovely."

Grantaire smiled and looked back in the mirror. Enjolras watched him for a few minutes, watched the sunshine bounce from his golden skin, let his eyes wander over the freckles on his shoulders; the curve of his lower back going into his ass. He looked back up and smiled as he caught Grantaire’s eye again.

"You perving over me?"

"Just enjoying the view."

Grantaire leant against the wall and looked at his love before walking over and pulling the duvet up, climbing under it he began laying kisses on Enjolras' stomach, Enjolras laughed and tried to grab his head but Grantaire had a good grip on him. Sliding down he pulled Enjolras' boxers down and dropped them on the floor; he picked up Enjolras' legs and hooked them over his shoulders before taking him in his mouth. Enjolras dropped his head back and slid his hands under the duvet to tangle his fingers in Grantaire’s hair. Moans began to slip from his mouth and he put his head up to try and see Grantaire, he caught a wink from him and dropped a hand to twist around the sheets. He began to pant, his release coming closer with every swipe of Grantaire’s tongue,

"Your mouth is ridiculous."

Grantaire chuckled around him, sending vibration straight up inside Enjolras and causing his undoing. He curled upwards, fingers tight in Grantaire’s hair as he came. Grantaire drank him down before letting him slide his legs down and pulling off him with a noise that Enjolras was sure was illegal. Wiping his mouth with a smirk Grantaire slid up the bed and was pulled down for a kiss,

"That's a hell of a way to wake up."

Grantaire smiled and straddled him,

"You're welcome."

Enjolras began unbuttoning his jeans,

"Wait no."

Enjolras stilled and looked at him,

"Why not?"

"Because you have to shower and I have to get to work."

Enjolras groaned and sat up, Grantaire moved back for him,

"I don't want to do any of those things; I wanna stay here and do you."

Grantaire kissed him,

"Mmm as lovely as that sounds, you have a meeting with your professor and Eponine is expecting me at the shop."

Enjolras groaned,

"I hate my life."

"You don't. You're excited to get back to school don't lie."

Enjolras looked up at him,

"At least shower with me."

"I've already showered."

Enjolras looked around and spotted a pen on the bedside table, before Grantaire could stop him he grabbed it and drew a line across his bare chest.

"There you're dirty come shower with me."

Grantaire pushed Enjolras back into the pillow and kissed him,

"You bastard."

Enjolras laughed and Grantaire sighed,

"I can give you seven minutes."

Enjolras smiled and pushed him off before jumping from the bed and pulling him into the bathroom.

 

Grantaire smiled at his last customer and checked his watch,

"'Ponine I gotta go."

"Alright babe ill finish up."

Grantaire pulled his apron off and hung it up before rooting around for his things. Eponine came to the counter and smiled at the woman waiting,

"Can I help you?"

"I'm actually looking for someone. He goes by Enjolras?"

Grantaire stood up and looked at the woman, Eponine looked at him,

"Grantaire you wanna take this?"

"You're looking for Enjolras?"

The woman looked him up and down and gripped her purse,

"Do you know where he is?"

"He's in class right now but I can give him a message?"

The woman looked from Eponine to Grantaire,

"You know him?"

Grantaire nodded and held his hand out,

"I'm Grantaire. His fiancé."

The woman's face drained of colour and Grantaire dropped his hand.

"Your my sons....I'm sorry I have to go."

The woman turned and left the shop quickly, Grantaire watched her in shock before turning to Eponine who looked equally taken aback.

"Grantaire was that?"

"I think it was his mum..."

"Jesus"

Grantaire stared at the door for a while before shaking his head,

"I have to go meet Combeferre."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I just.....don't say anything to anyone okay?"

Eponine nodded and kissed his cheek before turning back to the next person in line. Grantaire left the shop and walked down the road toward the suit shop. He paused before crossing the road and pulled his phone out. He opened up a message and typed to Enjolras,

_"Whatever happens in the world just remember I love you."_

He put the phone away and crossed over. It began to buzz in his pocket,

_"I love you too. U ok?"_

Grantaire smiled,

_"Just haven't told you yet today."_

_"Soppy git. Love you xxx"_

Grantaire looked up and saw Combeferre outside the shop finishing a cigarette. He waved to him and put his phone away.

"You ready to try on suits?"

Grantaire shrugged,

"Spose if I have to..."

Combeferre laughed,

"Come on."

 

Enjolras unlocked the door and dropped his bag,

"Hey."

Grantaire looked up from the book he was reading on the sofa and smiled,

"How was your day?"

Enjolras flopped down next to him and sighed.

"Nine case studies. Three new books and a butt load of lecture notes."

Grantaire pulled his head to his shoulder and kissed it,

"My poor genius."

"Mm"

Enjolras kissed his lips and sighed again.

"Whatya wanna do for dinner?"

Grantaire put the book on the coffee table,

"Already sorted just got to heat it up."

"Wow. Super 'Taire."

Grantaire chuckled.

"Enjolras?"

"Mmhmm?"

"I need to tell you something."

Enjolras sat up,

"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Grantaire took his hand,

"I'm fine. It's just....."

Enjolras looked at him and began to worry,

"I think your mum came to the shop today."

Enjolras' face dropped then he started laughing,

"Oh god you worried me."

Grantaire smiled,

"Sorry...are you okay? I mean she's trying to find you."

Enjolras nodded,

"It doesn't matter that she wants to find me. It doesn't. She doesn't want to know about us so...what can I do?"

Grantaire took his hand and squeezed it.

"Thanks for telling me though."

"I love you."

Enjolras picked up their entwined hands and kissed Grantaire’s.

"Come on I’m starving."

 

Enjolras stared at his own face in the bathroom mirror; his fingers gripped the sink tightly as he tried to breathe normally. He glanced over at Grantaire sleeping soundly in the bed and shut the door quietly. He didn't want to see him. Didn't want to risk waking him up with what he was about to do. He rubbed his face and opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out the tin from behind the shampoo. Sitting on the bath he opened it and stared at the contents. The two razorblades that he had put inside were staring back at him and he swallowed hard before taking one out and holding it in his hand. He stood slowly and pulled his sweat pants off before sitting again. He stared at his legs. Already so littered with tiny scars and shut his eyes. He pressed the blade to his skin and breathed slowly. Dragging the blade he gasped out a sob and pressed his free hand to his mouth. He looked at the line on his thigh; blood was already springing to the surface and rolling slowly down his pale skin. He held his breath and dragged it again across his skin. Images of his parents flashed in his mind and he dragged the blade over and over until his leg was a mess of cuts. Blood flowed down onto the tiles and he couldn't stop shaking. Realising what he had done he gasped. The sobs began to build up inside him and he clamped both hands to his mouth and dropped the blade on the floor. Almost screaming into his hands he shook as the sobs took over. He looked down at the mess he had made of himself and lost control. Throwing the tin across the room he picked himself up and threw the shampoo bottles at the wall. Grantaire woke with a start and bounded out of bed to the bathroom door he tried the handle only to find it locked and began to pound on it,

"Enjolras? Enjolras open the door."

Enjolras was yelling and cursing from inside, Grantaire could hear glass smashing as he threw himself against the wood of the door trying to make it budge.

"Enjolras open the door now."

What he could hear chilled him to the bone,

"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO? YOU RUINED EVERYTHING. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU."

He heard something smash and then silence. He began to beat the door,

"Enjolras. Enjolras open the door now."

Hearing nothing but sobbing he took a step back and threw his shoulder to the door. The lock broke on his second try and he stumbled inside. He couldn't believe the sight before him. Enjolras was sat in the corner of the room with his head in his hands; he was screaming and crying. Blood trailed down his arm from the cuts on his hand and his leg was covered in drying blood. Grantaire’s eyes moved to the devastation around him. The mirror was completely smashed, along with the medicine cabinet that was now on the floor, bottles of shampoo and shower gel lay on the floor along with all the other things they kept in the bathroom. Grantaire stepped carefully over the mess and grabbed Enjolras' face,

"Enjolras look at me. Look at me."

He looked into Grantaire’s face and crumpled again,

"I can't stop Grantaire. I can't do it anymore. In not strong enough."

Biting his lip Grantaire pulled him into a hug and held him tightly until the sobbing ceased,

"I need to look at your hand."

He pulled back and took it in his own hand gently, he examined the cuts, some still had glass sticking out and he winced.

"I need to take you to hospital to get it cleaned up okay? Okay?"

Enjolras nodded numbly, staring at the floor. Grantaire looked at his leg and felt sick,

"We need to get this cleaned up. If they do it at the hospital they'll lock you away."

Grantaire stood and reached for a cloth, he dampened it and began to clean the wound as carefully as he could. Fortunately the cuts weren't too deep and had stopped bleeding. He looked back at Enjolras who was still staring at the floor.

"Can you get up?"

Enjolras looked at him,

"I'm so tired Grantaire."

"I know you are but we need to get you fixed up."

Enjolras took his arm and stood slowly, wobbling slightly he let Grantaire lead him into the bedroom.

"Sit on the bed and I’ll get you some trousers."

Enjolras sat. For the second time in his life he had fucked up and needed someone to fix him. He pinched the bridge if his nose and began to cry. Grantaire pulled some jeans from the closet and sat next to him, he pulled him into another hug and whispered I love you over and over until Enjolras pulled away.

"I'm so sorry Grantaire. I ruined it."

"You didn't ruin anything. You just need someone else to be the strong one for a bit. It's alright. I'm here."

"I don't want them there."

Grantaire didn't say anything. He knew what Enjolras was talking about. Instead he helped him put the jeans on and pulled his on his own before wrapping a tea towel gently around Enjolras' hand and calling for a cab.


	23. Chapter 23

The sun was coming up when they got home. Enjolras had fourteen stitches and a reminder that mirrors were not made to withstand punching. Grantaire dropped their coats on the sofa and looked at Enjolras who was standing in the doorway. His arm was bandaged and in a sling until the painkillers had worn off. He looked exhausted; he looked like a little boy. Grantaire walked over to him and put his arms gently around him.

"Do you want anything? Drink?"

Enjolras shook his head and gripped Grantaire’s shirt with his free hand.

"I'm sorry Grantaire. I didn't mean to lose it."

Grantaire hugged him tightly.

"Come on. You need to rest."

"No...No I'm not tired."

Grantaire pulled away and put a hand on Enjolras' face.

"You need to sleep."

Enjolras shook his head again,

"I can't sleep"

"At least come lie down. You're shaking."

Enjolras said nothing but allowed Grantaire to lead him to the bedroom. He undid Enjolras' trousers and let them fall to the ground. Enjolras sat down on the bed and looked up at Grantaire. Grantaire turned from him and threw the jeans in the wash basket before turning back. He kneeled in front of Enjolras and examined his thigh again.

"I think you're gonna be okay. Does it hurt?"

Enjolras shut his eyes and shook his head.

"My pride does."

Grantaire placed a kiss gently below the cuts and stood back up. He placed another kiss on Enjolras' forehead and helped him into the bed. Taking off his own jeans he climbed in next to him and helped him move until he had Enjolras' head on his chest and his bandaged arm over his stomach. They lay in silence for a few minutes while Grantaire ran his fingers through Enjolras' hair and stroked his arm.

"Enjolras what happened tonight?"

Enjolras lay silent before answering,

"I don't know Grantaire. I just.....couldn't stop."

"Was it...I mean did I..."

"It wasn't you. You didn't do anything."

"Was it your parents?"

Enjolras fell silent again,

"I should never have gone there. It messed everything up."

"It's understandable though, they're your parents."

"They hate me."

Grantaire squeezed his arm.

"They don't hate you Enjolras they love you. They just....they're stuck in old ways is all."

"They told me Grantaire. They told me they hated me."

Grantaire lay in shocked silence. Enjolras buried his face in Grantaire’s chest.

"I don't wanna talk about it anymore okay?"

Grantaire nodded.

"You get some sleep. I’ll be here."

Enjolras stilled but didn't sleep. He lay listening to Grantaire’s heartbeat and watched the room fill with sunlight.

 

When he woke he was surprised to find Grantaire still wrapped around him.

"What time is it?"

Grantaire shifted slightly,

"About half ten."

"Don't you have work?"

Grantaire moved the hair from Enjolras' eyes,

"I text Eponine from your phone, told her I'd had a panic attack and that I couldn't come in. She said she understood and told you to tell me to feel better soon. Then I got back into bed and you woke up two hours later."

Enjolras half smiled and put his head back in Grantaire’s chest,

"Are you angry with me Grantaire?"

"Why would I be angry with you?"

"For hurting myself again?"

"I'm not angry with you. I'm worried. And I love you."

Enjolras shut his eyes for a moment then sat up. He winced slightly at the pain in his hand,

"You want a painkiller? You gotta eat something though."

"I'm fine really."

"I think we need to talk about this."

Enjolras nodded and looked down at the bed,

"I threw the blades away. All of them. They're not coming back in the house."

Enjolras looked up at Grantaire,

"I didn't wanna hurt you."

"Just yourself?"

"I just.....remember it....I..."

"What happened with you and your parents Enjolras?"

Enjolras shook his head.

"You know what happened Grantaire. I told you what happened."

"Enjolras."

Enjolras looked at him,

"When I realised I was gay...I was so alone. I know so many kids are...I told my mum and she flipped. She told my dad straight away and he walked into my bedroom and he took me by the arm and told me....no son of mine is a fairy."

Enjolras shook his head again and Grantaire took his hand,

"He took off his belt and he made me stand with my face to the wall....I was crying and pleading but he didn't care. He hit me. Again and again until my mum pulled him away. He made me turn around and face him and tell him that it was a lie. That I was kidding."

A tear fell from Grantaire’s eye and he brushed it away quickly.

"I was 13....and I stopped believing that I would find someone to love. So I just....focused on other things. I found love in justice and books and when I left home I carried on my life like that."

He looked at Grantaire,

"Until I met you. And I realised I didn't want to lie anymore. I didn't want to...pretend. I wanted to love and I wanted to be loved."

Grantaire opened his mouth but closed it again, there were no words.

"I don't know what to do with love Grantaire. I want it. I want it so much and then I had it with you and I messed up constantly. I'm trying. I'm really trying to be the person you need and I'm stumbling and I.....I can do smart. I can do the...leader thing. But when it comes to you I have no idea what I'm doing. And it makes me do stupid things."

He rubbed his face,

"Enjolras I don't need you to be this superhero person. I need you to be you. Don't you get it? It's you that I....that we all love."

"I spend too much time on work and not on our relationship. You said it yourself."

"A year ago when I was a drunk."

"Doesn't keep it from being true."

Grantaire stroked Enjolras' cheek,

"I don't want my parents to mess this up. To get in my head again. I can’t go back to how they make me feel. I don't care if they want to know me. Fuck 'em"

"You are loved. You are loved so much and I am so sorry you went through that."

"I've never told anyone this before...."

Grantaire took him in a hug and held him close,

"I'm always going to be here. You know that right? I mean if the last year has taught us anything it's that we work right? I'm not gonna lose you."

"The others are gonna find out."

"Do you want them to find out?"

Enjolras pulled away,

"I don't want them to look at me differently. I.....please don't tell them what I did."

"You mean how you were a clumsy oaf and fell? Scraped your hand up?"

Enjolras smiled and looked down,

"Yeah you can tell them that."

Grantaire ran fingers through blonde hair and kissed him.

"Come on. You need to eat."

"Can't we stay here? I just want to feel you."

Grantaire smiled at him,

"I just need to know that you're here. I need to feel grounded for a bit."

Grantaire nodded and lay back down. Enjolras rested his head on his chest and looped their fingers together. Grantaire began to hum quietly to himself, the same song that he hummed the first night they lay like that after their separation.

"What is that song?"

"Hmm? Oh Songbird."

Enjolras closed his eyes,

"That's our first dance."

Grantaire smiled and bought their fingers to his lips, he kissed Enjolras' gently and quietly sang the words,

"I love you I love you I love you like never before."

 

Enjolras sat at the table and tapped his pen against the book in front of him. He sighed and rifled through papers before making a note and running a hand through his hair. Grantaire leant against the counter and watched him; he rested his chin on his hand and chewed his lip.

"Grantaire?"

Eponine turned to him,

"Mmhmm?"

"I know you have the hots for him but there are tables that need cleaning."

Grantaire looked over at her and grabbed a cloth. He cleaned the tables in the corner and looked over to Enjolras again.

 

Enjolras flicked through his book and sighed. A mug was placed in front of him and he looked up at Grantaire,

"Made you a hot chocolate."

Enjolras looked at it and smirked, the whipped cream and marshmallows were nearly falling out of the full mug and Grantaire had covered them in cinnamon powder.

"I can see that."

He sat opposite Enjolras and looked at him,

"You okay?"

"I'm good....might die from sugar overdose after this,"

He took some of the cream on his finger and licked it,

"Mm but I'm good."

Grantaire smiled at him,

"How's the workload going?"

"Slow. Tedious. But better here than at home."

He picked up a spoon and began to eat the cream and cinnamon.

"Could you maybe do that in a less erotic way? I still have two hours of work."

Enjolras winked at him and dipped his finger in the cream again before offering it, Grantaire laughed and took it in his mouth before leaning across the table and kissing him. He pulled away and grimaced,

"I hate cinnamon."

"You put it in."

"Yeah.....for you."

"Thanks."

Grantaire smiled and kissed him again before putting his cloth over his shoulder and returning to the counter. Enjolras sat back and watched him work. He watched him clean the counter and joke with Eponine, watched him serve customers with a smile and a flirt. He smiled every time he caught his eye. Grantaire beamed at him and came over to take his empty mug. Enjolras pulled him down for a quick kiss,

"You'll get your tip later."

"I'll hold you to that."

He grinned and went to clean the mug. Enjolras nipped to the bathroom and when he returned to his table Grantaire’s iPod was sitting on top of his book. He looked over to Grantaire who was serving someone, he looked at Eponine who smiled at him and motioned putting the earphones in. He sat down and put the buds in before pressing play. An acoustic song began to play and Enjolras recognised the melody straight away. He smiled and looked up at Grantaire who mouthed I love you to him and turned back to emptying the coffee bags. Enjolras looked back at his page as Eva Cassidy sang the words that he had heard Grantaire hum so many times.

 

Grantaire rushed out of the bedroom and threw the cushions off the sofa,

"Where are my keys?!"

Enjolras came out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist and a smile on his face, Grantaire turned and looked at him then froze for a second before shaking his head,

"Not cool man. I gotta go. Where are my keys?"

Enjolras shrugged and lent against the wall.

"Enjolras have you taken my keys?"

Enjolras pointed to himself,

"Moi? Never."

Grantaire folded his arms and stared at him,

"Enjolras where are they?"

Enjolras turned around and shrugged again. Grantaire groaned,

"Come on. I have to go to this AA meeting."

Enjolras looked over his shoulder and smirked,

"I don't like you anymore."

Enjolras laughed and walked back into the bathroom. Grantaire followed him and stood in the doorway. Enjolras was looking in the (new) mirror and fixing his hair. The stitches had been taken out and his hand looked almost normal again.

"You're keeping me hostage aren't you?"

"No....I'm keeping you....inside. Until tonight at least."

Grantaire smirked,

"You still wanna go to the exhibit?"

Enjolras looked at him,

"Fuck yeah."

"Then give me my keys."

"I don't have them. I sold them."

"Enjolras."

"Yes?"

Grantaire held his hand out,

"Give it to me."

Enjolras raised an eyebrow and folded his arms. Grantaire dropped his head and stamped his foot,

"Come o-o-o-n"

Enjolras laughed and Grantaire lifted his head,

"Ah hah!"

He ran from the bathroom and leapt to Enjolras' side of the bed, Enjolras chased him, one hand still on his towel, and he tackled him to the bed and pinned him down.

"Enjolras you oaf get off me."

Grantaire wriggled free and flipped them over.

"Hah!"

"Damn it you're quick."

Grantaire lent down and kissed him and snaked his hand under Enjolras' pillow. Feeling his keys he pulled them out and held them above his head,

"So easy Enjolras."

He kissed him quickly on the lips and jumped off the bed,

"By the way Jehan is coming over to discuss flowers so put some pants on? Love you."

He shut the bedroom door as Enjolras picked up the pillow and threw it at him. Grantaire left for his meeting laughing. He smiled at the mailman as he left and walked down the street. Enjolras got dressed quickly and tidied up the sofa. The noise of the mail disturbed his thoughts and he went to pick it up. Flipping through the letters and packets- he swore to himself he would ban eBay from the house when Grantaire came home- he stumbled upon a letter addressed to him. He dropped the others on the counter and opened it. He read the letter and sat down hard on the stool. He choked out a laugh and covered his face. He reread the letter again to make sure he had understood it. It was from his parent’s lawyer. They were cutting him off. He had been removed from both their wills and he was requested to not contact them again. He sighed and crumpled the letter before throwing it across the room. He sat at the counter and clenched his fists. He breathed slowly and thought of Grantaire. He thought about his smile, his strength, him. He felt his heart slow down and unclenched his fists slowly. Walking to the fridge he grabbed a bottle of water and downed half of it in one. He shut the fridge door and looked at the photos hanging there. He stared at the set from a photo booth that he and Grantaire fell in to. He breathed deeply and shook his head.

"Fuck em."

The knock on the door turned him around and he strode over and opened up,

"Jehan, brother how are you?"

Jehan smiled and carried a bag into the apartment.

"Ready to pick your flowers?"

Enjolras shut the door behind them,

"As I’ll ever be."

 

 


	24. Chapter 24

Grantaire swallowed the mouthful of cake and grabbed Enjolras' arm,

"Enjolras I'm so sorry. But I'm leaving you. For this cake."

Enjolras grinned and took some from his plate. He tried it and nearly swooned,

"Oh my god I don't blame you. That cake is better than I could ever be."

Grantaire laughed and took another bite as the waitress came over,

"So what are you guys thinking?"

They both pointed to the plate with full mouths and gave thumbs up before looking at each other in surprise and laughing. The waitress wrote something down and smiled at them,

"So when's the big day?"

"Month from today."

"Ooh getting excited?"

Grantaire looked at Enjolras and beamed,

"Can't wait."

Enjolras smiled at him and placed a quick kiss on his lips.

"Definitely this cake."

"It's really the only reason we're having a wedding."

The waitress laughed,

"That and the presents of course?"

Grantaire’s eyes went wide as saucers and he looked at the girl, Enjolras snorted and had to turn away,

"I forgot about the presents! Ah man I shoulda married you years ago."

Enjolras patted his arm and smiled at the waitress again,

"You got some designs we can look at?"

"I sure do I'll grab the book."

She looked at the plate and at Grantaire licking icing from his thumb,

"I'll get you another slice as well."

Grantaire grinned,

"Can I marry you?"

The girl laughed and walked back to the kitchen, Enjolras leant in and kissed Grantaire’s head.

"Should I worry about this addiction to cake?"

Grantaire looked at him seriously,

"There's a chance you won't be able to carry me over the threshold on our wedding night."

"Grantaire. If by the end of our wedding night I have any strength to carry myself- we have not done it right."

"Such a romantic."

Enjolras flashed him a toothy smile and turned as the waitress appeared at their side with more cake. He took the folder from her and flipped through the pictures of wedding cakes until he paused on a simple design of three tiers with black flowers,

"What about this one?"

Grantaire looked over and licked the icing from his fork,

"Mmm I like it."

"The design or the cake....currently around your mouth?"

Grantaire wiped his mouth and smiled, he took more cake on his fork and fed it to Enjolras,

"If you like it it's perfect."

Enjolras grabbed his chin and kissed him.

"Are we making wedding plans here?"

"Four weeks now..."

"Can I back out?"

"You can but I'm keeping the cake."

Enjolras couldn't help but laugh as he took the folder back to the waitress.

 

Grantaire dropped his sketchbook on the table and yawned,

"You in E?"

He listened for Enjolras but heard nothing. He went to the bedroom and pulled his sweater off. Nearing the bathroom he heard a clatter and panicked,

"Enjolras?"

When he got no answer he banged on the door,

"Enjolras?!"

The door swung open and Enjolras stood in his underwear, toothbrush in his mouth and a surprised look on his face,

"What?"

"Jesus you scared me. What are you doing?"

Enjolras looked at him and held a finger up. He spat the toothpaste into the sink and wiped his mouth,

"Writing a novel clearly."

"Very funny."

"I dropped the toothpaste Grantaire. You're okay."

Grantaire scratched his head and leaned up to kiss Enjolras.

"How was your day?"

"Long. Saw the lawyer."

"What did he say?"

"That I'm cut off. That my folks want nothing to do with me. Same as I thought."

"What are you gonna do?"

Enjolras sighed,

"I’m gonna forget. I’m gonna move on. And I’m not gonna tell them about the money I already hid from the trust fund."

Grantaire smirked and kissed him again,

"How was yours?"

Grantaire groaned and pulled his shirt off before pushing past and turning the shower on,

"Long as hell. But my project is nearly done."

"Well that's something."

"Mmm."

Enjolras pulled him into a hug and kissed his neck.

"What's this for?"

"No reason. Just...wanted to kiss you."

Grantaire looked up at him and smiled; he touched Enjolras' face gently and swiped his thumb across his cheek.

"Looking forward to your bachelor party?"

Enjolras pressed into Grantaire’s hand and sighed,

"No. Yeah...no."

Grantaire laughed,

"It'll be fun. You'll go and drink and be your fabulous self and I’ll eat an entire pizza and watch crap TV and fall asleep."

"I wanna stay with you."

"Well you can't. So scram."

"Charming."

Grantaire turned and checked the water before unbuttoning his jeans. Enjolras pulled him back round and kissed him, pushing him back against the wall and sticking his hands down the open jeans. Grantaire moaned in surprise and gripped Enjolras' arms. He pulled away and chuckled,

"I have to shower, I stink of paint."

"You smell amazing."

Enjolras moved his head so he could lay kisses on Grantaire’s neck; he licked his way up Grantaire’s throat and bit his chin,

"Enjolras...."

"Come on...."

Grantaire moaned again, a noise cut short as Enjolras took him in hand,

"You're gonna be late."

"You wanna do me or not?"

Grantaire looked down at the growing bulge in Enjolras' underwear and cocked his head to the side,

"I guess you can be a little late."

"Just a little."

They kissed again as Enjolras pulled his hand from Grantaire’s shorts and pushed his jeans down to the floor. Grantaire stepped out of them and grabbed the waistband of Enjolras' underwear before pausing,

"Where do you want it?"

"Wanna ride you."

Grantaire moaned against his lips,

"You can't say things like that. S'not fair."

Enjolras smirked and kissed a line up Grantaire’s face to his ear,

"I wanna ride you so hard neither one of us can walk right for days."

Grantaire felt his stomach clench and he pulled Enjolras' face to his before attacking his lips.

"Bedroom. Now."

Enjolras smirked and walked away; Grantaire exhaled slowly and turned the shower off before following him.

"Fuck Enjolras."

Grantaire walked into the room to find Enjolras on the bed, his underwear discarded he was opening himself up and moaning.

"You planned this."

Enjolras looked at him through hooded eyes and smirked again. Grantaire groaned and jacked himself twice before he climbed on the bed; Enjolras pulled him close and kissed him again. Enjolras pushed him back and rolled over to grab the condoms and lube from the nightstand. Grantaire sat up against the headboard and swallowed hard as Enjolras rolled the condom onto him and manoeuvred them both so he could lower himself. Grantaire’s head fell back and his mouth fell open in a silent gasp. With one hand on the wall behind Grantaire’s head, Enjolras began to move. Grantaire grabbed his hips and helped him move up and down, his own hips rocking up with each movement. Enjolras moaned and used his free hand to grip Grantaire’s arm, a sure sign that Grantaire was hitting the right spot. Moans filled the room as neither bothered trying to be quiet. Enjolras kissed his lover deeply, taking his time to find the rhythm that suited them both, Grantaire began to pant slightly as his breath hitched with each movement Enjolras made.

"Ah Christ you feel good."

Enjolras pressed their foreheads together,

"Open your eyes. Look at me."

Grantaire opened his eyes and looked at Enjolras, his hand gripped Enjolras' thighs, his thumb ran over the scars on his skin and he took Enjolras' lips in a kiss. With his free hand he wrapped fingers around Enjolras and began to twist and rub until Enjolras was moving fast and landing desperate kisses on his lips. Holding onto the back of Grantaire’s head; Enjolras sped up, he could feel his release building, and as it came he gasped out

"I love you."

Grantaire groaned as his own orgasm took over; he rocked his hips up desperately and moaned

"I love you. I love you."

 

Spent they lay tangled together, facing one another and brushing their noses with a smile. Enjolras was stroking Grantaire’s cheek with his thumb as Grantaire ran fingers over the raised pink marks on his thigh, he looked down at them and nudged his head closer to Enjolras,

"Not exactly attractive is it?" 

Grantaire shushed him silently,

"Your marble's just a little chipped is all."

"You can fix me."

Grantaire looked him in the eye,

"You can always fix me Grantaire."

Grantaire smiled and pressed a kiss to Enjolras' lips. The phone on the desk vibrated and Grantaire chuckled,

"No one will be able to fix you after the others get you if you're late."

Enjolras sighed and placed a quick kiss on the tip of Grantaire’s nose. He climbed from the bed and walked toward the bathroom grabbing his hip,

"Have you gotten bigger? I swear..."

Grantaire burst into laughter and covered his face with his arm. He listened to the sound of the tap running and drawers opening. Absentmindedly he scratched his stomach as he listened to Enjolras getting dressed. The kiss on his stomach brought him back to the room and he looked out from under his arm with a smile.

"You sure you're gonna be okay tonight?"

"I'll be fine. Trust me. Go have fun."

Enjolras pressed his face into Grantaire’s stomach and kissed it again then got up and walked to the kitchen. Grantaire yawned and climbed from the bed, he pulled his underwear back on and followed Enjolras. He stood in the doorway and looked at him with a smile; Enjolras had dressed in black trousers, dress shoes and a white shirt,

"You look incredible."

"Thank you."

Enjolras pulled him close and kissed him. The knock on the door interrupted them and Enjolras called out that it was open. Marius walked in and stopped when he saw Grantaire pressed against Enjolras still.

"Oh."

He looked up at the ceiling,

"I err.....you were taking forever so I came to get you. And now I know why..."

Grantaire laughed and grabbed his jogging bottoms from the laundry basket. He pulled them on quickly.

"Marius you can look."

Marius looked at them both again and cleared his throat,

"Okay you ready?"

Enjolras turned back to Grantaire again,

"You're sure you're okay?"

"Yes. God just go."

Marius grabbed Enjolras' shoulders,

"Don't worry we'll return him safely."

"I'll just have a couple with them and I can come okay?"

"No you won't. You'll stay out and have fun."

Marius caught Grantaire’s eye behind Enjolras and mouthed

"He'll have ten."

Grantaire smiled and Enjolras turned around to see Marius pretending to examine his nails.

"Got big plans tonight Grantaire?"

Grantaire nodded,

"Oh yeah. At least twelve inches."

Marius looked at him then chuckled then looked at him again,

"Huh?"

"He's talking about pizza."

Grantaire grinned broadly and Enjolras shook his head, he walked over and kissed him,

"Be good."

He turned to Marius,

“Marius? Take care of him."

Marius saluted to him and stepped out the door.

"Call me if you need me okay?"

"Yes dad."

Enjolras smirked,

"I love you."

He kissed him again,

"ENJOLRAS NOW."

Grantaire smiled,

"I love you. Now go."

He turned to leave and Grantaire grabbed his ass,

"Don't get into any trouble."

Closing the door to Marius' laughter Grantaire leant against it and sighed. He ran a hand through his hair and headed for the shower.

 

Enjolras clinked his glass with the others and sipped the whiskey, he coughed and grimaced to the amusement of everyone,

"When was the last time you drank you lightweight?"

Combeferre drained his own glass and clapped his shoulder on his way to the bar,

"I don’t know. Months ago...”

They laughed and gestured for another round.

"Last one then we'll head back to yours Combeferre okay?"

Cosette drained her wine glass and kissed Marius,

"I'm off baby. I’ll see you at home. You coming 'Ponine?"

She stood up followed by Eponine who quickly stopped at the bar and kissed Combeferre before running after Cosette,

"Combeferre you sly dog"

"Shut it all of you."

Enjolras laughed and drained his glass,

"Atta boy Enjolras get it down ya."

He hissed at the heat going down his throat,

"I'm gonna regret this night I can tell."

The others laughed as another drink was put in front of him. He picked it up and clinked it with Courfeyrac’s before draining it.

 

"Barkeep! Another!"

Enjolras slammed his hand on the table and nearly knocked the other glasses over.

"Shhh Enjolras."

Marius was laughing so hard he nearly fell from his chair as jehan tried to settle Enjolras down. He got him back in his seat and with a sigh Enjolras exclaimed,

"I miss Enjolras."

He stopped and scratched his head,

"I'm Enjolras. I don't miss me. I miss Grantaire."

"He's at home you dud."

Enjolras looked at Combeferre and gestured wildly,

"I know that."

"Then why do you miss him?"

Enjolras pulled him over and whispered,

"I think I might be in love with him. Don't tell anyone."

"Okay I’ll keep it a secret."

Enjolras started laughing again and picked up a beer left over from someone else,

"He loves bubbles."

Marius started laughing again and fell from his seat with a thump. The others erupted into manic laughter which brought the barman over,

"Right lads come on. On your way now."

Enjolras looked at him,

"Come on it’s my bachelor party!"

"Well I’m sure your woman wants you home so come on."

Courfeyrac snorted into his hand,

"Yeah come on Enjolras your woman is waiting."

Enjolras stood up defiantly,

"No woman for me. I got me a man. A king!"

He wobbled and fell back over himself; he landed with a crash and lay on the floor laughing until Combeferre pulled him up,

"Come on you lush. Let’s go back to mine."

"Nooo no I wanna have another drink. I'm sober I swear."

Combeferre leave in whispered,

"I have tequila."

Enjolras lifted his arm in the air,

"To Combeferre’s!"

 

Combeferre tripped over Courfeyrac who was lying on the floor and staring at jehan.

"We have chairs you know Courf?"

Courfeyrac looked at him and blinked,

"Enjolras isn't on the chair."

It was true, Enjolras had decided that the windowsill was a perfectly good seat as he and Marius clutched each other’s shoulders and told one another how much they loved each other.

"Enjolras isn't spilling beer on my carpet."

Jehan looked at Combeferre and ran a hand through Courfeyrac’s hair,

"He’s not doing any harm 'ferre!"

Courfeyrac turned so red that Combeferre decided to leave them and collapse on the sofa with a laugh.

He looked at his friends and shook his head,

"Shots!"

Marius had turned to the others and raised his arm above his head,

"Shots all round!"

Combeferre shook his head and let it drop back against the sofa.

Marius turned his back to Enjolras,

"Get on! To the shots!"

Enjolras jumped from the windowsill on to Marius who made it three steps before they both collapsed onto the floor in laughter,

"God you're heavy Enjolras."

Enjolras couldn't answer as he laughed so hard,

"I don't know how Grantaire does it; he's a slip of a man."

Jehans comment had made Courfeyrac laugh so hard he started coughing and had to roll away from his position. Enjolras wiped his eyes and stared at the ceiling,

"I love him so much Marius."

Marius sat up and grasped Enjolras' hand.

"And you will be happy forever. I can see that."

Enjolras sat up and gripped Marius' face. He placed a sloppy kiss on his cheek and laughed,

"To the shots!"

 

Grantaire woke up slowly; he was spread eagle in the bed and tangled in the duvet. The phone vibrating next to him caught his attention. He picked it up and smiled at the 42 messages that he had received through the night, all from Enjolras, each one making less sense than the last. The last one simply said

"U need free chi"

Ten minutes later he had received a picture from Courfeyrac of Enjolras passed out with his face in the arm of the sofa, someone- most likely jehan considering the detail of them- had drawn whiskers on his face. After laughing for a while at it Grantaire had saved the picture and had every intention of printing it out and pasting it everywhere.

The phone buzzed again, Combeferre was texting him,

"You may wanna come get your betrothed. Had a bit too much I think"

Grantaire shook his head and typed back,

"Gimme 20 minutes. And de-whisker him before I take him in public please"

He stretched and rolled off the bed. He walked into the kitchen yawning and looked over to the mess in the living room. Enjolras was going to kill him, he had had the smart idea to paint whilst watching TV; a plan that started out well but wound up with him lurching forward to grab the remote and a pot of paint falling on the rug.

"Note to self: newspaper does nothing."

He considered burning the rug and making Enjolras believe they never had one before deciding that wouldn't work and simply turned his back on it. He turned the coffee machine on and went to the bedroom to get dressed before collecting Enjolras.

 

 

 


	25. Chapter 25

Grantaire knocked on Combeferre’s door and juggled the box in his arms, the door opened to a surprisingly chipper Combeferre,

"Morning."

"Morning, I bought doughnuts."

"Oh you star. Come in he's in the kitchen."

Grantaire walked into the apartment to Marius passed out on the chair in the living room,

"He's not woken yet. But I've checked him he is alive."

"Oh well that's good then. You seem fine."

"I stopped drinking around the time shots were suggested...can't say the same about them though."

Grantaire laughed and turned as he heard the groan in the kitchen,

"Why so loud?"

Enjolras was sat with his head in his hands and his eyes tightly shut. His shirt was untucked and his hair was a mess; there were pale black patches on each side of his face where his whiskers had clearly been rubbed off quickly. Grantaire smiled at him and put a hand on his shoulder,

"Feeling good love?"

"I wanna destroy whoever made tequila."

He groaned again and moved as though he planned to run suddenly,

"No no I'm good."

Grantaire smiled at him and placed a kiss on his head before sitting down next to him,

"Coffee Grantaire?"

"Yeah that'd be great."

"Enjolras?"

Enjolras groaned in reply and let his head drop to the table. Grantaire smirked and looked around the apartment. Combeferre put a mug in front of him and sat down; he flipped the doughnut box open and took one. Putting it on a napkin he placed it front of Enjolras,

"Head up Enjolras."

There was no answer so he got up and lifted Enjolras' head up. His eyes opened slowly and he looked at the doughnut and grimaced.

"No.....no"

His head dropped to the table again as a groan from across the room was heard; Grantaire looked at Marius, who was still fast asleep then looked at Combeferre,

"Courfeyrac.....and jehan."

Grantaire raise his eyebrow and Combeferre laughed.

"Turns out tequila can make people open up completely."

Grantaire sipped his coffee,

"You mean he finally came clean?"

"Last I saw, they were making out like horny teenagers under a blanket."

Grantaire rubbed his forehead,

"Good for them."

Combeferre took a doughnut and pulled it apart,

"Do you miss it?"

"Do I miss making out?"

Combeferre smiled,

"Do you miss drinking?"

Grantaire shrugged,

"Sometimes. I mean I miss feeling drunk. I miss the silence in my brain. I think a lot now. But this morning I do not miss it. Nor do I pity any of you."

"Cosette I didn't break it."

Marius woke with a start.

"You okay there pontmercy?"

Marius rubbed his face,

"What's going on?"

Grantaire smiled at him and raised his mug; Marius stood and stretched before rubbing his jaw and walking over to the table. He sat next to Grantaire and pointed at Enjolras,

"Is he okay?"

Combeferre leaned toward the now unconscious Enjolras,

"He's fine. He can't handle his liquor but he's fine."

Marius looked at Enjolras for a moment then got up to get coffee,

"How the hell are you absolutely fine Marius?"

Marius walked back to the table with a mug and sat down,

"I don’t know. Good genes?"

He took a doughnut and sat back.

 

They chatted for a while as Enjolras slept, when Courfeyrac appeared looking dishevelled and yawning constantly Grantaire decided it was time to go. He went behind Enjolras and clapped his shoulders,

"Come on stud. Time to go home."

Enjolras groaned and held on to Grantaire’s arm as he stood.

"I am never drinking again. Ever."

"Okay then...say thank you to the others for your party."

Enjolras looked at them for a moment and slung his arm around Grantaire’s shoulder,

"I hate you all."

Grantaire put his arm around Enjolras' waist and laughed,

"Come on bub let’s get you home."

He walked him downstairs and went out to find a cab.

 

With Enjolras snoring gently in bed Grantaire sat in the chair opposite and watched him with a smile. He felt a rush of love for the man so strong it made him feel faint for a moment; he pulled his sketchbook from his satchel on the floor and started drawing.

 Enjolras opened his eyes and rubbed them. He sat up slowly despite the thumping in his head and looked around. He was about to call out for Grantaire when he saw the picture propped up against his lamp, a sketch of himself sleeping with a note on the bottom,

'For you sleeping beauty. Gone to work- feel free to come down. Love you xoxo'

Enjolras smiled at it and studied the picture. He was sure that Grantaire had taken some artistic liberties as there was no way in hell he was that handsome. He found himself wishing he could draw so he could return the sentiment, but instead he slid the picture into the book he was reading and climbed from the pit of duvet. Standing in the shower he felt his headache subside, he was beginning to feel less like he was dying and more hungry. He dressed quickly and left for the coffee shop.

 

Enjolras walked in and smiled and Eponine,

"Ahh you're alive."

"Barely. Where is he?"

"Storage room, want me to grab him?"

"No no I'll....I'll get him."

Eponine smirked,

"Please no sex on the stock."

Enjolras looked at her and laughed,

"I don't even know how to respond to that."

Eponine laughed and turned to the next customer. Enjolras ducked around the counter and walked down the hall to the storage room. He slowed down in front of the door and listened, he could hear Grantaire singing to himself softly and he opened the door quietly. Grantaire had his back turned to him and was writing down numbers on a sheet of paper before counting more boxes. Enjolras snuck up behind him and jabbed him in the ribs,

"What're you doing?!"

Grantaire nearly jumped out of his skin and gasped a he turned around,

Enjolras nearly collapsed in a fit of giggles at the sight and Grantaire clutched his chest before punching him in the arm.

"Oh you bastard!"

Enjolras wiped his eye and rubbed his sore arm,

"Ouch. Jesus......I'm sorry but your face was amazing."

Grantaire huffed and turned back to the boxes; Enjolras went behind him and wrapped his arms around Grantaire.

"Come on, a little jump is good for the heart."

Grantaire pursed his lips and tried not to smile,

"Come on Grantaire you know you love me."

He shook his head,

"Nope sorry. You ruined it."

Enjolras chuckled lightly and kissed Grantaire’s earlobe,

"Come on....you know you do."

"I don't like you."

"Yes you do. You looooove me."

"Nope."

Enjolras looked at him and huffed dramatically,

"Fine I'll go then."

He let go of Grantaire’s waist and turned to leave,

"Nooo."

Grantaire pulled him back round and kissed him.

"See? You love me."

"You nearly made me pee my damn pants."

Enjolras bit his lip to keep the snort of laughter from coming out.

"Should be paying attention then shouldn't ya?"

"Hmmm."

He kissed him again and pulled away, picking up the sheet of numbers he left the store room and made his way back to the counter.

"You feeling better?"

"Mm much. I love the drawing by the way."

Grantaire grinned at him,

"Good I'm glad. What can I get you?"

Enjolras sat at the counter and looked at the menu on the wall,

"What do you recommend?"

Grantaire looked at it as well,

"You mean normally or for a hung-over Enjolras?"

Enjolras grinned,

"A hung-over Enjolras with a sore arm."

Eponine watched them for a second and refilled the espresso machine,

"I can make you fries if you want."

"Mmm yeah. And big coffee."

"You want anything on them?"

Enjolras thought for a moment,

"Cheese."

"Cheese?"

"Yeah."

Grantaire looked at him for a bit and shook his head; he wrote the order down and left for the kitchen. Eponine came over with a coffee and put it in front of him.

"Good night?"

"I think so.....you and Cosette have fun?"

Eponine raised her eyebrows slightly,

"Oh yeah. She showed me wedding things and dropped hints big as boulders that I should get serious with Combeferre."

Enjolras smiled and took a gulp of coffee.

"How are you two doing?"

She shrugged and rested her head on her palm,

"It's going alright...not a good as you two...”

Enjolras smiled again,

"We are doing pretty well."

"Written your vows yet?"

Enjolras laughed,

"Lord no. Been putting that off."

"Well you better get working, Grantaire’s done his."

"Seriously?"

"Oh yeah he wrote you a rap song."

Enjolras looked at her for a moment until she winked and smiled,

"Ohh very good 'Ponine."

She laughed and kissed his forehead,

"Thank you for making him so happy."

Enjolras smiled at her,

"It's all him. Believe me."

She rubbed his arm and turned to serve someone as Grantaire came out of the kitchen with a bowl of fries. He put them in front of Enjolras and smiled,

"Your hangover saviour my liege."

Enjolras did a happy wiggle that made Grantaire crack up laughing as he took a fry from the bowl, he held it in between his teeth and leant toward Grantaire who bit the other half and lent in for a kiss.

"Mm nice."

Grantaire smiled and turned to walk away,

"By the way...”

Grantaire turned back round,

"Whatever you did with the rug.....you're gonna replace it."

Grantaire blushed,

"I think I hear the machines in the back..."

Enjolras laughed and picked up his fork to finish his food.

 

"Okay you can do this. It's not that hard. Just...write the words."

Enjolras sat at the table and stared at the blank page. He stared at it in silence then huffed and threw the pen across the table.

"Grantaire?"

"Uh huh?"

"I can't do it."

Grantaire walked out of the bedroom and stared at him,

"I am not helping you write your vows Enjolras. Come on you're great with words just....write what you feel."

Enjolras stared at him and grabbed the pen, he wrote something across the page and held it up,

"I wanna touch your--Jesus Christ Enjolras."

Enjolras laughed and put the page back down before standing up and walking over to Grantaire,

"You've done yours. I can't find the words."

Grantaire wrapped his arms around Enjolras' neck,

"Just say the things you would want to hear from me. Say what you feel in there-"

He prodded Enjolras' chest,

"And finish it with I love you. It's all I need to know from you."

Enjolras looked at him for a moment and brushed the hair from his eyes,

"I love you so much Grantaire. You do know that right?"

Grantaire smiled coyly,

"I know you do. And I love you."

"But do you really? Do you really know how much I love you?"

"Enough to wanna marry me...."

"And more."

"Then write that. Write how much you love me, write why you love me....keep it clean."

Enjolras smirked,

"I don't think there are enough words to tell you those things...."

His eyes lit up as Grantaire watched him,

"See? The old cogs have started turning."

Enjolras kissed him quickly and returned to the table.

"I'm gonna be going soon."

Enjolras finished a sentence and turned to him,

"You excited?"

"Oh yeah dry bachelor party. I'm sure they're all giddy."

Enjolras smiled,

"You'll have fun and you won't be hung-over. Win win."

Grantaire pulled a hoodie on and messed with his hair,

"You can still come with you know."

"I'm not gonna go on your bachelor party. Beside we have the rehearsal dinner together."

"I'd like you to come."

"It's your party. You go and have fun."

"I'll miss you."

"I'll be here when you get back."

Grantaire walked over to him and Enjolras covered the page of writing,

"Dinner tonight?"

"Always."

"Love you."

"Love you more."

Grantaire kissed him and picked his phone up as someone knocked on the door,

"It's open!"

Eponine walked in and smiled at them,

"You ready hon?"

Grantaire nodded and kissed Enjolras quickly,

"Just keep writing, whatever you say will be perfect I promise."

Enjolras nodded and kissed him again,

"Okay he's not leaving forever. Come on."

Grantaire smiled and grabbed his keys,

"You alright 'Ponine?"

"I'm fine. Hangover gone?"

Enjolras nodded and smirked,

"Never again."

"I heard you expressed your love to Marius."

Grantaire turned to him and raised an eyebrow,

"Should I be worried?"

Enjolras looked at him,

"Oh yeah this is all a clever plan we put together so we could run away together."

Grantaire laughed,

"Did you guys hear about Courf and jehan?"

"They still hooking up?"

"No one saw them for three days. They turn up today- together. Hand in hand, Courf has a giant hickey it's amazing. I swear they're worse than you two."

"Thanks."

"You two are worse than porn."

"She is right E.....we're pretty bad."

Eponine laughed and grabbed Grantaire’s arm,

"Anywhooo.....we will be back later."

"Stay safe."

"No promises. Come Grantaire."

She dragged him from the apartment and yelled a goodbye before closing the door. Grantaire followed her downstairs and into the street where a minibus full of the others was waiting,

"In you get."

Grantaire climbed in beside Marius and turned around to say hello to everyone. Eponine climbed in front with Combeferre and they left.

"What are we doing exactly?"

Combeferre looked at Grantaire in the rear view mirror,

"Well we couldn't think of what to do that didn't require booze. So we asked your other half for a suggestion and he gave us a perfect one."

Grantaire looked at him cautiously,

"Okay.......so what are we doing?"

Courfeyrac leaned forward and gripped his shoulders,

"Rollercoasters."

Grantaire gasped in surprise then started laughing,

"Oh you guys are amazing."

"Well we figured you would get the drunken feeling but without any drink and we all wanna see how Joly reacts so...."

From the back of the bus Joly shouted,

"Just so you all know I hate everyone here. I'm only doing this because it’s Grantaire."

"Thanks Joly."

"I'm a good friend."

The bus filled with laughter as they made their way to the theme park, Grantaire pulled his phone out and typed a message,

"Great idea. I can't wait to marry you. X"


	26. Chapter 26

"Eponine can I talk to you?"

Eponine locked the door of the coffee shop and turned to Grantaire,

"Sure what's up?"

Grantaire twisted the string of his apron around his fingers,

"I'm kinda sorta freaking out a bit."

Eponine sat down and looked at him,

"About what?"

Grantaire ran a hand through his hair and sighed,

"Forever is a really long time. Like a really really long time."

Eponine smiled and got up to walk over to him,

"You're not freaking out. This is natural hon. I mean you're getting married in five days."

Grantaire looked at her,

"Yeah! And I'm freaking the hell out. I mean what if I'm making a mistake?!"

Eponine grabbed his shoulders,

"Do you love him?"

"You know I do."

"Then what's the problem?"

Grantaire sighed,

"What if he stops loving me?"

"Oh Grantaire."

She took him in her arms and hugged him,

"Believe me he is never going to stop loving you. I've never seen anyone love someone as much as he loves you."

"Really?"

"He loves you. He's always gonna love you. Where's this coming from?"

Grantaire pulled away and shrugged,

"I dunno, I just look at him and think- how the hell do you love a wretch like me?"

Eponine chuckled,

"You're not a wretch Grantaire. Besides you didn't see him when you were gone. He was beside himself. And when you came back? I've never seen anyone so happy. He's not going anywhere without you."

Grantaire looked at the floor and sniffed,

"You promise?"

Eponine hugged him again,

"I promise. Now go home and tell the man you love that you can't wait to marry him."

"I love you Eponine."

She smiled against his shoulder,

"I love you too you big dork."

 

Grantaire unlocked the door and sighed, he shook his head and laughed slightly, embarrassed about his doubts, he pushed open the door and was immediately attacked by Enjolras, who landed kisses on his face and lips,

"Mm what the..."

Enjolras pushed the door shut and slammed Grantaire against it; he cupped his face and kissed him again.

"Mm what's this in aid of?"

Enjolras looked sheepishly at him for a moment.

"Eponine called me."

"Agh I'm gonna kill her."

"Don't. I'm glad she did."

He kissed Grantaire and pressed his fingers to his lips,

"I'm never leaving you Grantaire okay? It's okay to freak out, heaven knows I've been doing it too...but there's no need."

He took Grantaire’s hand in his own,

"I'm never letting go of you again okay? You can count on me."

"You're too good for me Monsieur Enjolras."

Enjolras smiled and pressed their foreheads together,

"You realise everyone is going to know our full names?"

Grantaire chuckled,

"Sucks for you, my names awesome."

"Then why not use it?"

"Okay Vivian."

"It is not Vivian!"

Grantaire laughed and pushed them away from the door,

"Knob went straight in my back."

Enjolras looked at him for a moment and raised his eyebrows,

"I'm gonna rephrase that."

Enjolras laughed loudly and pulled him into a hug.

"Come on. I’ll make some tea."

Enjolras turned to walk away when Grantaire pulled him back,

"Are you really freaking out?"

"We're getting married R it's a big deal."

"Is it second thoughts?"

Enjolras looked shocked for a moment,

"No no no of course not."

"No cold feet?"

"My feet are lovely and warm."

Grantaire nodded and kissed him quickly.

"You said something about tea?"

 

Marius tapped his spoon on his glass and stood up,

"Can I have your attention please? I'd like to make a toast."

The other quietened down and looked at him, Enjolras slung his arm over Grantaire’s shoulders and sipped his drink,

"We are all here tonight to celebrate our friends getting married in four days’ time, and I think it's safe to say none of us saw this coming..."

The group laughed and Grantaire nuzzled Enjolras' neck,

"To see you two happy is the most important thing to us. We look at you and we think 'yes...it makes sense.' Not to everyone on the outside but it does to us. I'll always remember you Enjolras knocking on my door three years ago with the sentence 'oh crap I think I'm in love with him.' "

They laughed again and Enjolras blushed,

"But it worked out well for you, and we are so so happy to be sat here at your rehearsal dinner."

He smiled at them,

"Before this speech gets any worse, can you all raise your glass of this surprisingly good alcohol free champagne, to Enjolras and Grantaire. And the years they have ahead of them."

The others raised their glasses and joined in with the cheers. Enjolras kissed Grantaire and raised his own as well.

 

"Ahh here you are."

Grantaire turned around and smiled at Enjolras; he shifted down the bench to make room for him to sit.

"Just taking a breather."

"You okay?"

"Mmhmm. Just a bit overwhelming in there is all."

Enjolras took his hand and kissed it.

"Not long now."

Grantaire looked at him and smiled,

"I can't wait. I love you so much."

"Well that's lucky then."

Grantaire laughed,

"Shall we go in?"

Enjolras sat back and pulled him into a hug,

"Nah let’s sit here for a bit."

Grantaire rested his head on Enjolras' shoulder and sighed contentedly.

"Your first reaction to falling in love with me was 'oh crap'?"

Enjolras laughed and covered his face with his hands,

"I reacted a little better when I told you."

"If I recall you called me an idiot when you told me."

"Yeah but an idiot that I love."

Grantaire laced their fingers together and smiled.

 

"Do you want anything baby?"

Cosette stood up and took everyone's mugs Marius got up to help her and Enjolras turned to Grantaire,

"Why don't we have pet names for each other?"

"I thought we did..."

Enjolras frowned at him and Grantaire smirked,

"I thought your pet name for me was 'oh god right there don't stop--"

Enjolras covered Grantaire’s mouth with his hand and pushed him over on the sofa to the others laughing.

"Good to see the flame still burns bright with you both."

Enjolras couldn't help but laugh into Grantaire’s side before sitting back up.

"Guess it's a good idea to get married then."

Grantaire remained on his side; he rubbed his face and looked at his watch.

"It's getting pretty late. We gotta sign crap in the morning."

"Final bits?"

Courfeyrac looked at them both with a smile and picked up his drink. Enjolras yawned and nodded,

"Yeah just some forms and stuff. Then we gotta go to the gallery and talk to the woman there, then final fitting for suits and we're set. No turning back."

The group fell into a comfortable silence until Enjolras yawned again and Grantaire stood up,

"Right Mr….. Bed time for you."

"Better do as he says....see you all tomorrow at some point?"

The other said goodnight as Enjolras and Grantaire left hand in hand.

 

Enjolras flopped into bed and stretched,

"Aaaa so tired."

Grantaire yawned and put his arms behind his head,

"Sleep then."

"Can't."

"Why not?"

Enjolras smirked at him,

"Too excited."

"You big kid."

Enjolras rolled over and kissed him, Grantaire tangled his fingers in blonde curls as they kissed each other lazily. Fingers trailed over skin with no intention of speeding things up. Grantaire chuckled against Enjolras' warm skin and trailed his fingers down his back, slipping into the dip of his lower back and ended resting on the waistband of his shorts. Enjolras pulled away slightly and opened his eyes, he brushed the hair from Grantaire’s face and kissed his nose,

"It's insane."

"What is?"

"How much I love you. It shouldn't be possible to love someone so much."

Grantaire smiled at the words and ran his fingers through Enjolras' hair.

"I still can't believe you love me at all."

Enjolras smiled and brushed his lips against Grantaire’s gently,

"You should believe in yourself more."

Grantaire pressed their lips together; he opened his mouth and let Enjolras' tongue in. Enjolras shifted so he was on top of Grantaire with Grantaire’s legs wrapped around his waist,

"Mmm you trying to seduce me?"

"Depends....is it working?"

Grantaire nodded and hitched his legs up so Enjolras could pull his shorts down. He took him in hand and kissed him again, Grantaire gasped slightly and rocked up into the touch,

"I thought no more sex until the wedding night."

Enjolras smirked,

"Never gonna happen."

Enjolras looked down between them then sat back on his heels so he could pull his own shorts off. He went to climb from the bed when Grantaire stopped him,

"Wait....don't."

"Condom Grantaire."

"Don't."

"What?"

"Don't use one. I wanna feel you. I want you. Just you. Not you shrink wrapped."

Enjolras swallowed thickly and looked at Grantaire,

"It's not..."

"We're clean. We've only been with each other. You don't have to come inside if you don't want to. Just... Please."

Enjolras licked his lips and looked down at the hand gripping his arm.

"I don't know....what if...."

Grantaire shut his eyes for a moment and let go of Enjolras; he pushed him away gently and rolled away.

"Grantaire come on."

"Don't worry about it okay. Stupid idea."

He pulled his shorts up and walked to the bathroom,

"Grantaire."

"It's fine Enjolras okay? Just...it's fine."

 Enjolras rubbed his face,

"Fuck."

He climbed from the bed and rearranged himself before knocking gently on the bathroom door,

"Grantaire. Please come back to bed."

Grantaire came to the door and looked at him, he bit his lip and looked at the floor,

"It's not that I don't want to....I just.....I don't wanna risk anything."

"I don't have anything."

"I know you don't."

"Look it was a stupid idea okay I'm sorry I bought it up. Let’s just go to bed."

"I don't wanna go to sleep angry."

"I'm not angry."

Enjolras sighed,

"You're not happy. I don't want to upset you. I just....it worries me."

"What worries you? I've never done it with anyone else. Why would it be a problem?"

Enjolras shrugged,

"Don't make this into an issue Grantaire please."

"I'm not I just wanna know why you don't seem to believe me."

"It's not about that. I do believe you, and I want to do it. Nothing would be more amazing. I'm just worried about it that's all. I mean what if I give you something?"

"You don't have anything to give."

Enjolras grabbed Grantaire’s arm,

"I know I don't. I just.....anything could happen couldn't it? What if something goes wrong and I hurt you?"

"Just forget it Enjolras okay? Just forget I brought it up."

They looked at each other for a moment.

"I'm going to bed"

"I love you Grantaire."

Grantaire nodded and moved past him,

"What you not gonna say it back? Seriously? You're actually turning this into an argument?"

Grantaire looked at him,

"I'm not."

"You are. I won't do something you want, for legitimate reason I might add, and you act like a child."

"I'm acting like a child? It's not like I asked you to kill someone Enjolras! I asked you to do something that all couples do. Because I want to feel close to you."

"Why can't we feel close without risking our health?"

Grantaire threw his hands up in exasperation,

"It's not a big deal Enjolras. You're the one who's decided to make it a fight."

Enjolras dropped his head,

"I don't want to fight with you. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings okay?"

Grantaire looked at him and clenched his fists.

"It's fine."

"You're pissed off."

Grantaire turned and left the room, Enjolras followed him,

"I don't understand why you're so angry with me right now."

"Is it because of what I did? You think I spent my time when I was drunk sleeping around? Is that what it is?"

Enjolras felt as though he'd been slapped,

"No. No of course not."

"Then why? Why can't we...you know what it's not even about that. Is it really because you don't wanna hurt me or because you're worried if what I might be carrying around?"

Enjolras pinched the bridge of his nose,

"I don't think you have anything Grantaire. God why are you making such a fuss? It's not like I don't wanna have sex with you I just wanna be safe."

"But we are safe! We are clean. I mean we're getting married- doesn't that say something? I just wanted to do something that showed how much I love you. You think it isn't a big deal for me too?"

Enjolras looked at the floor,

"I know. This is so stupid."

"Thanks."

"Grantaire stop it. Why are we arguing? Like seriously we're supposed to be happy and instead we're fighting over something that doesn't even matter."

He moved to Grantaire and put his arms around him, Grantaire fought for a minute then put his head on Enjolras' chest,

"Just let me get used to the idea okay? Please."

Grantaire looked up at him,

"I don't want to fight with you. I hate it."

Grantaire rubbed his face,

"I'm sorry I over reacted."

"You didn't. I love you."

Grantaire looked at him and grabbed his shirt,

"I love you too."

 

They lay in the darkness of the bedroom, neither sleeping but instead staring at the ceiling. After a moment if chewing his lip Enjolras turned to Grantaire and was surprised to see him watching him,

"I want to feel close to you. I want to do it."

"Don't say it just to make me happy."

Enjolras took his hand.

"Wedding night. I want to feel closer to you than ever okay?"

Grantaire looked at him and sighed,

"Are you sure?"

Enjolras leaned over and kissed him,

"I'm sure."

"I can get tested again if you'd like."

Enjolras smiled in the darkness.

"You don't need to get tested......but..."

"But?"

Enjolras looked at him,

"Before we have children I want us to both get tested for everything okay?"

Grantaire gripped his face and kissed him,

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I flipped so much. Forgive me?"

Enjolras touched his lips,

"Already forgiven."

They slept facing each other, noses touching and lips brushing whenever they moved.

 

"I don't want you to go."

Grantaire pouted and looked at the floor.

"I don't want to go either but its tradition. It's just until tomorrow and then we'll never be apart okay?"

Enjolras kissed Grantaire and hugged him tightly,

"Besides Combeferre is here. And I'll see you in the morning."

"What if I can't sleep?"

"Text me."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Combeferre cleared his throat,

"Guys? Seriously. It's one night."

Enjolras smiled and kissed Grantaire again.

"Okay I'm off. Courf is coming over in a bit."

"Don't let him get you drunk."

"No alcohol tonight believe me."

Grantaire ran a hand through his hair- newly shortened from the last minute trip to the hairdresser.

"I'll see you tomorrow then."

Enjolras turned around and smiled at him, he held his hand out and took Grantaire’s hand,

"See you at the wedding."

 


	27. Chapter 27

Grantaire woke up suddenly and sat bolt upright. He scratched his head for a moment and yawned before looking over at the suit hanging on the wardrobe door; he smiled and covered his face with hands before rolling over and screaming into the pillow.

"You okay Grantaire?"

He heard Combeferre yelling in the kitchen and bounded out of bed to him, he stood in the doorway and looked at him,

"Guess what?"

Combeferre took a sip of coffee,

"What?"

Grantaire stuck his arms in the air and laughed,

"I'm marrying Enjolras today!!"

Combeferre laughed and poured him a coffee,

"Come on you dope."

Grantaire practically skipped to the table and sat down,

"You're excited then?"

"Me Combeferre. Enjolras is marrying me. Through choice!"

Combeferre couldn't help himself; he put his arm around Grantaire and squeezed his shoulder,

"I am very happy for you."

Grantaire beamed and picked up his coffee.

"What time are we heading over there?"

Combeferre rubbed his face and looked at his watch,

"We'll head over to get Eponine in a couple hours then get to the gallery for half one. Gives you an hour there before the ceremony."

Grantaire nodded and drank his coffee through a smile.

"Right let’s get you fed."

 

"Enjolras calm down they're in here."

Enjolras came out of the bathroom and sighed in relief,

"Ah thank you."

He took his socks from Marius and turned to Courfeyrac who had just arrived,

"You nervous?"

"Nope."

His slightly high voice betrayed him and Courfeyrac laughed.

"You're nervous."

"I'm not I'm...."

Marius laughed,

"You're nervous Enjolras. Everyone is. Don't worry. You'll set eyes on him and you'll forget it. Trust me."

Enjolras exhaled slowly and sat down,

"I'm not scared of getting married."

Marius clapped his shoulder,

"You'll be fine."

"You spoke to him?"

"I've sent a text yeah."

Enjolras looked up at him,

"And?"

Marius smiled again,

"And he's fine. He's excited to see you and he can't wait to get married."

Enjolras nodded,

"Good. Good. I need a drink."

Courfeyrac’s eyes lit up,

"Drink?"

Enjolras held a hand up,

"I meant coffee."

"Oh..."

Enjolras laughed and looked at his watch,

"Shit I gotta get showered."

He stood up and looked around him,

"Has anyone seen my--"

Marius held the socks up in front of him, Enjolras took them silently.

"Tell no one."

He ignored their laughing and dipped into the bathroom.

 

"I got flowers. Flowers for all."

Jehan walked into the conference room being used as a changing area with a box in his hands. Courfeyrac immediately jumped up and took it from him before placing a kiss on his lips and putting the box on the table. Enjolras turned around and smiled, jehan opened the box and pulled out a powder blue flower,

"Blue?"

"I thought it went well with your eyes."

"Thank you?"

Jehan stood in front of Enjolras and placed the flower in his button hole. He pinned it and straightened Enjolras' lapel.

"There. See? Matches them perfectly."

Enjolras took Jehans hand and squeezed it.

"You're a good friend jehan."

He smiled at Enjolras and cleared his throat,

"Okay who's next?"

Enjolras turned and looked at himself in the mirror; he tugged at his sleeves and felt in his pocket for his vows.

"Knock knock?"

Everyone turned to see Eponine in the doorway; she smiled at them clutched at her chest,

"Oh Enjolras...you look amazing."

"Thanks 'Ponine. You look beautiful."

She turned side to side, her red dress swishing around,

"Rather fancy isn't it?"

She looked at them for a moment then started as if remembering something,

"I have a present for you."

Enjolras looked at her as she held out a small bag,

"From the groom....the other groom."

Enjolras smiled and reached over to a box,

"Got one for you to return to him."

Cosette stood up,

"I'll take that to him."

She took the box from Enjolras and made for the door, Enjolras smiled at Eponine as she thrust the bag into his hands. He opened it to find a smaller box and gestured to her to find a seat. He opened the box and gasped; two silver cufflinks sat inside; square in shape and polished to shine. In the corner of each was a small stone. Enjolras stared at them in shock,

"He didn't..."

He looked in the lid to find a small card, Grantaire’s careful script sat in the middle;

"My Apollo- you have your diamonds. Xxx"

Enjolras laughed and turned the box around to the others so they could see.

"Holy hell… are those real?"

Enjolras shook his head in disbelief,

"It would seem so."

Courfeyrac took the box,

"Bloody hell mate. You got a keeper there."

Enjolras beamed and took the box back,

"Help me put them on."

 

Grantaire stared at the floor then stood up and faced the mirror. He turned as the door opened and smiled at Cosette,

"Cosette you look incredible....I can see why Marius is so enchanted by you."

Combeferre smiled at them both from the across the room. Cosette chuckled and kissed Grantaire’s cheek.

"You look so lovely Grantaire. And I have a little something for you."

She handed him the box and he smiled before opening it. He bought a hand to his mouth and gasped. He picked up the bracelet; leather strap with a silver ID band. Grantaire turned it around in his fingers and read the inscription,

"For you see, each day I love you more, today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow."

Grantaire choked out a laugh and wiped his eyes. He passed it to Combeferre, who whistled,

"Nice. Suits you."

Grantaire took it back and placed it on his wrist, he raised his arm and looked at it in the light,

"Oh that's so romantic."

Cosette touched the bracelet and smiled.

"I can't believe he had this made. I wanna kiss him right now."

"Another twenty minutes and you can."

Grantaire exhaled slowly and smiled,

"Cosette? Marius is having some kind of flower emergency....which I never thought I'd say."

She turned to Eponine and shook her head,

"Bloody men."

Eponine laughed and stepped aside for her to leave. She looked at Combeferre and widened her eyes. He looked at her and frowned before realising,

"Oh ok I'm gonna go....smoke."

He left quickly and Grantaire laughed,

"Smooth 'Ponine."

She shrugged and walked over to him,

"It did the job."

She straightened his tie as he lifted his arm,

"You like?"

Eponine grabbed it and inspected it,

"That’s gorgeous hon. Awww that's so sweet."

Grantaire smiled broadly,

"He's a good 'un I think."

Eponine smiled and then looked down and sniffed,

"Eponine what's wrong?"

She sniffed again and wiped a tear from her eye,

"It's just...you two have been through so much. And you love him so much and he...oh Grantaire he worships you. And I'm so happy for you. And so proud of you."

Grantaire smiled shakily and took her hand,

"I do love you Eponine. So much."

He chuckled,

"Maybe in another life we would have been good together."

Eponine laughed and looked at him,

"I don't know. I think in every lifetime you and Enjolras would always end up together."

"You think so?"

"Definitely."

He wiped the tear from her cheek and kissed her,

"Oi Oi what's all this?"

They turned to the door and saw jehan,

"And on your wedding day Grantaire- for shame!"

Eponine laughed,

"Don't worry. My man is a much better kisser anyway. Enjolras can have him."

She bumped Grantaire with her hip and walked out.

"I have a flower for you my friend."

"Thank you jehan but I'm taken."

Jehan smiled and passed him the flower,

"And a message from your beloved. He said he loves the gift and he can't wait to see you."

Grantaire smiled,

"Help me with this?"

Jehan pinned the flower to him and clapped his shoulders,

"You ready for this?"

"Never been more so."

 

Grantaire stood in the hallway, he could faintly hear the music playing and the sound of guests laughing and talking.

"You okay 'Taire?"

He nodded firmly but gripped Eponine’s arm a little tighter. Suddenly everything went quiet and a different song began to play. Grantaire closed his eyes and tried to slow his breathing.

 

"Cosette I know we're not super close but promise me something."

Cosette looked up at Enjolras,

"Anything Enjolras, what can I do?"

He looked at her and sputtered a laugh,

"Don't let me fall down."

Cosette gripped his arm,

"I've got you. And I think we're close. Or we should be."

He patted her hand,

"We are. I wouldn't have asked you to walk me down the aisle if I didn't think so."

She smiled and squeezed his fingers. He looked up as the music changed and the people inside the room became silent,

"You ready?"

Enjolras nodded and gripped her arm tightly.

"Don't worry. You won't trip. I promise you."

Enjolras exhaled again and walked through the double doors.

 

 


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gave them names......I tried to find names that would suit them....please don't hate me. Please.

Enjolras gripped Cosette as they walked down the aisle, when they got the front he turned and lifted her hand; he placed a kiss on it and whispered

"Thank you."

She smiled at him and touched his face before sitting down next to Marius. Enjolras stood at the front and twisted his fingers together. The doors opened again and he looked up with a smile as Grantaire walked in with Eponine. He mouthed the word.

'Wow'

And Grantaire beamed at him. Grantaire turned to Eponine when they got to the top of the aisle and kissed her cheek. She looked at Enjolras and pointed a finger at him,

"You look after him."

Enjolras smiled and stepped forward, he took Eponine’s hand and kissed it,

"I promise."

She smiled at him and he turned to Grantaire and held his hand out.

They turned to face the registrar and smiled at her. Enjolras held onto Grantaire’s hand and ran his thumb over the back of it. Grantaire stroked Enjolras' palm and smiled at him, the registrar looked at them both and cleared her throat,

"Today we celebrate love. Love that comes in many forms, love that is pure no matter which two people it is between, and it is with great joy and hope that we come together to witness Henri and Vincent join in wedlock."

Courfeyrac snorted at the name and they both looked over at him, he blushed deeply and raised a hand,

"Sorry."

Jehan elbowed him and Grantaire pursed his lips to keep from laughing before turning back to Enjolras who was trying not to laugh as well. The registrar smiled and continued to read,

"They bring all that they are to offer to each other. For the commitment of marriage demands no less. They bring their dreams and accomplishments, as well as their fears and failures. They offer each other their virtues and vices, their fortunes and wants, and their wellbeing and their neediness. Whatever time brings their way, they shall remain united. For the covenant they make today will bind them together until parted by death."

Enjolras looked at Grantaire and squeezed his hand gently.

"On this journey it is love that will make each step easy. Love sweetens shared dreams and comforts the fearful. Love is accomplished in seeing the good and overlooking the bad. In hard times love bring hope. Love is at the very centre of a meaningful life. It is the presence of love that, here today, pervades and enriches this service of celebration and commitment, and we hope continue through their whole marriage. Marriage in different than other relationships, we do not confuse it with friendship, business partnerships or caregivers, although all of those are part of being married but a marriage is so much more. It makes people kin, it celebrates intimacy, and it ties a lifelong knot. It is the most significant contract a person will make in their lifetime. It touches the heart more deeply than any other action to people can take. It strengthens the communities in ways too numerous to list. You are about to assume this relationship. You will pledge to each other your love and devotion. Henri and Vincent have found that their love for each other is so deep that they wish to commit themselves to each other in marriage."

They all looked at Courfeyrac who was sitting staring at the floor. Jehan was bright red next to him and trying not to shake with laughing. Enjolras looked at them and let out a loud,

“HA.”

He clapped his hand to his mouth then whispered sorry. Grantaire smile broadly and shut his eyes for a moment, the registrar coughed and carried on,

 "The contract of marriage is one not to be entered into lightly, but thoughtfully and with a deep realization of the obligations and responsibilities it entails. Please remember that love, loyalty, and understanding are the foundation of a happy home. No human ties are more important or tender."

 The room fell silent; no one found it funny anymore.

 "The grooms have written their own vows for the occasion, Vincent would you like to start?"

Enjolras looked at her and reached into his pocket for the card with his notes, he cleared his throat and began,

"Grantaire I love you. That's the most important thing to me. I just want to know that you feel love everyday with the same intensity and passion that I feel from you. Your strength guides me, your love heals me. I never thought it would be possible to hold this much love for one person until you came into my life...”

Grantaire swallowed hard and blinked away the tears that were pooling in his eyes,

"I spent my life fighting for causes. Always trying to save the day. When it reality it was I that needed saving. You saved me in so many ways and I vow to you, that I will spend every day- for the rest of my life and a thousand lifetimes after making you feel as safe as you make me. You are my king, my friend, my heart. I love you."

Grantaire blinked as the tear fell down his face and he wiped it away before mouthing

'I love you'

The registrar smiled and turned to him,

"Henri?"

Grantaire sniffed and looked back at Enjolras,

"I didn't know what to say to you today. I didn't think I could ever find the words to tell you what you mean to me. I searched for a long time to find a way to tell you that…you’re my life Enjolras; you brighten my day and ease my nights. Most of all though, you make me want to be a better man. A better friend, a better partner. A better being. With you by my side I feel as though I can conquer the earth. My soul feels complete when you are near. Your hand in mine helps me stand; your love helps me breathe."

Enjolras smiled and looked at the ground before looking back at Grantaire,

"You are the light that I reach toward and the darkness that soothes me. You are my saviour, my angel. The love of my life. And I will love you forever. I promise.”

He paused and smiled,

“Even when you’re going on about things I don’t understand...”

Enjolras laughed and sniffed. Grantaire smiled,

"I love you. Simple as that."

Enjolras wiped the tears from his eyes and took Grantaire’s hand again,

The registrar asked for the rings and Combeferre stepped over, he opened his hand to reveal two silver bands, each with a heart engraved inside and the date, they looked at him and he winked,

"Little gift from us all."

Grantaire beamed and took one from him before swapping his ring onto his other hand. Enjolras did the same thing and winked at Grantaire as they slid the new ones onto each other’s fingers. Grantaire beamed at him and took his hands to hold as the Registrar smiled,

"Being one unbroken circle, your rings symbolize unending love. May your rings be a constant reminder of this moment when you have pledged your unending love to one another. We have heard your vows and your promise of faithful love. May joy be with you from this day forward.  I, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the state, declare you to be wed, according to the ordinance of the law. Congratulations.”

They looked at her and raised their eyebrows, she chuckled and gestured to them,

“You may kiss.”

 Their friends stood up and cheered as Grantaire pulled Enjolras in and kissed him,

"Whoo Vincent!"

Enjolras pressed his head against Grantaire’s and laughed,

"Agh they are never gonna drop that are they?"

Grantaire shook his head and kissed him again,

"I love you so much."

"I love you too."

They turned to the guests, some of whom were looking anxiously at the group that were shouting and cheering and began to laugh. Enjolras took Grantaire’s hand as they walked back down the aisle together, their backs and shoulders were clapped, and random kisses were placed on their heads and faces as they walked out of the doors together.

As soon as the turned the corner Enjolras pulled Grantaire into the bathroom and locked the door before pressing against it and kissing him.

"I missed you last night."

Grantaire smiled against his lips,

"I missed you too. Never again though......husband."

Enjolras smiled widely and kissed him deeply, his hands gripped the front of his jacket,

"You look amazing by the way."

"Don't look so shabby yourself."

Enjoys chuckled again and pulled back to look at Grantaire. He put a hand to his face and brushed his thumb over his cheek,

"Are you happy?"

Grantaire’s slid his hands inside Enjolras' jacket and gripped his hips,

"I feel weightless. Are we sure this isn't a dream?"

Enjolras reached and pinched his arm,

"Ow!"

Enjolras laughed,

"You didn't wake up? Must be real then."

Grantaire pulled him in and kissed him again before resting his forehead against Enjolras’ and sighing,

“I’m so happy Enjolras.”

“Me too. Oh me too.”

They kissed again; Enjolras pushed his knee between Grantaire’s legs and clutched each side of his face. Grantaire chuckled and tangled his fingers in Enjolras’ hair.

“I thought married people were meant to be more…..subdued.”

“Married people don’t look as good as you do right now.”

“Why Enjolras you do flatter me.”

“Shut up you’re my husband I’m allowed.”

“Damn right I am.”

Grantaire began to slip the jacket from Enjolras’ shoulders when there was a knock on the door,

“Come on you two- there’s a hotel room for that! Come to the party.”

They both looked at the door as Combeferre knocked again,

“IN A MINUTE.”

The laughter outside echoed in the room as Grantaire pressed his head against Enjolras’ shoulder.

“Come on. We better meet the masses.”

Enjolras whined and leaned down to kiss Grantaire’s neck.

“I wanna stay here. Doing this…..doing you.”

Grantaire chuckled and ignored the stirring in his stomach,

“We got forever to do that…besides let’s not leave Courfeyrac near the cake.”

Enjolras laughed and backed away nodding, he pulled his jacket straight and stepped aside for Grantaire who smiled and ran a hand through his hair before straightening his own clothes. Enjolras went to open the door when a hand stopped him; Grantiare looked at him with a smile,

“Thank you for your words….they were beautiful.”

Enjolras put a hand on Grantaire’s face and leaned in for a kiss,

“Not as beautiful as yours.”

Grantaire blushed slightly and looked down.

“Come on, let’s go rescue our cake.”

Hand in hand they left the bathroom and made their way to the reception.


	29. Chapter 29

They walked through the doors into the room that held their reception. All the guests began to clap for them, their friends stood and smiled at them as they stood in shock, Enjolras blushed and hid his face in Grantaire’s shoulder before they made their way to the table, quick as a flash drinks were put in front of them.

"You guys okay?"

Enjolras looked around at everyone,

"Errrrr..."

The music playing provided a much needed distraction as the guests began to mingle and dance. Grantaire looked around in awe, turning only when Enjolras slipped his hand into his and squeezed it.

"How does it feel to be married?"

Eponine sat down next to Combeferre and stole his drink. Grantaire swallowed and looked at Enjolras,

"Feels like heaven."

Enjolras chuckled and kissed his head,

"You big sop."

The others laughed and conversation began to fill the table.

"Wait a second guys.... About the rings?"

Combeferre laughed,

"We got them a couple weeks ago. Figured you should have something from us all."

He paused for a moment as Courfeyrac leaned forward,

"Plus this way Enjolras has no excuse remembering your anniversary."

Enjolras looked up,

"Wait why would I be the one forgetting?"

They all laughed and Grantaire rested his head on Enjolras' shoulder.

 

"Ladies and gentleman can I ask the newlyweds to make their way to the dance floor for their first dance."

Enjolras looked at Grantaire and smirked,

"You sure you're ready to have me dancing in public again?"

"Just don't spin me and hurt anyone and we'll be fine."

They made their way to the centre of the dance floor as their song began to play. Slowly they danced to it, their eyes never leaving each other.

"They really are right aren't they?"

Everyone smiled as Cosette’s comment and watched the two in silence, as the song ended Enjolras and Grantaire kissed to a cheer from everyone. Laughing they gestured to everyone to join them. Couples danced together and others danced in groups, Courfeyrac stood behind jehan and wrapped his arms around his middle. They watched the others until Cosette ran over and pulled Jehans arm until he reluctantly left Courfeyrac’s embrace and danced with her, Courfeyrac laughed and threw an arm over Marius' shoulder.

Grantaire turned around in Enjolras' arms so his back was against his chest and pulled Enjolras' arms back around him.

"Good choice on the music by the way."

Grantaire shrugged,

"I'm perfect. It's okay."

Enjolras laughed and kissed his neck in response.

 

"Everyone. Attention please I think it's time for speeches."

Combeferre lifted his glass as he stood and faced Enjolras and Grantaire who had been whispering to each other and giggling through the entire meal.

"First of all I want to give a toast to the happy couple. It's been a hell of a road to get you two here. I mean it's been a nightmare. Getting you two to even admit you liked one another was bad enough."

The room laughed and Enjolras put a hand to his face.

"Finally though, finally you guys got together. And yes there were some rocky times,"

Grantaire smiled at the ground and looked at Enjolras who was smiling at him,

"But you guys stand here today and you deserve so much happiness. We really do love you two. We wanna bang your heads together sometimes but we love you. So if you'll all raise your glasses. To Grantaire and Enjolras, and to love."

Everyone raised their glasses and cheered them, Courfeyrac yelled

"We love you Vincent."

Enjolras glared at him before laughing and sipping his own drink. Combeferre drained his glass and sat back down as Marius stood up,

"I won't talk for long."

"Good."

"Thanks Feuilly."

He raised his glass to Marius and laughed,

"As I was saying. I think it's safe to say that when we look at these two we see love. We see friendship, loyalty; some of us have horrible flashbacks of seeing far...far too much."

One by one their friends put their hands in the air and Grantaire burst out laughing as Enjolras cringed and put his head in his hands.

"But at the end of the day we see how truly happy you make each other. We really do love you guys. Here's to your future."

Everyone clapped and Enjolras rubbed his face before standing up,

"Uhm....thanks Marius for that....and to everyone we are sorry and locks have now been bought for all rooms."

They laughed and Enjolras turned to Grantaire,

"I just want to say that this day has been a long time coming. Those of you who are around every day with us know that we have had a....shall we say tumultuous year. But standing here today with you,"

He took Grantaire’s hand.

"I know that being with you is the greatest decision I have ever made. I love you so much. Thank you for marrying me."

He turned to everyone again,

"And thank you everyone for coming and sharing this with us. We wouldn't want to share this with anyone else."

He raised his glass and sat back down, Grantaire pulled his tie and kissed him,

"Come on Grantaire! Speech!"

Grantaire groaned and stood up with Enjolras' hand on his lower back.

"What can I say that my husband hasn't already? Uhm....you guys are all awesome for this. Not today you didn't do much for that,"

The room filled with laughter and Grantaire looked at the ceiling before laughing himself,

"We honestly couldn't ask for a better group of friends. This last year has been..."

He rubbed his head and chuckled,

"It's been something alright. But having all your support has been amazing. And to you,"

He turned to Enjolras,

"I have never been so in love than I am this moment. You truly are my angel. I can't wait to start my life with you."

He touched Enjolras' face and turned to everyone,

"I think that raising a glass to you all is important- because without you we wouldn't be here today. Thanks for coming. Cheers."

The guests clapped and the music began to play again, Grantaire sat and looked at Enjolras. Enjolras grabbed his chin and pulled him in for a kiss.

"Never change okay?"

Grantaire smiled,

"I'll try?"

Enjolras smiled and kissed him again,

"Love you."

 

"Grantaire you realise it is our cake? You don't have to sneak it out?"

Grantaire took some icing on his finger and offered it to Enjolras who laughed and took the finger in his mouth,

"Isn't this much more fun though?"

Enjolras nodded and let Grantaire’s finger go.

"So apart from stealing cake why are we out here?"

They stood in the archway of the gardens and looked out at the gallery, the sound of music and laughter drifting over from the guests inside.

"I haven't had you alone all evening and I thought a breather would be good."

Enjolras nodded and put his hand in Grantaire’s pocket to grab his cigarettes. He took one out and lit it,

"You having a good time?"

Grantaire smiled,

"All in all or out here with this cake?"

Enjolras laughed and blew smoke into the air,

"I already know you're never happier than with that cake. I'm almost jealous."

Grantaire laughed as he finished the slice and put the plate beside him,

"Don't be. Can't marry cake."

"Nice."

Grantaire took the cigarette from Enjolras and took a drag,

"I got a surprise for you by the way."

Grantaire looked at him,

"Another one? Christ Enjolras."

Enjolras smirked and leaned against the wall,

"So what is it?"

Enjolras looked at him for a minute and reached into his jacket. He paused for a moment and pulled out an envelope. Handing it to Grantaire he smiled,

"Enjolras what did you do?"

Enjolras gestured for him to open and out his hands in his pockets. Grantaire held the cigarette in his lips and opened it; he pulled out a card that contained two tickets. Enjolras took the cigarette from his mouth before it fell open.

"Hawaii? Are you.....how can we even?"

Enjolras smiled,

"Told you I hid the money from the trust fund. What better way to get back at my parents than taking my husband on a honeymoon they paid for?"

Grantaire looked at him for a moment in shocked silence, Enjolras laughed,

"Are you okay?"

"Ha....are you serious?"

"Yes."

Enjolras stubbed the cigarette out and took Grantaire’s face in his hands,

"I'm serious. I love you."

Grantaire looked from his eyes to his lips,

"How did I ever get you?"

Enjolras shrugged and leaned in close so their lips were barely brushing,

"I think it's more how did I ever deserve you."

Grantaire kissed him then chuckled,

"Are you gonna wear a speedo?"

Enjolras threw his head back and laughed,

"I don't think I can subject strangers to that."

Grantaire pulled him close,

"Guess I’ll have to keep you inside to myself then."

"Guess you will."

Courfeyrac strolled over to them with a cigarette in his mouth,

"You okay guys?"

Grantaire turned to him with a grin,

"Going to Hawaii."

Courfeyrac lit his cigarette and shook his head,

"I hate you. Little bit...won't lie."

Enjolras put his arms around Grantaire and kissed him again,

"Okay that's enough."

They laughed again and looked out at the gardens as the party continued inside.

 


	30. Chapter 30

Grantaire flopped onto the bed and looked at the ceiling; he stretched his arms up and smiled. Turning his head he watched Enjolras reading the hotel information pack before taking his watch off and changing it. Grantaire turned on his side and propped his head up on his hand. He stared at Enjolras for a few moments before getting up and walking over to him. Standing behind him he slid his arms around Enjolras' waist and kissed his neck, Enjolras chuckled and gripped Grantaire’s arms before turning his head and catching Grantaire’s lips in a kiss. He turned in Grantaire’s arms and took his face in his hands as the kiss deepened.

"I stink of airplane."

Grantaire smiled against his lips,

"You smell like heaven."

Enjolras smiled,

"So you don't want to join me in the shower then?"

"I smell it now you reek."

Enjolras chuckled,

"Shower it is then."

"I suppose it's the only way."

Enjolras kissed him again and began pushing them both toward the bathroom. He pushed Grantaire up against the door and slid his hands up his shirt. His fingers ran over Grantaire’s nipples as Grantaire worked Enjolras' zipper. Pulling it down he put his hands inside Enjolras' underwear dragging another chuckle from the man,

"Going straight to it huh?"

"We've barely touched since the wedding, just be grateful I didn't mount you on the damn plane."

Enjolras pushed up against Grantaire and kissed him again, pushing his tongue inside his husband’s mouth and tasting him.

"Get in the damn shower."

Grantaire pulled his hands from Enjolras and pulled his shirt off, Enjolras watched him and licked his lips, Grantaire smirked and pulled him in again; he sucked Enjolras' bottom lips, pulling it between his teeth he ran his tongue over it before letting go and walking into the bathroom. Enjolras smiled and pressed his palm to his crotch before following him.

 

"God Enjolras quit dicking around and put it in already."

"Sheesh married three days and the romance is gone already."

Enjolras smirked as he said it and pushed in through the groans that were slipping from Grantaire.

"God..."

He pushed in further until his chest was flush against Grantaire’s back, the water from the shower poured on both of them as Enjolras gripped Grantaire’s hip before sliding out and bending Grantaire forwards slightly, he pushed in harder and Grantaire moaned; one hand gripped Enjolras' the other braced him against the wall as Enjolras began to speed up his thrusts.

"Ugh don't stop. There."

Enjolras groaned and pressed his lips against Grantaire’s neck. He kissed his way up until he had Grantaire’s earlobe in-between his lips and was sucking the soft flesh,

"Agh god....I love you so much."

Enjolras kissed back down to Grantaire’s shoulder before changing his angle slightly and thrusting upwards, Grantaire moaned and clenched around Enjolras, causing him to bite down on Grantaire’s shoulder,

"Ow fuck."

Enjolras kissed the spot and moved one hand to tangle in Grantaire’s hair, pulling his head back and kissing him.

"I love you. I love you."

Grantaire moaned against his lips before dropping his head back and moaning freely. Enjolras groaned at the sound and gripped his fingers. Grantaire squeezed his eyes shut and leant back into each thrust before moaning Enjolras' name and gripping his fingers harder. He cursed loudly as he came and Enjolras laughed before thrusting hard and coming himself. He fell forward against Grantaire, pushing him against the tiled wall. Breathing heavily they stayed pressed against each other,

"This how married people screw?"

Enjolras chuckled and pulled out slowly.

"I fucking hope so."

"Language."

Enjolras turned Grantaire around and kissed him; his hand slid between them and cupped his softened cock.

"Got no more for you right now stud."

"See? We do have pet names."

Grantaire smiled,

"Come on I'm starving."

 

"You're gonna tan just your back, you realise this?"

Enjolras looked over from his book and lowered his sunglasses,

"I don't want people seeing the scars."

Grantaire propped himself up on his elbows and looked around him at the deserted beach.

"I think you're good."

Enjolras smiled at him and shrugged,

"Anyway I'm reading."

"You'd look good with some colour."

"I don't look good now?"

Grantaire looked at him,

"You look alright."

"Nice."

Grantaire laughed and dropped his head back. Enjolras watched him for a moment and pushed his sunglasses back up his nose before rolling onto his back and shifting on the towel. He looked over at Grantaire and smiled,

"Happy now?"

Grantaire looked at him,

"Very."

"Good. Because I hate sunbathing. It's boring and there's no need for it and I--"

He was cut off as Grantaire rolled over and kissed him.

"I appreciate the sacrifice."

Enjolras whimpered slightly and cleared his throat to cover it. Grantaire laughed and kissed him again.

"I can't begin to tell you how much I love you right now."

"Mm tell it to me when I'm burnt to a crisp out here."

"You won't be burnt, you'll be golden. An Adonis."

"Adonis?"

My Adonis."

"Flirt."

"Husband please."

Enjolras laughed at put an arm behind his head. He watched Grantaire rifle through his bag and pull out the sun screen. He smirked as Grantaire covered his hands and began rubbing it into his chest.

"There. Now you really won't burn."

"You know it's a known fact that crotches get sunburned too...”

Grantaire laughed and wiped his hands on the towel.

"Nice try."

He lay back down on his towel,

"Now shut up and enjoy the sunshine."

 

"Enjolras come on. It's gorgeous out, let’s go for a walk."

"I just wanna check my emails."

Grantaire huffed dramatically and sat in the chair.

"Don't be a kid. I think the sunshine has got to you."

"I think the lack of sex has got to me."

"Lack of sex? I blew you in a hammock."

Grantaire laughed loudly and swivelled around,

"We need one of these chairs. Actually we need to bang in one of these chairs. Orgasm on the go."

He looked up at Enjolras who was frowning at the screen.

"You okay?"

Enjolras didn't answer but instead rubbed his face and leant back, his lips were pursed and his nostrils glared as he tried to remain calm.

"Enjolras what's wrong?" 

He got up and walked over to Enjolras,

"Enjolras talk to me."

Enjolras turned to him and gestured to the screen before getting up and pacing the room, Grantaire looked at him and sat down before reading the email,

 

_"Vincent,_

_Despite everything you've done. I need you to know you're still my son. I'm not going anywhere._

_Mum"_

 

Grantaire looked over to Enjolras and swallowed,

"Enjolras--"

"Everything I've done?! I've done? Fucking hell. This is bullshit Grantaire. I'm being made to feel guilty because of my life but I need to have them in it?!"

Grantaire stood and took Enjolras' arms,

"Ignore it then. You've done nothing wrong."

"It seems I have. According to the gospel of my parents. Who the fuck do they think they are?"

Grantaire grabbed his face and made him look at him,

"Listen to me. Ignore them. Do not let them get to you. Okay? Stay with me here. Enjolras?"

Enjolras blinked and a tear fell from his eye.

"I want to do it Grantaire. I want to do it so bad."

Grantaire ignored the rising pain inside him and pulled Enjolras into a hug. Enjolras shook in his arms,

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Grantaire. I hate them."

"Shhh it's okay. It's okay."

"It's not okay. It's not. Every time things are good they come back and fuck it all up. I fuck it all up."

"You've fucked nothing up. Nothing."

He put Enjolras at arms length.

"They are not ruining this for us. Don't think about it okay? Just stay here with me."

Enjolras nodded and wiped his eyes.

"Come on. Let’s get out of the room for a bit."

 

Enjolras stared at the ceiling and chewed his lip. Grantaire had long stolen the blankets but he didn't care, just lay thinking next to him. He heard Grantaire make a sound next to him and he watched him sleep for a moment. He smiled sadly at him and turned back to the ceiling. Before he even registered what was happening he had sat up and swung his legs over onto the floor. He took a step toward the bathroom when a hand grabbed him,

"What are you doing?"

He turned slowly and looked at Grantaire. He choked out a sob,

"You know where I'm going."

Grantaire tried to keep his face still despite the rising panic inside him.

"Put a shirt on. Come on we're going for a walk."

"Grantaire..."

"No arguing. I'm your husband I'm taking care of you. Come on."

Enjolras stared at him for a moment before grabbing a t-shirt from the suitcase and pulling his jeans on.

"Come on."

Grantaire held his hand out and took Enjolras'. They walked out of the room onto the patio and down the lane that led to the beach area.

"Come on."

"Where are you taking me?"

Grantaire pointed to the hammocks that lay facing the ocean,

"Grantaire...."

"No arguing."

They reached the hammocks and Grantaire climbed in, he lay down and gestured to Enjolras who climbed in beside him. Grantaire pulled him so he had Enjolras' head against his chest, he put one arm around him and the other held Enjolras' on his stomach. They listened to the waves in silence for a few moments before Enjolras spoke up,

"How are you so calm with me? I mean you've always been....no matter what I've done you're so forgiving and kind. So patient."

Grantaire ran fingers lazily through Enjolras' hair,

"Honestly I have no idea. The sight of you in pain; any kind of pain makes me feel sick. I wanna panic but I wanna soothe you more. Guess it comes with loving you."

Enjolras buried his face in Grantaire’s chest and breathed in his smell,

"I love you."

"Love you too."

They lay in silence again,

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"About it how?"

"How it feels? Maybe I can help."

Enjolras rested his chin on Grantaire’s chest and looked up at him,

"It feels like.....like this ball inside my chest that needs to explode. And it builds and builds until I have to do something."

"Until you cut?"

"Until I cut. Then it's just shame. And sick....and I hate myself because you're so strong and I'm meant to be and..."

"It's okay to feel weak Enjolras. You don't have to be the uber strong leader all the time."

"I just can't hack it.....I can handle most things but not......not them."

Grantaire squeezed his shoulder and kissed his head,

"You don't need to worry about them. I'm your family now okay? And I got you."

"You're the only person I can show this to...even Combeferre hasn't seen it. And he saw me naked."

"What? When?"

Enjolras chuckled despite himself.

"When I got beat down. He cleaned me up."

"Oh okay. I’ll let that one go then."

Enjolras smiled again,

"I'm so happy I have you. I don't think I'd be able to do this on my own."

"I'm here forever. Don't you ever worry about that."

Enjolras turned so he could see the sky and sighed.

"You know what those stars are called?"

"No ….what?"

Grantaire shrugged and laughed,

"Thank you Grantaire."

"What for?"

"Stopping me. Saving me. Being with me."

Grantaire squeezed his fingers,

"No problem."

 

"You think I’d look good in one of them?"

Grantaire slid his hand up Enjolras' thigh and whispered the question as they watched the dancers. Enjolras smirked and shifted in the seat,

"People are gonna see you trying to molest me."

Grantaire leant in and kissed Enjolras' ear,

"Legally I'm allowed to do whatever I want to you."

He kissed his cheek and rested his head on Enjolras' shoulder,

"Besides if those two can basically fuck in the restaurant,"

They looked toward the couple that had been all over each other for three days,

"Then we can do this during a show."

"People don't care when it's a guy and a girl though. It's weird when it's us."

"That or they're jealous because you're so damn hot."

Enjolras coughed and shifted again as Grantaire’s hand came dangerously close to his crotch.

"You are on thin ice there boy."

Grantaire leaned into his ear again,

"So stop me."

Enjolras let his eyes flutter shut for a moment and suddenly Grantaire’s hand was gone and everyone was applauding the dancers. Enjolras cleared his throat and clapped as well before standing up and pulling Grantaire by his shirt,

"Whoa...you gonna tell me off?"

Enjolras pulled him round the corner and pushed him up against the wall before kissing him.

"What if people see us?"

"I don't give a crap. I have a promise to keep remember?"

"A prom--ohhh."

Grantaire smiled and kissed him again.

"Better get back to the room then eh?"

"Now. Go."

 

They fell into the room whilst pulling their clothes off, Enjolras balled his shirt and threw it across the room before grabbing Grantaire’s jeans and undoing them,

"Eager huh?"

"You're the one who's been teasing me all night."

"You loved every second. Besides you knew what you were getting into when you married me."

Enjolras smiled then looked at Grantaire and touched his face gently,

"I wanna make you feel....I want you to feel everything."

Grantaire swallowed and licked his bottom lip,

"What are you talking about?"

"I want you."

"I'm here."

Enjolras kissed him again and pulled his own trousers down before pushing Grantaire onto the bed. Grantaire laughed and kicked his jeans off whilst pulling his underwear down. He started to roll on to his stomach when Enjolras grabbed him,

"Uh uh. On your back."

Grantaire smirked at him,

"You don't wanna ride this?"

Enjolras smirked and stroked himself,

"On your back boy."

Grantaire turned back and grabbed Enjolras by the neck as he climbed on top of him, he kissed him deeply until he had to pull away and reach toward the night stand,

"Why are you doing?"

"Condom."

Enjolras shook his head and took Grantaire’s hand in his before kissing him again and lifting his legs around his waist and grabbing the lube to open him up.

"You sure about this? I know you're not--"

"Grantaire shut up."

"Yeah okay."

Enjolras smiled and kissed him again as he pushed in bare.

"Ugh god you feel so good."

Grantaire moaned and threw his hand back into the pillow; he fisted his hand into the sheets and gripped Enjolras' bicep. Enjolras began to move slowly, thrusting deeply with groans before balancing himself and lifting Grantaire’s legs so they rested on his shoulders, Grantaire crossed his ankles behind Enjolras' head an leaned up for a kiss,

"I love you so much."

Enjolras thrust again and again, his orgasm building inside him faster than ever before. He thrust over and over before shoving his hand between the two of them and rubbing Grantaire until he was panting into his mouth between desperate kisses, Enjolras began to tremble before suddenly pushing Grantaire’s legs away and pulling out he crashed his lips against Grantaire’s as he came over their stomachs. Grantaire followed shortly after with a moan and they both collapsed in a heap on the bed.

"Oh my god. Just.......oh my god."

Enjolras chuckled and kissed Grantaire’s hand.

They lay in silence before Enjolras groaned and stood up,

"Where you off to?"

"I'm not falling asleep with this on my stomach. Getting a cloth."

Grantaire smiled and shut his eyes; he listened to Enjolras in the bathroom and started at the feel of the warm flannel on his stomach. He chuckled and opened his eyes to smile at Enjolras.

"Budge over."

Grantaire moved across the bed and climbed under the covers. Enjolras climbed next to him and sighed,

"You okay?"

Enjolras smiled,

"Oh yeah."

Grantaire stared at the ceiling,

"I never wanna leave this place."

"This hotel?"

"This moment."

"Ahh but reality beckons."

"Speaking of....."

Enjolras looked at him,

"What?"

Grantaire chewed his lip for a second and took Enjolras' hand.

"When we get back.....we need to deal with your folks."

Enjolras sighed and looked at the ceiling again.

"Enjolras......"

Enjolras looked at him for a minute and leant over for a kiss,

"Okay. Okay we will."

"You won't do it alone. I love you."

"I love you more."

Grantaire shook his head and kissed Enjolras' hand.

 

 

 

 

 


	31. Chapter 31

Grantaire shifted on the sofa and yawned, he turned the page in his book and smiled at the sound of the door opening,

"Hey."

"Hello husband."

"Still with the husband huh?"

Grantaire lifted his left hand in the air,

"Forever babe."

Enjolras laughed and dropped his satchel on the floor,

"Grantaire?"

"Yeah?"

Enjolras pointed to the wineglass beside him,

"What the hell is that?"

Grantaire looked up from his page and sniffed,

"That's apple juice calm down the bottles on the table."

Enjolras looked over at the half empty bottle,

"Oh....okay. Sorry....Why are you drinking it out of a wineglass?"

Without looking up Grantaire shrugged,

"Cos I'm fancy. And we have no regular glasses."

Enjolras nodded then turned,

"Wait....why don't we have any glasses?"

"Courf said he needed them for a surprise for jehan. So I said yes thinking he meant like two. But now they're all gone and so are three mugs and a bowl."

"The hell kind of surprise is it?"

"I don't even know those two are weird."

Enjolras laughed and leaned over the back of the sofa to kiss Grantaire.

"Hello husband."

Another kiss.

"I got a phone call today....."

"Oh yeah?"

Enjolras knelt down and rested his head on the sofa whilst he ran fingers through Grantaire’s hair.

"Yeah......from your mother."

Enjolras' hand stilled,

"How the hell did she get your number?"

"I have no idea. But she did. Said she wanted to see you, but you wouldn't return any of her calls."

"Unbelievable. What did you say?"

"I told her that I wasn't comfortable talking for you and that she should get in touch with you if she wants to communicate. She said she tried that but you wouldn't answer so I suggested going through the lawyer."

Enjolras smirked,

"She didn't like that so she hung up."

"I love you so much."

Grantaire grinned up at him and pulled Enjolras down to kiss him.

"So what are we gonna do?"

Enjolras sighed,

"I have no idea.....she clearly wants something. I don't know if I should just agree to see her or.........I mean she's already cut me off what else does she want?"

Grantaire touched his face,

"Maybe she wants to know her son? Maybe this whole thing made her realise what a bi--what a mistake she made."

Enjolras smiled,

"She is a bitch. It's okay."

He sighed and rested his head against Grantaire’s.

"You smell like paint."

"Thanks."

"No it's nice."

"Hmmm."

Enjolras leaned against the sofa until he groaned and stood up,

"I'm getting too old to squat like that."

Grantaire laughed and sat up,

"What do you wanna do?"

"Well I was thinking takeout..."

"About your mother doofus."

Enjolras rubbed his forehead,

"How illegal is matricide exactly?"

"I dunno. You're the lawyer.....pretty illegal though. But then again in some places so is what we did this morning."

Enjolras chuckled,

"I'm thinking what we did this morning is more immoral than illegal."

"How about in Texas?"

"Yeah we can't go to Texas."

Grantaire stood up and drained his glass before walking past Enjolras into the kitchen,

"Maybe we should meet her. Not here. Maybe at the coffee shop? I’ll be there, it's in public so you won't flip and kill her...and she can't do anything to you."

Enjolras rubbed his face,

"I am this close to having a parental based tantrum right now."

Grantaire walked over to him and wrapped his arms around his waist; he pushed his face into Enjolras' shoulder as Enjolras hugged his neck.

"You can have a tantrum I don't mind. But I can't have you dealing with this parent shit the way you have been. I don't wanna lose you. So I'm sorry but for the first time in our relationship I'm putting my foot down. We are meeting her and we are dealing with this."

Enjolras huffed out a breath and kissed Grantaire’s head,

"You realise you're the only person in the world that can tell me what to do?"

"What about an angry Cosette?"

Enjolras grimaced,

"Yes okay and an angry Cosette."

Grantaire pulled away and looked up at Enjolras who smiled,

"We'll get in touch with her. Just her I don't want my father there."

"I don't want him there either, what he did to you....I have a right mind to punch his lights out."

Enjolras chuckled and kissed Grantaire’s nose gently.

"That'd be hot though."

"You're a freak."

Enjolras widened his eyes and with a flourish put his left hand in front of Grantaire,

"Foooorever!"

Grantaire laughed loudly and let go of Enjolras to walk into the kitchen.

 

"Baby relax."

Grantaire whispered the words into Enjolras' ear and put a hand on his shaking thigh. Enjolras nodded and drained his cup before moving to get up.

"Another one? You're gonna be climbing the walls in a minute."

Enjolras looked at Grantaire and half smiled,

"I've only had two."

"You've had six. And you know it. You're gonna have a heart attack."

"I'm nervous."

"Just breathe."

Grantaire gestured to Eponine behind the counter and a few minutes later a coffee was placed in front of Enjolras. Eponine squeezed his shoulder and returned to her spot behind the till, Combeferre sat at the counter reading a magazine and pretending he wasn't there.

"It gonna be okay. I promise."

Grantaire lifted Enjolras' head and kissed him softly. The noise of the door opening alerted him and he pulled away as Enjolras' mother entered the cafe. Enjolras' face drained of colour as he saw her and he grabbed Grantaire’s hand as they stood up.

"Vincent."

"Mum..."

Enjolras turned to Grantaire again,

"You two haven't been properly introduced I don't think. This is Gra--this is Henri. My husband."

His mother flicked her eyes over Grantaire, who stuck his hand out nervously,

"Nice to meet you properly."

"Vivienne."

"Vivienne."

They sat at the table as Vivienne took her coat off, Grantaire gestured to Eponine again who was watching them carefully,

"Can I get you a drink at all?"

"Tea...please."

Enjolras gripped Grantaire’s hand under the table and stared at his mug.

"I wanted to tell you now. Your father doesn't know I'm here. Nor does he know I've been in contact with you. I'd like it to remain that way."

Enjolras scoffed,

"Don't worry I won't be running to him."

Grantaire squeezed his hand as Eponine placed the tea in front of Vivienne with a smile,

"Thank you dear."

She nodded and returned to the counter where Grantaire saw Combeferre whisper something in her ear,

"I must say I was disappointed when you didn't inform me of your....nuptials."

Enjolras looked at her,

"Are you serious? You cut me out of the family and you want an invite to my wedding?"

"Vincent please. I simply meant that you could have informed me."

"I told you I was getting married. Remember? Dad said I was disgusting. You once again did nothing."

"Once again?"

Enjolras looked at her then looked at the floor, his jaw set and his eyes angry. Vivienne sighed and turned to Grantaire who was watching Enjolras,

"I don't know anything about you Henri."

Grantaire turned to her slowly,

"What would you like to know?"

He threw a glance back at Enjolras and saw him clenching his jaw, he wanted to explode and Grantaire was worried, he'd seen Enjolras explode before and it wasn't a pretty sight. In fact it was downright scary.

"What do you do for a living?"

"I...I work here actually. I'm in school though. Like Enjolras. Only I do art."

"You call him by his last name?"

"Uh....yeah it's a...uh...we all do."

Vivienne took a drink and looked at Enjolras who was still staring at a spot on the floor.

"You have a good name; why not let people use it."

Enjolras looked at her for a moment and shook his head.

"How long have you been with my son?"

"Nearly three years....give or take a bit."

She nodded and looked back at Enjolras,

"Are you going to say anything Vincent?"

"I don't think you wanna hear what I have to say."

"I'm trying to get to know your hu--your partner."

"No you're trying to ease your own guilt. So you can run back to your little group and feel good that you went back to meet the faggot son you cut from your life. Don't come here and act the caring mother. You didn’t wanna be her when I was a teenager you don't get to be her now."

Vivienne cleared her throat and tucked her hair behind her ear.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Of course you don't."

Grantaire broke his gaze with Vivienne and looked at Enjolras; he knew that if he exploded no one could stop him.

"I simply want to--"

"Why didn't you stop him? Why didn't you ever stop him?"

"I don't know what you mean."

Enjolras looked at her and shook his head.

"If you're referring to the......incident with your father."

"Why didn't you stop him? Why didn't you.....why did you let him do that to me?"

"It was your fathers’ job in the family to discipline you."

"I didn't do anything wrong."

"You went against our beliefs. I'm sorry that he took it so far but..."

"But it was okay to beat your child? To make him feel like shit?"

"Vincent."

"Don't call me that."

Vivienne sighed and clasped her hands on the table.

"I had hoped that you and I could maintain a relationship. Despite all this. Despite..."

She looked at Grantaire briefly,

"Everything."

Enjolras looked from her to Grantaire with a frown.

"What do you mean despite everything?"

"I'm sure this.....relationship is working fine but surely son....you thought of your future?"

"My future? He is my future."

"Your future in law. You need to consider your standing in the world. Not....this fantasy."

Grantaire looked at her and felt winded for a moment,

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sure you're a lovely man Henri. But my son’s future--"

"Has nothing to do with you."

"Vincent."

"Don't. Call me that."

Vivienne shook her head

"Why are you here mum? What do want from me?"

Vivienne looked at her hands then up at Enjolras' face. Enjolras pulled his and Grantaire’s hand from his lap to the table and gripped him tightly.

"I wanted to keep you in my life."

"Just as long as I live the life you want?"

Enjolras didn't sound angry anymore. He sounded sad, beaten down. Grantaire squeezed his hand and looked at him,

"I just want what's best for you."

"Grantaire is what's best for me. You have no idea the year we've had. This year nearly killed us....but he's..."

Enjolras looked at Grantaire,

"He's the only thing in this world that I need. If you can't understand that.....then you can go."

Vivienne looked at them and cleared her throat,

"I don't wanna do this anymore mum. I wanna be free from it. Can't you understand that? If you love me. If you ever loved me.....please stop. Let me go."

Vivienne shook her head and Enjolras' shoulders dropped.

"Would you give up on your children?"

"You never fought for me. Why would you need to give up?"

"I want you to be happy."

"But I am happy. It's you. You and dad that are making me unhappy. Why can't you just leave me be? I'm married now I have my own family to take care of."

Grantaire half smiled at him and stroked his hand with his thumb. Vivienne watched them,

"If I leave here today. If I stop contacting you. Then that's it. I can no longer help you. It will be as though.....as though we don't know each other. Can you live with that?"

Grantaire looked over to Enjolras who clenched his jaw and nodded. Vivienne nodded curtly and stood up.

"You won't hear from me again."

She moved to put her hand on his shoulder and faltered; she sniffed and picked up her handbag before leaving in silence. Grantaire licked his lips and opened his mouth to say something before changing his mind and simply scooting closer to Enjolras. Enjolras looked at him and smiled weakly. Grantaire pulled him in so his head rested on his shoulder and kissed the blonde.

"You okay?"

Enjolras nodded and sat back up as Eponine came over to clean away the mugs.

"Uhm....we have pie?"

Enjolras looked at her and choked out a laugh. He put his head in his hands and sighed. Combeferre walked over and sat with them,

"You guys okay?"

Grantaire nodded and rubbed Enjolras' back soothingly.

"Do you have smokes?"

Grantaire fished the pack and lighter from his coat and gave them to Enjolras who got up and left the shop. Grantaire rubbed his face and watched him.

"Is he gonna be okay?"

"He'll be fine.”

"What about you? Are you okay?"

Grantaire looked at Combeferre and smiled,

"I'll be fine. I just need to focus on him. Excuse me."

He got up and left the shop. He found Enjolras around the corner, leaning against the wall and smoking with shaking hands. Grantaire walked over to him and wrapped his arms around his neck he buried his face into Enjolras' neck and kissed it gently,

"I love you."

Enjolras held one arm out with the cigarette dangling and kissed Grantaire’s shoulder whilst holding his waist.

"I love you too. Thank you."

"What for?"

"Everything."

"It's time to let go Enjolras. Time to start anew okay?"

Enjolras nodded and buried his face in Grantaire’s t-shirt. Grantaire held him until he felt the wetness from Enjolras' tears on his collar.

"It's okay....don't get upset about it it's not worth it."

Enjolras nodded and gasped as his body shook slightly with sobs. Grantaire held him until he stilled then pulled back. The cigarette fell to the floor as pulled out a tissue from his pocket and wiped Enjolras' eyes.

"You've been strong long enough okay? I'm here now."

Enjolras held Grantaire’s hand to his face for a moment before leaning in and kissing his lips.

"Can we go home?"

"Of course. Come on."

 

Grantaire slid his fingers in to Enjolras' shirt and stroked the warm skin of his chest. Enjolras leant against him and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Talk to me."

"What about?"

"A good time."

Grantaire out his other arm behind his head and leaned against the cushions,

"Like a memory?"

"Anything. Just a time when you were happy."

Grantaire took his hand from Enjolras' shirt and linked their fingers together.

"I remember meeting a certain man. A beautiful man."

"Do I know him?"

Grantaire smiled,

"Remember our first kiss?"

Enjolras chuckled,

"Oh yes the infamous 'fuck it' story."

"How about I tell that?"

Enjolras turned his head and nestled into Grantaire’s chest.

"Okay...”

Grantaire shifted down the sofa more until he was comfortable with Enjolras between his legs.

"Once upon a time....."

 

"Do you always do this?"

The blonde looked up from his notes and stared blankly,

"I'm sorry?"

"I said do you always do this? Protests? Making the world a better place? Super blonde."

Grantaire took a drink from his beer bottle.

"We've been talking for three weeks, what makes you think I don't do this?"

Grantaire sat opposite Enjolras and picked up his notepad.

"You're going after the teachers union?"

Enjolras blushed and kicked himself for it.

"You're cute you know that?"

"And you're drunk. At 3pm. Nice."

Grantaire grinned at him,

"I'm not drunk. Besides its 2am somewhere."

Enjolras looked at the man and found himself smiling.

"See there it is again. Cute."

"I prefer rugged."

"Oh yeah?"

Enjolras cleared his throat and started packing his things away. Grantaire reached out and touched his arm,

"I didn't offend?"

"No I....I have a lot to do."

"Can I walk with you?"

Enjolras looked at him,

"Get rid of the bottle."

"Consider it gone."

Enjolras smiled and ran a hand through his hair; he stood and put his bag over his shoulder. Grantaire drained the bottle and threw it in the bin. He turned back to Enjolras and smiled,

"Shall we?"

They walked in silence out of the coffee shop and into the street, Grantaire felt eyes on him and looked over to see Enjolras staring at him before coughing and turning red, in his fluster he tripped slightly and Grantaire grabbed him,

"You okay?"

"Fine...just...an idiot."

Grantaire chuckled and slid his hand down Enjolras' arm until their hands met, Enjolras looked at him momentarily and swallowed as Grantaire clasped his hand,

"You okay?"

"I'm uh....PDA..."

"You want me to stop?"

Enjolras turned forward again and smiled as they walked hand in hand. They came to a stop by the university gardens and Grantaire let go to sit on the bench. He pulled out his cigarettes and offered one to Enjolras who sat beside him. Grantaire lit his before turning to Enjolras and lighting his as well. They smoked for a moment before Grantaire turned to him,

"How long have you known you're gay?"

"Jesus."

"Sorry....I'm kinda abrupt huh? People tell me it's annoying. Do I annoy you?"

Enjolras took a drag and shook his head.

"Not exactly."

"Ahh so you like me?"

"You talk a lot."

"Sorry."

"I like it though."

Grantaire looked over and smiled again.

"You're very proper Blondie. You know that?"

"You can call me Enjolras...Blondie is uh....you can call me Enjolras."

"Enjolras. Sounds powerful."

Enjolras shook his head and smoked quietly.

"I like your friend by the way. What's his name? The one you're always chatting with."

"Combeferre?"

"Yeah he's cool."

"He's straight."

Grantaire looked at him and smirked,

"Sorry. I uhm..."

"Got jealous?"

"No. No......."

"Maybe?"

Enjolras laughed and finished his cigarette. He stubbed it out and cleared his throat.

"You didn't answer me by the way. How long have you known?"

"A long time."

"Hmm same."

They fell into a comfortable silence. Grantaire stared at the sky for a second before looking over at Enjolras,

"I'm your friend right?"

Enjolras looked at him and smiled,

"Sure."

"Nothing more?"

"What?"

"Would you like to see me more?"

"You really are abrupt aren't you?"

"Is that a no?"

Enjolras reddened and looked at his shoes, Grantaire sighed,

"You know what? Fuck it."

He pulled Enjolras by the shirt and kissed him. Enjolras moaned in surprise and stilled completely before kissing him back. Grantaire smiled against his lips before pulling away.

 

"And I think it's safe to say they lived happily ever after......Enjolras?"

Grantaire moved his head and smiled at the sight of Enjolras fast asleep against his chest. He kissed Enjolras' head softly before reaching for the remote and turning the channel on the TV.

"Love you Blondie."

 

 

 

 


	32. Chapter 32

Standing against the wall; Grantaire finished his cigarette and stubbed it out. He walked toward the group of students crowding the makeshift stage in the quad. He pushed into the throng of people and smiled at the sight of Enjolras. He was yelling into the crowd, riling them up and gesturing wildly. Marius stood next to him handing out leaflets to a person at the side. Grantaire stared up at his husband with pride,

"He's so fine."

Grantaire looked over at the girl in front him and her friend,

"Which one? Brunette or blonde?"

"Blonde duh!"

"Yeah he's cute."

Grantaire suppressed a smile and stepped closer to their conversation,

"I bet he's good in the sack. Look at those arms."

Grantaire smiled to himself,

"You should hit that. You totally should you guys would look great together."

Grantaire looked the girl up and down and smirked,

"Do you think?"

"Yeah he'd jump at the chance. I bet he's gagging for it."

Grantaire looked down and tried not to laugh, of all the things Enjolras could be, gagging for it was not one of them. Especially considering the wake up he'd given him that morning.

"I've never seen him with a girl around so I bet he'd kill to get some from you."

Grantaire couldn't help it; he lifted his satchel on to his shoulder and stepped next to the girl,

"Oh you should definitely go for it."

They turned and looked at him blankly,

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry to interrupt and all but,"

He pointed at Enjolras,

"I know him. You should go for it."

He began to walk away then turned back to them,

"I hear he's a terrific lay."

The girls looked at him as though he was mental and he chuckled as he walked through the crowd. He pushed his way to the front and clapped Combeferre on the back,

"How you doing man?"

"Ah your husband has been looking for you."

Grantaire smiled and pushed through to the side of the stage; he nodded at Marius and stepped behind him. Enjolras spotted him and smiled before walking over to him,

"You came."

"Mm got out early."

Grantaire looked to the crowd and saw the two girls watching him,

"By the way you are very popular."

"What?"

Grantaire pointed out the two girls and leaned into Enjolras' ear,

"Apparently you are 'gagging for it' and would kill to be seen with her."

Enjolras looked at the girl, who blushed before looking back at Grantaire,

"I don't understand...."

Grantaire laughed and pulled Enjolras into a kiss, Enjolras made a surprised sound and laughed,

"Ahh I get it now."

"So smart."

Grantaire looked back at the crowd; the girls were staring at them in horror before looking away.

"You genuinely did that to make two girls jealous?"

"I did that to mark my territory."

"Well.......thanks for not peeing on me."

Someone stopped and looked at them which made Grantaire laugh again,

"Alright oh heavenly leader. When are you done?"

"You not gonna stay?”

"Can't. Had a 911 message from Courf."

"Are we gonna get out glasses back?"

"I don't know. I’ll see if I can sneak them out."

Enjolras chuckled and checked his watch,

"Should be done by six."

"I will be waiting."

"Stay safe."

Grantaire looked at the girls again and smiled,

"You too."

He kissed him again.

"Love you."

"Love you more."

Grantaire smiled and walked from the group of students toward Courfeyrac’s building.

 

"You built him a what?"

"A fairy garden."

"A fairy..."

"Garden."

"Right?"

Courfeyrac sighed and sat on a stool. He dumped the paintbrushes in his hand on the counter and looked at Grantaire.

"I built him a garden because he loves them. And he loves the story of fairies."

"I'm not even gonna touch that one."

"So I made him one."

"With our glasses?"

"I needed lanterns."

"And now you need me to?"

"Paint fairies."

Grantaire looked at Courfeyrac for a moment.

"I'm sorry one more time. Why on earth are you doing this?"

"Wouldn't you do it for Enjolras?"

"Are you asking me if I would build a fairy garden for Enjolras?"

"Would you build him something that'd make him happy?"

Grantaire sighed and looked at Courfeyrac.

"Okay Gimme the brush."

"Thanks Grantaire."

"You can make it up to me in....I don't know.....brownies."

Courfeyrac laughed and dragged Grantaire into the courtyard of his home. Grantaire stood in the doorway and gasped,

"Holy shit."

"No cussing in the fairy garden."

"Sorry. But........holy shit this is amazing."

Courfeyrac blushed and looked down.

"Come on then let's make your love some fairies."

"You're a good guy Grantaire. You and Enjolras are gonna be happy forever aren't you?"

Grantaire smiled at him.

"Yeah I think we are."

 

TWO YEARS LATER

"Grantaire where are you going?"

"The fuck away from you."

Enjolras grabbed his arm as he walked past but Grantaire shakes his grip away,

"Don't fucking touch me Enjolras I swear to god!"

Grantaire pulled away and strode to the bedroom.

"So what? I make one mistake and you're gone?"

"One mistake? It's not like you forgot to pick up the milk Enjolras, you really fucking hurt me. Don't you understand?"

"I made a slip up. Why is this big deal?"

Grantaire glared at Enjolras and turned to the cupboard. Opening it he pulled out a rucksack and threw it on the bed,

"Grantaire what are you doing? Come on."

"You really asked me why this is a big deal?"

Enjolras rubbed his face and pulled his jacket off.

"I said I was sorry. It's not like I cheated on you."

"YOU DENYED ME ENJOLRAS. YOU STOOD THERE AND LIED ABOUT WHO I WAS."

"I DIDN'T DO IT TO HURT YOU. I DON'T WANT THEM KNOWING MY LIFE."

"OUR LIFE."

Enjolras groaned and ran his hand through his hair,

"Grantaire this is stupid. Why are you getting so angry? I didn't deny you. I never deny you. I just said...."

"You just said that I was your friend."

Grantaire sniffed and headed to the chest of drawers, he pulled out some shirts and underwear and stuffed them in the rucksack.

"Grantaire you can't go because of this."

"Why? Tell me why I should let this go."

"Because I'm sorry. I made a mistake okay? It was an accident."

"No. No an accident is calling me your boyfriend two days after we're married. Not calling your husband of two years, of TWO YEARS your friend."

Enjolras looked at him and felt sick, the world moved slowly as he watched Grantaire pack the rucksack, his throat felt tight as he whispered,

"Please don't leave me."

Grantaire shook his head and stuffed some more clothes in the bag. He pushed past Enjolras and went into the bathroom.

"Grantaire please can we talk about this."

"Did I ever make you pretend you're something else to me? Did I ever lie to people about our relationship?"

Enjolras rubbed his nose; Grantaire stared at him for a moment and scoffed,

"It's not as easy for me to be open about these things you know that."

"I'm not saying you need to dress in rainbow and march in a parade Enjolras. But to stand there and tell people that I'm nothing to you? Don't blame it on your hang ups okay? Don't be an even bigger shit than you already are."

"Grantaire please."

"Get off me."

"Please."

Grantaire yanked his arm free and pushed past into the bedroom.

"So this is it? You're giving up because of that?"

"Don't put this on me Enjolras."

He walked to the door and Enjolras darted in front of him; blocking his way.

"Enjolras get out of my way."

"I'm not losing you because you're pissed off."

"Pissed off? Try fucking heart broken. YOU HAVE NO IDEA DO YOU? I HAVE CHANGED EVERYTHING FOR YOU ENJOLRAS. EVERYTHING. And you?"

Grantaire pushed his chest,

"You don't seem to care enough to tell people that we're fucking married."

"I'm sorry."

"Shut the fuck up."

"Grantaire."

"Just get the hell out of my way."

"No."

"Enjolras move out of my way."

"Stay here and sort this out."

"I have nothing to sort out."

"Really? You're just gonna go?"

"Get out of the way."

Enjolras sighed and stepped to the side. Grantaire pushed him aside further and walked out.

"Tell me what I can do to make this better. Please tell me Grantaire."

Grantaire looked over at him and Enjolras felt as though he'd been slapped,

"There's nothing you can do Enjolras."

Enjolras' voice broke as the tears threatened,

"Please don't go. Please."

Grantaire looked at him for a moment before turning and leaving the apartment; slamming the door behind him.

 


	33. Chapter 33

_"Grantaire please pick up. Please. I'm sorry, okay? I'm so sorry. I just want to talk to you. Please. *sigh* I love you."_

_"Grantaire are you there? Can you pick up please? This is.....I need to talk to you......call me back? I love you."_

_"Grantaire come on. It's been two days. Please answer me. I just want this sorted out. I just want you home. Please come home. Please come back to me........I love you."_

_"I'm not giving in Grantaire. I'm not letting you go. This is not what ends us. We got through worse than this. Please pick up. I miss you.....I’m sorry. I love you."_

_"You won't answer the phone so I'm texting you. I will never give this up Grantaire I love you too much for that. We cannot finish over my stupidity. At least let me explain. I love you. I love you so much. Please talk to me."_

_"I miss you. I don't want this. I know I've fucked up bad. And I know I hurt you and it's killing me. I need you Grantaire. I need you to have a reason to live every day. Please hear me out. I love you."_

Eponine watched Grantaire from the doorway and sighed, she walked over to him and lowered herself into the chair,

 

"How you doing Hun?"

 

Grantaire looked at her and lifted his phone,

 

"He text me again. Just 'I’m sorry.'"

 

"He's obviously sorry then."

 

Eponine smiled sadly,

 

"You gonna talk to him?"

 

"I want to."

 

Grantaire sighed at the tear fell down his face,

 

"I want to so much. I miss him so damn much. But.......it hurts Eponine. It really hurts."

 

She took his hand and squeezed it,

 

"Do you think he meant it?"

 

"He said he did it because he wanted us to keep our lives private.....but he just.....I mean just say you don't wanna talk about it. Or don't take me to meet these people."

 

Eponine passed him a tissue as more tears fell.

 

"How many of these people think their co-worker has an obsessed stalker friend?"

 

"I'm sure they don't think that."

 

"He didn't even hesitate though. It just came out. How many people has he told that to? How many times has he been out with me and told people we were friends? If he'd asked me. If he'd told me he was uncomfortable about it....I would have agreed. But....he just.....it's like he's ashamed."

 

"He is not ashamed of you. He is so in love with you he's just...."

 

"A douchebag."

 

Eponine shifted in the seat and ran a hand over her swollen stomach.

 

"I'm sorry Eponine I don't mean to bring this all to you. I'm a dick. I’ll go."

 

"The hell you will. You'll stay here until you sort this out."

 

Grantaire smiled at her and she gasped,

 

"What's wrong?"

 

Eponine grabbed his hand and pressed it to her stomach,

 

"You feel that?"

 

Grantaire looked at her and laughed,

 

"He's kicking so much!"

 

"Or she!"

 

"That is a boy. The way he's moving about? Boy for sure."

 

"I don't care either way. As long as it’s healthy.....and it gets my eyes."

 

Grantaire chuckled,

 

"I've never seen Combeferre so excited about anything."

 

"He's been amazing."

 

"You're lucky."

 

"So are you. Grantaire. He loves you. How many times has he tried to get hold of you?"

 

Grantaire sighed and moved back onto the sofa,

 

"A lot."

 

"A lot."

 

"He hurt me Eponine."

 

"Do you want it over? Do you want to leave him?"

 

Grantaire looked at her for a moment,

 

"I love him."

 

"Then get him."

 

"How can I? How can I trust him?"

 

"Trust him? He didn't cheat on you Grantaire."

 

"How can I know that? He lied about being married to me, who knows what else he's done?"

 

"You don't believe that. You don't."

 

Grantaire shook his head.

 

"Talk to him Grantaire."

 

His phone vibrated again and Eponine looked at it before standing up and touching his face,

 

"Don't let this end and not even fight for it."

 

Grantaire smiled sadly and picked up the phone,

 

"Hello?"

 

"Grantaire. You...are you okay?"

 

"I'm okay."

 

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry baby please, please believe me. I never meant to hurt you. I promise you that. It was not something spiteful toward you I swear to god. I love you."

 

"I know you do."

 

"Please come home. I need you."

 

"Enjolras-"

 

"Please. Please don't give up on us."

 

Grantaire stood in silence, he ached for Enjolras. Everything in his body was screaming for him. But his heart was stopping him,

 

"Are you still there?"

 

"I'm here."

 

"Come home."

 

"I can't Enjolras. It hurts too much."

 

He heard and scuffle on the phone, he shut his eyes and pictured Enjolras in the flat, pacing up and down in his sweats and chewing his fingers like he always did when he was stressed, when Enjolras spoke again; Grantaire could hear the tears.

 

"I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't. I love you so much please. I'm an idiot I know that but I love you. Please don't leave me. I can't do this without you."

 

Grantaire said nothing. He swallowed hard and squeezed his eyes shut,

 

"You can do this Enjolras. You know you can."

 

"I don't want to without you. I want you here. I want this stupidity to be over and I want you to love me again."

 

"I love you. I do. I love you I just.....don't trust you."

 

"Don't say that. Please don't say that."

 

"It's not easy Enjolras. I'm not enjoying this."

 

"Can I see you? I need to see you."

 

Grantaire ran a hand through his hair and sighed,

 

"Meet me tomorrow. At the benches."

 

He heard Enjolras move again,

 

"Okay. Okay I'll be there. Midday?"

 

"Okay."

 

"I love you Grantaire. I really love you."

 

"I love you too."

 

"I'll see you tomorrow."

 

Grantaire hung up and dropped back on the sofa; he covered his face with his hands and wept.

 

 

Grantaire sat and stared at the people milling about; he felt the presence and turned to see Enjolras,

 

"Hi."

 

Enjolras stepped forward and faltered. He sat beside Grantaire and reached out for his hand. Grantaire moved it away and folded his arms.

 

"Grantaire please."

 

"You wanted to talk to me.....so talk."

 

Enjolras' face dropped and Grantaire couldn't look at him,

 

"I didn't do this to hurt you. I swear to god."

 

"Then why do it?"

 

Enjolras shrugged,

 

"I didn't want them to know about me. I wanted them to not care so I could just live my life. Our life."

 

"By lying about who I am?"

 

"By keeping you out of that stupid world."

 

"It's your world."

 

"And it's a horrible place. I didn't want you to be a part of it."

 

Grantaire looked at him,

 

"You didn't want me to be a part of your world?"

 

"No. That's-- that's not what I mean. I didn't want you to have to deal with that bullshit. That homophobic, boy’s club bullshit."

 

"It's 2013 Enjolras not the fucking 30s. And in case you don't know I can deal with a couple of pricks. It’s not like they're old age pensioners stuck in the middle Ages."

 

"I don't know what to say."

 

"Is it me?"

 

"What?"

 

"I mean was it that you didn't want them to know you're married to a man or that you didn't want them to know you're married to me?"

 

Enjolras wiped his face,

 

"How could you ask me that? I am so in love with you, I am so proud of you and I am so proud of our relationship."

 

"Yeah feels that way."

 

"You think I don't love you?"

 

"I think I stood next to you. I met these people and you introduced me as a friend. You didn't even hesitate. Like it was the easiest thing in the world to lie about me. I would never lie about you."

 

He looked at him and sniffed,

 

"I would never do that to you. Don't you get why it hurts?"

 

Enjolras nodded,

 

"I know. I know believe me I've thought of nothing but for the last few days."

 

"But you still did it. With me there for fuck sake."

 

Enjolras sat forward and rested his arms on his knees.

 

"I don't know how to make this up to you. I just want you back."

 

"I can't yet. Please understand that."

 

Enjolras looked at him and turned to the floor as the tears came.

 

"I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you."

 

Grantaire looked at him and put a hand on his back, Enjolras sat up and pulled him into a hug,

 

"Please tell me we're gonna be okay."

 

"I don't know. I don't know Enjolras."

 

"I love you."

 

"I love you too."

 

Enjolras pulled away and wiped his eyes,

 

"I'll make this up to you. I will. I'm not losing this. Not after everything. We're stronger than that."

 

Grantaire looked at him and pressed a kiss to his temple.

 

"I hope so. I have to go."

 

"Don't. Don't please don't go."

 

"We'll talk again okay?"

 

Enjolras stood up with Grantaire and grabbed his arm,

 

"Tell me you're not giving up on us. Please. Just say those words."

 

Grantaire turned to him,

 

"I can tell you I love you. That's all I have right now. I do love you. But I don't like you."

 

"No more than I hate myself."

 

"Goodbye Enjolras."

 

"Grantaire please."

 

Grantaire turned to him and grabbed his face, he leant in and pressed their foreheads together,

 

"I love you Apollo. Don't think I don't. Please stay safe okay? Don't give in and hurt yourself."

 

He pressed a kiss to his lips quickly and walked away. Enjolras watched him go before sitting back on the bench and sobbing into his hands.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	34. Chapter 34

Combeferre passed Enjolras a mug and sighed,

"I cannot believe we are here again."

Enjolras looked up at him with puffy eyes,

"It's not like I planned it."

"I know you didn't. I didn't mean it like that."

"You don't need to be here. Eponine must need you."

"Eponine is at some yoga thing with Cosette. So we are fine."

"How is she?"

"She is six months pregnant. She is craving everything on earth at every hour of the day. But she's good."

"You must be excited. Becoming a dad."

"Feels amazing. Really. You'll see one day when you and Grantaire have one."

Enjolras scoffed,

"If he'll ever even wanna see me again."

Combeferre looked at him and groaned.

"Right that's it."

He stood up and pulled his phone out,

"What are you doing?"

"I'm calling him."

"No Combeferre."

"Sit down and shut up. Grantaire? Get your arse over to your apartment now. I don't care if you don't think it's a good idea. Either you come here or I will drag you. You want me to call Eponine and tell her you're arguing this? That's what I thought. No now. Alright bye."

He looked over to Enjolras, who was staring at him,

"You and he are sorting this out. I don't care if I have to lock you in a room until you've made up. Now go shower before he gets here."

"Combeferre--"

"Go shower so help me Enjolras I will kick your arse."

Enjolras silently stood up and walked to the bathroom. Combeferre watched him and sighed before falling into the sofa and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Bloody kids."

 

Grantaire went to unlock the door before changing his mind. He knocked on the door and waited, Combeferre opened and gestured to him,

"Get inside."

He stepped in and saw Enjolras sitting on the chair staring at his hands.

"Sit down."

Grantaire looked at him,

"I said sit down."

"Are we in trouble?"

"You will be if you don't do as I say now sit down."

Grantaire sat on the sofa and looked at Enjolras. Enjolras looked up and caught his eye before looking away again,

"Now you two are gonna sort this out. I don't know what happened; frankly I’m not sure I wanna know. But you two need to sort this out."

Grantaire looked at Enjolras and sighed,

"Shall I tell?"

Enjolras looked at him; he shut his eyes briefly and looked at the floor.

Grantaire shook his head before opening his mouth.

 

_They walked down the road toward the cafe and laughed at something Courfeyrac sent Grantaire. Enjolras slung his arm over Grantaire’s shoulder and smiled before kissing his head. The phone in Grantaire’s hand began to ring and he stopped,_

_"Its work I'm just gonna...hello"_

_He walked away and stood in a doorway to talk to his boss as Enjolras looked in a shop window,_

_"Hey Enj!"_

_He turned slowly and felt his stomach clench as he saw his co-worker and his girlfriend walk towards him, he shot a glance to Grantaire who was busy talking on the phone and hadn't noticed,_

_"Hi Adam. You okay?"_

_"Yeah yeah, you remember Chelsea?"_

_"Of course hi."_

_He shook the girls hand and cleared his throat nervously,_

_"What are you doing down this way?"_

_"Buying a house warming gift. What about you?"_

_Enjolras scratched his neck and looked over to Grantaire quickly,_

_"Actually heading to meet some people."_

_"Oh cool. Hello?"_

_Enjolras swallowed as Grantaire stood next to him,_

_"Hi I'm Grantaire I'm his-"_

_"Friend. From school."_

_Adam smiled and shook Grantaire’s hand, Grantaire smiled tightly at him,_

_"I'm Adam. I work with him."_

_Grantaire nodded, unable to make sound for fear of what would come out._

_"This is Chelsea."_

_Grantaire smiled at her and Adam put his arm around her,_

_"We should get going. It was nice to meet you."_

_"You too."_

_"I'll see you Monday."_

_Enjolras smiled,_

_"See you Monday."_

_The two walked away, leaving Grantaire and Enjolras in the street._

_Enjolras looked over to Grantaire slowly,_

_"Grantaire...."_

_"Don't."_

_He turned to Enjolras, his face burning,_

_"I didn't mean...."_

_"Fuck you."_

_Grantaire pulled away from Enjolras' reach and stormed off down the street._

_"Grantaire please. I'm sorry it slipped out."_

_"Slipped out? Slipped out?!"_

_"Slow down. Grantaire."_

_He grabbed Grantaire’s arm and pulled him aside,_

_"I'm your friend? Your friend Enjolras?"_

_Grantaire pushed him in the chest,_

_"Fuck you Enjolras. Seriously. Fuck you."_

_Grantaire took off again. Enjolras rubbed his face before chasing him._

 

Combeferre looked to Enjolras, who was staring intently at his shoes,

"That was pretty dickish Enjolras."

"You think I don't know that?! You think I don't wish I could take it back?"

"You haven't told me why."

Enjolras looked at Grantaire, who was staring at him,

"I'm sorry?"

"You never told me why you did it."

"I don't know why I did it."

"Yes you do. You do know why. You obviously didn't want to introduce me to this guy, who by the way I have never heard you mention so he can't be anything important. So why do it? Are you that ashamed?"

"I am not ashamed of you. You know I'm not ashamed of you."

"So why? I mean we never had an issue with how we introduce each other. It's always been open. You introduce me to your homophobic family, you'll make out with me on the street; I mean fuck you're all over me when we go out. But one guy from your job and you're suddenly embarrassed to say you're married to me? I mean come on Enjolras. What are you in love with him or something?"

Enjolras flinched as though he'd been struck.

"What did you just ask me?"

"I asked you if you wanted him. Is that why you didn't tell him about me? You want him so you need him to think you're single?"

Enjolras stood up and rubbed his face, Combeferre looked at them both slightly concerned about where the argument was going to go.

"I cannot believe you just fucking asked me that. You honestly think I could ever EVER have feelings for anyone else? Really?"

"THEN WHY NOT TELL HIM ABOUT ME?"

"BECAUSE THEY FUCKING HATE GAYS OKAY?! I WORK THERE EVERYDAY AND I LISTEN TO THEM GO ON AND ON ABOUT IT, AND IT MAKES ME SICK."

Grantaire looked at him and sat back in the sofa more,

"I didn't say anything because I had to fight to even get this job. If they find out that I'm...."

"Say it. Go on say it. If they find out you're a fucking queer they'll make your life a misery. You'd rather live a lie. Again. Fuck Enjolras it's your parents all over again. What's it gonna take this time? You gonna actually kill yourself before you deal with these fucking issues?"

Combeferre watched Enjolras clench his fists and moved forward slightly,

"It is not the same thing. I leave my family who cares. I leave this job and I am fucked. You have any idea how hard the law world is to be in? How fucking competitive it is? It's not like the fucking art life Grantaire. We're not all waving the fucking rainbow flag."

"Why does it matter?! Why does it matter so much that you make it if you have to lie?"

"Because without it I have NOTHING."

"YOU HAVE ME."

Grantaire stood up and ran a hand through his hair. He walked to the other side of the sofa and turned his back on Enjolras.

"You know what? If you had asked me. If you had just asked me; I would have done it for you without hesitation. But you clearly don't trust me enough for that. I mean....what do you think I'm gonna do?"

"Well judging by this?"

"BECAUSE IM HURT ENJOLRAS. I FUCKING HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE THIS."

Enjolras wiped his eye furiously,

"So you're giving up then? That's it? I have fucking issues with something and you don't like it so you leave."

"Don't do that."

"What?"

"Don't make yourself out to be a goddamn martyr and me the villain here. I am not the villain here. You and your goddamn lack of communication is what fucked this up. You desperate need to be accepted. You know what Enjolras? They are never gonna accept you because you don't accept yourself."

The room was silent. Enjolras and Grantaire stared at each other, Combeferre stood in the corner wide eyed.

"Guys....?"

Grantaire sniffed and shrugged,

"You know what? I'm not gonna do this. I can't."

"What do you mean?"

"I love you Enjolras. I would die for you but right now I am so close to throwing in the towel."

"Don't say that. Please don't say that."

"I can not do this if you don't start being open with me."

"Don't leave me. Please don't leave me I can't survive without you. Not again. I won't be able to stop if you go."

"Do not put that on me. Don't you dare put that on me!"

Combeferre watched them in confusion, suddenly very aware that he may have messed up with his plan.

"I'm sorry Grantaire. I am trying so hard here. I can't hold it together without you. Please don't leave me I love you."

Grantaire let out a sob suddenly as Enjolras fell to his knees.

"I don't want to do this alone. I need you."

Grantaire dropped down in front of him and took his head in his hands, he held Enjolras' face up and kissed his tear stained cheek.

"I am so in love with you Enjolras but this is killing us. You want the law world then fine you have it. But you have to be honest with them."

"I can't. I can't do that."

Grantaire shut his eyes and pressed his forehead against Enjolras'

"Is it just them?"

"What?"

"Is it just them that you have to lie to?"

"I don't..."

"I'll be your friend Enjolras. I’ll do that in front of them. I love you. But so help me if you make me do it for more people. If you make me into a secret in other places. Then that's it. I won't live with that. Do you understand?"

Enjolras looked at him and gripped his arms.

"You would seriously do that for me?"

Grantaire shook his head,

"I'd do it for us."

"I'm sorry Grantaire. I'm so sorry."

"I know. I know."

Grantaire pulled him into a hug and held him close as they let the tears fall. Neither of them heard Combeferre leave.

 

 


	35. Chapter 35

Grantaire pulled away and looked at Enjolras,

"Look at me. Enjolras look at me."

Enjolras looked at him and gripped his shirt tighter,

"We are not okay Enjolras. Don't take this as being okay. I need you to get help. We can't survive like this. We can't."

Enjolras looked at Grantaire’s lips and sniffed,

"Enjolras. You need to face up to your issues. You need to. I can't live like this. You were so strong with your parents, I don't know what happened. We can't keep fighting."

Enjolras nodded and chewed his lip. Grantaire wiped a tear from his cheek,

"You're going back to therapy."

Enjolras looked him in the eye,

"I don't...."

"I don't care if you don't want to. I don't give a fuck if you hate the therapist, or if you don't want to share your thoughts with someone. You need it. You're going. If you wanna stay in this marriage then you will do this. Do you understand?"

Enjolras nodded silently. Grantaire held Enjolras' face and made him look him in the eye,

"If you ever. Ever pull that blackmail shit on me again. I swear to god I will not hesitate to walk out that door. Do you understand me?"

Enjolras stared at him with shocked eyes,

"I didn't mean to....fuck I’m....Grantaire I didn't mean to do that."

"Don't ever do it again. Ever."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Grantaire ran a hand through Enjolras' hair before standing up, Enjolras grabbed his arm.

"Will you stay?"

He looked up at the man pleadingly,

"Please stay."

"I can't. I can't just pretend that I'm not hurt Enjolras. I can't shove it to the back of my mind. I'm not leaving you. But I'm not jumping straight back into how it was before."

Enjolras dropped his hand and looked at the floor. He sighed and rubbed his face. Standing up he turned to Grantaire.

"I'm never gonna stop fighting for you. You'll see that. You will."

Grantaire reached out and touched his arm,

"I hope so. I really do."

"Stay for a while. Just.....I miss you so much."

"I miss you too."

"Grantaire I'm scared. I'm never scared but right now.....I'm terrified that I've fucked this up so bad you're gonna walk out that door and never come back."

"Then get help."

He walked forward and took Enjolras' face in his hands again,

"Just get these issues sorted out. Talk to someone, fucking talk to me. I'm right here and I want to listen to you. I want to be the one you turn to. Just. Talk."

"What if I say something that I regret?"

"Like what?"

"Like how I know I'm a worthless piece of shit that never deserved you. How I know that you are so good and so kind and pure and I drove you to things that you have to deal with for the rest of your life. How I know that I'm despised by my own parents and it’s because of that that I'm fucked in the head. How I know that the only reason I don't go in that bathroom and slit my wrists is because the thought of never seeing your face again is worse than the thought of dying."

He broke off as a sob escaped him, Grantaire stood there in shock, his hands still holding Enjolras' head,

"I never wanted my life to be like this. I wanted to do well. I wanted to help people and make a difference. Not work with people who hate who I am and hurt the only person who has ever loved me. I am so sorry for that. I love you so much and I honest to god cannot find a reason as to why you would forgive me time and time again. I don't deserve your love. I don't."

Grantaire pulled him in to a hug and held him tightly as Enjolras shook in his arms. The only thing running through his mind scared the hell out of him as well.

_"I don't know if we're strong enough for this."_

He didn't say it though. Instead he placed kisses on Enjolras head and neck and whispered,

"I love you. I love you. I love you."

 

Combeferre entered the cafe and looked around for Eponine. Seeing her behind the counter he strode over and pulled her into a kiss.

"Ooh....what was that for?"

He tucked her hair behind her ear and rested a hand on her belly.

"I love you. I never want you to ever think for a second that I don't. I am so happy that we are having this baby together I cannot wait. You're gonna be amazing."

She stared at him and smiled,

"Where did this come from?"

"It comes from being in the middle of a giant fight between your best friend and his husband. Made me want to come tell you I love you."

He leant down and kissed her bump,

"And I love you."

She giggled and he leaned up with a smile,

"We love you too."

"I'm worried for them 'Ponine. That fight..."

"They'll be okay. They've got through worse."

Combeferre wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head.

"When you off?"

"Not for a bit. Got some paperwork to do."

"Need help?"

"Not for this but I got a load of daddy chapters from Cosette that have your name on them."

He laughed,

"Oh dream come true right there."

He turned to leave when Eponine grabbed his collar and pulled him into a kiss.

"You're a good friend. They're lucky to have you. And so are we."

Combeferre smiled and kissed her nose.

"Well they're gonna need all the friends they can get right now."

Eponine chewed her lip.

"Grantaire’s working to tonight. I’ll talk to him."

Combeferre nodded,

"Daddy chapters?"

"They're on the table."

He smiled and walked over to the pile of papers,

"I'm gonna test you!"

 

Grantaire groaned as he opened his eyes and reached for his ringing phone,

"What?"

"Now now is that any way to say hello to your sister?"

Grantaire rolled over to his back and looked at the time,

"Katie? It's five am what do you want?"

"What's your address?"

"I swear if this is because you wanna send me something I will kill you."

"No the taxi driver needs to know."

Grantaire sat up quickly.

"What the hell do you mean the taxi driver needs to know?"

"Oh I'm back! Yeah flew in last night. I know the street I just need the building number."

Grantaire jumped out of bed.

"Uhm I'm not there right now.....there's uhm work being done there I'm staying somewhere else."

"Okay...so where?"

"Marks Avenue building 20."

"Okay cool I’ll be with you guys in about 15 okay?"

"Sure. Just uhm....sure that's fine I'll see you in a bit."

Grantaire hung up and rubbed his face.

"Fuck fuck fuck."

He grabbed a hoodie and yanked it on before navigating his way around Courfeyrac and Jehans belongings to get to the front door.

 

Katie bounded up the steps and leapt into Grantaire's arms,

"Oh god I have missed you so damn much."

Grantaire held her and breathed in her familiar smell,

"Ah me too. What are you doing here?"

She pulled away and scraped her hair into a makeshift bun,

"Thailand got boring, so I did Nepal for a few weeks then that got dull. But I was watching these beggars make shoes and I realised how much I missed my big brother. So now I'm here."

"Oh thanks. Come in. I’ll make coffee."

"So what's up with your place? And whose place is this?"

"Uhm decorating in my place and this place belongs to my friend Courfeyrac. And Jehan. His boyfriend."

"Oh are they here?"

Grantaire pulled down two mugs and gestured to a stool,

"No they disappeared three days ago and I am plant sitting."

"There are no plants."

Grantaire chuckled,

"Jehan doesn't like seeing plants indoors with no sun. He has a garden."

"Oh cool."

Grantaire passed her a coffee and she took a deep gulp,

"Ah yes.....so how are you?"

"I'm fine. I'm tired."

"Yeah sorry. Kinda sprung this on you."

Grantaire smiled and sipped his drink.

"Oh I got you a present. Well I got you several but this one is in my hand luggage."

She reached into her bag and pulled out a bracelet made of woven string,

"Uhm thanks?"

She laughed,

"It's blessed by a monk. It's to signify undying and eternal love. I got one for you and for E. Where is he? I wanna catch up with him."

Grantaire looked at the bracelet in his hand and swallowed hard; he looked up at his sister and felt himself crumble. He covered his face as he let out a sob as Katie jumped up,

"Henri what's wrong? Why did I say?"

She wrapped her arms around her brother and stroked his hair,

"It's so messed up. We had this huge fight and we can't.....I miss him so much."

"You guys haven't split up have you?"

Grantaire shook his head,

"No. No he's...he's determined to get better. To make this work."

"Henri what happened?"

He looked at her and sniffed.

"Come on tell me."

Grantaire took a deep breath and started from the beginning.

 

When he got to the end of the story he looked up at his sister who was chewing her lip and watching him.

"So you guys haven't spent a night together in two weeks?"

Grantaire shook his head and Katie sighed,

"Do you wanna stay married to him?"

"Of course I do. I love him."

"Is he going to therapy?"

"Yeah. He's been great with it actually, I mean he booked it the day I told him to and he's been going. I've been meeting him after every session."

Katie thought for a while,

"I mean...I can see his point of view."

Grantaire looked at her,

"Babe look, you know I would die for you. I am always on your side; you're my brother. But so is he. Technically. And I can kind of see why he did what he did. I mean....if he loses his family; so what? He has you. And me, of course. And his friends. But if he loses his job? And his dream? What then?"

"He'll still have me."

"Yeah but he'll be miserable. Then you'll be miserable and then you guys will hate each other. So he did that- which I'm not agreeing with 'cos it was shitty. But he did it to protect you. In a roundabout kind of way. Besides you don't deal with that kind of thing. You are so lucky to be accepted for who you are; mum and dad loved you to death no matter what. But it sounds like he was born into a group of douchebags. He needs you to tell him that he's perfect. You see what I mean?"

Grantaire looked at her for a moment before looking down at the bracelet between his fingers,

"Am I an asshole Katie?"

"No. You're in love. You're scared for the man you love....but he is not a bad person. He needs you. He needs you so much, and you're....."

Grantaire flinched suddenly,

"I'm being selfish. I'm sitting here whining and he's..."

He rubbed his face,

"Can I leave you here? I think I need to go."

"Of course."

"Thank you Katie."

He kissed her forehead and took off.

 

Opening the door slowly he listened for Enjolras. Hearing nothing he walked in to the apartment. Newspapers piled up on the table next to unread letters. He looked on the sofa to see the throw tangled in a pile as though it had been slept under and tossed aside. He looked in the kitchen to find it almost spotless, save for three mugs in the sink and cereal boxes lined up on the counter. Grantaire frowned at the sight and took his shoes off. He tiptoed to the bedroom and opened the door. He saw Enjolras asleep, curled up on the side he usually slept on. He smiled at the sight and felt his heart break as Katie's words played in his head. He pulled his jeans and hoodie off and slid under the covers behind Enjolras. He felt him start under his hands and whispered to him,

"It's just me. Don't worry."

Enjolras answered him sleepily,

"Mmm I don't wanna wake up now."

"You're on my side."

"It smells of you."

Grantaire kissed his head,

"I'm so sorry for my behaviour Enjolras. You're not alone in this. You're not. I'm here now. I'm here for you."

Enjolras turned in his arms and kissed him,

"I'm here. I love you."

"I'm so sorry for what I did."

"Don't be. Don't be I understand. I do. I didn't before because I was mad. But....you have been there for me through everything. You saved my life and....when you need me I turn my back on you and I am so sorry. I love you."

Enjolras touched his face and smiled at him,

"Are you really here?"

"I'm really here. And in not going anywhere. I'm not. This is it now okay? I'm gonna save you like you saved me. And I'm not gonna let you down again."

"You never let me down."

"Oh but I have. And I will never. Never do it again. I'm not leaving. You are not in the wrong. You were never in the wrong. Never."

Enjolras looked away and Grantaire pulled his head up to look at him again,

"You were never in the wrong. Not for anything. You are perfect how you are and I love you. I love you for who you are. For everything. For your heart, your mind, your love, your passion. Everything. I am so proud of who you are. I wish I knew you growing up, I wish I could have told you those things then. I will never make you think any different ever again."

"I love you Grantaire."

"I love you more."

Grantaire gripped Enjolras' face and kissed him again.

"Come home?"

"I'm here. I'm home. I promise."

Enjolras kissed him and shuffled down slightly so he could lie in the crook of Grantaire’s armpit. He wrapped his arms around Grantaire’s middle and entwined their fingers before pressing a kiss to his palm. Grantaire kissed his head and ran fingers lazily over Enjolras' back.

"What about work?"

Enjolras pressed his face into Grantaire’s shirt and smiled,

"I'll call in sick. I'm not leaving this bed. I'm not letting you go."

Grantaire smiled and gripped his love,

"Wouldn't dream of moving."

Enjolras sat up slowly and looked at Grantaire,

"From today we're better. I’ll get better and prove myself to you."

Grantaire sat up,

"You do not have to prove yourself to me. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone. Ever. Look at me. You are a great man. And a wonderful husband. And I love you. I love the bones of you. And I am in this for life."

Enjolras kissed Grantaire, tangling his fingers in Grantaire’s shirt he pushed them both back into the pillow. The room filled with warm sunlight as they welcomed the day tangled in kisses.

 

 


	36. Chapter 36

Enjolras blinked against the sunlight and reached out his hand for Grantaire. Finding the bed empty he sat up and looked around, he glanced at the clock and started at the time. He climbed from the bed and walked into the living room,

"Grantaire?"

"I'm in here."

He breathed a sigh of relief and headed into the kitchen,

"Thought maybe id dreamt you."

Grantaire smiled at him,

"I didn't wanna wake you up. You looked so peaceful. I was just sorting out the spare room."

Enjolras felt his body contract in panic,

"Why?"

Grantaire realised how it sounded and dropped the roll of bin bags. He strode over and pulled Enjolras into a hug.

"I didn't mean it like that. I'm not doing it for me."

Enjolras gripped his shirt and let out a shaky breath. Grantaire pulled back and smiled at him before placing a kiss on his lips,

"Katie's back."

"She is? I thought she was trekking India....or Canada."

Grantaire laughed,

"Thailand. Apparently it's boring. She got back this morning. She uhm...drummed a few things into me and made me realise what a dick I am. What a dick I've been to you."

"You're not a dick."

Grantaire looked at him and kissed him,

"You're amazing, you know that?"

Enjolras blushed slightly and Grantaire laughed,

"And adorable."

Enjolras laughed and pushed him away,

"I am not adorable."

"You are."

"Shut up."

"Stop being cute then."

"Oh my god."

Grantaire threw his head back and laughed.

"You want food?"

"When is Katie coming? And yes."

"She's sleeping right now at Courfeyrac's. She’ll come over tonight. Do we have anything over than cereal....that it seems was organised by weight..."

"I didn't sleep for like four days it seemed like a good idea at the time."

"I'm sorry I wasn't here."

"Don't be. You're here now."

"Yes I am. So food. We don't have much....cafe?"

"Cafe sounds good. You gonna make me another hot chocolate?"

"Hot chocolates are for when you're sick or sad."

"I'm a little sad."

"Why are you sad?"

"Because I have to go have a shower and it's so so big and empty in there and I get so lonely...”

Grantaire smirked and pulled Enjolras to him by his t-shirt.

"Hmmm I wonder what we can do about that."

"I don't know..."

He kissed Grantaire sliding his hand up his husbands arm and resting it on his cheek,

"I have Dr. Susan at 3."

"Is that supposed to get me hard? Cos I gotta tell you it's not really working."

Enjolras chuckled,

"Just informing you is all."

Grantaire hooked his thumbs in Enjolras' shorts and kissed him again,

"I missed this."

"I missed you."

Grantaire slid his hands inside Enjolras shirt making him squirm,

"Ah ah cold hands."

Grantaire laughed and gripped his waist.

"Get the hell in the bathroom."

 

"So you gonna go anywhere else?"

"Nah thought I'd hang out with Henri for a bit. See how he's doing. Catch up with all of you."

Marius smiled at her and sipped his coffee,

"You seen any of the others yet?"

Katie shook her head and crossed her legs,

"Nope. Fell asleep at Courfeyrac’s and then came here."

Marius nodded and looked over as the door opened,

"Hey sweetheart."

Cosette walked over with a smile and kissed him, she sat beside him and smiled at Katie,

"Cosette this is Katie. Grantaire’s sister."

"Ooh hi. I've heard all about you. The traveller."

Katie smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear,

"Good things I hope. You two married?"

"Yup. Three years now."

"Wow. I don't think I've even known a guy that long."

They laughed and Marius got up to order more drinks.

"You new in town?"

"Mm I came back yesterday, needed to be with Henri for a bit. He's a bit down what with all this Vince stuff going on. I think they're getting better though. In staying with them tonight."

"Yeah they've been through a lot together."

Katie chewed her lip and looked up,

"Holy crap."

Cosette looked around to follow her glance and waved at Eponine. Katie jumped up and bounded over to her, Eponine broke into a huge grin and hugged her,

"I can't believe you’re pregnant! You are pregnant right? You haven't just...let yourself go?"

Eponine burst out laughing and rubbed her belly,

"No I'm pregnant. Very much so."

"Whose is it? Please tell me it's that cute doctor."

"Joly? You think I’m having Joly’s baby? No. No it's Combeferre!"

"Damn girl you landed on your feet there."

Eponine smiled and looked around,

"How long are you here 'til?"

Katie shrugged,

"Whenever Henri kicks me out. Actually he's meant to meet me here."

"What time is it?"

"Ten past three."

"Oh no he'll be with Enjolras."

She leaned in and lowered her voice,

"Therapy session."

Katie nodded and smiled,

"Guess I’ll have to hang out here then."

 

"You gonna be okay with me waiting here?"

"Of course."

Grantaire sat back in the chair and gripped Enjolras' hand,

"I'm so proud of you. You know that right?"

"I do now."

Grantaire leaned over and kissed his shoulder as Enjolras was called,

"See you in an hour."

Enjolras smiled at him and walked into the doctor’s room.

 

"Enjolras. How are you today?"

"I'm good. I'm better than good."

"Oh yes?"

"Grantaire came home this morning. He told me he's done being angry, wants us to do this together."

Enjolras sat back in the chair and looked at his therapist,

"Have you two spoken about the break yet?"

"Briefly. I mean...there wasn't so much--"

He gestured and she laughed,

"No talking. Got it."

"We will though. He seems really eager to get this whole thing sorted."

"Sorted?"

"He wants us to be good again."

"And you? What do you want?"

Enjolras shifted in his seat and ran a hand through his hair,

"I wanna be normal. I wanna be able to be proud of who I am. I wanna make him proud."

"You do make him proud; didn't you say last week that he told you it before?"

"I can see it in his eyes, the way he looks at me like he's not sure what he's done. Sometimes I catch him and he's...it's like he sees me in a different light. I'm not his hero anymore."

A tear fell from his eye and wiped it away,

"Sorry."

"Don't apologise."

"I don't want to be weak."

"It's not weak to feel things. You want to get it out you do that."

Enjolras half smiled and looked at his hands,

"I feel so alone in this sometimes. Like...he doesn't understand that I'm not him. It's not easy for me to just shut things off and be this person all the time. I spent so long hiding everything and I can't..."

"You can't break the habit."

"Exactly."

"Maybe it's time for you to become someone else. When did you last speak to your parents?"

"Two years ago."

"How do you feel about them now?"

Enjolras shrugged,

"I feel nothing I guess."

"Enjolras? Come on. It's a safe place here. You can tell me anything."

Enjolras sighed,

"I don't know how I feel about them. I see my friends and their families and I just....I don't have that. I don't have the same support that they do. I have me. And I'm a mess."

He said the last part with a laugh,

"You have your husband."

"Yeah I do. Until I fuck up again."

"Who says you're going to?"

"My track record is not exactly good."

The doctor watched him for a moment and wrote something down before looking back at him,

"Can I ask you about the self-harm?"

Enjolras shifted uncomfortably,

"What do you want to know?"

"When did you last do it?"

Enjolras sighed,

"I can't even remember. Not since last year."

"What made you do it?"

"Exams mostly. I was stressed to hell and I snapped. Grantaire found me on the bedroom floor. He uhm....he cleaned me up and didn't talk about it."

"Did you want to talk about it?"

"No. Not really."

"But you wanted to be found? You did it in a place where you knew he would be. You wanted him to save you."

"I don't.....I don't know."

"Have you thought maybe you were tired of saving him so many times that you just wanted to be saved yourself? Like maybe subconsciously you wanted him to be your hero and not the other way around."

Enjolras looked at the doctor and opened his mouth before shutting it again.

"I don't need to be saved."

"We all need to be saved sometimes. You came from a childhood where you were on your own. Into a group of friends that all look to you for answers. Straight to a relationship in which your partner needs rescuing over and over- whether it be from his addiction or his depression. But who was there for you?"

"I had my friends."

"Did you? From what you told me it sounds as though they didn't stick around for long, opting instead to help him. You were once again left alone. So now you cling to him because at the end of the day; he's there."

Enjolras swallowed hard,

"I never thought of it like that before."

"Does it make sense to you?"

"A little."

"What do you think about telling your other friends about everything that happened?"

Enjolras shook his head.

"No. No I can't do that. No."

"Okay. What about your friend Combeferre is it?"

Enjolras looked at her,

"I don't think they'd understand. Not really. They'd think I was stupid for it."

"I'm sure that's not true."

Enjolras looked at his hands and let the tear fall from his eye,

"I'm not supposed to need a hero."

"Who says?"

"Everyone. I'm supposed to be the strong one. The one people need. If they knew how weak I really am...if they knew that I lay awake terrified that I'm losing the only thing in my life that makes sense....if they knew that Grantaire is the only reason I get up in the morning...they wouldn't look at me the same way. And that would kill me. I can't have that."

"Okay. But you can't keep it in forever."

"I've kept in worse."

"And it led you to fall apart. What happens if you hold it in and you fall apart again? What if it's worse?"

Enjolras rubbed his face.

"I guess I'm destined for the nuthouse."

"I think what you need is to allow yourself to be vulnerable in a different way. You say you are with Grantaire but you seem to end up in the same place over and over. I think you really need to consider telling your friends about this. All of this."

Enjolras sighed and wiped the tears from his cheeks,

"Will you at least think about it?"

Enjolras nodded and continued his close study of his hands.

 

Grantaire flipped through the magazine and put it back on the table. He watched the others in the waiting room, his mind wandering until the door opened and Enjolras came out,

"I'll see you tomorrow Enjolras. You will be okay."

"Thank you doctor. I’ll see you tomorrow."

Grantaire stood up and smiled at the doctor before turning to Enjolras,

"You okay?"

"Mmhmm lets go."

They got outside the office and Enjolras stopped and pulled Grantaire into a hug.

"I love you. And I hate saying this but I really need you."

"You have me. You'll always have me."

Enjolras pushed his head into Grantaire’s neck,

"Promise?"

"I promise. I love you."

Enjolras sighed as Grantaire ran hands over his back before pressing a kiss to his neck and pulling away,

"Thank you."

Grantaire smiled and put a hand on Enjolras' face.

"My sweet Apollo. How I love you."

He pressed a kiss to his lips before taking his hand,

"Come on. I’ll make you a hot chocolate."

"I thought it was for when I was sad or sick?"

"New rules. It's also for when you're so beautiful it makes me sad or sick."

Enjolras chuckled and let Grantaire lead him to the cafe.

 

 

 

 


	37. Chapter 37

Grantaire lifted his hand to his nose and smelled it again, Enjolras watched him in confusion and laughed,

"What the hell are you doing? Stop smelling yourself"

"It smells nice."

Enjolras stared at him and he chuckled,

"I stole Eponine’s cream."

"Why?"

"Because it smells good."

Enjolras shook his head and turned the page of his paper,

"What the hell did I marry into?"

Grantaire laughed and turned to the till,

"Hi."

Enjolras watched him serve customers for a while and smiled; he felt someone sit beside him and turned slowly,

"Oh jeez Katie you scared me."

Katie nudged his shoulder and reached over the counter for a cookie.

"How you doing today brother in law?"

"I am superb sister in law how are you?"

She shrugged,

"I'd be better if I wasn't woken up at 4am by the sound of you two going at it. 4am Vince really?!"

Enjolras turned bright red and mumbled in to his mug whilst looking at the paper in front of him.

"Sorry uhm.....we uh....thought we were quiet."

Katie laughed,

"I'll forgive you because I love my brother so much.....and clearly so do you."

Enjolras choked on his coffee and Grantaire looked up,

"You okay there Hun?"

Enjolras gave him thumbs up as Katie cackled next to him. After they both caught their breath she turned to him and touched his arm,

"How you doing really?"

"I'm okay. I'm getting there."

"You know how proud I am of you?"

Enjolras smiled at her,

"Really?"

"Of course. You're my brother and I love you."

Enjolras looked at her and swallowed hard,

"You see me as family?"

Katie's face softened,

"Of course I do you putz. I adore you. You're my brother."

Enjolras smiled and pulled her into a hug,

"Thank you Katie."

"What for?"

"Everything."

Katie squeezed him before pulling away and planting a kiss on his forehead,

"Just be happy. It's all I ask."

"I am happy."

"Are you? Are you happy because people think you're happy or are you happy because you are happy?"

Enjolras scrunched his face up,

"Those words made no sense."

Katie laughed again,

"Just do what makes you happy. Not what you think will make them happy."

Enjolras watched her for a moment and chewed his lip. Suddenly he turned to Grantaire,

"Grantaire?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm quitting my job."

 

"Are you sure about this? Like really sure?"

"Sure about what?"

"Quitting my job."

Eponine sat down and sighed,

"You okay there tubs?"

She lifted her middle finger to Grantaire and took off her sweater,

"Why are you quitting your job?"

"Because I hate it."

She nodded and reached for his mug; taking a gulp she winced,

"That is not what I thought it was eurgh."

"You can have some by the way."

"If you're not happy then you should quit. Ooh work here!"

Enjolras laughed and took his mug back.

"It might come to that. Anyway how are you?"

"I'm lugging a human around in a heat wave. I'm dandy. Grantaire?"

Grantaire looked up from his phone,

"Uh huh?"

"Get me milkshake."

"Please?"

Eponine looked at him,

"I will sit on you."

Grantaire laughed and got up,

"What flavour?"

"Choco---no vanilla. Banana!"

Grantaire faltered and looked at her,

"Strawberry. Yeah strawberry."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. God."

Grantaire shook his head and made his way to the kitchen. Enjolras smiled at Eponine and held his hand out to take hers,

"You look amazing 'Ponine."

Eponine looked at him and covered her mouth.

"What did I do?"

She shook her head as tears fell down her face,

"That was just so lovely."

Combeferre appeared by her side suddenly,

"Baby what's wrong?"

"Enjolras."

Combeferre looked at Enjolras, who was sitting with his hands up,

"I didn't do anything."

"He's just been lovely to me is all."

"Oh oh ok."

Combeferre mouthed 'sorry' to him and sat beside Eponine; he put an arm around her shoulders and kissed her head.

"Enjolras is quitting his job."

Combeferre looked at Enjolras, who was smiling at them,

"Really? Why?"

Enjolras shrugged,

"Gotta do what makes me happy. That job doesn't make me happy."

"Good for you man."

Enjolras smiled and drained his mug,

"You okay Eponine?"

"I'm hungry."

Combeferre looked at her,

"Again?"

She glared at him and he sat back,

"Okay."

Enjolras smirked and looked around to see Grantaire carrying a tray full of milkshakes,

"I made you one of each in case you changed your mind."

Eponine squealed in delight and picked up the first milkshake. Grantaire stood behind Enjolras and put his arms over his shoulders linking them together over his chest. He smiled as Enjolras pressed a kiss to his forearm before resting his chin in the blonde curls of Enjolras' head.

"So when you gonna do it?"

Grantaire smirked,

"Quit your job not....the other thing."

"I dunno. Maybe Monday."

"You gonna just storm in there and tell 'em to shove it?"

"I was thinking more informing them nicely and thanking them for the opportunity..."

The others looked oddly disappointed at his reply so he smirked,

"Then banging my husband on my desk so everyone sees."

The table erupted in laughter as Grantaire nuzzled Enjolras' neck,

"I love that idea."

"Thought you would."

Eponine drained her glass and hiccupped.

"Seriously though you gonna make a fuss?"

Enjolras held Grantaire’s arms and shrugged again,

"Haven't decided yet. It's gonna feel amazing though."

 

"Fuck you feel amazing."

Enjolras looked behind him and met Grantaire’s eye,

"Shhh you want your sister to hear?"

Grantaire pushed Enjolras' face back down into the pillow and gripped his hip. He pushed up on his knees and bit his lip as he thrust deeper into Enjolras. He saw Enjolras twist his fingers in the sheets and smirked,

"Gonna make you cum."

"Agh Shhh."

Grantaire smiled again and rocked his hips upwards tightening his grip on Enjolras as he watched him bite down on the pillow to keep from shouting. He began to thrust faster as his stomach clenched; Enjolras reached beneath himself and began stroking his achingly hard cock. Grantaire thrust again and had to bury his face in the crook of his arm to cover the moans as he came. Enjolras followed shortly after, moaning into the pillow before collapsing. Grantaire fell on top of him and chuckled,

"Fucking hell. That was amazing."

"Ugh get off me."

Grantaire smirked and pulled out before rolling away. Enjolras leaned over and kissed him before sitting up and reaching for his discarded shirt. He cleaned himself off and threw it in the corner before climbing back into bed.

"You gonna do it tomorrow?"

Enjolras looked over and yawned,

"Yeah I was thinking about it."

"Want me to come with you?"

Enjolras thought about it for a moment and laughed,

"Actually yeah. Yeah I do."

Grantaire smiled and shuffled closer to him. Enjolras kissed him lightly before whispering,

"That was amazing."

Grantaire smiled at him and draped an arm over his chest before closing his eyes and succumbing to sleep.

 

"You absolutely sure?"

"Yes I'm sure. I promise. I'm happy about this."

"Don't just do this for me. Like, if you think it's what I want. Do it for you."

Enjolras smiled and clasped Grantaire’s hands which were busy straightening his tie.

"I promise you. I want to do this. I'm happy."

Grantaire nodded and pulled on Enjolras' tie until their lips met.

"You call me when you want me there and I'll come down alright?"

"Yes dad."

Grantaire stuck his tongue out and Enjolras chuckled.

"You're gonna be late. Go on."

Enjolras kissed him again and pulled his jacket on,

"Feel like I'm sending you to your first day at school."

Enjolras looked over his shoulder and smiled before pausing,

"My driver took me to school for my first day."

"That might be the saddest thing I've ever heard."

Enjolras chuckled and picked up his briefcase,

"Go on scram."

"Love you."

"See you later."

Enjolras headed for the door,

"Oi."

He turned back and Grantaire winked at him,

"Love you too."

 

_"Wanna come help me clean out my desk ;)"_

_"Been given marching orders have ya?"_

_"Told em to stick it."_

_"For real?"_

_"Nah I was nice. Told em I would be gone by end of the day. So u coming to help or what?"_

_"Gimme 15 minutes I'm not dressed."_

_"The hell? U were when I left?"_

_"And? I'll put pants on and come over."_

_"Or not ;)"_

_"Kinky."_

_"Be quick. Love u"_

_"Love u more xoxo"_

Enjolras smiled at his phone and opened his drawer to sort out his papers.

 

"I'm looking for Enjolras?"

"Yup just down to the left."

"Thanks."

Grantaire walked to the office and found the door ajar, he looked in and saw Enjolras shuffling papers with his back to the rest of the office. Grantaire slid in quietly and went up behind Enjolras before slipping his hands around Enjolras' hips into his front pockets and pressing a kiss to his back, Enjolras started and turned his head,

"Fucking hell. You scared the hell out of me."

Grantaire chuckled,

"Sorry couldn't resist."

Enjolras let his head fall back and stroked Grantaire’s arms before remembering where they were and pulling away.

"How's it going?"

"Slowly. Got a lot of paperwork to get through."

Grantaire nodded and began looking around the office,

"So you don't really need me?"

"I always need you."

"What if someone comes in?"

Enjolras shrugged,

"Ooh tell them I'm a client! I've killed many many people."

"You worry me."

Grantaire laughed and sat down,

"So why haven't I seen your office before?"

"Dunno. Do you like it?"

"It's not very you."

"That's kind of the point."

Grantaire smiled and picked up a photo frame, he looked at the picture; a group shot of them all at some party.

"No pictures of just us?"

Enjolras looked around at him and smiled before reaching into his drawer and passing him a frame cube. Grantaire looked at the photos of the two of them; their wedding picture, one from the honeymoon; the two of them in the apartment, one of Grantaire laughing, one of them sitting in the cafe with Enjolras' arm draped over Grantaire’s shoulders and finally one of them kissing.

"I keep it there for when I need to see you. I don't keep it out for everyone else."

Grantaire ran his finger over the picture from their wedding,

"I really love you Enjolras. With everything I have."

"I love you too."

Enjolras glanced at the closed door before leaning down and catching Grantaire’s lips in a kiss.

"I have to go sign these off. You'll be alright for five minutes?"

Grantaire nodded and pulled him down for one more kiss. Enjolras straightened his tie and left the room. Sighing slightly Grantaire put the frames in the box Enjolras was filling and sat in the chair behind the desk. He leant back in it and rested his feet on the desk before looking out of the window.

"Enjolras do you have-- oh."

Grantaire dropped his feet to the floor and sat up,

"Sorry I was looking for Enjolras."

"Uhm he just went to sign something."

"Oh okay. And you are?"

Grantaire stood up and put his hand out to the girl,

"Henri. I'm uhm...”

His chest clenched slightly at the words,

"I'm his friend."

"Lauren, his assistant."

The name registered straight away; the assistant with the crush. Grantaire awkwardly shook her hand and stepped back slightly.

"It's a real shame that he's leaving. We love him here."

"Yeah he's great. I mean he's a good guy."

Lauren nodded and put the papers she was carrying on the desk.

"Oh Lauren, great can you get these mailed out?"

Lauren turned to see Enjolras in the doorway; she took the envelopes from him and smiled.

"Of course."

Enjolras smiled and gestured to Grantaire,

"You met Henri?"

"Yeah just met."

Enjolras moved to the desk and Grantaire stepped aside awkwardly and looked at the floor. Enjolras looked to the two of them and took a deep breath,

"Yeah it's good for you to finally meet....my husband."

Lauren looked at him and her eyes widened,

"Hus--oh....oh! Yes nice to meet you. I should get back to...uhm....there's letters there for you. Need your...uhm...I'm gonna go."

Enjolras smirked and looked to Grantaire who looked as shocked as the girl who had just left the room,

"You okay?"

Grantaire shook his head slightly, mouth hanging open.

"What did you just? You just...."

Enjolras shrugged and smiled,

"Guess therapy is working after all."

Grantaire opened his mouth again and tried to form words before shaking his head again and striding over to Enjolras to wrap his arms around his neck and kiss him. Enjolras chuckled against his lips,

"It's gonna be all around the office in about 30 seconds you realise this?"

Enjolras shrugged.

"I don't care. I don't care. I love you."

"Ohh you have no idea."

Grantaire kissed him again and laughed.

"What?"

Grantaire shook his head,

"I am so lucky to have you."

Enjolras smirked,

"No you're not. It's the other way around trust me."

He pressed a kiss to Grantaire’s forehead before stepping away,

“Come on; better get packed up before they storm us with the pitchforks and torches.”

 

 

 

 


	38. Chapter 38

The door slammed against the wall and Enjolras pulled himself away from Grantaire to look at it,

"Shit be careful."

Grantaire pulled him into another kiss and kicked the door shut again,

"Grantaire be careful."

"Shut up and kiss me you idiot."

He pushed Enjolras' jacket off and began walking them both to the bedroom. Enjolras twisted his fingers in Grantaire’s shirt and yanked it up,

"Mm mm KATIE?"

Enjolras laughed and Grantaire put a finger to his lips. Hearing no reply he kissed him again and fell sideways into the sofa. Enjolras straddled him and sat up to pull his tie off,

"Christ if I knew quitting my job would have got you so hot; I'd have done it years ago."

Grantaire leaned up and pulled him down for another kiss,

"It wasn't so much the quitting as it was the telling them all. Fuck I'm so proud of you for that."

Enjolras beamed and kissed him hard. Fingers worked together to undo Enjolras' shirt and he threw it behind him; Grantaire pulled himself up and latched his lips to Enjolras' throat. He moved down to his collar bone and sucked on the skin, as Enjolras chuckled he turned it to open mouth kisses against his chest. His hands worked Enjolras' belt, pulling it out of the loops and dropping it beside them. Enjolras held Grantaire’s head and pulled him up to look at him,

"Did I do the right thing?"

"It made you happy, of course."

"I need to hear it from you. I need you to tell me I did the right thing."

Grantaire brought his hand to Enjolras' face and pressed their foreheads together.

"You did the right thing. And I am so proud of you. Prouder than I've ever been."

"Really?"

"It's up there with watching you graduate."

Enjolras smiled and ran fingers through Grantaire’s hair.

"I love you Henri Grantaire. You never forget that."

Grantaire kissed him.

"I love you more."

Enjolras climbed from the sofa and pulled Grantaire to his feet; he led him to the bedroom and shut the door. Grantaire took the lead and pushed Enjolras down on to the bed before kneeling between his legs and undoing his trousers. Once they were discarded along with socks and shoes Grantaire leant down and pressed a kiss to Enjolras' stomach; he trailed kisses down to his thighs, peppering kisses over the fine white lines left on his skin. He pushed Enjolras' knee up and started on the scars inside his leg. Enjolras lifted his head to try and watch him but had to drop it back when Grantaire reached a hand into his shorts. He looked up with a smirk,

"You wanna be on top?"

Enjolras let out a chuckle that turned to a moan when Grantaire gripped his rapidly hardening dick.

"Enjolras?"

"Yeah.......yeah."

Grantaire grinned and scrambled out of his own clothes before leaning over Enjolras and grabbing a condom from the nightstand.

"Remember our first time?"

Enjolras chuckled,

"I was so goddamn nervous."

"You were beautiful. So beautiful."

Enjolras blushed,

"Come on we're married. I can tell you that you look beautiful."

"You're the beautiful one."

Grantaire laughed as he pulled Enjolras' shorts down, he leaned in for a kiss and Enjolras wrapped his arms around him and rolled them over. Grantaire laughed freely as Enjolras tackled him.

"Mmm it's good to hear you laugh."

Grantaire kissed him again as Enjolras moved his hips so Grantaire lay with his back flat on the bed and his hips turned to the side. Enjolras pushed his knee up to near his chest and positioned himself. He pressed a kiss to Grantaire’s shoulder as he pushed in. Grantaire scrunched his face and let out a slow breath.

"You okay?"

"Yup."

Enjolras pulled out slowly before slamming back in. He held himself up with his hands on either side of Grantaire and pressed his head into Grantaire’s neck. The room filled with their moans as Enjolras found his rhythm. With one hand gripping Enjolras' arm and the other gripping himself; Grantaire began to match the thrusts with each stroke he gave himself. Enjolras pushed himself back up and began rocking his hips upwards. Grantaire dropped the hand from himself and tangled it in Enjolras' hair.

"Oh god....fuck."

Enjolras bit his lips and carried on with the movements before dropping down and crashing his lips against Grantaire’s.

"I...love...you."

"I love you too. Agh."

Enjolras smiled and thrust harder. Grantaire began to whimper,

"You close?"

He nodded and Enjolras pulled out completely.

"What are you doing?"

Enjolras leant back on his heels and straightened his back,

"Turn around."

Grantaire rolled over and Enjolras looped an arm around his middle,

"Up."

Grantaire climbed on to his knees as Enjolras directed him back until he was sitting on his lap with one leg on either side of Enjolras'. He reached behind him and guided Enjolras back inside him as he gripped his hand.

"You alright?"

"Yeah. Keep going."

Enjolras put a hand on Grantaire’s chest and gripped him so he was flush against his own before guiding his hips up and down. Grantaire dropped his head back as he rode Enjolras in earnest. He grabbed Enjolras' hand and guided it down to his crotch. Enjolras grunted in his ear and gripped him tightly, allowing Grantaire’s movements to guide his hand up and down.

"Anyone...ever tell you...that you are amazing at this?"

Enjolras chuckled reply was cut short as Grantaire sank down hard and rocked his hips. His fingers found Enjolras hair and he turned his head to catch his lips in a kiss.

"You like this?"

"Yeah. Give it to me."

"Harder?"

Grantaire smiled against his lips and gasped as Enjolras pushed him down to the bed. He jutted back as Enjolras held him in place before pounding harder. He felt Grantaire tremble beneath him and suddenly he was coming with a cry of his name and slamming back. Enjolras groaned deeply and held Grantaire’s shoulder as he came himself. He fell forward and planted a kiss on Grantaire’s sweat soaked skin. Grantaire began to roll away when Enjolras stopped him,

"No. No wait. I want feel you."

Grantaire chuckled but didn't move again. They lay together as one until their breathing evened out and Enjolras had the strength to lift Grantaire’s head and pepper kisses all over his face and neck.

"Okay stud. Off now."

Enjolras pulled out and rolled beside him. He put his arms behind his head and sighed. Grantaire rolled to his back and rested his head against Enjolras' chest.

"Does this count as morning sex?"

Enjolras looked over at the clock,

"Five to twelve. So yes."

"Mmm I love morning sex."

"Mmm I love Grantaire sex."

"Soppy git."

Enjolras laughed as Grantaire stretched,

"I gotta go to work."

"Gallery or cafe?"

"Cafe. Wanna come hang out?"

"Mmm I might."

Grantaire sat up and looked at him, Enjolras reached out and stroked his back,

"What you thinking about?"

"Nothing. You."

"Me?"

"How brave you are."

"No I'm not."

"You are. What you did today? You didn't have to do that. I never expected that of you. I'm so proud of you."

Enjolras smiled and looked away,

"Hey."

He looked back,

"You should be proud of yourself. You should. And not just because of this. Because of everything. Look at what you've achieved. You have a law degree. You have a smoking hot husband."

Enjolras chuckled,

"You are the best thing in my life. And I am so in love with you."

Enjolras bit his lip before leaning forward and kissing Grantaire.

"Thank you for being in love with me."

"It was never a choice I could make Mon Amour."

“I love a cultured man.”

Grantaire grinned and kissed Enjolras again.

 

"You think my folks are gonna find out?"

Grantaire looked up from the display he was fixing and shrugged,

"Who cares if they do?"

"Do you think they'd care?"

Grantaire looked at Enjolras and sighed,

"Enjolras no."

"What?"

"You are not gonna do this. No. It's been two years come on."

Enjolras twisted his fingers and looked at his coffee.

"I can't help it."

Grantaire walked behind him and wrapped his arms around him before pressing a kiss to his head.

"You are too good for them. Do not let them back in your head. It's us now."

Enjolras cleared his throat,

"Yeah. Yeah sorry."

"Don't apologise. You need to get it out in the right place. When's your next appointment?"

"Uhm....tomorrow."

"Get it out there. Now cheer up."

"I'm cheered up. Promise."

Grantaire looked around him at the near empty cafe,

"Hey Ollie?"

The young man behind the till looked up,

"Yeah?"

"Keep an eye out here I gotta show Enjolras something."

The man nodded and returned to the till. Grantaire pulled Enjolras up and led him out back to the stock room.

"What are doing here?"

"You need some husband time."

Enjolras laughed,

"We just had husband time."

"This is slightly cleaner husband time. Besides Eponine will kill us if we have sex in here again."

Enjolras chuckled at the memory and looked at Grantaire who was holding his arms out. He smiled and pulled him into a hug. He breathed in Grantaire’s smell and closed his eyes as he felt circles being traced on his back.

"No more words about them okay? They're not worth it. They're not worth us."

He smiled as he felt Enjolras nod against his neck.

"Come on now. Chin up. I’ll make you another drink."

Enjolras smiled against his throat,

"I'm sad......."

Grantaire laughed,

"You little shit. Come on then I’ll make you one."

Enjolras pulled away and rubbed his eyes,

"Ah I’m so sick of thinking about them."

"Won't be forever love."

He touched Enjolras face and kissed him,

"Come on stud, one of us has to earn some money."

"Nice."

Grantaire laughed as they walked back to the front of the shop.

 

Enjolras looked up from the paper at the knock on the door and walked over to open it, he smiled happily at the sight before him,

"Eponine how you doing?"

"Eh so so."

"Come on in but you just missed Grantaire. He had to nip to the gallery to get something."

Eponine walked in and dropped her bag on the floor.

"That's okay I came to see you."

"Oh yes? Can I get you anything?"

"You have fizzy water? And yeah. I woke up this morning and just wanted to see you."

Enjolras smiled at her and handed her a bottle. They made their way to the sofa and sat down.

"Everything okay?"

Eponine looked down at her belly and ran a hand over it,

"I cannot wait until next week. No more being pregnant."

Enjolras smiled at her,

"Well you look great."

"Oh thank you but I feel like a whale."

She shifted about uncomfortably,

"You okay?"

"Back ache."

He rubbed her shoulder and she smiled.

"So what's up?"

"Just felt like being near you."

"Where's Combeferre?"

"He had a meeting. Left this morning."

Enjolras nodded and tucked Eponine’s hair behind her ear,

"You're gonna be an amazing mum you know that?"

"You really think so?"

"Absolutely. You were born to do it."

"I am terrified that I'm gonna mess this kid up."

"Don't be. That kid is the luckiest kid in the world. He or she is gonna be awesome. Besides it has the best uncles and aunties to keep it straight."

She looked at him and smirked, he held up a finger and laughed,

"You know what I mean."

She laughed and shifted again.

"Maybe if I stand up it'll be better. I think it's bouncing about in there."

Enjolras stood up and gave her his hand. He pulled her up and she smiled before wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him,

"I'm so happy I know you Enjolras. I don't say it enough. I love you."

"I love you too Eponine. And don't worry, you're gonna be a great mum."

"I hope you're right."

She pulled away and wiped her eye before stilling. Her mouth formed an 'oh' and she looked at Enjolras with wide eyes.

"What's wrong?"

Her eyes flitted downwards and when she looked back her face was full of panic.

"I think my water just broke."

 

 

 

 

 

 


	39. Chapter 39

"No no no no you still have a week."

Eponine clenched her fists as a contraction took over; she puffed out a breath and looked at him,

"I don't think it matters."

"What do I do?"

Eponine let out another breath and looked at him in panic,

"I don't know I've never done this before."

Enjolras ran a hand through his hair,

"We need to go to hospital. I'm gonna phone Combeferre. Wait here."

Eponine grabbed his hand,

"No no don't leave me. Please don't leave me."

Her voice broke as tears came and Enjolras clutched her arms,

"I'm not leaving you okay? I'm here. But we need to call someone okay?"

Eponine shook her head and gripped his hands tightly,

"Eponine we need to get to the hospital."

"Don't let go of me Enjolras I'm serious. I am terrified and you can't let go of me you bastard."

Enjolras looked at her and nodded,

"We can call him from the car. Can you walk?"

Eponine nodded and gasped a sob.

"Alright let’s go."

He grabbed his keys as Eponine gripped his arm. Picking up her handbag they made their way to the lifts.

"Agh stop stop."

Eponine gripped his hand tightly again and groaned as another contraction hit her.

"Just breathe."

"It really hurts."

"They have drugs at the hospital."

Eponine leant against the wall and huffed out a breath.

"Get me there please."

Enjolras held her waist and walked them both to the lift. He pulled his phone out and scrolled down his contacts. Once they hit the ground floor he pressed call and walked them to the car, stopping once more for Eponine.

"Combeferre when you get this, get to the hospital. I've got Eponine. Just get there fast."

He hung up and dialled another number,

"Who are you calling now?"

"Grantaire."

The phone picked up quickly and Enjolras breathed a sigh of relief,

"Hey."

"Grantaire you need to leave work now."

"What's wrong you okay?"

"I'm fine. Eponine is having her baby. Well she will be. Get the others we're heading to the hospital now. And try and get Combeferre he's not answering."

"Ok ok shit. Ok. I’ll see you later."

"Alright. Just hurry."

"Love you."

"You too."

He hung up and turned back to Eponine who was bracing herself against the side of the car.

"You okay?"

"No. Fuck this kid hurts."

He opened the door and helped her inside before darting around to the driver’s side. He took a breath before getting in and starting the engine. They made it five minutes before Enjolras had to pull over and let Eponine take his hand again.

"You're okay. We'll be there soon."

"Aah where is he?! Try again. Please try again."

Enjolras rang Combeferre again, after nearly ten rings he answered,

"You alright buddy?"

"Why the hell don't you answer your phone?!"

"I was in a meeting what is it?"

Eponine reached for the phone,

"Combeferre its happening."

"What? Now?"

"Uh huh."

"Shit I'm on my way."

Enjolras began driving again, pushing his luck with the speed limit to try and get there quickly.

"Combeferre I need you there. Don't miss it."

"I'm leaving right now. I love you baby I’ll see you shortly."

Eponine gasped and gripped Enjolras' sleeve.

"Baby?"

"I'm here. It really hurts."

"I'm coming baby I’ll be there soon I promise."

"Hurry please."

She hung up the phone and loosened her grip on Enjolras.

 

By the time they got to the hospital Eponine could only walk a few feet without stopping. Once they got to the reception, Enjolras propped Eponine against the counter and turned to the nurse,

"Hi I called from the car. Eponine Thenadier?"

The woman smiled at them and gestured to an orderly to bring a wheelchair,

"Yes we have a suite for you."

The orderly took Eponine in the chair and the nurse followed with Enjolras,

"Just in here. The doctor is on her way."

They entered the room an Eponine was helped from the chair to the bed before the doctor came in,

"Okay sweetheart let’s see how we're doing here. Let’s get you changed first."

She turned to Enjolras,

"You Daddy?"

Enjolras looked at her,

"No no no. Friend."

"He's gay."

The nurse smirked at Eponine as she climbed onto the bed to be examined. She held her hand out to Enjolras again,

"Hand. Now."

He darted to her side and took her hand. The doctor stood up after examining her.

"Well you're five centimetres now so halfway there. We can give you something for the pain though."

Eponine nodded and gripped Enjolras harder.

 

Combeferre burst into the hospital and ran to maternity. He skidded to the reception and stopped.

"Eponine. Looking for."

He asked them breathlessly and the nurse smiled kindly.

"Last name?"

"Thenadier."

"And you are?"

"Her partner."

The nurse typed something into the computer and pointed down the hallway,

"Suite nine."

"Thank you."

He took off again and ran down the hall.

"Combeferre!"

He stopped and turned to see the others in the waiting room,

"That way."

He turned again and gave. Thumbs up.

"Thank you."

"Good luck!"

Combeferre ran to the room and burst in. Enjolras looked up as relief flooded his body. Eponine was bent over the bed with the gas and air nozzle in her mouth as Enjolras rubbed her back.

"You're here."

Eponine looked up and smiled around the nozzle.

"I didn't miss it."

Eponine dropped the nozzle and reached for his hand. He took it and kissed it before kissing her head. Standing up he turned to Enjolras,

"Thank you. Thank you so much."

Enjolras nodded,

"No problem. Here."

He put Combeferre’s hand where his was.

"Pressure there. It's helping. I’ll be outside."

Combeferre pulled him into an awkward hug.

"I'll see you two later."

Enjolras bent and kissed Eponine’s head.

"You're doing great."

She smiled and groaned as another contraction hit. She grabbed his arm and breathed in the gas and air. He turned to Combeferre and gestured to him to rub her back before slipping out of the room. He shut the door and leant against it. He ran a hand through his hair and let out a deep breath.

 

"Cosette?"

"Yeah?"

Jehan looked up from the magazine he was reading,

"How do strapless bras work?"

"What the hell jehan?"

Marius looked at him in shock and Courfeyrac began to laugh.

"What?"

"You don't ask my wife about bras."

Cosette giggled and put a hand on Marius' arm,

"They hold you up with underwire. Why? You looking to get one?"

Jehan stuck his tongue out and turned the magazine around to show the models. Courfeyrac let his head fall back against the chair and laughed again.

"You okay Grantaire?"

Grantaire looked up and half smiled,

"Don't like hospitals."

"Yeah but this is the woman's section."

"Still a hospital."

Courfeyrac smiled and looked over to the doorway. He sat up quickly,

"Enjolras."

Everyone looked over and Grantaire jumped up.

"You okay?"

Enjolras nodded and looked at Grantaire.

"I'm uh.....I'm definitely gay."

Courfeyrac snorted and covered his mouth,

"How's she doing?"

Enjolras looked at Cosette,

"She's uh....good. It'll still be a while but she's good."

Grantaire touched his arm,

"You need a drink?"

"God yes. I love you."

"Awww baby."

Grantaire wrapped his arm around Enjolras' neck and hugged him.

"I am so glad you're a man and don't have to do that."

"Is it gross?"

Enjolras nodded and everyone laughed,

"Come on sit down I’ll get us some drinks."

He sat on the chair opposite Courfeyrac and jehan and covered his face with his hands.

 

When Grantaire returned with coffees from the vending machine and a candy bar for the worryingly pale Enjolras; he found him and Marius deep in a debate about nature vs. nurture and jehan discussing floral wallpaper with Cosette. Courfeyrac smiled at him as he put the coffee on the table and turned to the door. Grantaire sat next to Enjolras and sipped his drink.

 

"Courfeyrac?"

"Mmm?"

"Is he asleep?"

Courfeyrac looked up from his phone and smiled at the sight of Grantaire fast asleep and leaning on Enjolras' shoulder.

"Yeah. Very."

Enjolras nodded and smiled. He leant his head against Grantaire’s and carried on reading. Marius watched them for a moment before looking up and shaking Cosette awake as well.

"Guys."

They looked over to the door where Combeferre walked over; wearing scrubs and looking exhausted. Enjolras poked Grantaire awake as Combeferre held his hands up,

"I'm a dad."

They all jumped up and ran over to him,

"What is it?"

"When?"

Combeferre beamed at them and scratched his head,

"A boy. A beautiful perfect boy. Born about thirty minutes ago. He's perfect."

"How Eponine?"

"Tired. But good. She was amazing."

He wiped his eyes and sniffed,

"I'm a dad guys."

They surrounded him and hugged him. Cosette placed a kiss on his cheek before stepping back.

"When can we see him?"

Combeferre sniffed again,

"She wants him."

He pointed at Enjolras, who started,

"Me?"

"Yup. And the husband."

"Oh....okay."

They followed Combeferre to the room quietly. He opened the door before whispering,

"Just going to get her a drink okay?"

Enjolras nodded and walked in first. He smiled at Eponine and walked over to her,

"Hi guys."

He was sat in the bed, blankets covering her legs; in her arms laid a bundle of blankets. Enjolras leaned down and kissed her before looking at the baby,

"Oh he's gorgeous 'Ponine. Grantaire come here."

Grantaire moved closer and looked as well,

"Good job tubs. He's fantastic."

Eponine beamed before moving the bundle into Enjolras' arms.

"Here, watch the head."

Enjolras took the baby and held him close. He looked down at him and smiled.

"So did it hurt?"

Eponine turned to Grantaire and laughed,

"Oh no. It was a breeze. I highly recommend it."

Grantaire chuckled and leaned in to give her a kiss,

"You are a superstar."

"I know."

They looked over to the silent Enjolras. He sat staring at the baby in his arms, one finger stroking the fine brown hair on his head.

"Enjolras are you crying?"

Enjolras sniffed hard,

"No. Just have....baby powder in my eye."

Grantaire silently took out his phone and took a photo of the scene before speaking up,

"Okay okay my turn. Hand him over."

Enjolras smiled at him and stood, he passed the baby to Eponine who handed him to Grantaire.

"Oh you are adorable aren't you? Look at you."

Enjolras sat on the bed next to Eponine and put his arm around her. She rested her head against him and smiled,

"Thank you Enjolras. For everything you did today. You were amazing."

"You did all the work."

"You kept me calm. And you got me here safely. And that is all that matters. He owes you as well."

"He's amazing 'Ponine."

He kissed her head again before frowning,

"What's his name?"

Eponine smiled and looked at her son,

"Haven't decided yet. We thought he'd be a girl so.....we don't have any boy’s names. Maybe Rolph."

"Rolph?"

Eponine laughed,

"I'm kidding."

"Thank god."

"Yeah okay Vincent."

Enjolras chuckled and looked over at Grantaire. He smiled at him and took the phone from the bed to take another photo.

 

"So any ideas of names yet?"

Combeferre smiled down at his son in his arms then looked at Eponine,

"Not yet but I'm sure that whatever it is we choose it'll be perfect."

Enjolras sat back in the chair and put his arms around Grantaire who had taken perch on his lap.

"Who does he look like more?"

Combeferre smiled at Cosette,

"Look at him he's gorgeous.....so me."

They all laughed an Eponine kissed Combeferre’s shoulder before yawning. Courfeyrac noticed and stood up,

"We should let you guys get some sleep."

They all stood and straightened themselves before taking turns to give Eponine and kiss and clap Combeferre on the shoulder and say goodbye to the baby. When they were alone Combeferre turned to Eponine,

"You didn't tell them?"

"I was a little busy."

Combeferre nodded and looked back at his sleeping child,

"I love him so much. And I love you."

Eponine smiled and touched the baby's head.

"We need a name for him."

"Mm first things first. I got them."

"You did?"

"You want it now?"

"Hell yes."

Combeferre passed her the baby and picked up his coat from the chair. He dug into the pocket and pulled out a box. Opening it he turned it to Eponine and pulled out two rings.

"You know they're gonna kill us when they find out."

"They can't get mad at us we have the most beautiful baby in the world."

Combeferre smiled and slipped the ring onto Eponine’s finger before putting his own on as well.

"I love you husband."

He kissed her gently,

"I love you too wife."

He placed a kiss on the baby's head,

"And I love you son."

 

Enjolras collapsed into the bed and yawned loudly.

"Jeez what a day."

Grantaire smiled and snuggled close to him,

"Yup. Beautiful though."

"Oh yeah the miracle of life is nothing if not....its gross Grantaire."

"Yeah it is."

They laughed and lay tangled together for a minute before Enjolras turned to Grantaire.

"I want one."

"Me too."

Grantaire looked at him and placed a kiss on his nose,

"Three years and we will have one."

Enjolras nodded and sighed. He stared at the ceiling before looking back at Grantaire,

"Will you come to my therapy tomorrow?"

"Of course. Why?"

"Because I'm ready to get better now. Properly."

Grantaire rolled over more and flung his arm over Enjolras before pressing a kiss to his lips.

"Of course I will. I'd be honoured."

Enjolras smiled,

"I love you."

"Love you more."

Enjolras wanted to say more but was cut off by another yawn and decided to keep it until morning. It wasn't long before they were both fast asleep, still tangled in one another's arms.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys here's the thing, I wanted to say thank you to you all for reading this, for commenting on it, for giving it Kudos- everything. I love you guys so much for it. SO I am giving you a kind of present- I want you guys to name the baby. So send me a message on my Tumblr- as it's easier for me to get to than on here during the day, and I will choose the one I think suits the most and give you credit! My tumblr is realityisonlythebeginning.tumblr.com! just drop me a message with your AO3 username!  
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter and happy name....giving...time.... :D


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who submitted names for this chapter! I hope you are happy with the choice I made- and to those whose name I didn't choose for this chapter- you guys have named like four characters for me so thank you for that! (seriously I have one who is perfect for a future child...in the story not my child. I have no children.) Anyway thank you to impetusofadream, grantairesunderwear and JJ for the baby name. (Also a mention to its-teatime-somewhere because you were right- it is an awesome name and I had to slip it in somewhere!)

"Grantaire?"

"Yeah?"

"That had better be your knee."

Grantaire pushed his face into the pillow and laughed. He snaked his arm around Enjolras' stomach and pressed against his back. Enjolras laced his fingers with Grantaire’s and brought the hand to his lips to kiss, Grantaire smiled and moved closer so he could nuzzle the soft hair at the back of Enjolras' neck with his nose before pressing a kiss there.

"What time is it?"

Enjolras yawned and looked at the clock,

"7:20."

"Why are we awake?"

"Because you are apparently a teenage boy and woke me up with a hard on against my back."

Grantaire could hear the smile in his voice and kissed his neck again,

"Wanna take advantage of the opportunity?"

"7:20 Grantaire."

Grantaire smirked and squeezed Enjolras' fingers,

"Guess I’ll just have to take care of it myself then..."

Enjolras shifted in the bed and stuck his other hand beneath his head,

"You do that. I'm going back to sleep."

Grantaire laughed,

"Wow two years and all the romance is gone....."

Enjolras yawned in reply and Grantaire sighed. He looked at Enjolras and grinned before hugging him tighter and closing his eyes.

 

"Did you know that eight out of ten people are actually technically clinically insane?"

Enjolras shook his head and smiled at the paper in front of him. Ollie stared at Grantaire,

"Really?"

Grantaire nodded and picked up a mug,

"Yeah they did all these tests on people, most of them died- it was a big conspiracy."

The man looked at Grantaire open mouthed,

"That's disgusting."

"That's science."

Ollie shook his head and grabbed a cloth to wipe down the tables. Grantaire watched him then broke into a smile,

"You're an asshole. You know that?"

Grantaire looked at Enjolras and leant against the counter next to him,

"I just wanted to see how much he'd believe. I think later I'm gonna tell him that scientists got a monkey to talk but then had to kill it because it knew too much."

Enjolras laughed,

"You need another hobby."

"I got you."

"I am not something you can do."

Grantaire looked at him as he realised what he said, he flipped the page and tried to suppress his smile,

"You know what I mean."

Grantaire chuckled and pressed a kiss to his forehead. He turned to the door and grinned,

"Hey papa."

Combeferre walked in with a smile, he walked over to the counter and dumped a bag on it,

"Can you get me an espresso please? I need to pick up some papers."

"Sure thing."

Combeferre sat for a moment next to Enjolras and rubbed his eyes,

"How you doing bud?"

Combeferre smiled,

"Exhausted. Did you know that babies hate sleep? How can you hate sleep?"

Enjolras chuckled,

"How's Eponine?"

"She's amazing. She's such a natural."

"Got a name yet?"

"Yeah. Shush."

"Modern. I like it."

Combeferre laughed,

"We have a name but we are waiting till you all come over tomorrow. Have a bit of a naming thing."

"How is he? All good?"

"Yup all healthy and perfect. The midwife is happy with him; he's feeding well- and often. Poor Ep....thank god for formula."

Enjolras smiled at him and put a hand on his shoulder,

"And you like being a dad?"

Combeferre looked at him for a moment,

"I love it. It feels like...this is what I'm meant to do, you know? I just....I can't wait for you to have one so you can understand."

Enjolras smirked and looked across at Grantaire,

"Yeah I can't wait to have one too."

"You guys good?"

"We are."

"No more fights?"

"Only when he steals all the blankets."

Combeferre smiled,

"You know I'm here when or if you ever need to talk."

"You got your own worries now. Don't need to worry about mine."

Grantaire came over with the coffee and put it in front of Combeferre.

"Thanks. I’ll just grab the papers."

He made his way into the back and Grantaire looked at Enjolras,

"You okay?"

Enjolras looked at him and smiled,

"I'm good. Ready for therapy today?"

"Oh yeah. I've been practicing my answers."

"It's not an exam Grantaire."

"I know but I want the therapist to like me."

"I'm sure she'll love you."

"Mm we'll see. Should I tell her I have nightmares about you killing me?"

Enjolras looked at him for a moment,

"I'm gonna say no. Don't tell her that."

"Can I tell her that you have suppressed anger that comes out in strange fetishes?"

Enjolras looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Can I tell her that--?"

"I am going to punch you in the crotch."

Combeferre sat back down and looked at them both,

"Everything okay?"

Enjolras looked at Grantaire who was pursing his lips into a kiss face and pushed his head back until he had to stand up straight. He then turned back to Combeferre,

"Where is Ep anyway?"

"Home. A girl from her anti natal thing popped round with her twins. Twins man my god. No. So I'm out buying nappies and formula. It's okay to be jealous of my rock n roll lifestyle."

They laughed as Combeferre drained his cup and stood up,

"Alright I'm off."

He dropped some coins on the counter and Grantaire pushed them back to him,

"You're kidding right? Just take it."

Combeferre smiled at him and grabbed his bag,

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Absolutely. Give our love to Ep. And baby Shush."

Combeferre laughed,

"Will do. See ya."

Enjolras watched him go before turning back and looking at Grantaire lean on the counter and resting his chin in his hands,

"What are you doing?"

Grantaire sighed and looked at Enjolras,

"You're so dreamy."

Enjolras snorted and leant over to give him a kiss,

"Idiot."

 

"It's good to see you both, you're looking well today Enjolras."

Enjolras smiled at the doctor and scratched his neck,

"Yeah it's been a good week. Our friend had a baby."

"Oh wow, boy or girl?"

"Little boy. He's beautiful."

"Congratulations to them."

They both smiled,

"So how are you feeling today?"

"I'm feeling good. Getting used to not going to work."

"Do you miss it?"

"I miss having something to do. I miss the purpose of everyday but I don't miss it. No."

"And you Grantaire? How are you coping with the turn of events?"

"Good."

"Care to elaborate?"

Grantaire sat back in the sofa and looked at Enjolras,

"It nice to see him relaxed again. Haven't had that for a while."

"You like seeing him relaxed."

"I like seeing him happy. He wakes up with a smile. It's wonderful."

The doctor nodded and turned back to Enjolras,

"How are you dealing with the issues we discussed last time?"

"Okay. The uhm. The baby coming put some things into perspective for me."

"Like what?"

Enjolras cleared his throat and shifted in the seat,

"Just seeing this baby, this innocent little boy who knows nothing of pain, and life- he just knows that he's happy and his mum and dad are there and they love him. I mean I could never imagine them looking at him and doing the things that my parents did to me. Its unconditional love you know? That's what it's meant to be. And it made me realise- it’s not my fault. I mean I was like him at one point, we all were. And my parents made the choice to.....it wasn't my fault that I'm gay. I didn't decide that. And I didn't choose to fall in love with who I did. I just did. And a parent should lo- should love you no matter what. How can you hold your baby and love them and nurture them and then hate that same child for something they can't help?"

Grantaire reached over and slipped his hand into Enjolras'.

"How do you feel about them now that you've thought these things?"

"Honestly? I've barely thought about them at all. It felt like a weight being lifted. It was never my fault. It was theirs. I know that now."

The doctor smiled at him and wrote something down,

"That's really brilliant to hear Enjolras. Really....can I ask how your relationship is going?"

Grantaire caught Enjolras' eye and smiled,

"It's going well. Really well. I've grown really fond of him these last few weeks."

Enjolras chuckled and the doctor smirked,

"Enjolras has spoken of your sobriety before. How's that going?"

Grantaire sat up straight and smiled broadly,

"Two years sober now."

"Congratulations that's a hell of an achievement."

"Thank you."

Grantaire turned to Enjolras,

"You talk about it?"

"Well yeah. I mean it's a huge thing in our life."

"What do you say?"

Enjolras shook his head and looked down,

"Enjolras?"

He looked at him for a moment,

"I say how much you inspire me."

"What? Me inspire you?"

"You do. You did this huge thing, Giant life changing thing. I'm so proud of you. I....I'm so lucky to have you."

Grantaire smiled and bit his lip, his face reddening.

"Are you two still intimate?"

The question caught them off guard and they looked at the therapist,

"Err....yeah. I mean my sister is staying with us which puts a dampener on things."

"Do you miss the intimacy?"

"Yeah...Enjolras has never been the most....openly intimate person on the planet I have to say but...."

"I'm better than I was."

"True you are. We've been through too much to not be."

Enjolras squeezed his fingers,

"Maybe you should get away together for a bit. Just the two of you. Regain that intimacy"

"I mean...we could do, whatya think?"

Enjolras nodded,

"Can't hurt to get some time for just us. We haven't since....the argument."

The doctor wrote something down,

"Have you argued much since?"

They looked at each other,

"Not really... I mean nothing serious."

"What do you mean by not serious?"

Grantaire looked at her and smirked,

"Stop using all the shampoo Grantaire and not replacing it. If I step on your painting things one more time I’ll kill you. Is there any need to have this many sketchbooks lying around?"

Enjolras looked at him,

"Stop being so boring Enjolras there are other shows to watch. Why do you need to find a moral argument in everything? When are you gonna figure out that you can't put those clothes in the machine together?"

He began to smile as Grantaire nudged his shoulder,

"I do not sound like that Enjolras."

"So normal arguments that come with marriage?"

Grantaire pulled a face,

"Ugh normal?"

Enjolras looked at him and grinned,

"Afraid so. Sorry."

The doctor laughed and clasped her hands together,

"I have to say it is really promising to see your improvement. I'm serious, the two of you together? You work well."

Grantaire nudged Enjolras again,

"Hear that babe? We work well."

Enjolras laughed,

"Don't call me that."

Grantaire smiled and pulled him over to kiss his cheek.

"Get off you fool."

The room filled with laughter as the doctor put her pad of paper down to watch the two as they laughed.

 

"I don't even understand how you can be so turned on right now."

Grantaire undid the last button of Enjolras' shirt and latched on to his collar bone having jumped Enjolras the minute they got in from the doctor’s office.

"Guess it's just you. You're very rousing."

Enjolras pushed up against him as his fingers found his zipper,

"You sure it's not the therapy? I mean doctor Susan is a handsome woman..."

Grantaire groaned,

"Mm soul bearing gets me hard."

Enjolras chuckled before being cut off by Grantaire wrapping his fingers around him,

"Seems it gets you hard too."

Enjolras gripped his arms and turned them around so he could push Grantaire up against the wall,

"Actually that's just you."

He grabbed Enjolras with his free hand and pulled him down for a kiss.

Enjolras grabbed his t-shirt and pulled it off, he looked down and Grantaire’s bare chest and smiled,

"What?"

"I got me a hot husband."

"Who are you?!"

"Blow me."

Grantaire smirked and pushed them round again, slamming Enjolras I to the wall and kissing him.

"My pleasure."

He dropped to his knees and had Enjolras' jeans around his ankles and his cock in his mouth before he could even react. Enjolras tangled his fingers in Grantaire’s hair and moaned. He chuckled as Grantaire worked him before gripping him tightly. Grantaire pulled away and looked up,

"Not gonna shoot already are you?"

Enjolras looked at him,

"Hurry up she could be home soon."

"Yes sir."

He took him again; using all the tricks he knew drove Enjolras wild. It always made him laugh; how quickly he could make Enjolras come. There were times when he could last for hours, but never when it's Grantaire’s lips around him. Grantaire holds his hips in place as he feels him begin to tremble,

"Grantaire...Grantaire."

He began tapping his head which only made Grantaire smile against him and hold him tighter. Enjolras threw his head back as his knees gave out and he came with a shudder. Grantaire drank him down eagerly before sliding him from his lips with a smile,

"Fuck."

He looked at the clock,

"Five minutes Enjolras. New record."

Enjolras pulled his underwear up,

"Prick."

"You love me."

"Get up here."

He turned Grantaire so he was pressed against the wall and dropped to his knees to return the favour. It was just as Grantaire was shakily pulling his jeans back up watching Enjolras wipe his mouth that the keys rattled in the lock and the door opened,

"Perfect timing as always."

Katie walked in and stopped at the sight,

"Seriously guys? Middle of the afternoon?"

Grantaire pulled Enjolras back to his feet and turned to her,

"Mm shocking what happens in the privacy of our home."

Katie put a hand on her hip and stuck her tongue out,

"Actually I have news. Enjolras your uhm..."

She pointed to him and he looked down,

"Oh right."

He pulled his zip up and winked at Grantaire as he went to the kitchen. Grantaire laughed and sat on the couch,

"Go on then, news."

Katie sat opposite him and smiled,

"I'm going back to India! I got a call this morning from my buddy Tristan. He wants me to go stay. So I'll be going in the next week or so."

Grantaire looked at Enjolras then back,

"Wait. So you're just leaving? How are you paying for this you don't have a job."

"Vincent doesn't have a job."

"I had a job."

He passed Grantaire a drink and sat next to him,

"Mum and dad are loaning me some."

Grantaire covered his face and sat back,

"Jesus Christ Katie."

"What?"

Grantaire looked at her for a minute,

"Why can't you just get a job and be normal?"

"Wanting to the see the world isn't normal? Besides Tristan has a job for me there."

Grantaire sighed and looked at Enjolras,

"Alright. Fine. If it’s what you want then go for it."

Katie looked at him for a minute.

"You want me to stay?"

"I want my sister to be safe."

"I will be. I promise."

"I'm not leaving because of you."

"Well good."

Katie laughed,

"I’m gonna miss you."

Grantaire stood up and pulled her into a hug,

"You too. But you'll come back."

"I will. I promise."

She pulled away and looked at Enjolras,

"I'm even gonna miss you Vince."

Enjolras stood up and hugged her, he kissed her head,

"I'll miss you too squirt."

She hugged him tightly before pulling away.

"I'm gonna go start...packing I guess."

She headed to her room before stopping,

"By the way it smells like sex in here."

 

"Grantaire we need to get ready. They're expecting us."

Grantaire wrapped his arms around Enjolras more tightly,

"Shouldn't have suggested a cuddle then should you?"

"I didn't suggest a cuddle. I just..."

"Wanted a cuddle?"

Enjolras buried his face in Grantaire’s chest,

"If you tell anyone."

"My lips are sealed o fearless leader. But you do know it’s okay to cuddle the man you married?"

Enjolras shifted and rested his chin on Grantaire’s chest; Grantaire looked at him and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Hi."

"Hello."

They looked at each other for a moment before Enjolras lifted himself up and kissed Grantaire,

"Mm what was that for?"

"No reason. Just wanted to do it."

Grantaire kissed him again,

"I'm so proud of you Enjolras."

"Thank you?"

"I'm serious. Hearing you talk yesterday to the doctor. You're amazing."

"You are insane."

"Nope. Just in love with you."

Enjolras sat up so he was straddling Grantaire and looked down at him,

"I've been thinking."

"Uh oh."

Enjolras smiled,

"I think....when we have kids....I don't want them to have my name."

Grantaire sat up as best he could and frowned,

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I don't want my family name involved. In any way. I want them to take your name. I don't want my parents to be able to come near them."

"Enjolras....."

"I'm serious. I don't want them to know our children. Ever."

Grantaire stroked Enjolras' arm and nodded,

"Well we still have three years before we discuss this properly."

"I won't change my mind."

"Maybe not. But we'll see where we are in three years okay?"

Grantaire reached up and touched Enjolras' face,

"Don't set your jaw like that. Relax."

He kissed him, holding onto Enjolras' face until he felt him relax into his arms.

"We better get ready. Don't wanna be late to meet....baby."

Enjolras smiled as he climbed off the sofa. Grantaire straightened his shirt and looked at him,

"Wanna take bets on the name?"

"Ten says it’s something foofy"

Enjolras scrunched his nose up,

"Foofy?"

"Yeah like a famous author name or something."

"Or something normal maybe like...John."

"Or Vincent."

Enjolras threw him a look that made Grantaire laugh loudly.

"Did I say normal name like Vincent? I meant sex bomb name."

"Sex bomb? Really?"

Grantaire laughed as he made his way to the bedroom,

"Whenever you think I'm an idiot just remember this-"

He turned and pointed to Enjolras,

"You're the one that proposed."

"Mm and here I was thinking you were the drunk one."

"Oh ouch."

Enjolras smirked and pulled a sweater from the pile on the dining table.

"Don't wear black."

"Why?"

"Baby vomit is white."

Enjolras grimaced,

"Lovely."

"It happens."

Grantaire walked from the bedroom in a fresh shirt and picked up his phone,

"You ready?"

Enjolras pulled on a red t-shirt and nodded. He looked at Grantaire and froze,

"What?"

"How long have you had that shirt?"

Enjolras looked down at himself,

"Uhm....I don't know....why?"

Grantaire swallowed and scratched his neck,

"That is.....goddamn sexy."

Enjolras looked down at himself again before sighing,

"Seriously Grantaire?"

"Red is definitely......definitely your colour."

Enjolras felt his face grow hot,

"You realise we need to be somewhere."

"The baby is a week old he won't know that we're ten minutes late."

"Ten minutes? You're optimistic."

Grantaire wasn't listening, instead he walked over to Enjolras and began pulling the shirt up,

"Grantaire what the hell has gotten into you?"

Grantaire kissed his neck,

"I am spending time with you."

Enjolras chuckled and looked at the clock,

"All this for a shirt?"

"It's a really good shirt."

Enjolras gripped Grantaire as his hands wandered south,

"Okay okay I’ll tell you what. We do what we need to do this afternoon and tonight I'll let you do whatever you want to me."

Grantaire stilled and pulled away slightly,

"Anything?"

Enjolras chewed his lip,

"I'm gonna regret this but.....yeah anything."

"Hmm."

He looked at Enjolras for a moment then pulled away properly,

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yup. Let’s go."

Enjolras stood for a moment before running a hand through his hair and following Grantaire out of the apartment.

 

Eponine flung herself into their arms as soon as they door was opened,

"Oh it's so good to see you."

"You okay Ep?"

She pulled back and beamed,

"I'm so happy. But that could be the lack of sleep. Come in."

They followed her into the house and greeted the others who were milling about,

"So where's the little one."

"Cosette stole him about ten minutes ago. Drink?"

Grantaire squeezed Enjolras' hip and headed toward Joly who was sitting looking at a magazine. Enjolras put his arm around Eponine and walked with her to the kitchen where Cosette was standing with the baby in her arms, she smiled up at Enjolras and moved to him,

"You go to uncle Enjolras."

Enjolras took him in his arms and looked down at him,

"Hello handsome."

He gave Cosette a kiss on the cheek and looked back at the baby; Eponine began pulling glasses down when Cosette touched her shoulder,

"Sit down mum. I’ll do the drinks."

Eponine sat down with a sigh and looked at Enjolras,

"He's so cute isn't he?"

Enjolras smirked,

"Thanks I do try."

Eponine laughed,

"I meant-"

"I know."

She watched them as Cosette got the drinks,

"You look so good with a baby E."

"I do?"

"You're gonna be a great dad."

Enjolras looked down at the baby and smiled. He heard a noise and looked up to see Grantaire taking pictures of him,

"What are you doing?"

"Making memories. Hello gorgeous."

Grantaire kissed the baby's head and turned to Cosette,

"And hello gorgeous."

"Grantaire."

He put an arm around Enjolras' waist and rested his head on his shoulder as they looked at the baby, the sound of crying made them look up, Eponine wiped her eyes and turned away,

"Eponine what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry. Nothing. Really. It's just so....I love him so much."

"Oh Ep!"

Grantaire went over to her and pulled her into a hug,

"You silly thing. He's perfect."

Eponine laughed and stood up, she took the baby from Enjolras and held him close,

"Come on through guys we have some things to tell you."

"Not pregnant are you?"

Eponine looked at Grantaire,

"Oh yeah. That's all we've been doing."

"Nice."

Enjolras laughed as they followed her into the living room.

 

Combeferre sat next to Eponine on the sofa and took the baby, he held him over his shoulder with a smile,

"So come on guys we're dying here. Give us the name!"

Combeferre looked at Eponine and gestured to her,

"Well guys it is our pleasure to introduce you to Remy Emile Jonah Combeferre."

The room filled with the sounds of 'Awww' and 'cute' as the group welcomed the sleeping boy again.

"Giving the boy your name eh Combeferre?"

They smiled,

"Well someone had to take the damn thing."

Eponine stroked Remy's head and kissed it,

"There's something else as well."

The group looked at the pair and Eponine smiled before lifting her left hand.

"We got married!"

 


	41. Chapter 41

The room was silent for a full minute before anyone spoke,

"What?"

"We got married."

"As in married married?"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"Well it wasn't a big planned thing. We just did it."

Remy began to stir and Eponine took him,

"I'll just feed him."

Combeferre smiled at her and turned back to the group.

"Guys?"

Courfeyrac was the first to move,

"That is brilliant mate. But we're still having a party."

Combeferre laughed,

"Yeah alright fair enough."

The others joined in and Grantaire slipped out without being noticed. He walked to the bedroom and knocked gently,

"'Ponine?"

"Yeah?"

He walked in and stopped in the doorway.

"You okay?"

She looked up from Remy and smiled,

"Course."

He sat beside her and smirked,

"If I was straight right now I would not be allowed in here with those out."

She laughed and rested her head on his shoulder.

"You're a wife now. A wife and a mother. How mental is that?"

"I know right?"

"Congrats by the way. Although I am pissed I wasn't invited."

"We'll celebrate it again. We just wanted to be married when this one came along."

Grantaire put his arm around her and kissed her head,

"You're an amazing mum you know that?"

She looked at him and smiled,

"Thank you."

They sat together until Remy stopped feeding.

"Think you can handle burping?"

Grantaire smirked,

"I think I can. I have to burp Enjolras so..."

Eponine laughed and pulled her shirt closed. She watched Grantaire for a moment,

"You and Enjolras gonna have kids?"

"I hope so. One day."

"A mini Enjolras running around?"

Grantaire smiled, he kissed Remy's head as he rubbed his back. He laughed as he let out a burp.

"Good man Remy."

"You like the name?"

"It's beautiful."

"He likes you."

"Yeah he's nice."

"Nice? Try the most perfect little boy in the world."

"Even if you say so yourself."

Eponine chuckled and yawned.

"Why don't you go lie down? I got him."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I’ll hang out over here and you go have a nap."

Eponine chewed her lip and looked at him.

"Eponine, go lie down. If I need anything I'll get your husband."

Eponine looked at them for another minute,

"Get me if you need me?"

"I promise."

"Okay....okay."

She leaned in and kissed Remy on the head,

"If he cries then bounce him. Not too hard. He likes a bounce. And rub his back in circles at the same time. There's dummy's in the drawer there. And nappies-"

"Eponine. His father is in the next room. Go lie down and if he needs anything I will get Combeferre."

Eponine nodded and kissed Remy again before slipping from the room.

Grantaire moved from the bed to the chair and shifted Remy so he was on his chest. He pulled the blanket from the floor and covered him before sitting back.

 

"There you are."

Grantaire looked up from his phone and smiled at Enjolras.

"We're having a nap."

Enjolras sat on the bed and smiled,

"Combeferre is trying to stop the party planning. I heard the words Vegas and got away. Where's Ep?"

"Having a nap."

"Ah I see."

Enjolras watched Grantaire for a moment before pulling his own phone out and taking a picture.

"He is cute."

"He sure is."

They sat in silence for a moment, Remy snuffled and Grantaire held him close,

"Can men get broody? Because I think I might be."

Enjolras smiled at him,

"You'll be a great dad."

"With you by my side?"

"Naturally."

He smiled and sat up slightly as Remy began to stir.

"Shoot we have a uh....smell."

He held Remy to his chest with one hand and reached for Enjolras to help him up.

"Are we gonna change him?"

"Hell no. Besides the cord creeps me out."

He headed to the door before looking back,

"When ours are born you're changing nappies until that thing falls off."

Enjolras scrunched his nose up and followed Grantaire to the living room,

"Uhm...'Ferre?"

Combeferre turned around,

"You have a soiled son."

Combeferre smiled and walked over, he took Remy in his arms and kissed his head,

"Hello stinker."

The conversation turned to parties as Combeferre took his son to change. Enjolras sat beside Grantaire and pressed his lips to his shoulder.

 

"Enjolras?"

"Mm?"

"Do you have any idea how hot it is in this room?"

"S'not hot."

"Enjolras get off me."

"Mmm no."

Grantaire tried to wiggle out from under the half asleep man, failing he tried to move his arms only to have them pinned down.

"Enjolras come o-o-on!"

Enjolras shifted again so he was almost completely on top of Grantaire.

"If you don't move I'll pee on you."

Enjolras chuckled into his neck,

"Kinky."

Grantaire groaned and moved his face from the pillow. Enjolras had sprawled over his back and was pressing kisses to his shoulder.

"Enjolras I'm serious."

"Nooo."

"You are a child."

"I'm your man."

Grantaire paused and started to laugh,

"What?"

He felt Enjolras shift slightly,

"I don't know."

"You are my man. But you're also pressing down on my back which is pressing down on my bladder and just fucking move before I pee."

Enjolras sighed and lifted himself up. Grantaire slid out from under him and bolted to the bathroom. He came out a few minutes later to see Enjolras on his stomach, stretched out with his face in the pillows. Grantaire smiled and climbed on to the bed. He straddled Enjolras just above his ass; he leaned over so his head was in Enjolras' neck,

"Morning sleepy."

"Get off."

"Oh I see. You don't like it."

"You git."

"Love you."

He began to rock back and forth moving Enjolras up and down until he felt him shake with laughter.

"Stop it!"

"Get up then."

Enjolras turned suddenly sending Grantaire crashing into the bed; he rolled over and trapped Grantaire to the bed before kissing him.

"Morning."

"You're a pain in the ass you know that?"

"Still love me?"

"Maybe."

Grantaire laughed and kissed him again,

"I talked to my mum last night"

Enjolras smirked,

"Interesting bed talk."

"She wanted to know if we would wanna house sit for a couple days."

"Sounds pretty cool."

"Yeah three days at the house alone then they come back and spend three days with us."

Enjolras nodded and kissed him again,

"Sounds pretty good to me."

"I'll tell her yes then."

"Can we do this when we're there?"

"I don't see why not."

"When do you have work?"

"Three."

Enjolras muttered,

"Good."

Before throwing an arm over Grantaire and pulling him into another kiss.

 

Grantaire pushed the door open and dropped his bag on the floor,

"Percy?"

Enjolras followed him in and dropped his own bag,

"Percy?"

"Cat."

"Oh..."

Grantaire walked through the hall and went into the kitchen. Enjolras looked around before walking into the living room. He looked at the garden through the bay window before turning to the mantelpiece. His eyes trailed over photos of strangers, pictures of Grantaire’s parents and some of him and Katie as children. He smiled at one of Grantaire as a kid standing next to the sink and grinning broadly showing at least three missing teeth. His eyes trailed over the other pictures of the family together before he saw a familiar face. It was a picture of him and Grantaire sitting together; taken the last time they had seen his parents. He stopped in front of it as his stomach twisted with something he wasn't sure of.

"You alright?"

Enjolras turned to the doorway and nodded. He pointed to the photos,

"You were a cute kid."

Grantaire smirked and walked over to the photos. He laughed when he saw the one of him.

"I can't believe they have this out."

"It's cute."

"It's embarrassing. I don't even have half my teeth."

Enjolras smiled at him before nodding toward the one of the both of them,

"It's us."

Grantaire looked at it and smiled,

"That's a nice one. I like that."

He looked at Enjolras and frowned,

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Hey."

He reached out for his hand and squeezed it,

"What is it?"

"Enjolras scratched his neck and chuckled,

"It's just seeing a picture of me here. It's odd."

"Odd how? You're part of the family."

"That's what's odd. I'm not. I mean I am. But.....I'm not."

Grantaire put his arms around Enjolras' middle and pressed his face into his chest.

"You're my family."

"And you're mine."

Enjolras wrapped his arms around Grantaire’s neck and kissed his head.

"Come on. I'll show you round the place."

He took Enjolras' hand and led him into the kitchen,

"Kitchen. Food in the fridge, coffee in the cupboard, wash room in there."

He pulled him into another door,

"Dining room. No need to come in here really we never do."

Enjolras nodded blindly and followed him upstairs.

"Parents room."

He turned to Enjolras,

"We don't go in there."

Enjolras laughed and nodded,

"Bathroom, Katie's room and-"

He stopped outside a door,

"My room."

They walked into the bedroom. A double bed stood in the corner, with a desk next to it. There was a book shelf in the corner and a built in wardrobe. A faded Star Trek poster hung on the wall next to the window. Grantaire sat on the bed and looked at Enjolras,

"You were a Trekkie?"

"Shut up."

"I can't believe I married a nerd."

Grantaire rolled his eyes and lay back on the bed; Enjolras climbed on and straddled him before leaning down for a kiss.

"Such a nerd. Did you have all the movies?"

Grantaire stared at him before smirking,

"Oh my god you did. And the TV show? Did you wear the ears and everything?"

"I was a cool child thank you very much."

"You nerd."

"Oh and you were so cool as a kid?"

Enjolras sat up straight,

"I was very cool as a kid."

"Mmm I'm sure you were. Book worm with glasses."

"I was the smartest kid in the class."

"You were the dork."

"You saying you wouldn't be my friend?"

"I would lust after you from afar."

"That's a kid you're talking about you're sick."

Grantaire grabbed Enjolras by the shirt and pulled him down again,

"The sickest."

"That's not sexy."

Grantaire laughed loudly before pressing a kiss to Enjolras' lips.

"What do you wanna do today?"

"This. Mostly. Then food."

He shifted down and lay beside Grantaire, his head resting on his chest and Grantaire’s fingers lazily brushing through his hair.

"I like this place."

"It's a pretty cool house."

"It's warm. Feels like a family lives here."

Grantaire smiled,

"I take it your house didn't?"

"We had rooms I wasn't allowed in. Thousands spent on furniture that no one was allowed to use. And a room that had no pictures."

"I'm sorry you had to grow up like that."

"Not your fault."

"We'll make our children happy growing up."

"Yeah?"

"Absolutely. Best childhood ever."

Enjolras chuckled and traced patterns over Grantaire’s chest with his finger.

"I like being myself around you."

"Hmm?"

"I like it. Being able to talk to you. It's good."

Grantaire pulled Enjolras' head up and kissed him in response.

 

Enjolras moaned into the pillow and gripped the sheets tightly as Grantaire rocked up into him again. Sliding his hand down Enjolras' arm Grantaire covered the hand twisted in the sheets with his own and gripped his fingers.

"You're so beautiful."

Enjolras groaned and thrust backwards. Their entangled fingers pushing down on the bed as their panting and moaning filled the room.

Enjolras groaned again and lifted himself more onto his knees.

"There?"

"Yeah. Don't stop."

Grantaire gripped his hip with his free hand and kept up the thrusts whilst squeezing Enjolras' hand. Enjolras pushed his face into the pillow and moaned before sticking his hand beneath himself and matching Grantaire’s thrusts with his own.

"Enjolras....so....close."

"Hold on. Hold on. Almost there."

Grantaire gripped him tightly and slowed his thrusts to try and keep his orgasm at bay. Enjolras thrust back onto him and sped up his hand,

"Agh now. Now go."

Grantaire smirked and began thrusting with earnest. He felt himself get closer to the edge when Enjolras cried out and came over his hand. He clenched around Grantaire who gasped and came as well. He thrust into Enjolras again and again as it ripped through him. Breathlessly he collapsed against Enjolras, flattening him into the bed with a thump and a laugh. He pulled his hand out from underneath himself and held it up, his hand still covered in his own release moved into the Vulcan salute,

"Live long and prosper."

Grantaire burst out laughing and pressed his face into Enjolras' shoulder blades.

"Now who's the nerd?"

"You love me."

"So much."

He let go of Enjolras' hand and pulled out of him. Flopping on to his back he turned to face Enjolras and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"So come on, was I good or was I good?"

Enjolras shrugged,

"You were okay."

Grantaire gasped and poked him in the ribs,

"Best you've ever had."

Enjolras pushed his face away and laughed at the look on his face as the mess on his hand covered his cheek,

"You sick-"

Grantaire rubbed his face over Enjolras', spreading the mess over him as well. Enjolras caught his lips in a kiss and shifted over.

"Best I ever had."

"Mmm told you. We gotta wash these sheets."

"That quick huh?"

"It's an old habit."

Grantaire climbed from the bed and disposed of the condom, he turned to Enjolras and smiled,

"What?"

"You screw a lot of guys in here?"

Grantaire frowned,

"No. I was a teenager in here."

Enjolras looked at him blankly and Grantaire frowned again,

"Enjolras are you seriously confused right now?"

Enjolras sat up and shrugged,

"What?"

Grantaire laughed,

"You're actually telling me that you never, as a teenager....had to wash the sheets?"

"We had a cleaner?"

Grantaire snorted and started to laugh. He moved to the desk and put his hands against it as he laughed harder and louder.

"What? Stop laughing at me."

Grantaire climbed on to the bed and straddled Enjolras again,

"I'm sorry. I just understand so much more about you now."

Enjolras blushed and looked away.

"You really never did that as a kid?"

"No not really. I never felt the need to."

"Stud huh?"

"Mm oh yeah the geeky kid with sexuality problems was a hit with all the guys."

Grantaire stroked his face and kissed his forehead.

"I would have found you sexy."

"You find everything sexy."

"Only you."

"Is this a sorry for laughing at me?"

"I've just never met anyone who didn't touch themselves as a teenager. Even Marius did it."

Enjolras scrunched his nose and laughed,

"I did not need that image. Ever."

Grantaire laughed again,

"But you do it now right? Like when we're apart? Or before me?"

Enjolras shifted slightly,

"Not...really no."

"Seriously?"

"Is it that big of a deal?"

"No it's just.....really?"

"I don't like it."

"But you like sex?"

Enjolras looked at him then gestured to himself,

"No I hate sex."

Grantaire smirked,

"Why don't you like touching yourself? I mean I've got you off with my hand before."

"But that's you. I like your hands. I just don't see the point in doing it to myself."

"You're so strange."

"Thank you."

Grantaire kissed him again and climbed off the bed. He took his boxers from the floor and pulled them up. He turned to Enjolras again who had moved and was hugging his knees to his chest,

"Shall we make an agreement?"

Enjolras looked up,

"What?"

Grantaire leant down over the bed,

"My hand is the only hand you'll need from now on."

"That's ridiculously romantic."

"Shut up I'm being nice."

"I love you, you know that?"

"I figured as much."

He pushed himself from the bed and grabbed the washing basket from the hallway. He turned back to Enjolras and clicked his tongue,

"Out."

Enjolras smirked and climbed from the bed. He pulled a pair of shorts on and helped Grantaire strip the bed.

"We should wash too."

"In case someone finds us?"

"Because I am somehow covered in your goddamn cum and it's gross."

"Gross?"

Grantaire pushed Enjolras and laughed,

"Yeah gross."

"So charming my husband is."

"Okay Yoda."

"Star wars too? Jesus Grantaire."

Grantaire shook his head and laughed again.

"Come on you idiot."

He pulled Enjolras into the bathroom and shut the door before pressing a kiss to his lips and turning the shower on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	42. Chapter 42

"What time are they getting here?"

Grantaire poured another coffee and shrugged,

"Sometime between two and four I think. Percy get down."

He picked the cat from the counter and dropped him on the floor. Enjolras reached down and scratched the tabby's ear.

"What do you wanna do today?"

Grantaire sat down and sipped his drink.

"Dunno. Hang out? What do married people do?"

Enjolras smirked and shrugged,

"I don't know we're not a normal married couple."

"Cos we're gay?"

"Cos we're awesome."

"Ah I see."

Enjolras chuckled and turned the page of the paper.

"You talk to the doc yet?"

"Not yet but no worries. I'm sure I can organise another appointment when we get back."

"You nervous about the folks?"

"Should I be?"

"Nah they like you."

"That's...good to know."

Grantaire laughed and picked the cat up again.

"Enjolras?"

"No."

Grantaire looked up,

"You haven't even heard the question yet."

Enjolras looked at him,

"I don't need to. I know what you're gonna ask. No we cannot get a cat."

Grantaire looked at him for a moment,

"Actually I was gonna ask if you wanted a blowjob but whatever."

"Mm I'm sure you were."

Grantaire laughed and scratched Percy under the chin.

"Why can't we?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because I said so."

"You're no fun."

"You knew that when you married me. Besides we don't want a cat. If anything we want a dog. Dogs are loyal. Cats are evil."

Grantaire turned Percy round and made him face Enjolras,

"Say that to his face."

"You are a child."

"Yeah but a sexy child."

Enjolras looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"I'm gonna rephrase that."

"You do that. The answer is still no."

Grantaire sighed dramatically and Enjolras smirked to himself before returning to his paper.

"Jehan has a pet."

"Jehan has a guinea pig. If you want a guinea pig you can have a guinea pig."

"I kind of want a guinea pig."

Enjolras shook his head and laughed,

"I don't even understand how we work sometimes."

"Cos I'm the best sex you ever had."

"Eh...so so."

"Well aren't you a treat."

Enjolras flashed him a grin and sat back in the chair to finish his coffee.

 

"Do you think that animals think in English?"

Grantaire looked at Enjolras and frowned,

"Where the hell did that come from?"

"Just wondering."

"God you're weird sometimes."

Enjolras laughed loudly and rolled onto his stomach. He propped himself up on his elbows and watched Grantaire for a bit.

"Why are you staring at me?"

"Because I can."

"They'll be here soon don't get any ideas."

Enjolras smirked and looked down at his hands. He twisted his wedding ring around on his finger and smiled to himself.

"What you thinking?"

"Just remembering the wedding."

"It was a good wedding."

"Shame your parents weren't there."

Grantaire shrugged,

"They got us now."

Grantaire swallowed, already knowing where the conversation was going to go before Enjolras opened his mouth,

"Do you think they-?"

"Don't. Don't Enjolras."

Enjolras looked up at him,

"How did you know I was-?"

"Because I know you."

Grantaire moved round so he was on his stomach facing Enjolras, he took his hand and pulled to his mouth,

"Don't think about them, they're not worth it remember?"

Enjolras nodded,

"I know it's just...sometimes I still do."

Grantaire kissed his palm before moving forward and pressing his lips to Enjolras' forehead.

"You're too good for them."

Enjolras smiled,

"You're too good for me."

"That's a bit gay."

Enjolras burst out laughing and dropped his head down.

"Oh my god."

Grantaire smiled and kissed his head.

"We better go in and open up for them."

Enjolras pulled him in for a kiss before getting up.

 

"It's so good to see you baby."

Grantaire cringed as his mother pulled him into another hug,

"Yeah mum I got that."

She clicked her tongue and put him at arm’s length,

"Let me enjoy having you here."

She looked at Enjolras and smiled,

"Having you both here."

She let go of Grantaire and pulled Enjolras into a hug.

"It's so good to have you here Vincent."

Enjolras smiled and hugged her tightly.

"It's a lovely place."

She pulled back and took his face on her hands,

"How are you doing?"

"I'm good."

"You look well. Lovely smile."

He smiled again as she pulled him down and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Now how have you boys been? Henri, have you been looking after him?"

"Yes mum. We're fine."

His dad walked in and clapped Enjolras on the back,

"Vincent my boy how are you?"

"Doing good sir, yourself?"

"Can't complain. And none of that sir business. Call me Michael."

Enjolras smiled and nodded,

"Michael."

"Good lad."

Grantaire winked at Enjolras as they all sat at the kitchen table, Enjolras watched the family as they laughed together. Grantaire was deep in discussion with his mum about the gallery when Michael squeezed Enjolras' shoulder,

"You alright son?"

He looked over in surprise.

"I'm good."

"I'm going to a book fair thing later if you want to join me."

"That'll be great."

Michael smiled broadly,

"See Catherine? The boy wants to go to the fair."

She looked at them both and cocked her head slightly,

"Vincent please done feel you have to go. If you don't want to..."

"No no it sounds good."

Grantaire looked up,

"What fair?"

"Book fair."

He scrunched his nose up,

"Oh yeah no."

Enjolras smirked as Grantaire pointed at him,

"Do not come home with a thousand new books please."

"I promise nothing."

Grantaire looked at him pointedly and Enjolras grinned,

"One new book."

Grantaire nodded,

"For every day."

He laughed as Grantaire shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose.

 

After the two had left, Grantaire sat down with his mum and sighed,

"What's up?"

He looked over at her,

"Nothing. Tired."

She squeezed his knee,

"Vincent looks good."

"He's doing better. Has wobbly moments but he's doing well. I’m proud of him."

"How's the therapy going?"

"Going well I think. His anger is better. He actually tells me when he's pissed off now."

"That's something."

"Yeah."

Grantaire looked around the garden and scratched his neck.

"It's just this thing with his bloody parents. They're not even in his life and he's still....it's like he's still trying to make them happy. I can't get him to drop it."

"They are his parents."

"They're assholes."

"Henri..."

"I'm sorry but they are. They're horrible to him. And it kills me. I hate seeing him upset."

"I know you do."

"I swear it's because of them that he was so messed up when we first met."

"Messed up how?"

"Not messed up...closed off."

"Well we weren't all as lucky to have as amazing parents as you do."

Grantaire looked at her and smiled,

"Of course mother dear."

"So maybe we just make him realise that he has a new set of parents now."

"I saw his face earlier with you guys. He wants it. I know he does. He's gonna be the best dad in the world because he so scared that our kids will feel the same way about him as he does about his folks."

"You two will be great parents. No doubt there."

"He really wants kids. It's so sweet."

"Do you?"

"More than anything. I want a family with him. I love him mum."

"I can see that. It's so sweet."

Grantaire blushed and rubbed his nose.

"How's your drinking going?"

"It's fine."

"Yeah? No more cravings?"

"Very rarely. Nothing for weeks. Even sat beside people drinking and had no problems at all."

"That's my boy. What about Vincent, does he drink?"

Grantaire shook his head,

"He never did anyway. But no he avoids it too."

"He's a good guy."

"The best."

"You're a lucky one."

Grantaire smiled and looked at his hands,

"I am aren't I?"

"I'm proud of you boys. I really am. And so is Dad. You're our favourite married couple."

Grantaire laughed,

"Thanks mum."

She looked at him for a moment before leaning back,

"Now tell me about Eponine and her little one."

Grantaire smiled,

"Remy is amazing. So cute."

 

"He really is amazing."

"Who is?"

Grantaire looked behind him and smiled at Enjolras,

"Talking about Combeferre as a dad."

Enjolras put his hands on Grantaire’s shoulders and nodded,

"Yeah he's a natural at it."

He looked down at Grantaire, who was leaning his head against his stomach and looking straight up,

"Hello."

"Hi."

Enjolras looked up Grantaire parents who were talking before dropping down and pressing a kiss to Grantaire’s lips. He stood back up and smiled,

"Good day? Bankrupt us?"

"Ha ha. Good day yes. Getting to know your dad was cool."

Grantaire covered Enjolras' hand with his own.

"I think they're fond of you."

"They're fond of you. They just wanna make sure I'm not trouble."

Grantaire laughed,

"You're a bad influence on me."

"Mm I'm sure."

He smiled at Grantaire’s mum as she came back over from talking to Michael.

"Good fair?"

"Yeah it was good."

"Buy much?"

"No no not too many. As in sure your son will be pleased about."

He looked down at Grantaire again and pulled a face.

"More history books?"

"Biography actually Mon Ami."

Grantaire lent his head on the hand gripping his shoulder,

"Loser."

"Imbecile."

Grantaire broke into a smile and sat up more.

"Henri go help your father with the dinner."

He saluted his mum and stood up, he winked at Enjolras and headed inside,

"Come sit down Vincent."

Enjolras sat beside Catherine and smiled at her.

"I haven't had a chance to chat to you yet. How's the job hunt going?"

He nodded,

"It's going alright. Bit hard to explain why I quit my job but getting around it."

"Why did you quit?"

He frowned at her,

"Henri didn't tell you?"

"No. He said you'd left your job but not why."

"Oh...I just assumed he'd told you."

He scratched his jaw and cleared his throat,

"I had some uh...problems with co-workers. They weren't as accepting of everyone as you guys are. So I didn't tell anyone about,"

He pointed toward Grantaire,

"I didn't mention him ever and we ran into someone from work and it didn't uh....I was an as-I was not nice and I hurt Henri's feelings quite badly."

"He never said anything."

"I felt awful about it. Really awful. So I quit. Trying to focus on him more. He's the important one."

"Well so are you."

"He's the most important thing to me."

Catherine smiled,

"Well as his mother that's good to hear."

She reached out and took Enjolras' hand,

"But you're like a son to me as well and I want you to be happy. Are you happy?"

"Your son makes me happy."

Catherine squeezed his hand again,

"You make him happy. You should have seen him when he met you. Oh my word, 'Enjolras this and Enjolras that. Enjolras teaches this and he knows all about these things and he can speak two languages.' He was obsessed!"

Enjolras blushed,

"Really? He didn't even talk to me for the first six months of knowing each other. Thought he hated me."

"He was certain you hated him. Absolutely certain. Thought he was in for a life time of loving you from afar. Don't think I ever saw him so happy than when you two started talking."

Enjolras chuckled and looked at the floor,

"Yeah he uh, worked his way into my attention."

"He called me when you told him you loved him. Did you know that? Phone me up and said, 'mum he loves me. Told me himself.' He sounded so proud."

"I do love him. More than anything."

She looked at Enjolras for another moment, their hands still clasped together.

"It's really great that he has you guys, that you're so close."

She smiled at his words and touched his cheek; making him look at her,

"I know you're not close to your parents."

"Bit of an understatement there."

"I want you to know, you have us as well. Whenever you need anything. Anything at all, we're here. You're a son to us Vincent. Never forget that okay?"

Enjolras was silent for a moment,

"Thank you. I really appreciate that."

She clicked her tongue and moved her hand to his neck,

"Come here you."

She pulled him into a hug and stroked his back,

"I'm so proud of you Vincent. You've made my boy so happy. I consider myself very lucky to have you as a son."

Enjolras cleared his throat and hugged her. He closed his eyes for a second and focused on the feel of her hand on his back,

"Hey hey what's going on here then?"

Enjolras smiled before opening his eyes and pulling away. Grantaire sat on the arm of the chair and ruffled Enjolras' hair.

"Get off."

"No."

Catherine smiled at them and stood up,

"I'll go see how dinner is getting on."

They watched her go before Grantaire turned to Enjolras,

"Good chat?"

Enjolras cleared his throat again,

"Yeah. Yeah.....you were obsessed with me huh?"

Grantaire turned red and pursed his lips,

"I'll kill her."

Enjolras laughed loudly and pulled Grantaire’s sleeve until he fell onto his lap,

"What the hell!"

"You were obsessed with me."

"Yes past tense. As in not anymore. Get off me."

Enjolras wrapped his arms around the wriggling Grantaire and blew a raspberry on his neck,

"You are such a child. Get off."

Catherine nudged Michael and turned his attention from the stove to the window,

"They look good together don't they?"

He looked out the window and smirked,

"He's a good guy. Very passionate about history. And politics. Had a great chat with him."

Catherine rolled her eyes at him,

"As a pair, they look good together."

He put his arm around her,

"They do indeed."

"I worry for Vincent. He doesn't have any parental guidance, and I'm sure it hurts him."

"He has us."

"I can't believe anyone would disown their child like that. How could they do that?"

"Different people react in different ways. We were shocked when Henri came out."

"Shocked yes but never angry at him."

"I don't know darling. None of our business really."

"They want kids."

Michael smiled,

"About time too."

Catherine chuckled,

"Come on we better feed these boys."

 

"You awake?"

"I wasn't."

"I can't sleep."

"Try."

"I have."

"Try harder."

The room fell silent for a few moments,

"Enjolras?"

"Hmmm?"

"I've never had a boy stay in this bed before."

"You're an idiot."

Grantaire pouted in the darkness and shifted down into the duvet.

"I think we should redecorate our house. We haven't done anything since I moved in. I was thinking-"

He was cut off as Enjolras rolled over and covered his mouth with his hand.

"Shut up now and I'll let you live til morning."

Grantaire smiled against his hand and shifted so his face was nuzzled against Enjolras' throat. He pressed a kiss there and flung his arm over Enjolras’ back,

"Goodnight Grantaire."

"Goodnight Enjolras."

 

 


	43. Chapter 43

Grantaire watched the sleeping man for a moment; he grinned and rubbed his nose before climbing onto the bed. Slowly and carefully he straddled him, pausing for a moment before placing a hand on either side of him and leaning down. He smiled again before pressing kisses to Enjolras' face. He kissed his cheeks and his forehead as he felt the man shift beneath him,

"What are you doing?"

Grantaire pressed a kiss to Enjolras' nose before pulling back,

"Happy birthday love."

Enjolras chuckled, his hands wandered to Grantaire’s waist as he began pressing more kisses to his face and neck.

"Is this my present?"

Grantaire shook his head,

"These are your birthday kisses. 26 of them...you're getting old."

Enjolras opened his mouth in a mock gasp and poked Grantaire in the ribs,

"You can't be mean on my birthday"

Grantaire grinned and pressed the last kiss to his lips.

"Happy birthday."

"Thank you."

Grantaire smiled and climbed off him before jumping from the bed, he stuck his arm out,

"Come on. Breakfast."

"Breakfast?"

"Uh huh I made your favourite."

Enjolras broke into a grin,

"Real favourite or what the others think is my favourite?"

Grantaire stood up straight,

"Chocolate chip pancakes and extra crispy bacon."

"You really do know me."

"I really really do."

Enjolras grinned and sat up,

"Lemme pee and I'll be right there."

"See failing bladder already, common side effect of getting old."

Grantaire laughed loudly as he dodged the pillow that Enjolras threw at him.

 

"Wow. When did you get up?"

Enjolras looked at the set up on the table and ran a hand through his dishevelled hair,

"About six. Sit. Eat it."

"Yes sir."

He sat down and picked up his glass,

"This smells amazing. My favourite food with my favourite man."

Grantaire looked at him and frowned,

"No. Just....no."

Enjolras laughed and took a bite of his pancakes,

"These are amazing."

Grantaire beamed and took a mouthful himself.

"So what's the plan for today?"

"Well we eat this, and then hang around for a couple hours. Kiss a little. Then go to the coffee shop because….the others wanna see you. THEN we have reservations at that fancy pants restaurant you like. Then a walk through the gardens to the theatre because we have tickets to that French film you wanna see but wouldn't ask me to go to because you know I would usually say no."

Enjolras stopped eating and looked at him,

"You're amazing."

"I know."

"And modest."

Grantaire smirked,

"Eat your pancakes. You have presents to open."

"Presents?"

Grantaire pointed to the coffee table where a pile of presents sat. Enjolras looked round and let his mouth drop open,

"Please tell me they're from everyone."

Grantaire shook his head,

"'Fraid not. Except the orange one. That's from mum and dad."

"Grantaire there's loads."

Grantaire shrugged,

"So?"

"So it's too much."

"It's not. There were other things I wanted to get you."

"Grantaire..."

"Just let me spoil you today? Okay?"

Enjolras looked at him for a moment before getting up and walking over to him. He pulled him around on the chair and straddled him before taking his face in his hands and kissing his lips.

"Mmm what about the food?"

"In a bit. Kisses first."

"I love birthday Enjolras."

"I love presents."

Grantaire chuckled and pushed him back,

"Better get to it then."

Enjolras grinned and took a piece of bacon from Grantaire’s plate before walking over to the coffee table,

"Ugh so hot."

Enjolras laughed and picked up a parcel, he dropped onto the sofa and began unwrapping it.

 

Enjolras lay back on the sofa and lifted his arm up into the air to examine the watch on his wrist.

"This is too nice Grantaire."

"I'll take it back then."

Enjolras pulled his arm away quickly,

"No no. Don't worry."

Grantaire laughed and ran his fingers through Enjolras' hair.

"You like it then?"

"Love it. Thank you. For all the gifts."

"I do a mean birthday."

Enjolras laughed,

"That you do."

He rolled over and looked at Grantaire,

"So...."

"So?"

Enjolras wiggled his eyebrows,

"Birthday sex?"

"God you're romantic."

"Shut up and take your pants off."

Grantaire sat up awkwardly and pushed Enjolras until he was on the other side of the sofa on his back, Grantaire climbed on top of him and kissed him. Enjolras found the hem of his shirt and pulled it off; he pressed kisses to his throat and collar bone,

"So."

Kiss,

"Fucking."

Kiss.

"Hot."

Grantaire smiled as he pulled Enjolras' own shirt off.

"I love an older man."

Enjolras threw his head back and laughed, Grantaire stood up and held his hand out,

"Come on."

"Where?"

"I'm gonna blow your mind."

Enjolras licked his lips and took Grantaire’s hand, following him into the bedroom.

 

Arching his back and gripping the sheets tightly; Enjolras came with a shout before falling shakily back into the sheets,

"Jesus Christ."

Grantaire sat up on his knees and wiped his mouth,

"You're welcome."

"I think you broke me."

Grantaire smirked and crawled upwards to press a kiss to Enjolras' lips,

"I wanna fuck you forever."

Enjolras gripped his jaw and pulled him in close,

"So get to it."

Grantaire smirked before lifting Enjolras' legs and hooking them over his shoulders.

 

Walking down the road, Enjolras let go of Grantaire’s hand and threw his arm around his shoulder, Grantaire grinned and wrapped an arm around his waist.

"Beautiful day."

"Mmm."

Enjolras pressed a kiss to the side of Grantaire’s head and pulled away to push the door of the coffee shop open. He was greeted to a cheer from Courfeyrac followed swiftly by Eponine shushing him and moving out of the way with a sleeping Remy in her arms.

"Hi guys."

"Happy birthday E!"

Courfeyrac pulled him into a hug and pressed an envelope into his hands,

"From me and the boy."

Enjolras smiled and looked over to Grantaire who was taking Remy in his own arms and kissing him gently.

"Happy birthday mate."

Enjolras looked at Combeferre and grinned,

"Thanks man."

Combeferre handed him a bag,

"Something from us and something from Remy."

"Thank you for it all."

"You have a good day?"

Enjolras' mind flitted back to him in bed, legs up on Grantaire’s shoulders as he pushed into him. He felt his face grow hot and cleared his throat,

"Yeah. Good day."

Combeferre frowned briefly before shaking his head,

"Come on. Birthday coffee."

Enjolras looked around to see Courfeyrac practically on Jehans lap.

"What's with those two?"

"I don't even know. They're like horny teenagers. Like you and Grantaire actually."

"We are not like horny teenagers."

"No you're worse."

Enjolras laughed and moved over to Grantaire,

"Hello handsome."

"Hi."

"I meant the baby."

"Oh...yeah."

"You're handsome too."

"Damn straight."

Enjolras smirked and put the bag and card on the counter before holding his arms out; Grantaire put Remy in them and sat down. Enjolras looked down at the sleeping boy and kissed his head gently,

"Happy birthday uncle Enjolras."

Enjolras looked around to Eponine and smiled,

"Hey."

Eponine put a coffee in front of him and kissed his cheek.

"How you doing today?"

"Pretty humbled by all this love."

"Well we love you."

"And I love you."

He looked at Remy again,

"Especially you little man."

"And he adores his uncle Enjolras don't you bub?"

She stroked his head gently and looked back at Enjolras,

"So what did he get you?"

"Remy? I dunno haven’t opened it yet."

"Grantaire you moose."

"Moose?"

"I'm trying not to swear around the baby."

"Oh...okay. Uhm, he got me some books, some films I wanted. A watch. Some clothes. Too much really. I owe him a lot."

"Eh just blow him in the shower."

Enjolras looked at her,

"So you don't swear but you have no problem saying that in front of him?"

"I haven't had sex in months."

"Jesus Christ Eponine."

"What?"

Enjolras shook his head and watched

Remy for a little bit.

"I want one of these."

Eponine smiled,

"I cannot wait for you two to breed. It is gonna be amazing watching you try to deal with that."

"Thanks Ep."

"Anytime babe."

Enjolras chuckled and looked over at Grantaire chatting to Combeferre.

"He's pretty great you know."

Eponine looked at the two men,

"Which one?"

"Both of them. We might just be the luckiest sons of bi- uhm...pigeons out there."

"Pigeons?"

"I panicked let’s move on from it."

Eponine shook her head and kissed his cheek again,

"You okay with him?"

"Yeah we're cool."

"Good cos I am busting for a wee."

"You're a classy broad Eponine."

"I try."

He watched her disappear through the back and turned back to Grantaire. He watched him for a moment before looking down at Remy. He started slightly as he saw the baby staring back at him,

"Hello little man."

Remy watched him for a moment before yawning and closing his eyes again,

"Well that was easy."

He smiled to himself and settled into a chair.

 

"Grantaire?"

"Mmhmm?"

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"Everything today."

"You're welcome. Happy birthday."

"I love you."

"You too. Sleep now."

Enjolras smiled and pressed up behind Grantaire, wrapping his arms around him tightly and kissing his neck.

 

"How was the film?"

"It was good, really well made."

Marius drained his glass and looked at him,

"Yeah I don't like that answer. Grantaire how was the film?"

Grantaire looked up from stirring his coffee,

"I don't know what the hell happened in that bloody film. It made no sense whatsoever."

"You enjoyed it!"

"I enjoyed watching the lead guy walk around naked for half the film."

Enjolras shook his head and picked up his paper. He opened it and began to read a story when a name caught his eye, he felt the blood drain from his face as the room grew quiet.

"Enjolras what's wrong?"

Enjolras stared at the words, he tried to swallow but found something stuck in his throat.

"Enjolras?"

Grantaire reached out to touch his hand,

"Enjolras?"

Enjolras looked at him and opened his mouth, nothing came out and he closed it again. He shook his head and tried again, the words came out barely above a whisper,

"He's dead."

"Who's dead? Enjolras talk to me who's dead?"

Enjolras wiped his face and let out a breath,

"My dad."


	44. Chapter 44

"What do you mean he's dead?"

Enjolras choked out a laugh, he covered his mouth with his hand as he felt the laughter bubble up inside him. Squeezing his eyes shut he let go of the paper before snorting and laughing loudly, he threw his head back and let the laughter flow out of him. Grantaire grabbed the paper and pulled it toward him,

_"The funeral of Arthur Enjolras was held yesterday in St. Jacque church. The CEO and humanitarian was put to rest following his death two weeks ago after a yearlong battle with cancer. He is survived by his wife Vivienne Enjolras."_

Grantaire swallowed and looked at Enjolras who had his head in his hands as the laughter continued,

"Enjolras are you okay?"

Marius sat staring at him unsure of what to do.

"Enjolras?"

He looked up from his hands and sniffed, he looked at Grantaire and sighed,

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

Enjolras nodded before snorting again and laughing hysterically.

"Okay come on."

Grantaire jumped up and grabbed Enjolras' arm,

"Come on. Move."

He mouthed sorry to Marius and pulled Enjolras out of the coffee shop into an alley outside. He pushed him against the wall and held his shoulders,

"Enjolras look at me."

Enjolras looked at him, the last of his laughter ebbing away,

"Are you alright?"

Enjolras stared at him, his face turning blank. Grantaire put a hand on either side of his face and held him in place,

"I am so sorry baby."

"Can we go home please?"

Grantaire leaned in and pressed a kiss to his forehead,

"Come on."

 

Grantaire sighed slightly and opened the bedroom door. He walked over to Enjolras' side of the bed and placed the coffee on the nightstand before sitting down on the edge of the bed. He reached out and brushed the hair from Enjolras' face,

"Enjolras? You gonna get up today?"

Enjolras blinked; his eyes unmoving from the spot on the wall beside him. Grantaire rested his hand on his back,

"I hated him so much."

"I know you did."

"So why does it hurt so much?"

Grantaire swallowed hard,

"Because you're human. And a good person."

"I don't feel like a good person."

Grantaire moved his hand back to Enjolras' hair. He ran his fingers through it soothingly before leaning down and pressing a kiss to his head,

"Are you gonna be okay? I have to go to work."

Enjolras nodded and turned his head so it was buried in the pillow.

"I'll come back at lunch time. I love you."

He pressed another kiss to Enjolras' head and left the room.

 

"How is he?"

"He hasn't left the bed in two days, before then it was the sofa. He's grieving but he doesn't want to be. I don't know how to make it better."

Combeferre squeezed his shoulder,

"I don't think you can make it better, he needs to deal with it."

"That's what I'm scared of."

"What do you mean?"

Grantaire looked at his friend and opened his mouth before closing it again,

"Nothing. Forget it."

"Grantaire? Come on what is it?"

"It's not my place."

"Is it Enjolras?"

"He trusts me."

Combeferre frowned,

"Grantaire what happened?"

Grantaire rubbed his face and looked at the ground,

"Promise me. Promise me you will never tell another soul. Not even Eponine."

"I promise."

"I'm serious. Enjolras can never know that I told you."

"Grantaire your scaring me what is it?"

"I kept it secret for so long."

Combeferre grabbed Grantaire’s hand,

"You can trust me."

"Can we go in the office?"

"Yes. Yes come on."

Grantaire followed Combeferre into the office and shut the door.

"What is it?"

Grantaire ran his fingers through his hair before letting out a breath,

"Okay. Enjolras...he doesn't...I mean when things get on top of him....he...remember when I was in rehab and he blamed himself?"

"Yeah?"

"He couldn't deal with his anger...he blamed himself so much and he was in so...so much pain. Fuck."

"Grantaire? Breathe."

"He hurt himself."

"What do you mean he hurt himself?"

Grantaire looked at Combeferre, silently cursing the tears that sprung to his eyes,

"He cut himself."

Combeferre swallowed and scratched his neck,

"Was that the only time?"

Grantaire shook his head,

"He's done it since. Not for a while. Not since the end of law school. The night he had to go to hospital for his hand....was a bad one. I'm scared Combeferre. I'm so scared he's gonna do it again but I can't stand watching him and I feel guilty as hell about leaving him alone."

Combeferre stood silently for a moment before hugging Grantaire.

"Do you wanna go home?"

"I need to work."

"I'm sure we'll cope."

"No. No I need....to do something. I don't know..."

"Okay. Okay."

Grantaire sniffed and pulled away,

"He's gonna be okay Grantaire. He has you. And I won't tell anyone I swear."

"Thank you Combeferre."

"Any time. I’ll give you a minute."

Grantaire watched him leave the room before sitting down and putting his head in his hands.

 

Enjolras took another drag of the cigarette and stared at the gravestone before him. He leant back more against the trunk of his car and finished the smoke before dropping it on the floor and stamping it out. He pushed himself up and walked over to the grave. He stood before it and stared down at the roses left on the soil.

"It's true then. You really are dead."

He read the words carved into the stone once more before nodding to himself. Turning around he walked back to his car and opened the trunk, he grabbed the crowbar he'd stashed in there and marched over to the grave. He stood for a moment before striking the stone with it. He grunted as he hit it again and again, ignoring the chunks of debris that flew about him.

"Fuck. You. You. Fucking. Fuck."

The grave stood destroyed, barely recognisable as anything other than a pile of rubble. Enjolras breathed heavily as he stared down at the mess,

"I hope you rot in hell."

He spat on the rubble before turning back and throwing the crowbar back in the trunk. He slammed it shut and put his hands on the car to catch his breath. He rubbed his face and headed to the driver’s side, stopping at the door for a moment and closing his eyes. He felt his fists clench and before he could think anything else he was punching the car as hard as he could. The snap in his wrist barely registered as he stumbled back. With shaking hands he got into the car and drove away.

 

Grantaire stared at the clock on the wall again before rubbing his eyes and turning back to the rotas. He heard Ollie bustling about behind him and tried to focus on the work.

"Jesus Christ."

Grantaire looked up and started at the sight of Enjolras before him,

"Enjolras. What's wrong?"

Enjolras looked at him blankly, his face white and his hood up,

"I need you to take me to the hospital I think."

Grantaire darted from behind the counter and grabbed Enjolras as he swayed slightly,

"Sit down. What happened?"

Enjolras pulled his hand out of his pocket and Grantaire gasped, his wrist was almost purple with bruises and swollen to twice its size,

"What the hell did you do?"

"Punched a car."

Grantaire turned to Ollie,

"Get me an ice pack."

He turned back to Enjolras, who had grabbed his arm with his other hand,

"I feel better now though."

"We need to get you fixed up."

Grantaire took the tea towel from his boulder and wrapped the ice pack Ollie handed him before pressing it to Enjolras' wrist.

“Come on. Ollie I’m taking him to the hospital.”

“What do I do if Eponine comes by?”

“You tell her what happened. Hold it to your wrist Enjolras, come on.”

 

Enjolras lay in the bed with his arm across his stomach and looked over at Grantaire, who was biting his nails,

“Hey. It’s alright.”

“You broke your wrist Enjolras.”

“It’ll be fine, like they said, stick it in a cast and it’ll be fine.”

“What were you even doing?”

Enjolras scratched his head,

“I went to his grave.”

“What?”

“And I wrecked it…I might be arrested at some point for that. Just a heads up.”

"What the hell did you do that for?"

"Something about the choice to add 'Beloved father' to the stone pissed me off."

"So you wrecked it?"

"Yeah. And?"

Grantaire pinched the bridge of his nose,

“This isn’t a joke Enjolras.”

Enjolras reached out and touched Grantaire’s leg,

“I’m sorry. I am. But not for what I did. And If I get charged I’ll deal with it, you don’t have to have anything to do with it.”

“I’m your husband; I already have a lot to do with it.”

The knock on the door interrupted them, they looked at the nurse as she entered and began hooking a drip up,

“I’m gonna give you something for the pain okay? Then I’ll be along to do your cast shortly.”

Enjolras nodded as she set up the drip and set Enjolras’ wrist so his arm was upright and ready to be put in the cast. She left with a smile as Enjolras dropped his head back. They sat in silence for a moment before Enjolras chuckled,

“What?”

“I don’t know….morphine is great.”

Grantaire shook his head and laughed. The nurse returned moments later and smiled at them before sitting down and pulling her gloves on,

“Okay let’s get this wrist set.”

Enjolras looked at her for a moment,

“You are very a very beautiful young woman.”

“Uhm. Thank you.”

“I’m serious, if I liked girls I would definitely make a move on you probably.”

“Well that’s very kind but I’m engaged.”

“That’s okay I’m gay. I married him.”

“Congratulations, how long have you been married?”

“Nine years.”

Grantaire shook his head again,

“Two years.”

The nurse smiled at Grantaire as she worked on Enjolras’ wrist.

“How did you do this then?”

“Punched a car.”

“That’s a new one.”

“It got in my way.”

“You know cars move when you turn the engine off? You don’t need to punch them.”

“She’s funny too. Seriously, if I was straight….But I’ve never been straight.”

Grantaire met her eye and mouthed ‘sorry’ to her; she chuckled and got back to work.

“Grantaire you like being married to me right?”

“Can’t complain.”

“See? I married a good one.”

Enjolras settled back into the pillows and closed his eyes. The nurse shook her head and moved to grab the bandages,

“What’s your favourite colour Enjolras?”

Enjolras’ eyes flew open at the question,

“Red.”

The nurse put the red bandage on the table and began to wind it around the cast.

“Alright there you go. You will need to come back in about 6 weeks to have it removed okay?”

Enjolras stared up at her blankly; she smiled and looked to Grantaire instead,

“6 weeks. There is a leaflet on taking care of it- don’t get it wet that kind of thing-“

“Is sex okay?”

They both turned to Enjolras again and the nurse cleared her throat,

“Uhm…yes?”

“Good.”

Grantaire laughed as the nurse shook her head,

“You can stay here until he’s……coherent.”

“Thank you nurse.”

“No problem. No more punching cars okay?”

“Aye aye captain.”

They watched her leave before Grantaire turned back to Enjolras,

“You’re an idiot.”

“I wanna go home. Take me home?”

“In a bit, need you to finish that drip first.”

Enjolras looked up at it and sighed before letting his eyes close. Grantaire watched him for a while until he realised Enjolras was asleep. He sighed heavily and rested his elbows on the bed.

“What am I gonna do with you eh?”

 

 

 

 

 


	45. Chapter 45

Enjolras clutched the bottle to his chest with his forearm and tried to open it again. He sighed heavily and put it back on the table,

"Grantaire?"

"Yeah?"

"I need you."

Grantaire walked from the bedroom with a smirk,

"He finally admits it."

"Ha ha."

He held up the bottle of pills,

"I can't open it."

"Poor baby."

"Please..."

Grantaire smiled and took the pills; he opened them and gave Enjolras two before grabbing another container from the cupboard.

"What are you doing?"

"Putting them in another box so you can have them when I'm out."

"You're too good to me."

"Hmm."

Enjolras took a gulp of water and smiled at Grantaire.

"You got work today?"

"Yup. You gonna be okay?"

"I'll be fine."

"Really? Cos last time I left you committed a crime and broke a bone."

"I will not leave the house I promise."

Grantaire threw the empty pill bottle away and turned back to him.

"Anything else you need?"

Enjolras raised his eyebrows and smiled, Grantaire laughed and turned to the fridge,

"Anything helpful?"

He opened the fridge and pulled out the orange juice, he had no time to turn back before Enjolras had slid his arms around his middle and was kissing his neck,

"What is up with you?"

Enjolras chuckled and pressed against Grantaire’s back. Grantaire smirked then stopped,

"Uh...hon?"

Enjolras answered with another kiss to his neck,

"Can I make suggestion?"

Enjolras trailed kisses up to Grantaire’s earlobe and sucked it into his mouth,

"If you want my dick at any point we should probably move from the open fridge before it freezes and snaps off."

Enjolras pulled him back and leaned round to slam the fridge door shut. Grantaire turned round in his arms and kissed him properly. Enjolras moaned and pressed him against the closed fridge,

"What is going on with you? 24 hours ago you were in the depths of depression, now you're.....well...."

Enjolras smirked,

"Guess I got it all out of my system."

Grantaire looked at him and frowned,

"Really? Just like that?"

"I don't know what to tell you. I feel better. Much better. Good actually. What's wrong with that?"

"I know you. Better than anyone. And this is....not you."

Enjolras moved his hands from Grantaire’s waist to each side of his face,

"I promise you. I'm good. Stop worrying and let me show my damn husband how much I love him."

"You real-"

Enjolras kissed him, cutting him off and wrapping his immobile arm around his neck, Grantaire smiled against his lips and pulled back slightly,

"I guess I can put it to the back of my mind."

"I appreciate the concern. Now take your pants off."

Grantaire laughed as he slid his hands up Enjolras' shirt.

"Sure are bossy for a lame duck."

Enjolras opened his mouth but could only let out a slight gasp as Grantaire’s thumb found his nipple. Grantaire kissed him again and began walking him backwards toward the counter,

"Oh I see how it's going."

Grantaire smiled against his lips before flicking his tongue out and tasting the bottom one,

"Turn around."

 

"Sorry I'm late sorry sorry."

Eponine looked at him,

"What happened? You're never late."

Grantaire tied his apron and ran a hand through his hair,

"Something came up. It's fine though."

Eponine looked at him for a moment and frowned,

"You were doing it!"

"Shhh. Jesus Ep."

Eponine laughed loudly,

"Good on ya mate; guess broken bones don't stop him huh?"

Grantaire turned red and looked away. Courfeyrac put his mug down and laughed,

"Awww he's embarrassed!"

"Shut up all of you."

"Enjolras needs to go out and get a job."

"Sounds to me like he got one."

Courfeyrac let out a loud laugh at Eponine’s comment and gave her a high five. Grantaire rubbed his face,

"Look at that tables need cleaning."

Eponine leant on the counter and smirked,

"Come on you're not gonna give us details?"

Courfeyrac waved his hand,

"No no let us guess. You're not walking funny so I'm guessing either Enjolras isn't up to much or you topped."

Grantaire cleared his throat and put the dirty mugs on the side,

"That's a yes then. Hmm no visible rug burn....but no bed head. I'm gonna say standing up. Probably in the living room...."

Grantaire threw them a glare,

"Ok not living room....kitchen?"

Grantaire turned his head and cleared his throat again,

"Wow you kinky buggers."

He laughed at his own comment,

"Literally."

Eponine nudged Courfeyrac,

"I think he's gonna pass out. I've never seen anyone turn so red."

"He's practically purple."

Eponine snorted and laughed as Grantaire dumped the trays he was carrying and stormed into the kitchen,

"You're evil Courf."

"Nah he's fine. He had sex."

Eponine laughed again and took his mug to refill it.

_"We're not friends with Courf and Ep anymore."_

_"What did they do?"_

_"Just trust me."_

_"Alright then."_

_"That was easy."_

_"I'm tired."_

_"What u doing?"_

_"Applying for jobs."_

_"Anything good?"_

_"A couple. Got a call from the library. Want me to go in and talk to them next week."_

_"That's awesome."_

_"Should u be working?"_

_"I'm bored. I wanna come home."_

_"Well u can't."_

_"I wanna."_

_"What time do you finish?"_

_"9 :("_

_"I'll come see you later."_

_"Promise?"_

_"Promise. I'll come hang out when I'm done. Get back to work."_

_"Ok. See u later. Xoxo"_

_"Xxx"_

_"Where’s my hugs?!"_

_"Ooooooooooo"_

Enjolras smiled at his phone and put it on the table. He turned back to his laptop and read through his emails. The knock on the door interrupted him and he shut the computer before sighing and walking to the door. He opened it and stopped as he came face to face with his mother.

 

"Vincent."

Enjolras swallowed thickly and shifted to the side slightly to block the doorway more.

"Vivienne."

Her eyes flashed with something at the use of her name, she recovered quickly and gripped her handbag,

"May I come in?"

Enjolras scratched his head,

"Why? What do you want?"

"I don't wish to discuss this out here."

Enjolras sighed and stood aside; Vivienne walked in and looked around before turning back to Enjolras. He shut the door and leant against it. Crossing his arms he shrugged,

"So?"

"You hurt your arm?"

Enjolras looked at the ground for a moment,

"Why are you here?"

"I came to let you know I won't be pressing charges for the damage to the headstone."

"Why? I'd have thought you would have loved to see me locked away."

Vivienne looked over to a photo on the side table of Enjolras and Grantaire with Remy.

"You're still with him then?"

"Henri? Yes shockingly enough after two years I am still with my husband."

Vivienne looked back at him,

"Vincent please, doesn’t use that word."

Enjolras gasped out a laugh and put his hands on his head,

"This is unbelievable. You come here, completely uninvited and frankly unwelcome and now you're telling me what I can and can't call him?"

Vivienne shifted on her feet,

"I didn't come here to fight with you."

"Then why the hell are you here? Haven't you done enough?"

"I don't know-"

"A year. He was dying for a year and you did NOTHING. You never told me."

"You didn't want to be a part of the family. You made your choice. Clearly your disdain for your father-"

"That man was no father. That man was a homophobic asshole."

"Vincent."

"No. Okay? No you're gonna listen. For once in your goddamn life you're gonna listen to me. Okay so he didn't want me to be near him when he was sick, but to not tell me he's dead? Even if I accept responsibility for everything gone wrong in our lives, that was downright cruel. And I have never NEVER been cruel to you. And you wanna know why I destroyed it? Why I did that? Two words, Beloved father. How dare you try and make him out to be a goddamn saint. That man beat his own child. He destroyed me for years. I nearly lost the only person that matters to me because of the issues that HE gave me."

He rubbed his face and looked at the ground,

"I'm not gonna apologise for what I did. I'm not gonna say thank you for not pressing charges. Because I don't regret anything, I'm glad he's dead. Because I am now free of him. Of everything he did to me. And one day I'm gonna be free of you."

Vivienne stared at him,

"He loved you."

"No he didn't. He resented me. He hated that I wasn't the perfect son. He wanted a copy of him and all he got was a fag that he could push around."

"Vincent."

"You can leave. I have nothing else to say to you."

Vivienne glared at him and headed to the door before turning and facing him one last time,

"Your father was ten times the man that you have become."

"You know what you're probably right. But I know I'm not great, I know I'm a worthless sack of shit. But at least I have someone who loves me truly. At least I'm not gonna die alone. Enjoy your life Vivienne. I shan't hear from you again."

He closed the door without looking and rubbed his face. He let out a slow breath and began to laugh. He looked over at the desk and picked up his phone,

_"Is it alright if I come see you now?"_

He tapped the phone against the table until it vibrated in his hand,

_"Sure. U ok?"_

_"I'll talk to you in a bit. See u shortly."_

He put the phone in his pocket and headed to the coffee shop.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	46. Chapter 46

"I yelled at my mum."

Grantaire stopped and put the mug he was carrying back down.

"What do you mean you yelled at your mum?"

"She came to the house. And I yelled at her."

"She....when?"

"Just now. I came straight from there to here."

Grantaire scratched his head,

"Wait let me get this straight, I left. I text you. Your mum came round. You yelled at her and then you came here?"

"Yeah pretty much. She's not pressing charges by the way."

"Well that's something. What did you say to her?"

"It uh...it's kinda foggy but the gist of it was 'I'm not sorry for what I did, that man deserved to die, I can't wait for you to die too.' Something like that."

Grantaire stared at him for a moment then laughed,

"Enjolras.....my love. You do know how to leave an impact don't you? Did it feel good?"

"Surprisingly yes."

"Then I am very proud of you."

He leaned over the counter and kissed him.

"So what now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well I'm pretty sure she now won't be inviting you round for dinner anytime soon...."

"Now I forget. I forget them and I focus on..."

He pressed his finger to the tip of Grantaire’s nose,

"You."

Grantaire smiled,

"I like the sound of that."

"So you should it’s your birthday next month."

Grantaire bit his lip,

"Enjolras? Come on talk to me. Are you really okay?"

Enjolras took his hands,

"I'm trying to be. I am."

"You told your mum off."

"I did."

"You stood up to her, the ice queen herself and you came out of it on top."

Enjolras chuckled and looked at their clasped hands,

"She said....she said-"

Combeferre sat beside Enjolras with a sigh,

"Ladies."

Enjolras smiled and looked up at Grantaire,

"Pretty sure that was directed at you."

"Nice."

Enjolras sniffed and turned to Combeferre, letting go of Grantaire’s hands as he did,

"How are you today?"

"Better than you, what the hell did you do?"

Enjolras looked at his arm,

"Oh...clumsy moment."

"Seriously Enjolras what is wrong with you?"

Enjolras shrugged,

"Old age I guess."

Combeferre laughed and leaned forward,

"Is my Mrs in?"

"Office."

"I'll see you lads later then."

Grantaire smiled at him as he made his way to the back of the shop ten turned back to Enjolras,

"Enjolras...”

"It doesn't matter. Forget it."

"Forget it?"

"Yeah no big deal. Ignore me."

"Not gonna happen come on."

Enjolras looked at him,

"Am I a bad person?"

"No. No sweetheart look at me."

He took Enjolras' hands again,

"You are not a bad person, you are a great person. Look at what you've done. You saved my life. You did that. You turned my world around and made it better. Look at me."

Enjolras looked at him,

"You are so so loved, yes by me but also by everyone here. You are the best person I know."

"Four years together and I still need to hear it from you. Silly isn't it?"

"It's not silly. Not at all."

He kissed Enjolras' hand and touched his face,

"What did your mum say to you?"

"Huh?"

"Before you were going to tell me what she said...so what was it?"

Enjolras squeezed his fingers,

"It's stupid. I don't know why I'm still thinking about it. I mean....it's nothing."

"It's clearly something if it’s got you all upset."

"I'm not upset."

Grantaire smirked,

"Okay you're not upset. You're pissed as hell and as your other half I am legally obligated to find out what's wrong with you and then do everything in my power to make you feel better."

"Legally obligated?"

"I married a lawyer for a reason."

Enjolras smiled again,

"Come on you can tell me."

 Enjolras lifted his bandaged arm to run his fingers through his hair before realising and dropping his hand again,

"She made some comment about how my father was ten times the man that I've become and...I shook it off but....what if she's right? What if I'm...?”

"Enjolras that man was a homophobic asshole with a god complex. He abused his child both physically and mentally. He made you hurt yourself again and again and you're asking me if that bitch is right about him being better than you?"

"Grantaire..."

Grantaire pulled his hand away and rubbed his face,

"I wanna kill her. I'm sorry, she made you and I love you but she fucking walks into your life and throws those stupid goddamn words at you and what? You're supposed to just ignore her?"

Enjolras looked around as the other customers turned to look at Grantaire,

"Everyone can hear you."

"She needs to learn. She needs to learn that you can't treat your kids like that. No one treats their kids like that, you are ten times, a million times more than that man or that woman could ever wish they were. They are the scum of the earth. I hate them"

Enjolras jumped up as Grantaire’s voice turned into a shout,

"Okay let’s just..."

He walked behind the counter and grabbed Grantaire’s arm,

"Ollie watches the till."

Ollie grunted and moved behind the counter,

"Enjolras what are you?"

"Outside. Come on."

He dragged Grantaire outside and pushed him against the wall,

"You okay?"

"That was kinda loud huh?"

Enjolras snorted and started to laugh. Grantaire frowned before joining in.

"Oh god our lives are weird."

Grantaire grabbed Enjolras' shirt and pulled him in for a kiss. They broke apart and Grantaire rested his forehead on Enjolras' cheek.

"No more worrying about those words okay? You're better than that. And when we have kids you'll be the best dad. The best there's ever been."

"You always know how to make me feel better don't you?"

"It's my job."

Enjolras pushed Grantaire’s head back and looked at him,

"I'm sorry I ignored you for so long."

"When did you ignore me?"

"When we met....I wish I could go back and change that."

"Enjolras who cares about that? I married you. We have forever."

"God that's soppy."

"Shut up. I'm trying to be romantic."

"Romancing me in an alleyway. Nice."

"Oh it's no good for romance but you'll get down and dirty in one?"

"I have never- how did we even get on to that?"

Grantaire laughed loudly, he wrapped his arms around Enjolras' neck and kissed him,

"I cannot believe I'm with you."

"In a good way?"

"In the best way."

"Hmm. Tell me that in a few years when we're knee deep in dirty nappies and you crave the days when you were carefree and single."

"Never gonna happen."

"Better promise me that. I'm not raising our kid alone."

Grantaire shook his head and laughed,

"So no more being upset?"

"I'll try."

"I promise I won't kill your mother."

Enjolras shrugged,

"You can if you want."

"How about I just...piss her off by being even more in love with you?"

Enjolras smiled again before clearing his throat,

"Seriously with the soppy act. Come on now."

Grantaire laughed and kissed him again before going back into the cafe.

 

"Got your papers?"

"Yup."

"Train ticket?"

"Yup."

"Clean clothes?"

Enjolras chuckled,

"Yes I have clean clothes."

"Phone charger?"

"Yes."

"Laptop charger?"

"Yes."

"Laptop?"

 

 I'm packed, I'm good. It's just three days."

"I know. I know I just.....I'm gonna miss you."

"You'll be fine, and hopefully when I come back I'll be employed."

Grantaire nodded and looked at the ground,

"Are you sure you'll be okay? I mean your arm has only just been de-cast and I don't want you to hurt it again-"

Enjolras pulled him in and kissed him,

"I'll be fine. Thank you but everything is gonna be fine."

"I know. I'm not worried, you'll blow them away and then you'll come home and we'll celebrate."

"Yes we will. Now I have to go or I'll miss my train."

"Call me when you get there? And then when you're in your room. And tonight. And tomorrow...."

"I will call you every step of the way."

"Take care okay. And don't worry you're gonna be the best one there."

Enjolras kissed him again before leaving the apartment. Grantaire turned on his heel and walked back into the bedroom, he climbed into Enjolras' side and tried to fall back to sleep.

_"You awake?"_

_"Obviously."_

_"What you doing?"_

_"Trying to finish these forms. You?"_

_"Thinking."_

_"What about?"_

_"You."_

_"Yeah? What about me?"_

_"Thinking about sucking you off."_

_"Jesus Grantaire."_

_"Thinking about taking you all. Sucking you until you can't breathe right. Having you come in my mouth."_

_"What else?"_

_"I wanna fuck you. Slow and hard, have you beg me to move faster then pound you. Have you feel every last inch of me. I want you screaming to come again. I want you to feel me with every step you take."_

_"Yeah? So do it."_

_"You want me to? Want me to push you down and fuck your tight ass? Want me to mark you?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"What else do you want?"_

_"I wanna touch you. I wanna tease you so you feel everything. I wanna suck you til you come all over me."_

_"Yeah? Mm I wanna come all over your face."_

_"Do it. Push me down and make me suck you til you come."_

_"Fuck you feel so good. I love it. I love the feel of you riding me. So tight."_

_"Fuck me hard. Make me feel it."_

_"I'm gonna fuck you. Gonna fuck you so good you can't stand straight. Make you so hard you think you're gonna pass out."_

_"Then what?"_

_"Then I'm gonna suck you again. Suck you and fuck you until you're digging your fingers in and begging to come. I'm not gonna let you though. I want you screaming for it. I want you so hard you don't think you're ever gonna come. I want you dripping for me."_

Moments after the message was sent the phone rang. Grantaire smirked and pressed answer before pressing it to his ear,

"What else?"

Enjolras was breathless at the other end; Grantaire pictured him in the hotel room, sat at his laptop with his trousers round his ankles and his cock in his hand. His own twitched and he pressed a palm to it before shutting his eyes,

"I wanna lick you all over. I want you quivering for me. God so desperate to come. I want you to twist your fingers in my hair, want you to not be able to speak properly. I wanna bite down on your collarbone. Taste you."

"I want you to fuck--fuck me."

"You hard?"

"Yeah."

"Touching yourself?"

"Yeah."

"Tell me."

"I wish it was you. I wish it was your hand. So good how you do it. How you make me come."

"You wanna come now."

"Mmm god yes."

"You imagining I'm there? Taking you all?"

"God yes. I want you inside. I want you to hurt me."

"Fuck you're screwed up."

"Not my fault you make me hard from texting."

"Are you picturing me fucking you against the wall?"

"Yeah. Hard."

"Digging my fingers in as I pound you over and over?"

"Fucking use me."

"I'm gonna fuck you until you beg, then I'm gonna turn you around and push you on the table before fucking you again. Push your legs up so you can't move. Just lay there and take it."

"Keep going."

"I'm so close."

"Don't stop talking."

"Uhh...I'm gonna fuck you on the table. I'm gonna stretch you, make you ache. You'll take me and my fingers at once."

"Yes."

"Beg me to come. Beg me."

"Let me come. Please Grantaire let me. I need to. Fuck I'm so close."

"Come for me. Come for me baby."

Enjolras let out a deep groan that sent a wave through Grantaire, sending him over the edge as well.

"Oh fuck"

Grantaire let out a throaty laugh as he shook from the orgasm. He could hear Enjolras panting, letting his spent cock slip from his fingers.

"Fuck Grantaire. How do you do that?"

"Feel good?"

"Fuck yes."

Grantaire chuckled again,

"Told you jerking off was fun."

"Only when it's over the phone to you."

"I have to go to bed."

"Just using me then leaving huh?"

"Get home quickly. I miss you."

"Two more days and you can act out all those words."

"Go on go finish your work."

"I need to shower now."

"You're welcome."

"I love you."

"Love you too."

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Grantaire hung up the phone and dropped his head back before groaning,

"I hate job interviews."

He stood up to walk to the shower, knocking a pile of papers from the table, he huffed and picked them up, re-reading the top one for the millionth time, he knew it off by heart at that point. Anyone could test him on the facts presented there. He dropped them on the table and ran a hand through his hair,

"25 and researching surrogacy, Henri your life is fucking weird."

He chuckled to himself and headed to the shower.

 

 

 

 

 


	47. Chapter 47

Enjolras stretched and yawned, he looked over to the clock on the nightstand and huffed out a breath, he still had two hours before his alarm went off. He picked up his phone and checked his emails, four from Grantaire made him smile; he read them and smirked as they steadily became dirtier. Typing a reply quickly he sent it and smiled before putting his phone back down and rolling onto his stomach. His phone bleeped and he pulled it over to himself,

"You awake?"

"Sadly yes."

"Me too."

"Obviously."

"Can't sleep."

"Why not?"

"Miss you too much. Don't like the bed without you in it."

"I'll be home tomorrow."

"It's too long."

Grantaire answered the phone as soon as it started ringing,

"I miss you too."

"You're not having so much fun with your new colleagues that you've forgotten me?"

"Impossible. You may not realise it but I've grown really fond of you."

Grantaire chuckled; Enjolras could hear the shifting of the duvet.

"How long have you been awake?"

"About an hour."

"You should try sleeping."

"So should you."

"I have to get up in a couple hours. You get a day off today."

"No I changed my shift I'm doing open close today."

"Isn't that-?"

"14 hours? Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because I miss you and I would rather work. Besides we need the money. If we wanna start thinking about talking about thinking about having a family we need to start saving."

"So how many times have you read that packet now?"

"Once....seven times maybe...I just want to be informed. This is a huge decision."

"You do still want to right?"

"More than anything."

"Good. I know we had that deal to wait another three years but...."

"I want them too."

"Bit scary really. Us as parents."

"We will be the coolest parents."

Enjolras laughed,

"So go on then."

"What?"

"Well I know you're desperate to tell me everything about it."

Grantaire smiled,

"Okay so basically we have two major decisions to make...."

 

Enjolras climbed the stairs from the platform, dragging his suitcase behind him. He rubbed his head as he read the screen trying to figure out which was best to leave, his eyes moved from screen to screen until he was stopped by someone bumping into him, he turned to the person and stopped before laughing at the sight of Grantaire staring at the same screens,

"What are you doing here?"

Without taking his eyes off the screens Grantaire answered him,

"Couldn't wait at home so I came to get you."

He slid his hand into Grantaire’s and squeezed it. Grantaire smiled and turned to him,

"Good journey?"

"Pretty good. I'm tired though."

"Oh ok so I'm guessing that you won't want to do anything when we get back then? Just sit quietly and-"

Enjolras pulled him in and kissed him,

"Mmph...Wait what about people seeing?"

"I haven't kissed you in three and a half days I don't give a flying fuck what people see."

Grantaire threw his arms around Enjolras' neck,

"I love a man with no boundaries."

Enjolras could do nothing but laugh into the next kiss.

 

The door flung open and Grantaire stumbled back into the apartment, Enjolras grabbed his arm to keep him from falling completely and resumed kissing him. He kicked the door shut and swung them both round so he could push Grantaire against the wood and grind against him whilst they kissed. Grantaire pushed Enjolras' jacket from his shoulders and threw it across the room before working the tie around his neck,

"God why are you always dressed so smart?"

"I had a meeting this morning, couldn't exactly turn up in ripped jeans and your old Rolling Stones shirt now could I?"

Enjolras moved his lips to Grantaire’s neck as he moaned,

"Mmm just thinking about you wearing that is making me hard."

"Is that all that's making you hard?"

"I think you know the answer to that question."

Enjolras smiled against his throat and unzipped Grantaire’s jeans,

"You have no idea how much I want you right now."

"Bet that made the meeting interesting."

"I was imagining bending you over the table and fucking you into those damn forms."

"Then what are you waiting for?"

Enjolras looked at him before stepping away and yanking him by the shirt to the sofa. He pushed him against the back of it and pulled his jeans down,

"Where is it?"

"What?"

"The stuff."

"Oh counter. Bag. Counter."

Enjolras moved away, unbuttoning his own trousers and toeing off his shoes; he grabbed the paper bag and pulled out a condom and the lube,

"God I love how prepared you are."

He looked up and swallowed hard at the sight of Grantaire against the sofa, arm twisted behind him as he fingered himself.

"Fuck me."

Grantaire threw a look over his shoulder,

"I had other. Other ideas."

Enjolras walked over to him and pulled his trousers down until they pooled around his ankles and slid the condom on.

"Ready?"

"Oh yeah."

Enjolras swatted his hand away and pushed in, in one movement.

"Oh fuck."

He pulled out almost completely before slamming back in and starting a rhythm.

"Fuck you feel so....how long since you bottomed?"

"Too long."

He grunted and bent over the back of the sofa more as Enjolras looped an arm around him and pounded him.

"Not close are you?"

"No way."

"Good."

He pulled out and spun Grantaire around,

"Get on the table."

Grantaire smirked and kicked his jeans of completely, he made his way to the table and hopped up on it before laying back, Enjolras kicked his own trousers away and stood before him, he pulled Grantaire toward him and entered him again before picking up his rhythm once more. Grantaire shut his eyes and moaned, wrapping his legs tightly around Enjolras' waist. Enjolras leaned forward and began thrusting harder and faster before pulling out again, Grantaire groaned,

"Come on. What are you doing?"

"Fucking you every way I can."

Grantaire pressed his palm to his achingly hard cock and smirked; Enjolras looked him up and down and sat down hard on a chair. Grantaire didn't even have to ask, just hopped off the table and straddled Enjolras before sinking down on to him and gripping his shirt as he rode him. Grantaire began to moan as he picked up his speed; he latched onto Enjolras' throat, sucking and kissing the skin there while Enjolras dug his fingers into Grantaire’s hips. It didn't take long before they were both shaking and cursing; Grantaire came first, shooting over both their shirts with a cry. Enjolras held him in place and thrust upwards a few more times before coming with a deep groan.

"You...are...never...ever leaving this apartment again."

Enjolras chuckled breathlessly.

"I missed you too."

Grantaire climbed off his lap and looked around for his underwear; he pulled them on and took his stained shirt off. He looked over at Enjolras and smiled,

"You planning on dressing anytime soon?"

Enjolras watched him for a moment a before standing up and walking over to him, he put an arm around his neck and began to kiss him.

"Mm what's that for?"

"Everything. I don't appreciate you enough."

"Sure you do."

"No. I don't. I don't tell you how great you are. You're a fantastic person Grantaire. An amazing friend and an even better partner. Don't ever think I don't appreciate you okay?"

Grantaire put a hand on Enjolras' cheek,

"Where did that come from?"

"I just wanted you to know."

"Well thank you."

Enjolras kissed his nose and grabbed his underwear. He pulled them on and took his shirt off. He balled it up with Grantaire’s and stuck them in the washing machine.

 

"So how's he enjoying it?"

Grantaire finished filling in the form in front of him and smiled,

"I think he likes it. He's happy so that's something."

"You met his co-workers this time?"

Grantaire smiled,

"Actually yes. His boss and his wife and two colleagues- one of which I gay as well so he's much more willing to introduce me this time."

Cosette rubbed his arm,

"That's awesome. How's the uh....baby deciding going?"

Grantaire laughed,

"We decided to look into it and talk seriously for a bit but....it's still gonna be a while I think. I mean he's only been employed for five months, we're still getting used to that."

"Must suck having him travel more huh?"

"You have no idea how much I miss him."

"I don't think I could hack having Marius gone."

Grantaire smiled at her,

"I ever tell you that you're a sweetheart Cosette?"

Cosette started slightly,

"Uhm....no?"

"Well you are. And I'm glad we're friends."

"Awww Grantaire."

She rested her head on his shoulder and linked their arms,

"I'm glad we are too."

Grantaire’s phone vibrated on the table and he looked at it with a smirk,

"Enjolras?"

"He's bored. He's been texting me all morning."

Before he could move Cosette grabbed the phone,

"He uses sad faces?"

"He's-give it back. He just found them on his phone."

Cosette laughed and held the phone out of reach,

"I'm bored- sad face- entertain me. Needy isn't he?"

Grantaire reached for the phone again and she held it out of reach once more,

"I'll entertain him."

She typed out a message and pressed send before handing the phone back. Grantaire snatched it up and read what she had put,

"I would say get back to work but the only thing you're gonna be working on is how to walk straight after I fuck you raw. COSETTE!"

She giggled and put her hands on her hips,

"What? Everyone thinks I'm so vanilla I can't have fun?"

Grantaire tried to frown at her but couldn't keep it up as the laughter spilled out, the phone vibrated and Grantaire held it out of Cosette’s reach before reading the message. His face turned pink and he cleared his throat.

"What? What did he put?"

Grantaire looked around and showed her the phone, she read the message and let out a squeak,

"Bloody hell. Certainly got a way with words hasn't he?"

Grantaire cleared his throat again and looked at the time before texting back,

"What are you sending?"

"My lunch break time."

Cosette laughed and covered her face with her hands,

"What's all this then?"

Grantaire looked at jehan and grinned,

"Just thanking Cosette for getting me laid."

Jehan threw an arm around her shoulders,

"She's pretty good at that."

Cosette poked him in the ribs and laughed again.

"Maybe it's not Cosette that's vanilla....maybe its Marius and she's just trying to act out!"

Grantaire raised his eyebrows and smirked at jehan,

"Oh yeah I'm betting she's a kinky beast and pontmercy just can't keep up."

Cosette gasped and poked him again,

"Shut up both of you. We are not discussing my husband."

The two men burst into laughter as Cosette turned red.

 

"You know the point of a day off is to relax...at home...not bring your work into the coffee shop where your husband works."

"You want me to leave?"

Grantaire looked at him,

"No. I just....I'll get you a drink."

Enjolras smirked and carried on writing, he looked up to see Grantaire talking to a man in a suit. His eyes darted from the man’s face to Enjolras' before he turned pale and rubbed his face. Enjolras jumped up and made his way to the counter,

"You okay?"

"Enjolras I'm so sorry."

Enjolras looked at him then at the man, who he vaguely recognised,

"Can I help you?"

"You are the son of Vivienne Enjolras?"

"Yeah."

The man pulled a folder from his briefcase,

"I am her lawyer. Was her lawyer."

Enjolras frowned,

"What do you mean?"

"Shall we sit down? I'm sorry it has to be here by the way but you are not an easy man to find."

They sat down where Enjolras had been working; the man got some papers out and looked at Enjolras and Grantaire,

"First of all I was very sorry to hear of the passing of your father, and then for your mother to go only months later-"

"My mother is dead? When...what happened?"

The man started slightly,

"Oh oh I'm so sorry I had no idea you didn't know. It was a heart attack."

Enjolras slumped in the seat slightly and stared into space, Grantaire took his hand and looked at the lawyer,

"You were looking for him?"

"I was looking for you actually."

Grantaire frowned,

"What?"

"Well a few years ago per her request I removed Mr Enjolras from the will. But a few months back she made an amendment to it."

Enjolras looked at the lawyer,

"She hated me. She wouldn't leave me anything."

"Perhaps not. But she didn't put you back in."

He pointed to Grantaire,

"She added you."

"What?"

"She left you a sizeable amount."

"I don't want it."

"I'm just here to sign it over. Then it's up to you."

He handed Grantaire the papers,

"Can you just sign your name here please?"

"No. No I don't want anything from that woman."

"Sir, please. It's not up to me. If you want to get rid of it then that's your choice but I need to sign this over."

Enjolras looked at Grantaire and shrugged. Grantaire sighed and signed the paper over.

"Thank you."

The later handed a thick envelope over and stood up,

"I'm sorry for your loss."

Enjolras stood up and shook his hand then watched the man leave,

"Grantaire."

"I don't want it. Why would she even do this?"

"I don't know. I don't know how that woman's head worked."

"I don't want this."

"So we get rid of it."

"Are you okay?"

"What?"

"You look really pale."

"I'm fine."

"Enjolras look at me."

Grantaire lurched forward and grabbed his arms as Enjolras collapsed.

 

 

 

 


	48. Chapter 48

"How is he?"

Grantaire shook his head,

"See for yourself. He's in there."

Combeferre gripped his arm and headed into the bedroom.

"Hey man."

Combeferre sat on the bed beside the lump of blankets that were Enjolras.

"How you feeling?"

"I'm tired."

"Do you wanna sleep?"

"Can't. Tried."

Combeferre looked over at the door and leaned into the pile,

"Talk to me Enjolras. It's just us."

"Why am I feeling like this Combeferre? Why can't I feel nothing?"

Combeferre touched the lump,

"I'm so sorry Enjolras. So so sorry."

"I want to hate them. I want to hate them and feel angry and.....but I feel so lost. So..."

The lump moved and Enjolras pushed the blankets away.

"I feel so alone. Combeferre."

"You are not alone. You have us. You have Grantaire- the man who loves you more than anything."

"I know. I know and I feel horrible for even thinking it."

"Enjolras.....I don't know how to help you."

Enjolras looked at him,

"You shouldn't be worrying about me."

"You're my best friend. Of course I worry about you."

Enjolras looked over to the nightstand and sighed.

"How about Grantaire? Isn't he helping you?"

Enjolras pulled the duvet over himself again and fell silent. Combeferre sat with him for another ten minutes then sighed and patted the lump in the blankets before leaving the bedroom quietly.

 

"He just sleeps. I can't snap him out of it. Every time I try to he just.....he's so sad Combeferre I don't know what to do."

"I think just being here is helping him."

Grantaire sat back and put his head in his hands,

"Why did she have to put me in the bloody will?"

"Did you find out what it was?"

"I don't wanna know what it is. I just want him back."

Combeferre reached out and took Grantaire’s hand.

"Hey. He's still in there. He's grieving and angry and confused. But he's still in there."

"How do I get him back?"

"Wait. Be here. Tell him you love him."

Grantaire chewed on his lip for a moment and sighed,

"I'm sorry I have to go. I gotta pick Remy up..."

"Go. Go please...and thank you for coming."

Combeferre squeezed his shoulder,

"He'll be alright."

Grantaire half smiled and watched him leave before heading into the bedroom. He pulled his hoodie off and climbed into the bed, reaching over he pulled the duvet off and manoeuvred Enjolras so he was lying on his chest. He ran his fingers through Enjolras' hair and hummed to him softly, only holding him tighter when he felt the tears soak through his shirt.

 

"How you doing today baby?"

Enjolras looked up from his position on the chair and glared at Eponine,

"Don't call me that."

"That good huh?"

She passed him a bottle of water and sat opposite him,

"Enjolras you need to get out. Go outside. Come to the coffee shop. Hell go see a movie just get out of the house."

"I'm fine here."

"You are not fine. Look at you. Look at Grantaire. He's worried as hell about you."

"I know. Okay? Can you all just stop putting this guilt on me?"

Eponine sat back and raised her hands,

"Okay. Okay I'm sorry."

"He is the only one that is treating me normally. Why can't you?"

"I want to help you."

"I don't want your help. I want him. Just him. Why is that so hard to understand?"

Eponine looked at him sadly,

"We miss you. Just tell us what to do."

Enjolras stared at the table before him.

"Enjolras it's normal to grieve for her...she was your mum."

"She was a monster."

"So why are you so sad?"

Enjolras looked up at her for a moment.

"I don't know."

Eponine reached out and took his hands,

"Is it because Grantaire was in the will and you weren't?"

Enjolras frowned then rubbed his face,

"Fuck I forgot about that. That's why he....he must think I'm mad at him or something..."

Eponine looked at the door for a moment then looked back,

"Go tell him you're not then."

Enjolras groaned into his hands,

"Ugh it's so fucked up."

He fell silent for a minute,

"I need to shower. He'll be home....I need to fix...this."

Eponine frowned at him,

"Enjolras are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I'm fine."

Eponine stood slowly,

"Shall I wait for you to be done then go?"

He waved her away and stood up,

"I'm good. I need to....uhm.....shower. Shower. Yeah."

He left the room and made his way to the bathroom. Eponine pulled her phone out and dialled Grantaire’s number,

"Hey."

"You need to come home."

"What happened? Is he alright?"

"He's acting weird. He's gone for a shower but...I don't know. I can't describe it. Just come home."

"Okay. Okay I'll be there in ten."

Eponine chewed her lip and looked at the bathroom door.

 

"Enjolras?"

Grantaire knocked on the bathroom door gently and jumped back when it swung open,

"You're home."

Grantaire looked at him for a moment,

"Are you....okay?"

"Better than okay. I missed you."

Grantaire opened his mouth to say something but was cut off when Enjolras lurched forward and kissed him,

"Mmph."

Enjolras broke away from his lips and latched on to Grantaire’s throat, he walked them backwards until he had Grantaire pressed against the wall and one hand inside his jeans.

"Mm mm Enjolras wait wait."

Enjolras trailed kisses up his jaw,

"What?"

"I need....I need you to talk to me."

Enjolras chuckled into his ear,

"Kinky."

"No I mean...Enjolras stop. I need to know you're okay."

Enjolras pulled back and looked at him,

"Please talk to me. I'm worried about you."

Enjolras pressed their foreheads together,

"I'm fine. Please please stop asking me."

"Deal with this and I will."

"I am dealing with it."

"How? Not moving for two weeks then jumping me?"

Enjolras pulled away completely and stood back.

"I'm sorry that I wanted to have some intimacy with the man I married."

"Enjolras stop it."

"Why won’t you just let me be with you?"

Grantaire ran forward and cupped Enjolras' face,

"I am here with you. I am here 100% but you're not being honest with yourself. You need to admit that you're struggling with your mother’s death. And that's fine. That's normal.  And I am here to help you but you need to talk to me."

Enjolras closed his eyes and leaned into the touch.

"Come on. Talk to me."

"I don't want to talk."

"Please."

Enjolras took Grantaire’s hands and held them.

"Why are you always fixing me?"

Grantaire smiled,

"Because someone has to."

Enjolras chewed his bottom lip and looked at their clasped hands,

"I'm so scared."

"Why?"

"What if.....what if I made a mistake in hating them? What if my whole life has been a waste because I hated them?"

A tear fell from Enjolras' eye and Grantaire wiped it away,

"Enjolras listen to me. What they did to you was horrible. It was despicable. You are the best- look at me- you are the best person I have ever known. Nothing in your life has been a waste. You are stronger than this. So much stronger."

He pressed a kiss to Enjolras' cheek,

"You are so strong."

Another kiss,

"And kind."

Another kiss,

"And beautiful. And wonderful and my husband. And god I love you so much. Do not let them do this to you. You're free of them now. All their lies, all their hurtful words. It's you and me and one day your children. And they will look at you with the same amount of love that I feel for you. Because you Enjolras, you're a hero. You are my hero. My wonderful boy. Please don't lose yourself from this. Come back to me."

Enjolras looked at him for a moment before wrapping his arms around Grantaire and holding him close.

"I felt so alone. For so long."

"You're not alone. You're not. I'm here."

Enjolras buried his face in Grantaire’s neck and closed his eyes.

 

"I think we should open it."

"Why?"

Enjolras looked down at the packet in his hands,

"So we can move past it."

Grantaire looked at him,

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Yeah I'm sure."

He sat on the chair next to Enjolras,

"Okay then. Let’s open it."

Enjolras took a deep breath and ripped the paper open. Two envelopes fell out onto the floor. Enjolras picked them up and looked at them; he handed one to Grantaire and turned the other in his hands. Grantaire looked down at the cream envelope and sighed, he studied the careful print of his name and looked up at Enjolras who was running his thumb over the seal of the envelope in his own hands before taking another breath and tearing it open and unfolding the sheets of paper folded inside.

 

_"My dear Vincent,_

_It is with a heavy heart that I write this letter to you. I'm unhappy that it is under these circumstances. I left you today with the knowledge that you never wish to speak again. And I respect that. However there are some things I wish to get off my chest. Firstly and most importantly that I love you son. I love you so very much. If I had only told you more often maybe things would be different now. The years that have passed without you in our lives, in my life have been torturous. To watch you grow into such a handsome, kind, loved man has been from afar. And I blame myself completely. You hold no blame son. Do not allow yourself to feel anger or sadness at this. Love yourself for the person you are. Because you are good, there is so much good in you. My biggest regret is not telling you that._

_I am sorry for everything Vincent. Everything your father did. Everything I did. We must let it go now. We must and move on. Take time to appreciate your loved ones. Take time to tell Henri you love him, the love I see from you for him is astounding, not because he is another man but because I did not know it was possible for two people to love each other as much as you two do. When the time comes tell your children every day. Every single day that you love them. I wish I had done. Goodbye my sweet boy._

_All my love_

_Mum"_

 

Enjolras dropped the letter on to his lap and looked at Grantaire’s waiting face,

"Well? What did it say?"

Enjolras sighed,

"That she's sorry. That she loves me. That I shouldn't feel anger or sadness anymore...”

"You shouldn't."

He half smiled,

"She told me to take time to tell you I love you. That I should appreciate you. She's right. In all this, in all the crap that we've gone through, you've been there for me. You've always been there and I haven't been there for you."

He grabbed Grantaire’s hands and brought them to his lips,

"I love you. Every day. I love you."

Grantaire smiled at him,

"I love you too you fool."

Enjolras turned pink and smiled at the ground before looking back up,

"Go on then."

Grantaire looked at him,

"What?"

"Open yours."

"Oh right."

Grantaire cleared his throat and opened the envelope. He pulled out a card and opened it up. A cheque fell out and he picked it up before reading out the message,

_"I know I never gave you the chance but I hope that this can help you give him the happiness I never could."_

"What did she leave you? Hospital bills? Grantaire?"

Grantaire sat in stunned silence staring at the cheque in his hands,

"Grantaire?"

"Holy shit."

"What? Shit it wasn't really a bill was it?"

Grantaire looked up with wide eyes and a pale face, he handed the cheque over with a shaking hand,

"It's four million."

 

 


	49. Chapter 49

Enjolras stared at the ceiling until his eyes ached. He looked over to Grantaire and smiled slightly at the sight of him doing the same thing,

"Grantaire?"

He looked at Enjolras and reached out for his hand,

"What are you thinking?"

"Too many things."

"Tell me."

Grantaire sighed,

"I don't want the money. I don't want any of it. But...."

"But?"

"We could have kids. We could provide for them....we could have a family."

Enjolras squeezed his fingers,

"I don't want to take money from someone who made you so miserable."

"Grantaire...."

Grantaire pinched the bridge of his nose,

"Fuck."

He threw the covers back and walked from the room. Enjolras followed him into the living room; Grantaire had pushed the widow open and was lighting a cigarette between sniffing back tears.

"Grantaire..."

He looked at Enjolras and put the cigarette down in a waiting ashtray before walking over and letting Enjolras wrap him in a hug. He kissed the top of Grantaire’s head and held him tightly.

"I didn't ask for it Enjolras. I never asked for it."

"I know you didn't. I know that. If you don't want it we get rid of it."

Grantaire buried his face into Enjolras' chest.

"You wouldn't hate me if I made us poor?"

"I would live on the street if it meant I could keep you."

Grantaire chuckled then sighed. He pulled away and pressed a kiss to Enjolras' lips before returning to his cigarette. Enjolras perched himself on the window sill and took a drag as well.

"So what are you thinking?"

Grantaire shrugged,

"I have no idea. Can't you think of something?"

"It's not my money."

"Can it be? I’ll gift it to you."

"No no no no no no."

Grantaire smirked then thought for a moment,

"I might have an idea."

"Go on."

Grantaire chewed his lip.

"Lemme sleep on it and I'll tell you when it's fully formed."

Enjolras smiled and passed him back the cigarette, he kissed him on the head and yawned,

"You think. I sleep."

"I'll be right there."

Enjolras squeezed his hand again before returning to the bedroom.

 

"Okay guys, so you all know that Enjolras' mother passed away recently."

The group had met up at Eponine and Combeferre’s following a text from Grantaire, they threw Enjolras sympathetic looks and he returned a half smile before staring at Grantaire,

"Well she left us some money in her will...I won't say how much but.....it was...whatever. Anyway we wanted to do something with it that was good."

He looked at Enjolras, who smiled at him,

"We decided to do something for you guys."

"What do you mean?"

Combeferre stopped making faces at Remy and looked at them; Grantaire took a deep breath,

"We want to pay off everything you guys owe. Bills, cards, mortgage, student debt. All of it."

The group fell silent save for Remy who was trying to get his dad to look at him again. Courfeyrac was the first to speak up,

"Are you serious?"

Enjolras nodded,

"We already paid our debts. We've also put aside some for Remy for schooling and whatnot and some aside for whenever Marius and Cosette have a kid, now we wanna help everyone else."

"Guys that's ridiculous. You can't pay off our stuff."

"We can and we will. Will you let us?"

"No....no it's too much."

Enjolras turned to Combeferre and smiled at Remy who was holding his arms out to him.

"'Ferre listen to us. We can do this. We want to help you both. Tell me it wouldn't help."

"Well...here."

He passed Remy over to Enjolras and sat back,

"Of course it would help but....I mean it won't be cheap."

"Not a problem."

"What about your kids?"

"We've already set up a fund to help with that. After helping you all we're giving the rest to charity."

Eponine sat chewing her thumb,

"Ep talk to us."

"It's weird taking your money."

"Don't think of it as our money. Think of it as a donation from the Enjolras estate."

She half smiled and looked at the ground,

"Guys. This is good. We don't want anything in return if you're worried about that. This is a thank you. That's all."

Courfeyrac stood up,

"Well hell if you're offering I'm in."

Grantaire smiled at him,

"What charities?"

"Uhm...one to help marriage equality. Some children's charities, the home I rehabbed in. Oh and to the gay lesbian centre one."

Cosette nodded and smiled before taking Grantaire’s hand,

"It's really sweet of you guys but we have money from family for our kids. So we won't take any. But....I have a charity you could make a donation to."

"Of course."

Eponine broke into a smile,

"We could pay off the house."

Combeferre rubbed his face,

"Okay....okay."

"Good man. Oh thank you."

Enjolras took the toy from Remy and kissed his cheek. Grantaire watched the two play together as the others asked him questions.

 

Grantaire looked down at the mop of blonde hair and smirked as kisses were placed over his stomach,

"Enjolras?"

"Mmhmm?"

"Are you okay with this whole thing?"

Enjolras lifted his head and looked at him,

"Am...Am I okay with sucking you off? Yeah I'm good."

"No...Goofball with the plans for the money."

"Oh...of course I am."

Grantaire ran his fingers through Enjolras' hair,

"I added it up in my head. Even after everything we want to do we have loads left over."

"Give more away then."

"Or...."

"Or what?"

"Well....we haven't done anything for us."

"We paid our debts."

"That's no fun though."

"So what are you thinking?"

"I wanna get you something. Something that will make you happy."

"I am happy."

Grantaire twisted his fingers gently around the blonde locks.

"Come on. What would you want? Anything in the world."

Enjolras looked at him and rubbed his thigh,

"I don't know.....I don't want anything."

"Nothing at all?"

Enjolras looked around,

"Well...."

"Yeah?"

"I think I want to move."

"You don't like this place?"

"I love this place...but it's so...scarred."

"Scarred?"

"There are so many bad memories here."

Grantaire bit his lip as Enjolras took a deep breath,

"This is where I found you. Where I lay thinking you might die. Thinking you hated me. This is where I wanted to die because I hurt you...where everything we had fell apart...where-"

"Where you proposed to me. Where I fell in love with you. Where we made love for the first time. Where I felt happiness I never thought I could."

Enjolras looked at him and smiled,

"I want somewhere that's ours. That our children can grow up."

Grantaire leaned in and kissed him,

"Sounds perfect."

“We can get a new place. Start again….again.”

Grantaire nodded and kissed his forehead,

“It will be a happy place. Now….get back to it.”

Enjolras smirked and pushed Grantaire into the cushions again before resuming his kisses.

 

“My mother died.”

“I’m so sorry. How are you doing?”

“Surprisingly well. I mean….it sucked but….Grantaire has been amazing. He’s been with me every step of the way. We’re moving. Well we will be when we find a place.”

The doctor nodded,

“Sounds great. Can we go back to your mother for a moment?”

Enjolras nodded

“How have you been feeling about her? Since you found out? I know you had the disagreement a few months ago, had you spoken again?”

“No. She left me a letter, apologising for everything.”

“How did that make you feel?”

Enjolras let out a nervous laugh,

“Ohh that’s a….hell of a question.”

He took a deep breath,

“It pissed me off. But….then….I mean I understand, thoughts of a dying woman and all.”

“Did you accept her apology?”

“Yeah. Yeah I think I did. She told me to uhm….always tell my husband I love him. She said some really nice things about him and it made me…realise that I need to let it go. I know I’m a broken record- I say I’m going to let it go and then I don’t. But there’s no point now is there? No point being angry anymore.”

“Have you visited her grave?”

“Didn’t exactly work well for me the last time I visited a grave site.”

“Maybe leave the crowbar behind this time?”

Enjolras laughed and leaned back into the chair, the doctor wrote something down and cocked her head,

“It might help you. To say goodbye. Take your husband.”

Enjolras looked at her for a moment before nodding,

“Yeah….yeah maybe.”

She smiled at him and looked at her notes before changing the subject.

 

“Oh Enjolras you shouldn’t have.”

“Sorry, not this time. He in?”

Eponine pointed to the stock room and leant on the counter,

“You do something wrong?”

“Hmm?”

She pointed to him,

“The flowers.”

“Oh…yeah they’re for my mum.”

Eponine smiled sadly and reached for his hand,

“How you doing after all of that?”

“I’m okay.”

She touched his face and leant in to kiss his cheek,

“Oi Oi, what’s this?”

They turned to see Grantaire pulling his apron off,

“Sorry R. He’s mine now.”

“Yeah…good luck with that.”

She laughed and squeezed Enjolras’ arm before leaving them alone.

“You ready?”

“Are you?”

Enjolras nodded and took Grantaire’s hand.

 

They stood before the grave and looked down at it; Enjolras placed the flowers before the stone and took a deep breath. Holding onto his hand; Grantaire kissed his shoulder,

“I’ll give you two a minute.”

Enjolras nodded and watched Grantaire walk away before turning back,

“I uh…I didn’t know what flowers to get you. Never got you flowers before. Sorry about that….anyway the woman at the store suggested Lilies…but they seemed…..depressing. So I got you uhm Roses and….I don’t know what the other things are.  Not that it’s important. I got your letter…thank you for apologising. I’m sorry too. For so many things. To you anyway. I won’t forgive him. I won’t. But….I am sorry for not trying harder. I never tried. Not once. And…..I regret that. I don’t want to. I want to hate you. But…..I remember sitting on your knee. I remember you playing with me. I remember loving you. I thought for so long that you had stopped loving me. I suppose that….I hope that you didn’t. Life kinda got in the way didn’t it? Changed us. Changed our relationship. Dad…..dad messed it up with us. He did this. I just wish…I wish he hadn’t. Maybe it would be alright. Maybe it’d be different.”

He sniffed and looked over to where Grantaire was standing,

“He’s a good man. A great man. I love him so much.”

He chuckled,

“We want kids…we’re actually using some of the money to help us do that….I never thought I’d say this. Ever. But I miss you….mum. I miss how it used to be…so long ago before all this. I just wanted a mum. Someone I could tell my secrets to. Someone I could….introduce Henri to.”

He shook his head,

“Maybe in another life eh? I uhm….I love you mum. It’s taken a hell of a road to get me here. But…I wanted to say it. That’s all I want to say.”

He kissed his fingertips and pressed them to the headstone.

“Rest in Peace Mum.”

He took one more look at the site before walking toward Grantaire.

“All okay?”

“Yeah. We move on now.”

Grantaire nodded and kissed him,

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“Come on. Let’s go home.”

 

18 MONTHS LATER

The doctor squirted the gel onto the woman’s stomach and began moving the probe. Grantaire gripped Enjolras’ hand tightly as the room filled with the steady sound of the heartbeat. The woman looked at the two men and smiled broadly,

“Oh that’s the best sound I’ve ever heard.”

Enjolras swallowed hard and looked at the doctor,

“Is it all okay?”

She nodded and smiled at him,

“It’s all perfect.”

She paused for a moment and looked at the two men,

“You said you were excited to become parents?”

Grantaire beamed,

“So excited.”

The doctor nodded and turned the screen

“Well I hope you’re prepared as well- its twins.”

The two men froze and looked at the doctor,

“Wait….what?”

 

 


	50. Chapter 50

"Coffee?"

Enjolras looked up and smiled,

"Thank you waiter."

"You ready to tell them?"

Grantaire looked over to the group and smirked,

"Their brains might explode."

"Willing to risk it?"

"It would be amusing."

Enjolras chuckled and pressed his face into Grantaire’s arm, Grantaire pressed a kiss to his head and smiled,

"Come on then. Pa."

Enjolras grinned and squeezed his arm before getting up and walking over to the group.

"Uhm guys? Can we talk to you for a bit?"

Eponine passed Remy some more crayons and lent back against Combeferre,

"What's up?"

Enjolras looked at Courfeyrac, who had settled himself on Jehans lap and frowned,

"Guys...focus...please."

Jehan whispered something into Courfeyrac’s ear and sat back,

"Go on."

"Wait what about Marius?"

"Where is he?"

"Changing Auggie I think....actually where's Co-"

"Here. What's up?"

Cosette sat down gingerly followed by Marius, who had put the baby sling back on and was cradling his son,

"We have something to tell you guys."

Courfeyrac smirked,

"Ten bucks says divorce."

"Shut up Courf."

Courfeyrac stuck his tongue out at Cosette and looked at Enjolras,

"Well?"

Enjolras stood straighter and looked at Grantaire,

"Okay so...like a year ago we decided we wanted to talk seriously about having children....and...Well....we decided that we wanted to start a family."

Eponine gasped,

"Are you guys adopting?"

Grantaire smiled,

"No we uh....we went to the doctor and he got us in touch with a surrogacy company."

The room had fallen silent. Cosette sat forward,

"Are you gonna do it? Have your own baby?"

Enjolras laughed,

"I hope so she's three months pregnant."

Grantaire looked at him for a moment,

"Really? That's how you tell them?"

Eponine swung her arm and punched Grantaire in the arm,

"Ow what the f-?"

He stopped himself before swearing when he saw Remy looking at him,

"What the hell Ep?"

"You're pregnant? You hid it from me?!"

"I'm gonna bruise now."

Enjolras bit his lip to keep from laughing and looked at the others,

"Guys? We're gonna be parents!"

Combeferre jumped up and pulled them into a hug.

"This is brilliant guys. Really. Congratulations."

The others jumped up having recovered from the surprise and hugged them as well. The room filled with the sound of celebration followed by the sound of desperate shushing from Marius as Auggie began to stir.

"When's it due?"

"They."

"Excuse me?"

"They are due in September."

"Wait...the-you're having twins?"

Grantaire beamed at them,

"We're having twins."

Eponine smacked Combeferre’s arm several times before jumping up and down and leaping on them both,

"Oh okay."

Grantaire started laughing at Enjolras' reaction and held his hand up to accept the high five that Courfeyrac was offering.

"God almighty you two with little ones. You can barely take care of yours- Cosette stop pinching me!"

"Stop being mean about them they'll be amazing."

"Thank you Cosette."

She leant up and kissed Enjolras on the cheek,

"You guys are gonna love it. No sleep. No time alone....twice..."

She put the back of her hand to her mouth and sniffed hard,

"Oh it's just so beautiful."

Enjolras looked up to Marius with wide eyes and he shrugged,

"You okay Cosette?"

She waved him away and pressed a kiss to Grantaire’s cheek before walking toward Marius and looking in to the sling to see her son.

"Uhm....anyway. Pictures!"

They looked at Grantaire,

"We have a picture from the scan!"

He ran to the table and picked up Enjolras' diary; taking the photo out he passed it around,

"Oh god it really is twins. Who's the mum?"

Enjolras looked at Jehan and frowned,

"What out of the two of us?"

Jehan stared at him for a moment,

"Seriously? Come on now college boy. I mean who's carrying this litter?"

Grantaire frowned at him,

"Our children are not a litter thank you very much."

Jehan threw him a smile and turned back to Enjolras,

"Well, the womb in question belongs to a lovely woman called Lara. The eggs however we don't know."

Jehan looked at him for a moment before turning to Combeferre,

"Translation?"

"They used an anonymous egg donor and a surrogate."

"Why not just use the surrogate?"

Enjolras picked up his mug,

"Legality really. She has no rights; she doesn't even know her eggs have been used. So our kids are ours."

Jehan nodded,

"Alright cool. So whose are they?"

"Ours."

"Yeah I know but biologically who do they belong to?"

"Us. They mixed our sperm and created two embryos. They're fraternal twins."

"So you guys gonna find out whose is whose?"

"Nah. They're our children."

"They're gonna be beautiful."

"Thank you Ep."

"So when can we find out about the sex?"

Grantaire smirked and turned away,

"Eight more weeks. I think we wanna find out."

"I bet its boys. Everyone in this group has boys."

Eponine smiled at her son who was busy colouring In pictures of aliens and looked around the room,

"Guys this place is not baby suitable."

Grantaire sat up straighter,

"What's wrong with the place?"

"Nothing it's a great place.....but not for kids."

"Obviously they'll hide the porn."

"Mummy what's porn?"

The group looked down at Remy who was staring at Eponine, a crayon hanging from his fingers. Eponine glared at Courfeyrac as he burst into a fit of giggles,

"Nothing baby just ignore them."

She looked at Combeferre who immediately hid the smile on his face; the group soon fell apart as one by one they all began to laugh.

 

"Psst."

Enjolras tapped the pen against the page and carried on reading,

"Psst Enjolras."

A smile tugged at his lips as he tried to ignore Grantaire who was leaning over the back of the sofa. It worked until the flick against his ear followed by laughter,

"Oh my god what do you want?"

"Entertain me."

"You're a child."

Grantaire pouted and brushed his head against Enjolras' shoulder,

"Come on work is boring."

"And what would you rather I do?"

"I was thinking me actually."

"Were you now?"

"I was."

"And how exactly would that go?"

Grantaire smirked and moved closer to Enjolras' ear,

"I thought maybe we would throw that case file away and I would ride you into that sofa."

Enjolras swallowed, his grip on the pen tightening as he tried to keep the smile from his lips,

"And why would I want that?"

"Because you love it. You love it when I ride you so hard you can't even remember your name....and all you know is that I am desperate and hard and so hot for you."

Enjolras felt the heat on his cheeks, he was blushing. Grantaire was so close to his ear he could feel the words more than he could hear them,

"All I want is you inside me, making me scream as you fuck me again and again. I want you to use me. Make me yours. Tie me down and fuck me until I can't move."

Enjolras let his pen drop as Grantaire placed the lightest of kisses on his ear before standing up straight,

"Of course I understand though, work is far more important, I’ll find another way to entertain myself."

Enjolras jumped up, his folder fell to the floor as he reached for Grantaire’s arm,

"You know I hate it when you do that."

"You gonna punish me?"

"Get in the fucking bedroom."

Grantaire smiled before turning on his heel and heading upstairs. Enjolras took a breath and followed him.

 

"What are you doing?"

"Thinking."

"What about?"

"You mostly."

"Romantic."

"I was thinking about that trip I gotta go on."

Grantaire’s heart sank at the reminder,

"I don't want you to go."

"I don't wanna go."

"Then stay. Stay in bed and kiss me a while. A long while. A forever while."

"It's only two weeks. We've done longer."

Grantaire moved himself closer to Enjolras and ran his fingers through his hair,

"Never loved you as much as I do though."

"Now who's romantic?"

"What am I gonna do for two weeks without you?"

"Work. So we can afford our kids."

Grantaire rolled onto his back and stretched his arms up,

"God we're becoming boring parents."

Enjolras chuckled and nestled his head in Grantaire’s neck,

"Grantaire I think I'm slipping into a sex coma."

"Could have something to do with all the sex?"

"I have achieved nothing today."

"That's not true. You achieved at least three orgasms- ow!"

Enjolras pinched his nipple and smiled.

"I've done no work."

"You need to relax."

"I have so many papers to go through. I need to get back on the-"

Enjolras was silenced as Grantaire lifted his head and kissed him.

"Relax. There's all the time in the world."

"You said that to me seven years ago. Do you remember?"

Grantaire frowned for a moment then smiled,

"I told you to relax the first time we had sex."

"You made me so calm."

"I had to you were fidgety as hell. I could barely get you naked."

"I was nervous. Shut up."

"We have good sex now though."

Enjolras was silent and Grantaire nudged him,

"Hey!"

Enjolras groaned,

"Oh thanks. Here I am being all romantic and you're falling asleep. Men are pigs."

He felt Enjolras shake with laughter and pushed him away,

"No where you going?"

"I need to pee. And eat. Not sure of the order yet."

Enjolras rolled onto his back and watched him get up.

"Hey. Don't tell the others but uh...."

Grantaire turned around looked at him,

"I think you might be my favourite."

Grantaire smiled broadly and climbed back on the bed to kiss him,

"Seven years and you still make my heart stop. You're some kind of magic. Enjolras. You know that?"

"That's so soppy."

Grantaire tucked a stray lock of hair behind Enjolras' ear.

"Why can I never find the words to tell you how important you are?"

"To you?"

"To the world. What a dark place it would be without you."

Enjolras pressed a hand to Grantaire’s cheek; his brain racing to find words to reply.

"What an amazing father you're gonna be. So kind. So beautiful. It terrifies me- how much I love you."

"Grantaire..."

"Shhh. You need to hear this. I love you more than life itself. More than me. More than family. The only thing that comes close is our children. Our beautiful babies. If they're anything like you....then they will never have to worry. They're already the luckiest kids in the world to even have you. I'm the luckiest man in the world."

He pressed a kiss to the side of the hand on his face,

"Thank you for taking that chance on me. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for loving me."

Enjolras bit his lip wrapped his arm around Grantaire’s neck to bring him close.

"Why are you saying these things?"

"Because I want you to know how I feel."

"I know how you feel Grantaire. I feel the same way."

"Will you just let me please?"

Enjolras smiled,

"I'm sorry. Please continue telling me how wonderful I am."

Grantaire pulled away,

"You're a dick."

"I'm sorry. Hey. Stop leaving."

He pulled Grantaire on top of him and began covering his face and head with kisses,

"I love you. I love you I love you I love you."

"Okay okay. I got it. You love me. You love me."

"Never. Think. That. I. Don't."

He pulled away and looked at Grantaire,

"You understand me? I loved you from the moment I saw you. And I will never stop. Ever. Okay?"

Grantaire nodded,

"From the moment you saw me?"

"You took my breath away."

"Now who's romantic?"

"I'm allowed the odd moment of humanity."

"Just one or two..."

Enjolras laughed and sat up,

"So what now?"

Grantaire looked over at the clock,

"We have all day."

"Fancy a quickie?"

Grantaire snorted and laughed,

"Easy there cowboy I gotta piss first."

"And this is the father of my children."

Grantaire held up a finger,

"One of your children."

"Oh well my apologies."

"Just sharing the blame babe."

Enjolras watched him leave the bedroom and listened for the sound of the bathroom door. He smiled to himself and picked up his phone and flipped it open. He was in the middle of replying to an email when Grantaire pounced on him, pulling the phone from his fingers and latching his lips onto his throat.

"Oh okay. Done with them then."

Grantaire ran his tongue from the spot he working on to Enjolras' lips.

"You mentioned a quickie?"

"Mmm."

"Gotta fit in all the sex we can before the kids show up."

"Excellent idea. Excellent...."

He trailed off as Grantaire kissed him again.

 

Eponine jumped up as soon as they entered the coffee shop,

"Well?"

They paused in the doorway,

"What?"

"Don't what me you gits. You found out the sexes! Tell me tell me tell me!"

Enjolras broke into a smile,

"Get us coffee first."

Grantaire took his jacket off and smiled at her,

"Grantaire give me a clue. Come on. Something!"

Grantaire looked at Enjolras for a moment,

"Okay."

Enjolras threw him a look and Grantaire smirked,

"I can tell you with absolute certainty....that there are two babies in there. Now get us a coffee. We have messages to send."

They sat together in a booth and Enjolras typed a mass message. It didn't take long for the others to turn up; once they were settled and had drinks in front of them Grantaire cleared his throat,

"So....we know what we're having."

"And?"

Enjolras gripped his mug and smirked,

"And you better get ready to pay off any debts because we're having a boy."

The noise the group made caused several of the customers to look over in anger. Grantaire laughed and put his hands up,

"Wait wait wait."

The group fell silent,

"Husband you wanna do the honours?"

Enjolras beamed at him and turned to the others,

"You guys better be prepared to buy us new presents and not just hand me downs- we're having a girl too."

The shriek from Eponine could have been heard down the road. She leapt onto Enjolras and began to laugh wildly.

 


	51. Chapter 51

"Hey you."

"Hey."

"You look tired."

"I am. You don't."

"I feel it though. Can't sleep without you."

"Liar."

Grantaire smiled and shifted the laptop on his legs.

"So what've you done today?"

He shrugged,

"Work. Came home. Now talking to you."

"Did Lara text you?"

He nodded,

"Yeah she get you too?"

Enjolras smiled at him,

"She did indeed. Baby girl is a kicker."

"You know I think we should decide on some names."

"You don't like baby girl and baby boy?"

"I've been referring to them as nugget one and nugget two."

"Nugget? You've named our children nuggets?"

Grantaire laughed,

"No nugget one and two."

Enjolras nodded,

"Oh that's okay then."

He laughed and looked down at his hands,

"Hey. What's going on?"

Enjolras shrugged,

"I don't know. Guess you'd call it homesick. I miss you."

"I miss you too. So much. But it's only a few more days."

Enjolras nodded,

"It's been too long already. I hate this job."

"You love this job."

"I don't. I hate it."

"Are you....Enjolras are you pouting?"

"No."

Grantaire laughed,

"Oh I miss you so much."

Enjolras looked at him for a few minutes and rubbed his face,

"Ah....I don't know anymore. I don't think I can keep doing this."

"Doing what?"

"Going away. All this travelling. All this....distance. I hate it."

"I know you do."

"I wanna come home. I wanna sleep in my own bed."

"Eight days baby."

"Too many."

Grantaire smiled sadly at the screen,

"Come on. Tell me what you did today."

Enjolras sighed and ran a hand through his hair,

"Meetings. Then phone calls. Then another meeting. Then paperwork and why did I want to be a lawyer again?"

"Because one of us had to have a worthwhile career?"

"I'd prefer your job right now."

"Really? Because I have to get up at five to take in the delivery."

Enjolras smiled,

"Maybe not then."

"You gonna be okay?"

Enjolras shrugged,

"I have to be. Just have to miss you quietly I guess."

"As long as you do...miss me I mean."

"I miss you. I mean you drive me mad but I miss you."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, hundreds of miles apart.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Can't wait to see you."

"You are seeing me."

"Can't wait to kiss you."

Enjolras smiled again,

"There it is."

"What?"

"That smile. I miss it."

Enjolras grinned, making Grantaire laugh.

"Still can't wait to kiss you."

"Just kiss me?"

"Well....there are other things too..."

"Yeah I’ll bet."

Grantaire laughed again, stopping when Enjolras yawned,

"Alright mister. Bed time."

"No. No I wanna talk to you."

"We can talk tomorrow. You need to sleep."

"I don't want to. I’m fine. Really."

"Enjolras....don't make me come down there."

"I wish you would. It'd make it more interesting."

"I'm here keeping the house warm for you. And the bed."

"Don't talk to me about you in bed."

"Go to your bed then."

"Alright.....I guess I should sleep."

"Yes you should. Now go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow."

"I love you."

"Love you more."

Enjolras kissed his fingers and pressed them to the camera, Grantaire did the same back and smiled at him again,

"Goodnight love."

"Goodnight."

When the screen went black Grantaire sighed. He closed the laptop and put it on the nightstand before rolling over and burying his face in the pillow. He breathed in deeply, inhaling the smell of Enjolras left behind. He reached down and fumbled for the blanket, pulling it up over his head he shut his eyes and waited for sleep.

 

"Oi."

"What?"

"Someone's in a mood."

"Someone hasn't seen his partner for nearly two weeks. Someone hates long distance."

Eponine hugged him tightly,

"How long now?"

"He's home in four days. I miss him."

"I haven't seen you this sad in years."

Grantaire sighed and stood up straight,

"Guess I better get back to work."

"Wait. Come back. Tell me about the twins."

Grantaire couldn't help the grin that appeared on his face,

"They're growing. Lara is getting pretty big. It's all the girl as well. Baby boy is still kinda small. I mean they're both small but he's the smallest of the two."

"But all good?"

"All perfect. I can't wait. We want a 4D scan so we can see their faces."

Eponine smiled and clasped her hands,

"Oh honey. I can't wait to meet them."

Grantaire stuck his fingers up,

"Three months. Three months and I’ll have children......I could freak out right now."

"You're not though."

"No I miss Enjolras too much."

"He'll be home soon. And I'm sure he's feeling the exact same way."

Grantaire smirked,

"I can't believe how long it's been."

"Since you saw him?"

Grantaire looked at her for a few moments,

"Sure why not."

Eponine frowned then realised,

"Oh. Ohhh damn. Out of everyone I know how...you two are....so...oh."

Grantaire laughed and grabbed her shoulders,

"Eponine...I don't know how much longer I can last."

"I don't know what to say.....Skype him?"

Grantaire looked at her for a moment,

"That could work."

Eponine laughed,

"Focus on work and then go...deal with that."

 

"Hey."

Enjolras smiled at him,

"Hey handsome."

"Handsome today huh?"

"Always handsome to me."

Grantaire smiled and looked at the ground,

"How you doing?"

"Tired. Tired of missing you."

"Same here. I swear it's the longest two weeks of my life."

"We've been apart before."

"Never when we've been so good though."

"That is true."

Enjolras laughed then dropped his head back,

"Ugh."

"What?"

"I am so..."

"Hornier than you've ever been?"

Enjolras laughed then lifted his head again,

"You too?"

"It's ridiculous. I got turned on decorating cupcakes today."

Enjolras laughed,

"Why?"

"I don't know. Icing...you with icing. I haven't had sex in two weeks."

Enjolras grinned at him,

"Hang up on here and give me a call."

Grantaire frowned,

"Why not just keep talking on here?"

"Because I don't like being seen when I...."

"Ohh oh okay. Gimme a sec then."

"Alright. Bye."

"Bye."

Grantaire shut the laptop and grabbed his phone. He dialled Enjolras' number and pressed send; it was answered on the second ring,

"I want you so bad."

"Oh you have no idea."

"What would you do if I was there?"

Grantaire smirked at the words and shifted on the chair so he could unzip his jeans,

"Mmm I'd kiss you all over. Every inch of you."

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah. Then I'd push you down and have you on the floor."

Enjolras chuckled into his ear and Grantaire bit his lip,

"Oh god I want you."

"I wanna fuck you so bad right now."

Grantaire sped his hand up as he took himself. He moaned into the phone every time he heard the hitch in Enjolras' breath.

"Enjolras....Enjolras."

Enjolras groaned into the phone,

"Keep talking. Fuck keep talking."

Grantaire let his head fall back as he twisted his hand, his eyes fluttered shut and he smiled,

"I want to ride you. Wanna make you scream my name. Then I'm gonna push you down and fuck you. You're never gonna forget how I feel."

Enjolras was practically panting down the phone. Grantaire smirked; he knew how Enjolras sounded when he was close. The conversation fell flat as they moaned breathlessly to each other. Suddenly Enjolras groaned, the sound sent a wave through Grantaire and he came with a shudder. They sat in silence for a few moments until Enjolras chuckled again,

"Well I'm fucked now. These next few days are gonna be unbearable."

Grantaire let his head fall back and sighed,

"Oh god. Enjolras I wanna...ugh never mind."

"Tell me."

"Not right now."

"Grantaire talk to me. What's wrong?"

"No. Wrong time. Wrong place. When you come home we can talk."

"You can't leave me like that."

"Don't worry it's nothing bad."

He heard Enjolras groan again and felt guilty,

"Don't do that Grantaire you know it drives me mad. Just spit it out."

"I'd rather not like this."

"Over the phone?"

"Half naked."

"Right."

He smiled and shut his eyes,

"It's nothing bad I promise you. I just miss you so much."

"I miss you too R."

"Haven't heard that name in a while."

Enjolras chuckled as he pulled his trousers back on.

"Listen. I'll be back soon and we can talk. About anything you want. And everything. Or nothing."

"How does our sex always end with us having overly serious conversations?"

"I don't know...maybe it's just an us thing?"

"Seems likely."

They fell silent again and Grantaire took the opportunity to rearrange his own clothes.

"Grantaire?"

"Yeah?"

"If I ask you for something will you promise not to laugh at me?"

"Depends what it is."

Enjolras chewed his lip for a minute and chuckled,

"Can we go back on Skype and uh....go to bed?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean can you put the computer in the bed with you so I can see you? Like as we fall asleep?"

Grantaire smiled and nodded to himself.

"Of course. Gimme a sec to get you. Hold on."

He heard Enjolras move about as he reached for the laptop again and clicked to ring him. The screen went black then showed Enjolras on the phone,

"Hi."

"Hey. I'm gonna hang up the phone now."

Enjolras laughed and disconnected the call,

"Shall we go to bed then?"

"Yeah. Yeah cool."

Grantaire picked up the laptop and made his way to the bed. He placed it on the pillow beside him and pulled his clothes off until he was just in his boxers. He climbed into bed and watched Enjolras on screen as he did the same thing. Once they were both settles they lay in silence and watched each other.

"Hey Enjolras?"

"Mmhmm?"

"I really miss you."

"I miss you too."

"Come home safe okay? Just....come home."

"I will. I promise you that."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight love."

They each kissed their fingers and pressed them to the camera before closing their eyes. When Grantaire awoke two hours later he saw Enjolras fast asleep, the light of the laptop causing the room to fill with a slight glow. He watched the man for a few minutes, allowing himself to stroke the screen before closing his eyes again.

 

"Darcy."

"Nah."

"Lauren."

"Nope."

"Daisy."

"Hmm....maybe."

"Err....Michelle."

"No."

Grantaire laughed,

"Emily."

"No."

"Hayley."

"No."

He laughed again,

"You can't say no to every name."

"Then pick better names."

"I'm picking lovely names."

"Uhm excuse me, Hortense?"

"Yeah okay that was a bad name. But the rest were good."

Enjolras chuckled,

"Alright handsome, listen I gotta go sleep."

"What time is your flight?"

"7:30."

"Will you call me from the airport? I’ll meet you on this end."

"Can't wait to see you."

"Ohh you have no idea."

Enjolras chuckled down the phone,

"Alright go on. Go sleep. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"Goodnight."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

Grantaire hung up and sighed. He looked around the living room and smiled. He stood up and started tidying away the clutter he'd been leaving around.

 

Grantaire’s eyes scanned the screen; he found the flight number and smiled to himself before heading towards the arrival gates. He stood near the back of the growing crowd and pulled his phone out. He'd just finished reading a text from Jehan when people began pouring out from the gate. Shoving the phone in his pocket he looked for the blonde man in the crowd. When he spotted him he broke into a huge grin and stuck his tongue out when Enjolras noticed him. He walked over to Grantaire and flung his arms around his neck. Grantaire wrapped his arms around Enjolras' waist and buried his face in his neck. They hugged each other tightly for what felt like hours. Enjolras pushed his face into the side of Grantaire’s head and kissed him, Grantaire gripped his jacket and pulled back to face him.

"Hi."

Before Enjolras could reply they were kissing. His hands moved to grip Grantaire’s face so he could kiss him again.

"Mmm hi."

Grantaire let go of his jacket and reached up to brush the hair from Enjolras' face,

"I forgot how lovely you are."

Enjolras laughed,

"Thank you I think."

"Let’s get you home. Come on."

Enjolras grabbed his suitcase in one hand and Grantaire’s hand in the other as they left the airport.

 

"Oh god it's so good to be home."

Grantaire smiled at him as he clicked the kettle on,

"It's rather nice to have you home."

Enjolras shrugged the jacket from his shoulders and took his tie off. Grantaire watched him for a moment then turned to grab mugs from the cabinet. He smiled again as arms wrapped around his middle and a kiss landed on his shoulder,

"I've never been so happy to see anyone."

Grantaire covered the arms around him with his own and leant back against Enjolras' chest,

"Such a soppy git sometimes."

Enjolras bit his shoulder and laughed,

"You don't have plans today do you?"

"Actually there is something really important that I need to do."

"What?"

Grantaire turned in his embrace and wrapped his arms around Enjolras' neck,

"You."

"Excellent plans. Love them."

Grantaire smiled,

"What are you waiting for then?"

Enjolras surged forwards and kissed him; pressing him against the counter as his hands moved down to cup his ass.

"Can we maybe move this out of the kitchen?"

"Thought you liked kitchen sex."

"If you think I'm only gonna have you in the kitchen then you're an idiot."

"Charming."

Grantaire grabbed the front of Enjolras' shirt and yanked him close,

"Get in the bedroom."

"Yes sir."

Enjolras pushed away and walked toward the bedroom. Grantaire bit his lip and followed him.

 

Grantaire coughed and sighed,

"I don't know Ep. I just woke up all fever-y and just....I feel awful."

"Mmhmm. Isn't Enjolras back now?"

Grantaire coughed again dramatically,

"I think it's making me sick."

"I'm sure it is."

Enjolras smirked at him and began trailing kisses down his chest. He straddled him and shifted down further until his nose was pressed against the tattoo on his hip.

"So I mean...I can come in but I might be coughing up all over the customers. But if you want me in..."

Eponine sighed down the phone,

"Well I guess if you’re offering then yes I want you in."

"Oh...."

Eponine started to laugh,

"Stay home and get healthy love. I'll see you when you're well."

"You're an amazing boss."

"Yeah don't you forget it. Say hi to Enjolras."

"No idea what you're talking about."

"Go away Grantaire."

"See you later hon."

He hung up and looked down at Enjolras who was running his tongue over the lines of the tattoo.

"You're a menace Enjolras."

He sat up and straddled his legs,

"I am? You're the one lying to your boss."

"Get up here."

Enjolras shifted up and kissed him again.

"Did you think about me all the time?"

"Not a second went by when I didn't."

"Promise?"

"I promise. Except when I was thinking about the babies. I thought about them a lot."

"Papa Enjolras."

Enjolras smirked,

"I don't think I wanna be papa."

"What do you wanna be then? Father? Dad? Daddy?"

He smiled at Enjolras' expression,

"Daddy it is then."

"What are you gonna be?"

Grantaire pursed his lips for a second,

"Sir."

"Sir?"

"Or Dad."

"Or whatever they decide to yell at us when they get old enough."

"Ugh they're gonna be teenagers one day."

"They're not even born yet. I think we have time before you start resenting them."

Grantaire poked him in the ribs and laughed,

"Let’s see how well you deal with a stroppy teenage girl and a teenage boy who hates the world."

"Who says he's gonna hate the world?"

"He's our son. Of course he's gonna hate the world."

"Ah of course."

Enjolras gripped his chin and lifted Grantaire’s face upwards,

"So what are we doing today?"

"We need to go baby shopping."

"Can we go baby shopping in like....an hour?"

"Depends what you had in mind for that time."

"I was thinking fucking until we can't move."

"I like the way you think."

Enjolras nodded as he leant in to kiss him again.

 

Enjolras shut his eyes and let his head fall back as he gripped Grantaire’s hips, guiding the man as he moved up and down on his lap. They hadn’t planned to do it, they had been putting together the furniture for the nursery when Grantaire had pushed him on to the sofa and yanked his clothes off. Now the room was filled with their combined moans as Grantaire rode him into the cushions.

“God…you’re so….”

Grantaire chuckled into his ear, moaning as he dragged his nails down Enjolras’ bare chest. Enjolras began to rock his hips upward slowly every time Grantaire sank down on him. Suddenly his back arched and the grip on Enjolras’ arms tightened,

“Fuck don’t move. Don’t move.”

His pace picked up as he rode him harder, Enjolras moved one hand to fist in Grantaire’s hair,

“Right there. Right there….mm mph”

Grantaire crashed their lips together as he came over his stomach and chest. Enjolras rocked up into him a few more times before coming himself. They pressed their foreheads together as their breathing slowed down.

“Well…that was….unexpected.”

Grantaire chuckled,

“Unexpected but…amazing?”

“So amazing.”

Grantaire climbed off him and collapsed on the sofa.

“Jesus Christ Enjolras. You drive me crazy.”

“Thanks.”

“In the best way of course.”

“Of course.”

“Come on get your clothes on. We have five weeks to get this place sorted.”

Enjolras watched him get up and raised his eyebrows,

“Seriously?”

Grantaire pulled his boxers on and looked at him,

“What?”

“You fuck me then its back to business? Sheesh, way to make a guy feel special.”

Grantaire laughed and threw his shirt at him,

“Shut it. Get dressed.”

Enjolras stood up and pulled his jeans back on with a chuckle.

 

The ringing phone woke them both with a start,

“I swear if that’s your boss. I will kill him”

Enjolras groaned and reached over for his mobile,

“Hello?”

He sat up suddenly, all thoughts of sleep leaving him straight away,

“Lara? What’s wrong? What do you….but it’s too early? Right right okay. Stay calm. Where are you? We’re on our way.”

He hung up and climbed from the bed, turning the light on at the same time.

“Grantaire get up.”

“What’s wrong, is she okay?”

Enjolras pulled his shirt on and threw Grantaire’s sweater to him,

“The babies are coming. Now. Get up.”

“Shit. Shit.”

Grantaire dressed quickly and grabbed his own phone as they made their way out of the house.

 


	52. Chapter 52

Enjolras sat on the bed and looked down at the baby in his arms. He smiled at her as she scrunched her face and ran a finger over her hair. His finger trailed down her cheek, gently over the tube that was coming out of her nose and into the blankets. He pursed his lips and pinched the bridge of his nose; willing with everything he had that the tears that threatened wouldn't fall. He looked down at the bracelet that the nurse had put on him and sighed.

"Guess it's just us for a while kid."

 

"You're so small....makes my hand look huge."

Grantaire said the words with a laugh but was cut off by his own tears. He sniffed hard and stroked the plastic that enclosed his son. 

"I need you to be okay. You hear me? Your daddy is here. With your sister. I'm here though. You don't have to worry. We're not going anywhere. When your daddy gets here I’ll go see your big sister and he will stay. He can't wait to see you. See how beautiful you are. Don't be scared okay? You have nothing to worry about. I'm here."

The knock on the door stopped him and he turned to see Eponine standing with the nurse. He nodded and she opened the door.

"Hey baby."

Grantaire smiled sadly at her and she sat beside him.

"He's beautiful Grantaire."

He smiled again and looked down. Eponine rested her head on his shoulder and slid her hand into his.

"He's gonna be okay. You know that right?"

"Promise me that."

She squeezed his hand in reply and he stared at his son.

"I'm so scared 'Ponine. I don't think I've ever been so scared."

"Where's Enjolras?"

"He's with...."

He looked at Eponine as tears began to fall down his face,

"She doesn't even have a name. They don't even have names Ep. What if they die and they don't even-"

She pulled him into a hug as he began to sob.

 

"Hey."

Enjolras looked up and saw Combeferre in the doorway.

"Hi."

"Can I sit?"

"Go ahead."

Combeferre sat next to him and looked at the baby in his arms,

"Oh she is beautiful. Congratulations Dad!"

Enjolras smiled at him and looked down at his daughter,

"She's perfect. So perfect."

"How's her brother?"

Enjolras took a moment before answering him,

"He uhm...he wasn't breathing when he was born. They took...they took him to the special care unit. Grantaire’s with him. He's so small. So...fragile."

He stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose again, Combeferre squeezed his shoulder,

"Hey...it's alright."

"No. No I have to be strong now. She needs me. He needs me...Grantaire needs me."

Combeferre moved his hand and rested it on Enjolras' back.

"He's gonna be fine."

"You don't know that."

"Come on. Look at who his parents are. No matter what DNA he has...he's a fighter."

"I hope you're right."

He looked at Combeferre for a moment,

"I can't do it. I can't bury my son."

"You're not going to. You hear me? He gonna come out of this. He just needs a little help right now is all."

Enjolras sniffed and looked down at the baby in his arms,

"Come on. Enjolras? Tell me about her."

"She's perfect. Five pounds. Needs oxygen for a bit but that's all."

"Why don't I keep an eye on her and you can go be with Grantaire and your son?"

"I don't wanna leave her."

"She won't even notice. Besides...she has to get to know her uncle."

Enjolras smiled sadly and looked at Combeferre,

"I don't think I can leave her."

"Enjolras. Listen to me. You need to be with your son. If anything happens I will get you. Don't feel guilty just go."

Enjolras nodded,

"Thank you Combeferre."

"Go be with him."

Enjolras kissed his daughters head and passed her over to Combeferre.

"I'll be back as soon as I can okay?"

"Enjolras it'll be fine."

He looked at Combeferre,

"I was talking to her."

"Oh ok...cool."

He half smiled and kissed her head again.

"I love you."

He stood up and turned to the door before faltering and looking back,

"It's okay."

He nodded and rubbed his face before leaving the room.

 

Eponine ran her fingers gently through Grantaire’s hair again. As they watched the incubator. The door opened quietly and Eponine looked up with a smile,

"Hey."

Enjolras smiled tiredly at her and she stood up. She pressed a kiss to his cheek and squeezed his arm.

"Congratulations honey."

"Thank you."

"I'll leave you guys alone."

He nodded and watched her leave before sitting down next to Grantaire. He looked at the boy before them and swallowed hard,

"Where is she?"

"Combeferre's keeping an eye on her for a bit. I needed to come see him."

Grantaire nodded and slid his hand into Enjolras'

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Are you?"

Grantaire shook his head,

"I'm terrified."

The baby moved and they sat up straighter,

"He's alright. He's alright."

"Enjolras..."

"I know."

Grantaire squeezed his hand and rested his head against his arm.

 

"He's doing well. He's responding well to the drugs to help his lungs develop. As you know we've been keeping him asleep and his strength is up because of that. I'd say a few more weeks and he'll be able to go home with you."

Enjolras smiled at the doctor,

"That's amazing. Thank you.....when do you think..."

"You can hold him? I'd say a few more days. We want him to gain a bit more weight before then."

He nodded,

"Right. Right....are we gonna put him on formula or...?"

"We've contacted a woman who provides breast milk."

She chuckled at his expression,

"It's quite common actually, and very popular amongst same sex parents. The women are screened before they express it and we have it for the children in the unit."

"That'll help him?"

"Yes. It'll help them both, if you are interested we can put you in touch with a company that sends it out to you, that way they can both have it at home. How is your daughter?"

"She's good. She's put on two ounces. We've had her on formula the last week and she's taking it well. We just...we want them together you know?"

The doctor put her hand on his arm,

"It won't be this way forever I can assure you. Where's your other half?"

"He's at home with...we've been calling her baby girl....we really should give them names I feel terrible that we haven't."

"Don't worry. The names last forever, it's a big decision. Just let us know when you do decide and we can change the information for them."

He nodded,

"He'll be in later. We just need to find someone to take care of our daughter then he's coming over."

The doctor nodded and checked her notes,

"Well you can tell him that baby boy has put on half an ounce."

"He's a little champ."

"He's a tough one. I'm telling you he is fighting to get better, and once h is there'll be no stopping him."

"I just can't wait to hold him."

"I promise you. As soon as we can we will have you guys cuddling him. It's an important part of healing as well. Plus the bonding...We want you to be able to hold him as soon as possible."

"Thank you doctor."

She smiled at him and touched his arm again,

"Relax. You're doing great. Both of you are."

He smiled again,

"Go see your son."

Enjolras nodded and headed into the small room where his son was sleeping. He kissed his fingers an pressed them to the side of the incubator,

"Hey little guy. It's me, daddy."

He sat down and watched the steady beep of the monitor for a few moments,

"You've put on weight. It's brilliant. You look better. Dad'll be here soon. He told me to tell you he loves you. I love you too."

He watched the baby for a few moments and smiled,

"You really are a handsome little devil. Definitely get that from your dad then."

He chuckled quietly,

"Your sister is doing well. She misses you though. We all do....you'll be home in a few weeks though. And you can meet all your aunties and uncles. And you can see your room. Your dad is decorating it for you. You're gonna love it."

He didn't hear the door open and jumped when the voice came from behind him,

"It's an animal theme."

He turned his head and smiled at Grantaire,

"You scared me."

"Sorry."

He walked over to the incubator and stroked the top of it,

"Hey buddy. You doing alright today?"

"He's put on half an ounce."

"Little chunk."

Enjolras pinched his arm and Grantaire laughed before sitting down and pressing a kiss to Enjolras' shoulder. They sat in silence for a moment and watched the sleeping boy.

"Where is she?"

"Eponine."

"Good."

Enjolras looked down at his hands,

"We need to name them."

"I know."

"Like seriously."

Grantaire smiled.

"Well...I've had a couple of ideas."

 

Courfeyrac picked up the pile of letters from the floor and flicked through them. He stopped on the red envelop and ripped it open. Pulling out the card he smiled. He opened it and pulled out a picture of each of the babies. He walked into the kitchen and passed them to jehan before reading out the words inside,

"Hi guys, just a quick note to introduce you to our beautiful children: Nicholas Alexander and Charlotte Amelia Grantaire."

 

 

 

 

 

 


	53. Chapter 53

Grantaire stared at the glass on the table in front of him and swallowed. He twisted his fingers together and looked down at his lap. The bar was loud, some would say too loud; definitely too loud to hold a conversation. Grantaire found himself grateful for it, he couldn't hear his own thoughts and he liked it. He looked back at the glass before him and sighed. Rubbing his face he went to reach for it and faltered. He dropped his hand and looked around. The woman behind the bar kept glancing at him before looking away again. He looked over at the group in the corner laughing. Chewing his lip he looked over to the others drinking their days away and sniffed. He looked back at his glass and started as he realised there was someone sitting opposite him,

"What are you doing here?"

Grantaire smirked at the man and shrugged,

"Just.....trying to decide how badly I wanna fuck my life up."

"Grantaire?"

Grantaire looked at him,

"I don't know Jehan."

His voice cracked and he cleared his throat,

"I just..."

"How much have you had?"

Grantaire chuckled and ran a hand through his hair,

"None....I...got this one and...That was about an hour ago."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't know what else to do."

Jehan moved the drink out of reach and leaned forward,

"Grantaire....tell me honestly. Have you had a drink?"

Grantaire looked at him and shook his head,

"No. I promise. I've not touched a drop."

Jehan nodded,

"So why are you here?"

He shrugged again,

"Okay. I'm calling Enjolras."

"No please. Don't."

"Where is he?"

"At home."

Grantaire leaned forward and put his head in his hands,

"I was on my way to the hospital and I just....I'm the worst father in the world."

"No you're not. Look at me."

He took Grantaire’s hands in his,

"You're not. You're just scared."

"What if I can't do it? Be a dad."

"You're already a dad. A brilliant dad."

"I left my son alone to go find a drink."

"No. No you came to get me from a bar on the way to seeing your son because you knew how much I wanted to see him."

Grantaire frowned,

"What are you-?"

"Let’s go see your son okay? I'm sure he's looking forward to seeing you."

Grantaire looked at jehan for a minute then nodded.

"What about..?"

"He doesn't need to know a thing. You didn't drink anything so no harm done right?"

"You know that's not true."

Jehan gripped his fingers,

"Come on. Let’s go see Nicholas."

Grantaire closed his eyes and nodded before opening them again and following jehan from the bar.

 

"Did he have any?"

"No. No he just...bought it and sat there. He said he was there an hour before I turned up."

"Shit....did you stay with him?"

"Yeah we went to the hospital."

"How's bub?"

"He's good. He's getting stronger. Put on another two ounces."

"Well that's something."

Jehan bit his lip,

"I'm worried about him."

"Come here."

Courfeyrac put his arms around him and held him, running fingers through his hair,

"He's gonna be alright. If he needs help we'll help him."

"Enjolras is gonna flip."

"No he's not. We won't tell him. No need to unless something actually happens okay?"

Jehan nodded and pressed his face I to Courfeyrac’s shoulder whilst chewing the side of his thumb, Courfeyrac pulled away and looked at him,

"Hey. He'll be alright. He will."

He pressed a kiss to Jehans cheek.

"You're a wonderful friend Jehan Prouvaire."

Jehan smiled,

"You're just saying that because you like me."

Courfeyrac smiled at him,

"I'm saying it because it's the truth."

Jehan nodded,

"Yeah well it's all good until we find him unconscious again in the goddamn road."

Courfeyrac sighed and shrugged,

"It's his decision isn't it? Guess we'll see who he loves more. Booze or his kids."

Jehan shrugged,

"I don't think I can leave him to it. I can't."

Courfeyrac nodded again.

"Okay. Let’s help him. Come on we'll go talk to him."

"He won't wanna hear it."

"Don't care. I'm not losing him and I'm not letting him ruin those kids."

"Courf..."

"No. No okay he did this once. He nearly destroyed Enjolras. It's not fair that he would do that again. I'm not having him destroy him again."

"Courf calm down. We'll go. We'll go come on."

He grabbed Courfeyrac’s hand and led him from the apartment.

 

Grantaire sat back in the chair and began feeding Charlotte. He smiled at the little girl and moved the bottle so she could grab his fingers at the same time,

"Hey beautiful."

The little girl looked up at him before shutting her eyes again.

"You'll be with your daddy later. He's gonna have you through the night. Do you wanna know something? Your daddy is a superhero. He is. He's saved my life so many times. Not that he would tell you. He'd make out that he didn't do anything but he did. You see your dad made some mistakes in his life, and daddy? Well daddy pulled me up and made me see that life is more important. I just hope that he can still do that. I hope he can still save me."

He sighed,

"I hope he can keep doing that. Keep being the strong one. I need him to put that cape on and be a superhero again. And I am so sorry for that. Because I love him. I love him so much. Almost as much as I love you. Yes because I love you more than anything. You and your brother."

He stroked the fingers wrapped around his thumb and smiled,

"Your daddy loves you more than you could ever know. I don't think he's ever loved anyone as much as he loves you. I promise. I don't blame him though. My beautiful girl. How could anyone not fall in love with you?"

He watched her as she finished her bottle and moved her over his shoulder to burp her.

"Good girl. Come on little one. Let’s go call daddy."

Charlotte snuffled in his ear before settling down and falling asleep against him as he carried her downstairs to the front room and placed her in her Moses basket. He picked up his mobile and dialled Enjolras' number.

"Hey."

"Hey handsome."

Grantaire smiled,

"How are my boys doing?"

"We're doing well. He's awake."

"He is?"

"Yeah he's been looking around. Not for long, I mean he's asleep most of the time. But hey good news! We can hold him in a couple days."

"Really? Oh god that's incredible."

Enjolras chuckled down the phone,

"He's a little fighter."

They fell into silence.

"You okay Enjolras?"

"I'm fine."

Grantaire swallowed,

"Do you-"

"I'll be home at about four alright?"

"Yeah."

Enjolras cleared his throat,

"I'll see you later. I love you."

"I love you too."

Grantaire hung up and rubbed his face. He looked over to Charlotte and smiled sadly,

"We'll be alright baby. You know that?"

He was interrupted by the knock on the door, he dropped the phone on the sofa and walked over; finding Courfeyrac and a sheepish looking jehan before him he sighed,

"You told him."

"Sorry I had to."

Grantaire stood aside,

"You better come in then. But just refrain from yelling too loud I just got Charlotte off to sleep."

The two men walked in made their way to the front room where Charlotte was napping. Courfeyrac looked into the Moses basket and smiled at her,

"Hello beautiful."

Jehan sat down slowly on the sofa and watched Grantaire run a Hand through his hair,

"Go on then. Say your piece."

Courfeyrac looked up, his eyes landing on something on the table. He scratched his neck and looked up at Grantaire.

"I was gonna rip you a new one...but..."

Grantaire shrugged,

"But what?"

Courfeyrac looked over again,

"You left your laptop open mate."

Grantaire looked over at it,

"Fuck. It's not what you think."

"Post-partum depression? If you were struggling you should have come to us, we're all here to help you."

Grantaire rubbed his face,

"It's really not-"

"Is that why you wanted to drink? Because you feel so down? It's a normal thing to happen, I mean with your history and you know the stress of a sick kid and not bonding with him."

"It's not me."

"What?"

"I wasn't researching for me."

Jehan looked from one man to another,

"Grantaire..."

Grantaire sat down heavily,

"I don't know what to do."

Courfeyrac frowned,

"I'm sorry but can someone please tell me what the hell is going on?"

Jehan reached out to touch Grantaire’s shoulder,

"It's Enjolras isn't it? You think he has it?"

Grantaire could only nod his head before the first tear fell.


	54. Chapter 54

"Okay. Okay you gotta start from the beginning here."

Grantaire rubbed his nose and fell back into the sofa cushions; he shifted and reached behind him to pull a toy giraffe from under him. He fiddled with the label for a moment before sighing,

"He's just......different."

"Different how?"

"It's hard to explain."

"Try."

"Just. He's not....Enjolras."

Jehan bit his lip and rested a hand on Grantaire’s shoulder. Courfeyrac ran a hand through his hair,

"What do you mean?"

"I can't explain it. It's like..."

"Like he's stressed? Like he's dealing with a lot?"

"Like he regrets it."

The words were barely louder than a whisper but they struck the men hard. Courfeyrac sat back in the chair and looked over at Charlotte.

"Like he regrets having them?"

"He....he doesn't do anything."

"He doesn't help?"

"He doesn't acknowledge her. I've never seen him hold her. Not really. Not since the hospital. There's always an excuse. Always somewhere to be or something to get. He's...ugh I don't know."

"He loves her."

"Does he?"

"Grantaire you don't mean that question. You don't."

"I don't know what to do."

"And that's why you started drinking?"

"I didn't drink. I didn't. I promise."

He sighed and looked at the toy in his hands,

"I don't know what to do."

Courfeyrac looked at jehan for a moment,

"Well first of all you're gonna get off that website. It's just poisoning your mind and making you....clearly paranoid."

Grantaire snorted then looked over to Charlotte. Seeing her still asleep he looked over to Courfeyrac,

"Tell me what to do."

"Talk to him."

"That's gonna be easy. ’Hey Enjolras, I know you're stressed and all but why don't you love your daughter?"

"Maybe not like that."

Grantaire rubbed his face.

"I know he's worried about Nicholas. I know he's....I am too. But Nicholas has doctors and nurses 24 hours a day. Charlotte has us. Just us. And right now....we don't have him. And I miss him. I miss him so damn much."

He moved forward and put his head in his hands. Jehan began to rub his back slowly,

"You need to talk to him. Maybe you got it wrong. I mean...you leave her with him all the time and he has to pick her up and take care of her."

"We're always around."

They looked at Courfeyrac,

"Think about it. There's always one of us around. We're always here. Now that I think about it I can't remember him with her. Not since the hospital anyway."

Jehan threw a glare at Courfeyrac,

"You're mistaken. Of course Enjolras has held her. She's his kid."

Grantaire held up a finger,

"No. No he's right."

He stood up. And began to pace the room,

"What the hell do I do? I can't have them both here and him....what if he never gets over it? What do I do? Take them away? I can't do this on my own. I can't do it. It's too much I can't."

Grantaire began to breathe quickly and Courfeyrac jumped up,

"Grantaire you're okay."

He grabbed Grantaire’s head and made him look him in the eye,

"Listen to me. You're alright just breathe."

Grantaire began to shake his head furiously,

"I can't. I can't."

"Grantaire it's okay. Grantaire? HENRI."

Charlotte began to cry from her basket and Grantaire looked over, his breathing quickened further until he was gasping. His hands reached for Courfeyrac’s shirt and tangled in it,

"Jehan get her."

Jehan scooped her up and held her close,

"Come on baby girl let’s go in here."

He carried her away from the living room leaving the other two men alone.

"Grantaire you need to calm down. Just breathe deeply with me."

Courfeyrac took deep breaths, smiling at Grantaire as he copied him.

"That's it. Good man. Just breathe. You're alright."

Grantaire breathed shakily before breaking down in Courfeyrac’s arms and sobbing,

"Come on. Come on its okay."

Courfeyrac held him close and rubbed his back slowly,

"You're not on your own. You're not."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Shhh it's alright. Just let it go. Let it go."

Grantaire could do nothing but hold Courfeyrac tightly as the sobs wracked through him.

 

Grantaire started slightly at the fingers in his hair and turned round,

"Oh god you scared me."

Enjolras smiled at him and ran his fingers through his hair again,

"Sorry. You just looked so sweet."

Grantaire smiled and looked at him,

"You're home late."

"Yeah sorry I got talking to the doctor."

Grantaire sat up straighter,

"Is everything alright?"

"It's fine. He's fine. I was just being annoying and asking questions."

Grantaire reached up and touched Enjolras' face,

"Are you okay?"

Enjolras nodded.

"I'm fine. Are you?"

Grantaire paused for a moment before nodding. Enjolras leaned down and kissed his lips lightly,

"I'm gonna jump in the shower alright?"

Grantaire nodded and pulled him down for another kiss, Enjolras smiled against his lips before pulling away and walking upstairs. Grantaire sighed and tried to ignore the fact that he hasn't asked about Charlotte. He followed Enjolras upstairs and stood in the doorway of their bedroom watching him as he pulled his shirt off.

"Enjolras?"

The man turned and looked at him,

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Enjolras looked at him for a moment before holding his arm out. Grantaire pushed himself from the doorway and walked over to Enjolras; he pressed his face into his warm chest and wrapped his arms around him. Enjolras hugged him tightly and kissed his head,

"I love you too."

 

Grantaire cleared his throat as the nurse wrapped the blanket around Nicholas before scooping him up and turning to him; Grantaire looked at Enjolras,

"You sure you want me to..?"

"Yeah. Yeah take him."

The nurse smiled at him as she placed the baby in his arms. Grantaire smiled down at him,

"Hiya son."

He brushed his finger gently over Nicholas' hair,

"You're so much more beautiful out of that box."

The nurse chuckled,

"He's doing so well guys."

"He's getting heavy. Almost as heavy as his sister."

Enjolras smirked and pulled his phone out to take a picture. Grantaire leaned down and kissed Nicholas' forehead.

"I can't wait to have you home. So we can have you both together again. My beautiful boy."

He looked over to Enjolras who was staring at Nicholas and swallowing hard.

"Enjolras?"

Enjolras looked at him, his eyes brimming with tears.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

He stood up and ran a hand through his hair,

"I can't do this."

"Enjolras? Enjolras what are you-"

He was cut off as Enjolras turned and left the room. Grantaire stared at the closed door. His mouth hanging open. He swallowed hard and looked at the nurse who was bustling about with papers and trying not to look at him. He looked down at Nicholas in his arms and shut his eyes.

"Do you want to go after him?"

Grantaire opened his eyes and looked at the nurse,

"No. No I wanna stay with him for a bit longer. Is that okay?"

The nurse smiled at him,

"I'll be just outside okay?"

"Thank you."

She squeezed his shoulder and left the room quietly.

 

Grantaire slammed the door shut,

"Enjolras?"

He walked through to the living room and came face to face with Eponine on the sofa feeding Charlotte; Grantaire stopped and stared at her,

"Where is he?"

"He's upstairs. He's pretty upse-"

"I don't give a flying FUCK if he's upset. I'm gonna kill him."

Eponine took the bottle from Charlotte and placed her back in her Moses basket.

"Grantaire. Calm down. What happened?"

"Oh he didn't tell you? Surprise surprise. Has he even looked at her?"

"She was asleep when he came home."

Grantaire rubbed his face,

"That's it. That's it I'm gonna-"

"Gonna what?"

Grantaire turned around to face Enjolras,

"Come on Grantaire. You're gonna what?"

"Don't get pissed at me. Do not turn this around after what you did."

Eponine looked from one man to another and stepped closer to Charlotte,

"You wanna talk about this? Then talk."

"Okay. Okay what should we talk about first? The fact that you left your son or the fact that you don't even acknowledge your daughter."

Enjolras looked at him, his face hard.

"Come on. So eager to talk now talk."

"The hell are you talking about. Of course I acknowledge her. I love her."

"Bullshit. You don't love her."

Enjolras moved forward and pointed his finger at Grantaire,

"Don't you ever. Ever suggest I don't love her."

"Then hold her. Go on. Pick her up."

Enjolras dropped his hand and looked at the ground,

"See? I was right."

"I don't have to prove my love for my daughter by your stupid games."

"Games? You don't even look at her! You're never here to be with her. You would rather be anywhere else but with our child."

"I'm sorry that I'm not at your constant beck and call but in case you've forgotten we have a child in hospital."

"Yeah a child that we have been waiting weeks to even hold. And we finally FINALLY get the chance to and you walk away."

"At least I'm not ditching him to get hammered."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't bullshit me Grantaire you heard me."

Grantaire clenched his jaw,

"Who told you?"

"Doesn't matter. Fact is it happened."

Grantaire stood straighter,

"Fine. Yes I admit it. I went to a bar. I had a weak moment but I didn't drink it."

"Yeah right."

"Believe me or don't I don't really care right now."

"Oh but picking on my faults is alright?"

"Faults? I'm not picking on a bad habit. You're ignoring your children. You spent so long swearing you're nothing like your parents-"

"Don't."

"Yet here you are."

"I am nothing like them."

"Yeah. Yeah you're right. Because at least they paid attention to you enough to be able to neglect you."

The room was silent as the two stared at each other.

"Enjolras...”

"Fuck you."

He turned and began to leave the room. Grantaire stormed after him,

"Yeah that's it leave again. It's all she's used to."

The front door slammed and moments later Charlotte began to scream.

 


	55. Chapter 55

_The room was hot and Grantaire shifted on the rug before leaning back against the bed,_

_"It's too warm in this damn city."_

_"You don't like summer?"_

_"I like summer fine. What I don't like is melting."_

_Enjolras chuckled and passed the roll up back over._

_"Take your shirt off."_

_Grantaire took a drag and smirked,_

_"Well you just jump right to it don't you?"_

_Enjolras put his head back against the bed,_

_"You know what I mean."_

_"Sure I do."_

_Enjolras pushed his arm and laughed as Grantaire took another drag,_

_"I think I can see time."_

_Grantaire choked on the smoke and coughed,_

_"Jesus Christ, two puffs and you're high as a kite."_

_"I'm not high."_

_Grantaire wiped his eyes and looked at Enjolras._

_"What?"_

_Grantaire began to smile as Enjolras burst into laughter._

_"You're such an idiot."_

_"But I'm your idiot."_

_"Are you?"_

_Enjolras looked over to him and reached for his hand,_

_"Am I?"_

_"Well I don't know, I mean we've not been together long."_

_"Maybe not in this life."_

_Grantaire smirked again,_

_"You’re very eloquent when you’re stoned Enjolras."_

_Enjolras turned red and looked at their clasped hands,_

_"You should do talks Grantaire."_

_"Talks?"_

_"Yeah. Speeches."_

_"I should?"_

_"I'd listen to all of them."_

_"You're insane."_

_"You're amazing."_

_"Nah I'm not. Gift of the gab is all."_

_"You're a lot more talented than you give yourself credit for."_

_Grantaire smirked,_

_"You're just saying that cos you kinda like me."_

_"I'm saying it cos it's true."_

_"And you kinda like me."_

_"I kinda love you."_

_Grantaire looked at him for a moment,_

_"What did you just say?"_

_"I...I think I said I love you."_

_They stared at each other in silence for a minute,_

_"Grantaire?"_

_"You love me?"_

_"I think so."_

_Grantaire put the roll up in the ashtray and turned to face him,_

_"You sure?"_

_"What?"_

_"Are you sure you..."_

_"Love you?"_

_"Yeah."_

_Enjolras nodded and moved round to face Grantaire. He put his hands on his knees and leaned in,_

_"I love you. I really love you. I can't explain it properly but....I just know I never wanna kiss anyone else again. I never wanna...sleep with anyone else again. I never wanna tell anyone else that I love them."_

_Grantaire opened his mouth then shut it again,_

_"Say something."_

_Grantaire looked at him with wide eyes,_

_"I....I think I need to call my mum."_

_Enjolras let out a nervous laugh,_

_"Okay?"_

_Grantaire moved to stand up as Enjolras rested on his heels and looked at the floor. Grantaire stopped and returned to him, he grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back,_

_"I forgot to tell you."_

_"What?"_

_"I love you too."_

_"You do?"_

_"I do. I do I really do."_

_Enjolras smiled broadly before tugging Grantaire down by his collar and kissing him._

 

The slamming door made Grantaire jump and he looked round the dark room. He sniffed hard and waited for the bedroom door to open. He heard a crackling over the baby monitor and looked over to it. He scooted over to it as he heard the voice,

"Hey little girl. My beautiful little girl. I'm sorry I yelled earlier. I didn't mean to scare you. I love you so much. I really do. And I'm sorry I haven't been a good daddy lately. But I'm gonna be better I promise. You'll be okay though. Your dad is amazing. And he's too good for me. I'm not....well. And I'm sorry. I don't want you to hate me. Please don't hate me."

Grantaire listened for a moment longer then moved away to the other end of the bed as he heard Enjolras walk toward their bedroom. The door opened and Enjolras entered the room silently. He sat on the other side of the bed to Grantaire and sighed wearily. Grantaire looked over his shoulder at him,

"Where have you been?"

"Out."

Grantaire nodded and looked at his legs,

"I'm sorry for what I said."

Enjolras was silent, making Grantaire unsure if he'd been heard.

"En-"

"I love my children."

"I know you do."

They sat in silence again until Grantaire turned and climbed fully on the bed,

"Thank you for not leaving completely."

"I wasn't gonna leave. We're a family. I'm not walking out on them."

Grantaire winced slightly at the choice of words.

"I'm sorry for comparing you to your parents. That was wrong."

"It's okay. You're right."

"No I'm not. Will you look at me please?"

Enjolras turned his head and looked at him,

"I'm not doing this on purpose Grantaire. I love them so much I'm just...."

"Scared?"

"Yeah."

Grantaire crawled over to him and sat behind him. He wrapped his arms around his shoulders and buried his face between his shoulder blades.

"You don't need to be scared."

Enjolras put his hand over Grantaire’s arms and rubbed his thumb over his skin.

"I know you're here Grantaire and I know I have you. But it doesn't change things. I'm fucking terrified."

"You're a great dad Enjolras. You are."

"No. I'm not. I'm not at all. I don't want them to grow up and hate me. I don't want them to be like me."

"Like you?"

"What if they grow up despising me like I did my parents?"

"They're not going to. They love you. I love you."

Enjolras squeezed his arm again,

"You can't know that."

"I can. I can because you're a million times the person either of them was."

Enjolras sniffed hard,

"Don't leave me. I'm sorry."

Grantaire pressed a kiss to his neck,

"Never gonna happen love. I'm never gonna let you go."

"I'm tired Grantaire. I'm tired of all this...."

"It's late. We should sleep."

Enjolras turned his head again,

"I can't stop needing you. It's not fair."

"Enjolras. It's......if you need me I'm here. We do this together."

"I need you to love me okay?"

Grantaire turned his head with a finger under his chin and kissed him gently.

"I love you. That's never gonna change I swear."

Enjolras nodded and allowed Grantaire to pull him down onto the bed. Grantaire lay behind him; slowly running fingers through his hair until Enjolras was asleep.

 

The crying woke him. He looked over to the other side of the bed and frowned to find it empty. He climbed from the bed and walked to Charlotte's bedroom. He pushed the door open slowly to find her in the crib alone. He looked around the room, his eyes settled on an unopened bottle of formula on the dresser, there was a post it note attached to the front that he grabbed and read,

"You will be fine. Just relax. R."

Enjolras rubbed his face and looked at the crying baby,

"Shh shh shh. I'm gonna call him."

He ran back to his bedroom and grabbed his phone before returning to Charlotte,

"Shhh baby it's alright."

He dialled Grantaire’s number and groaned when it went straight to voicemail,

"Grantaire this isn't funny. Where the fuck are you? Call me back."

He hung up and ran a hand through his hair. He looked back at the crib again as he began to sweat and put the phone down on the dresser,

"Can you just....stop crying? Just stop. Please just stop. Just SHUT UP."

Charlotte started visibly and began to scream louder. Enjolras covered his mouth with his hand as tears pooled in his eyes,

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

He backed up against the wall and slid down it until he was sat on the floor, his knees tucked up against his chest.

"Please stop crying. Please stop."

Charlotte screamed louder, her face turning red as tears poured from her eyes.

"Charlotte please stop. I can't help you. Please baby please."

Charlotte began to cough as her screams continued. Enjolras covered his mouth again and gasped,

"I can't help you. I can't do this."

He watched the girl as she screamed; turning her head she looked at him and he gasped again. He clambered up and darted to the crib. He scooped her up gently and held her to his chest. Charlotte began to fight against him as he cuddled her close; pressing his face into her head,

"I'm sorry. Daddy's sorry baby. I'm sorry I'm sorry."

 

"Grantaire calm down."

"I can't. I can't what if something happens?"

"Sweetheart he's her dad. It'll be fine. He needs to do this."

Grantaire rubbed his face and looked at his phone again.

"Seventeen texts."

"And?"

"He's just saying please. Please. God Ep what have I done?"

"Okay. Okay don't freak out."

Grantaire held his head in his hands and sniffed. Eponine put her arm around his shoulders and hugged him,

"It's okay. She'll be fine."

Grantaire nodded,

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah.....no. I feel guilty for leaving her."

"You shouldn't. She's fine. He will step up."

"I hope so. God I hope so."

The door of the coffee shop opened and Eponine looked up with a smile, she leant in to press a kiss to Grantaire’s head and walked away. Grantaire looked up in time to see his mum standing in the coffee shop.

"Mum? What are you....?"

"My baby boy calls me in tears and you think I'm gonna just stay put?"

He got up and walked over to her, sobs beginning to rise in him as she pulled him into a hug.

"Oh Henri."

"It's such a mess mum."

She pulled away from him and brushed his hair from his face,

"Now look at me. Nothing is a mess. Everything can be fixed. Now, where is Vincent?"

Grantaire wiped his eyes,

"He's at home with Charlotte."

"Okay then you can take me to see Nicholas before we see him."

Grantaire shook his head,

"I can't leave I need to be near the apartment."

"Why?"

"It's a long story and you're probably not gonna like it."

His mum looked at him for a few moments before looking over to Eponine,

"Can I have two coffees dear? I have to have a chat with my son."

Eponine smiled at her and began to make the drinks.

"Henri sit."

They slid into a booth and Catherine took his hands in hers,

"Now. Tell me what happened."

 

"That is a risky game you're playing Henri."

Grantaire stared into his coffee,

"I didn't know what else to do."

"Talk to him."

"Talking does shit."

"Henri!"

Grantaire rubbed his face,

"Sorry. Sorry. Just......look I could talk for hours and he wouldn't change."

"He's a new dad. He's scared"

"I'm a new dad. I'm scared but at least I'm getting in there and actually....being a dad."

"And dropping him in it is gonna make him be a dad is it?"

"It's gonna mean he has to step up. He has to. We have a little girl who needs us. Not to mention a boy who's gonna need so much from both of us. And he runs away. I don't understand how he could do this to his children."

Catherine took his hand again,

"Sweetheart you have to remember that he didn't grow up with parental guidance. Maybe he doesn't have the same paternal instincts as you do."

"Am I a dick?"

Catherine chuckled,

"No love. No you're not. You're a parent and with being a parent comes a whole new world of worry."

"Great."

"It's worth it. It is. Now let’s go see my grandson."

Grantaire smiled,

"He's so beautiful mum."

"Of course he is, he's a Grantaire!"

Grantaire chuckled and reached for his phone again; ignoring the worried smile from his mum.

 

"Oh I can't believe how big he's gotten. And those eyes! He's so lovely. Just perfect."

Grantaire smiled at his mum before unlocking the front door,

"He might be the cutest little boy in the world."

He walked into the hallway and dropped his keys on the table,

"Enjolras?"

He was greeted with silence and felt his heart jump. He looked into the kitchen and found it empty. He turned to Catherine in fear,

"Mum?"

"Okay calm down. He's probably upstairs. You check the other rooms and I'll go look in the bedroom."

Grantaire nodded and made his way into the living room. Catherine took a deep breath and made her way upstairs.

She tapped gently on the bedroom door and opened it,

"Vincent?"

Finding the bedroom empty she turned to the bedroom at the end of the hall. She walked over to it and put her ear to the door. Hearing the music from inside she opened it slowly and stopped at the sight before her. She clasped her hands to her chest; turning as she heard Grantaire running up the stairs,

"Shhh."

"Are they okay?"

She stepped aside,

"They're fine."

Grantaire looked into the room and smiled broadly at the sight. Enjolras was sitting in the rocking chair in the corner with Charlotte asleep on his chest. She had her hand wrapped around one of his fingers as she slept. Enjolras' head had fallen back against the headrest of the chair as he slept as well. Catherine rubbed Grantaire’s back gently,

"I told you he'd be alright."

Grantaire nodded and sniffed,

"He's amazing."

Catherine kissed his cheek,

"Go get him."

Grantaire nodded and waited for her to disappear down the hall before entering the room. He knelt before them and touched Enjolras' knee,

"Sweetheart?"

Enjolras opened his eyes and looked at him; he couldn't hide the smile that tugged at his lips,

"She's asleep."

"I can see that. You okay?"

"I got her to sleep."

Grantaire smiled,

"She looks happy."

Enjolras smiled broadly,

"I can't believe how peaceful she is."

Grantaire chewed his lip for a moment,

"Enjolras?"

Enjolras looked up at him again,

"Yeah?"

"I'm so sorry."

"Why?"

"I'm sorry for doing it like this baby. I'm sorry."

Enjolras looked at Charlotte,

"Don't be. Don't be I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was such a dick."

Grantaire squeezed his knee,

"You're not. You're not at all."

"I love her so much I just....I was so scared that I couldn't...”

"But you did. You did and you did it beautifully."

Enjolras kissed charlottes head,

"Let's get her down. Mums here."

Enjolras nodded,

"I'll be down in a bit. I just wanna..."

"Okay. Take your time. I love you."

Enjolras smiled at him. Grantaire stood up and kissed charlottes head before leaning in and kissing him.

"Are we okay?"

Enjolras nodded,

"Yeah. Yeah we are. I love you too."

Grantaire touched his face,

"You're an amazing dad."

Enjolras smiled at him.

"I'll be down in a minute."

Grantaire nodded before kissing his forehead and leaving them in peace.

 

"Are you okay?"

Enjolras pulled his shirt off and threw it on the chair,

"Yeah. Are you?"

"I feel pretty crap."

"Why?"

"Because of what I did."

Enjolras turned to him,

"What did you do?"

"Today. Leaving you like that."

Enjolras sat on the bed,

"I'm not gonna lie and say I wasn't pissed. I was. I...but you had to. I mean...look I screwed up and I didn't know how to cope and you did the right thing."

"You forgive me?"

"Do you forgive me?"

Grantaire lurched forward and caught his lips in a kiss,

"I have nothing to forgive. You're amazing."

He pressed their foreheads together and sighed,

"I'm so in love with you Enjolras. So much it hurts. And I just....I..."

Enjolras gripped the back of his neck,

"I know. I know. I am too."

"I'm so sorry I doubted you."

"I'm sorry I made you. I think....I think I need to go to the hospital and....with Nicholas."

Grantaire nodded.

"Okay. Okay tomorrow."

"Tomorrow."

Grantaire kissed him again before collapsing onto the blankets beside him. He lifted his arm to allow Enjolras to slide beside him and rest his head on his chest. Grantaire ran his fingers gently through Enjolras' hair as they lay in silence. The sound of the baby monitor filling the room as Charlotte slept peacefully down the hall.

 

 

 

 


	56. Chapter 56

Enjolras awoke first and looked at Grantaire sleeping next to him; he was on his side facing away from him with his fingers tangled around the blanket that he'd pulled from the chair to wrap around himself. Enjolras watched him sleeping for a few minutes before his eyes wandered over to the baby monitor on the night stand. The light was flashing; one of the twins was awake. He climbed carefully from the bed and walked from the room to where his children slept. Standing over the crib he looked down at them, together again at last they slept. Or at least Charlotte did. Nicholas lay watching the mobile with big green eyes. He reminded Enjolras of Grantaire so much it startled him. Never crying, simply watching. Taking everything in. Enjolras smiled down at him and reached into the crib. His fingers stopped for a moment as he took a doubting breath.

"Come on little one. Why are you awake at this time?"

He put Nicholas against his chest and grabbed a cloth from the dresser to drape over his shoulder.

"Shall we get something to eat? Come on."

He carried him quietly downstairs before standing in the kitchen and cradling him as he attempted to feed him. After refusing the bottle for the third time Enjolras sighed and cradled his son, rocking him slowly in his arms.

"Why don't you wanna sleep little man?  You wet?"

He lifted Nicholas and put his nose to his nappy,

"Nah you're fine. So what’s up? You don’t wanna sleep no more? Daddy wants to sleep. Dad is asleep."

Nicholas began to fuss and Enjolras moved from the kitchen to the living room.

"I know what you want but I'm not very good at it. Your dad is much better."

He looked around quickly and sighed again,

"Alright just one okay? I apologise now...”

He took a breath and moved to stand near the window, the barely risen sun sending light into the room as he chewed his lip,

"I don't know which one...to..."

He scrunched his face up and looked down at the boy that was watching him so carefully.

"Just like your dad you know that?"

He smiled down at him,

"He's much better at this whole thing than I am....but I'll give it a go. Just don't expect too much alright?"

Nicholas blinked up at him and gripped Enjolras' finger that was stroking his cheek. Enjolras smiled at him before humming gently, he felt his cheeks burn slightly as he began to slip words between the tune.

_"Little darling it feels like years since it’s been here...here comes the sun...here comes the sun and I say it's alright...."_

Nicholas began to yawn in Enjolras' arms as he rocked him gently along with the song. Eventually his eyes shut and Enjolras smiled before continuing his humming until the baby was fast asleep. He didn't hear Grantaire come downstairs, he didn't hear him as he leant against the doorframe and watched the scene before him with a proud smile. He didn't hear Grantaire turn back and return to bed; leaving them in peace. It was only when Enjolras crawled back into bed and Grantaire wrapped his arms around him that he heard anything,

"Best Dad ever you know that?"

Enjolras turned his head slightly,

"Hmm?"

Grantaire simply pressed a quick kiss to the side of his head and held him tightly for a few minutes before whispering

"I love you."

Enjolras stroked his arm lazily and smiled as he closed his eyes,

"Love you more."

 

"I think you're making this up."

Enjolras balled his shirt and threw it on to the sofa before collapsing into the arm chair,

"Trust me its real. Give me the kid."

Grantaire looked at him for a moment and sighed,

"What if she gets cold?"

"We have blankets. Trust me."

Grantaire shrugged and picked Charlotte up from the Moses basket. He unwrapped her from the blanket leaving her only in her nappy and passed her to the waiting Enjolras.

"Come here little girl."

He sat back in the chair and held her to his bare chest as Grantaire watched. Charlotte gurgled happily before settling down. Her head resting over Enjolras' heart as he rubbed her back gently.

"Seriously Grantaire..."

Grantaire bit his lip and pulled his own shirt off before mimicking Enjolras and holding his son to his chest.

"So...this does what exactly?"

Enjolras looked up,

"It helps bonding. The book said skin to skin contact is really important. Especially for fathers. And considering they were early it'll help them.....and I figured a little more bonding time couldn't hurt."

Grantaire looked at the man and cocked his head to the side. He felt Nicholas shift under his hands and reached for the blanket to cover him.

"Enjolras you've been amazing these last few weeks. Since Nicholas came home...you couldn't be better than you have."

"It's not enough though."

"What do you mean?"

Enjolras looked at him, his fingers brushing gently through charlottes hair,

"I...have a lot to make for is all."

Grantaire smiled at him,

"You're doing great."

Enjolras smiled briefly,

"Thank you."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, bar the laughter when Nicholas made a noise that Grantaire compared to a moose. Enjolras watched Charlotte fall asleep before pulling her blanket over her and kissing her head.

"See?"

Enjolras looked at Grantaire,

"What?"

"She falls asleep for you. She doesn't do it for me."

"Yes she does."

"Nuh uh. She doesn't like me rocking her to sleep."

Enjolras couldn't help the grin that pulled at his lips,

"Really?"

"Are you serious? Enjolras come on. You can do anything. Believe in yourself more. You're amazing."

Enjolras felt his cheeks grow warm he leant closer to Charlotte and whispered loud enough for Grantaire to hear,

"Don't believe a word he says. Your Dad is the best one."

Grantaire stuck his tongue out at him and sat further back into the cushions just as the front door opened,

"Knock knock."

They looked over as Eponine and Combeferre walked in. They stopped  at the sight and Combeferre smirked,

"Well at least it's less disturbing than the last time we walked in on them not fully dressed."

Eponine elbowed him and leant down to give Grantaire a kiss before walking over and doing the same to Enjolras.

"What are you guys doing here?"

Eponine sat on the sofa as Combeferre perched himself against the chair,

"We came to give you guys the night off."

"What?"

Eponine stroked charlottes back,

"We came to babysit so you guys can go out."

Enjolras smiled,

"That's sweet but-"

"Alright."

He looked over at Grantaire,

"R..."

"No come on we should. Just for a bit. It's been months."

"But the babies...”

"Will be fine. Come on husband."

Enjolras groaned,

"Just a couple hours."

Eponine smiled,

"Good boy. Now go get ready."

"Now?"

"Yes. Go."

Combeferre took Nicholas and wrapped him in his blanket. Eponine did the same to Charlotte and stepped away,

"Go. Now."

"But-"

"Enjolras I will hurt you."

Enjolras stood up and raised his hands,

"I'm going I'm going."

Grantaire stood and watched him go before pressing a quick kiss to Eponine’s cheek,

"Thanks."

"Go have fun."

 

"We won't be back late. I have my phone just text if you need anything. Or ring. Actually ring because the -"

"Grantaire they'll be fine."

Enjolras walked into the room fixing his shirt sleeve whilst gripping a toy giraffe,

"Nicholas likes Tony when he sleeps."

Combeferre smirked,

"Tony?"

"The giraffe. What?"

Combeferre shook his head,

"Nothing mate. Nothing just...gimme the toy I'll give it to him."

It took another ten minutes of them fussing before they left and made their way to a restaurant on the other side of town. They sat opposite each other and ordered their drinks.

"You can have a beer if you want."

Enjolras took a sip of his water and frowned,

"I don't."

Grantaire rubbed his nose and took a drink himself. Enjolras reached across the table and rested his hand on top of Grantaire’s with a gentle smile.

"You alright?"

"Yeah...yeah just..."

"Thinking about them?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"Only because it’s what I'm doing as well."

"We really are grown up huh?"

"Come a long way that's for sure."

Grantaire smiled and looked at their hands. Enjolras had laced their fingers together and was stroking his hand with his thumb,

"I love you. You know that right?"

"Of course. Always nice to hear it though."

Enjolras smiled and looked at the menu. Grantaire watched him for a moment before squeezing his fingers gently,

"You are so beautiful."

Enjolras looked up and smirked,

"Excuse me?"

"You're beautiful. And I still cannot believe that you love me."

Enjolras leaned over the table and pressed a kiss to Grantaire’s lips,

"I never had a choice. Never."

He sat back down ignoring the looks he got from the other tables and carried on reading the menu. Grantaire stared at him and squeezed his hand again.

 

As they walked down the road to the cinema Enjolras stopped and pulled Grantaire into an alleyway. Grantaire opened his mouth to protest but was cut off as Enjolras pushed him against the wall and kissed him.

"Mm mm"

Enjolras pulled back slightly,

"Sorry. Sorry. Just....had to..."

He cupped Grantaire’s face in his hands and pressed their foreheads together,

"I love you so much. So so much. My king. My friend. My heart."

Grantaire felt his stomach clench at the words and gripped Enjolras' sides.

"Tell me this isn't a joke."

"What?"

"All of this. This life, this...love. Our family. Tell me I'm awake and you're here and you really love me."

Enjolras surged forward and kissed him again. His kisses moved from Grantaire’s lips to his cheeks, down to his chin and throat then back again before finishing off with a kiss to his nose.

"Never doubt my love for you Grantaire. Doubt whatever else you want but never that."

Grantaire took a shaky breath and nodded.

"They uhm....they think we're going to a movie."

Enjolras trailed his hands from Grantaire’s face to his waist,

"Yeah?"

"They think we'll be in a movie for at least two hours."

Enjolras smirked,

"That's about right."

"There's a motel about five minutes away."

Enjolras smirked and kissed him again,

"Go. Go now."

Grantaire grinned and pushed Enjolras away before grabbing his hand and heading back to the car.

 

"That clerk thought we were mental."

Grantaire pushed Enjolras' shirt from his shoulders and pressed a kiss to his collar bone,

"Hardly surprising considering you manhandled me in the car park."

Grantaire chuckled against his skin as Enjolras fumbled with his shirt.

"I couldn't wait. Feels like it’s been forever."

Enjolras gave up the fight with Grantaire’s shirt and moved on to his zipper. Grantaire stepped back and removed his shirt before grabbing Enjolras by the back of the head and pulling him down into a kiss.

"It's been-"

"Get on the bed."

Grantaire smiled against his lips and climbed onto the bed while Enjolras got his trousers off. He threw them across the room and laughed before pausing,

"Shit. Condom."

Grantaire scratched his neck,

"Call it wishful thinking but uh..."

He pulled his wallet from his pocket and took out the foil packet. Enjolras smirked,

"Always the resourceful one."

"Boy scouts. Told you. Get on the bed."

Enjolras made his way onto the bed before grabbing the man and kissing him again.

 

Grantaire threw his head back and groaned,

"God just do it."

Enjolras smirked and curled his fingers again; pulling a moan from the man writhing beneath him.

"It's been a while. Need to ease you back into it."

Grantaire glared up at him,

"I swear to god if you don't fuck me right now I will walk out."

Enjolras curled his fingers again and pressed open mouth kisses to Grantaire’s throat.

"You sure about that?"

Grantaire bit his lip and gripped his arm tightly.

"Please.....please."

"Shh shh shh shh I got you. I got you."

Enjolras pulled his fingers from Grantaire and grabbed his hips before pushing into him with a slight whimper. Grantaire groaned again and wrapped his legs around Enjolras' waist. Once flush against him Enjolras leaned down to capture his lips in a kiss.

"I love you. I love you."

With one arm wrapped around Enjolras' neck and his other hand pressed against his cheek; Grantaire sucked on his bottom lip before matching Enjolras' movements in desperation.

 

Fingers trailed over his nose as he smiled sleepily.

"I love your nose."

Grantaire grabbed the hand and pressed a light kiss to Enjolras' fingertips,

"It's a bumpy nose."

Enjolras shifted closer and kissed it gently,

"It's a lovely nose."

Grantaire laughed,

"Why the obsession with my nose?"

Enjolras shrugged,

"I just....haven't paid attention to you lately. And I miss you."

"We're always together."

"Yeah but it's always with the kids and about the kids and...I miss you."

"You missing the good old care free days?"

Enjolras smiled,

"No. No I just-"

"Miss me?"

"Yeah."

"I miss you too. I miss this."

"Getting fucked?"

Grantaire laughed,

"Always. But...being close to you. I fucking love you Vincent Enjolras."

"And I fucking love you Henri Grantaire."

Enjolras kissed him again, pausing as his phone rang. He groaned and rolled away to answer it.

"Hey Ep. Yeah sorry. Movie ran late. We're on our way now. They okay?"

Grantaire watched him for a moment and smiled before brushing the hair from Enjolras' face. He was met with a smile as Enjolras hung up.

"We need to get home."

"They okay?"

"They're fine. Eponine might kill us but the babies are fine."

Grantaire smirked and climbed from the bed. Enjolras grabbed his wrist,

"Hey."

Grantaire turned again,

"From now on we make time okay? Not just for sex."

Grantaire nodded and leant down to kiss him.

"Come on. Let’s go get our kids."

 

"So how long will that be?"

Enjolras looked up from his laptop and shifted slightly; Grantaire grabbed the cloth from the table and wiped up the mess that covered Nicholas' face as he attempted to eat yoghurt with his bare hands.

"And that's the whole display?"

Enjolras turned his head and made a face at Charlotte who giggled and slammed her hands on the highchair table. Enjolras looked back at Grantaire and smiled.

"Yeah I'll come down in the morning...no thank you. Thank you yeah. Yeah I'll see you then. Goodbye."

He hung up the phone and looked at Nicholas,

"Yoghurt goes in mouth. Not in hair."

"Grantaire?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you gonna make me beg?"

Grantaire felt his cheeks turn warm and looked at Enjolras,

"They picked my exhibit."

Enjolras paused,

"Are you- oh my god."

He leapt up and pulled Grantaire into a hug.

"I am so proud of you."

Grantaire wrapped his arms around Enjolras' neck and buried his face in his neck.

"This is so amazing. You've worked so hard and...Oh god I'm so proud of you."

Grantaire grinned and pulled away enough to press a kiss to Enjolras' lips.

"You did it. You did it."

Charlotte squealed and Grantaire let out a snort of laughter as he looked at her,

"Thank you baby."

Enjolras kissed him again,

"Big changes for us."

"Big huge ones."

Enjolras grinned,

"So......when do we tell everyone?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	57. Chapter 57

"Sleepy girl. Sleeeeeepy girl."

Enjolras smiled as Charlotte caught his finger turning it into a laugh as she pulled it into her mouth,

"Don't bite daddy. Don't..."

He pulled his finger free and jiggled her on his knee,

"You're not gonna nap are you?"

Charlotte looked up at him and gave him a gummy smile. He kissed her forehead with a chuckle and stood up,

"Shall we find Dad? Shall we? Okay?"

He rested her on his hip and walked toward the bedroom that Grantaire had turned into a studio. He knocked gently and opened the door. Charlotte squealed loudly and Grantaire looked up with a smile,

"Hello gorgeous. Enjolras."

"Oh so funny."

"Where's the other one?"

Enjolras mock gasped and looked at Charlotte,

"Where's Nicky? Where's he gone?"

Grantaire raised an eyebrow,

"He's sleeping. This one wants nothing to do with such a thing."

Grantaire smirked and wiped his hands on a tea towel. Enjolras watched him for a moment,

"How's it going?"

Grantaire looked back at the canvas and sighed,

"Slow."

"It's beautiful."

"Thank you but it's really not. Not yet."

"Confidence remember?"

Grantaire smiled at him and took Charlotte into his arms.

"Now what's all this nonsense about napping?"

Enjolras watched them leave the room and turned to the paintings. Grantaire had been working for weeks to get the exhibit finished. Enjolras looked at the canvas and smiled. He felt the pride swell in his chest as he looked at the hard work around him.

"You coming down?"

He turned and saw Grantaire in the doorway,

"You did not get her to sleep that fast."

Grantaire smirked,

"Didn't I? Okay no I didn't. She's in the crib."

Enjolras looked down; his finger ran over the pages of sketches that covered the desk,

"These.....these are wonderful. Truly."

Grantaire blushed and looked away, Enjolras stepped over to him and took his hands,

"You are an amazing artist. And a wonderful father......and the best lay I've ever had."

Grantaire snorted and laughed,

"You're such a charmer you know that?"

Enjolras put his arms around Grantaire’s neck,

"I don't need to charm you. I got the ring."

Grantaire laughed again and leant up to kiss him.

"Come on."

Enjolras kissed him again before following him downstairs.

 

When Combeferre knocked on the door most of the others had already left. Eponine opened the door and fell into his arms.

"I'm sorry it took so long. I'm so sorry."

Eponine pulled back and looked at him through tear filled eyes,

"Thank you for coming."

"Where are they?"

She wiped her eyes and pointed to the living room. Combeferre kissed her forehead and walked through. Grantaire sat on the sofa staring at the wall. His fingers fiddled with the label on one of the twin’s toys but he never looked at it. Enjolras sat on the floor beneath the window, knees pulled up to his chest he watched Grantaire. His nose twitched as fresh tears made their way silently down his cheeks. Combeferre stopped at the sight and cleared his throat.

"Guys....I....I am so sorry."

Enjolras looked up at him and wiped his eyes;

"You're here."

"I'm sorry I took so long. I had to get someone to have Remy I didn't think it would be...you okay? Stupid question sorry."

Enjolras stood up,

"I should get you a...a drink. Do you want a drink? Grantaire? Can I get you one?"

Grantaire looked up at him and shook his head.

"I can't....I...”

His face crumpled and he began to sob. Enjolras dropped to his knees in front of him and pulled his head to his chest. Grantaire gripped his arms as he sobbed. Combeferre felt his stomach drop and backed out into the kitchen where the others were hanging out. Eponine looked over from her position in the corner where Jehan was hugging her and sighed,

"How are they?"

Combeferre rubbed his face,

"A mess. Grantaire is...."

He shook his head and looked at the floor. Courfeyrac squeezed his shoulder,

"How did it..?"

Courfeyrac sighed,

"They found her in the morning. I don't know all the details but they think it might have been-"

"They think it was murder."

They turned to see Enjolras in the doorway.

"Enjolras..."

"They think she was messing around with people she...."

He wiped the tear from his cheek,

"They think drugs might have been involved. There's no...She was found....too late."

Eponine turned her face back into Jehans chest as she cried.

"Enjolras I'm so sorry."

"Thank you. But it's not me...Grantaire needs us.....excuse me."

He grabbed a cloth from the counter and went back to the living room. Combeferre let out a long breath.

"Where are the kids?"

Courfeyrac scratched his neck,

"Cosette came and got them....Marius is organising tickets to get them to Grantaire’s parents."

Combeferre groaned,

"Oh god his poor parents."

Eponine wiped her eyes and pulled away from Jehan to go to Combeferre. Jehan rubbed his face and reached for Courfeyrac.

"They're gonna be okay aren't they?"

"I hope so. I hope so."

 

"I'm never gonna see her again."

Enjolras brushed the hair from Grantaire’s face and dabbed his hot skin with the cloth.

"I'm never gonna argue with her or call her stupid names or...complain to her. Never gonna hold her or tell her it'll be fine when she breaks up with another boyfriend."

Enjolras held him close, gripping him tightly and pressing kisses to his head.

"She's just...gone."

He shook his head and gasped before sitting up on the bed.

"Are the others still here?"

"No...No they went. It's late."

Grantaire nodded and looked around the room. Enjolras stroked his back slowly before he spoke,

"I should have been better."

Enjolras frowned,

"Better?"

"A better brother. I should have taken care of her. She's my....was my little sister. I didn't look after her."

"Grantaire this isn't your fault. You know that right?"

Grantaire looked over his shoulder,

"I should have protected her."

"How? She was on the other side of the world."

"I should have made her come back. I should have helped her."

His voice cracked and he covered his face with his hands. Enjolras moved forward and pulled him back against him; wrapping his arms around him.

"It's okay....it's okay."

"I feel so guilty."

"Shh shh shh."

He pulled Grantaire back into the bed and nestled behind him; arms still tightly around him. Grantaire leant back and gripped Enjolras.

"I'm so tired."

Enjolras kissed his head,

"Go to sleep."

"Don't leave okay?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

"I love you."

"I love you more."

 

Nicholas fell asleep shortly after they arrived at Grantaire’s parents. Enjolras held him against his chest as Charlotte was passed around for cuddles. He sat next to Grantaire as his son slept; one hand gripped his husbands as the other held his son.

"You doing okay?"

Grantaire watched his mum as she held Charlotte,

"She looks so beautiful in the dress. You made a good choice. The daisy one would have been too happy. It’s better that she wore the red one. Do you think she needs a feed? I have her biscuits in the bag but I don't know what they want to do for dinner I just-"

"Grantaire, she's fine. Just calm down...."

Grantaire looked at him then looked down at Nicholas.

"She never met them."

Enjolras felt his insides crumble as tears sprang to his eyes. Grantaire took his hand back and stood up,

"I'm sorry."

He pushed past his dad and ran up the stairs. Enjolras sniffed, unable to hide the tear that slid down his cheek. He cuddled Nicholas closely and kissed his head. Grantaire’s dad sat beside him and squeezed his shoulder. Enjolras sniffed again,

"I should go see him."

"He'll be fine. There's no booze in this house."

Enjolras looked at him with wide eyes,

"I didn't even think of that."

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed,

"Can you take this one? I should go check on him."

"I would give him a minute."

"Right....right..."

Michael stroked Nicholas' hair gently,

"He's getting big."

Enjolras sniffed and looked down at him,

"Yeah he is. He is doing really well."

"He looks like you."

"Really? I see more of Henri in him."

Michael smiled,

"Guess he's a good mix of you both. Like Charlotte. She's beautiful."

"Thank you."

From across the room Charlotte squealed, breaking the tension in the room for a moment. Michael got up and carried the coffee mugs to the kitchen as Catherine came over with Charlotte.

"There's Daddy. There he is."

Enjolras smiled at the little girl who was putting her arms out to him.

"Hello bug."

Catherine sat next to them with Charlotte in the middle and sighed,

"They're so precious."

Enjolras swallowed hard and took her hand.

"I can't begin to imagine what you're going through right now. And I am so sorry. We're here if you need anything."

She put her hand on Enjolras' face and leant in to kiss his cheek.

"You're a sweet boy Vincent. My son is a lucky one. These children are lucky. Treasure them. Every moment."

Enjolras nodded and smiled sadly as the tears spilled from his eyes.

"She was a wonderful girl."

Catherine put her arm around him and pulled his head to her shoulder,

"Yes she was. And she adored you. And she loved her niece and nephew. Yes you."

She ticked Charlotte under her chin, making the little girl squeal in delight. Catherine laughed quietly,

"We'll get through this. We will."

Nicholas began to stir and Enjolras jiggled him slightly,

"I'm just scared for Henri. He blames himself."

"He always did. He thought he could never do enough. But he'll be fine. He has you, he has his babies....he'll be okay."

"We love him."

"We love you. I love you."

Enjolras looked at her and took her hand;

"I love you too....mum."

She smiled at him before covering her mouth and crying. Enjolras put his arm around her and held her as Charlotte complained between them.

 

Grantaire sat up more as the door opened. His eyes trailed down to the sight of the twins crawling in, followed by Enjolras carrying two mugs. Grantaire smiled at the sight and wipe his eyes.

"Hey."

Enjolras put the mugs down and sat on the bed before lifting each baby on as well. Grantaire smiled at them and stroked Nicholas' head.

"How you doing?"

Grantaire shrugged, smiling sadly as Charlotte clambered up and pushed at his face. He took her hands and kissed them before Enjolras moved her out of the way,

"Not now baby."

"I'm glad I have you guys."

"You always have us."

Grantaire lifted Nicholas onto his lap and sighed,

"I don't know what I'm gonna do after this."

Enjolras settled on the bed and pulled Charlotte toward him,

"You're gonna drink your tea then we are gonna feed these two."

"Yeah I meant-"

"I know what you meant."

Enjolras looked up at him,

"One step at a time okay?"

Grantaire swallowed and nodded, smiling slightly as Nicholas pulled himself up and pressed his hands against Grantaire’s face again. Enjolras stroked his arm,

"And you have us. Every step okay?"

Grantaire smiled again and sniffed before pressing a kiss to his sons head.

"One step at a time kiddo."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. Please don't hate me...it was necessary for the last couple of chapters. Sorry.


	58. Chapter 58

Catherine put a glass in front of Enjolras and rubbed his back,

"How you doing?"

Enjolras smiled at her before looking back out at the beach.

"He's still out there."

Catherine sat beside him and took his hand,

"He'll be okay."

"Will he?"

She sighed,

"It was a tough weekend on everyone. But he'll be okay."

Enjolras felt shame prick his face,

"I'm sorry I haven't even checked up on you. Are you okay?"

She squeezed his hand,

"I'm holding in there. At least I know I don't have to worry about Henri."

Enjolras half smiled,

"No you can leave that to me."

Catherine chuckled gently and they fell into silence, the sound of the waves filling the air.

"Are the kids alright?"

Catherine nodded,

"They're fine. Charlotte fell asleep right after her bottle and Michael is tiring Nicholas out with the cars."

Enjolras nodded and squeezed her fingers,

"I'm gonna go get him."

Catherine stood up and released his hand before pressing a kiss to Enjolras' head.

"We'll be inside."

"Thank you. For everything."

She squeezed his shoulder again before going back inside. Enjolras stood up and picked up his drink before leaving the porch and heading toward Grantaire.

 

Grantaire pulled his knees closer to his chest and stared out at the ocean before him. The same ocean that only hours before they had sprinkled Katie's ashes. He heard the footsteps approach him and looked up to see Enjolras,

"Mind if I join you?"

Grantaire shrugged and turned back to the ocean. Enjolras sat down beside him and offered the glass,

"Tea?"

"No thanks."

"Please? You haven't had anything in a while."

Grantaire took the glass and sipped the drink. Enjolras sat cross legged and watched him for a bit.

"Are you alright?"

Grantaire sighed and leant against Enjolras who in turn put his arm around Grantaire.

"I miss her so much."

"I know you do. I know."

He pressed a kiss to Grantaire’s head before turning back to the water.

"It's beautiful here."

"Yeah....we used to come here when we were little. Mum and dad would...would pack up the car and we would drive down here and....hang out."

"Baby R paddling about?"

Grantaire chuckled,

"I tried to uh...I tried to teach her to surf when she was seven. Damn near drowned her. We weren't allowed near the water after that."

Enjolras laughed and Grantaire rubbed his nose,

"She loved the water."

Enjolras rubbed his arm and noticed how cold he had become. He pulled away and took his hoodie off to drape over Grantaire’s shoulders.

"I love the beach. Makes me think of her. She'd be happy that we laid her to rest here."

Enjolras put his arm back round him,

"She'd love it."

They sat in the sand in silence for a few minutes before Grantaire shifted,

"Where are the kids?"

"Your parents have stolen them."

"Ah. I see."

"Grantaire?"

"Yeah?"

"You're gonna be alright. You will. I love you."

Grantaire sniffed,

"I love you too."

Enjolras took the glass from Grantaire and pulled him closer to his side,

"Come here."

Grantaire wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tightly until the sun went down fully and they had to retreat to the warmth of the house.

 

"I can't believe how beautiful it is."

"I can. He's amazing."

"Well of course you can."

Enjolras shoved Cosette’s shoulder and laughed,

"Not my fault I married a superstar artist."

"Oh shut up you planned it all along."

Enjolras shrugged,

"It doesn't hurt."

Cosette laughed again and turned to see Grantaire talking to a woman in the corner,

"Who's she?"

"Hmm?"

Enjolras turned to look and smiled,

"That's a reporter."

He turned back to Cosette; his chest near to bursting with pride,

"My husband is talking to a reporter about his exhibition."

Cosette smiled,

"Awww look how proud you are."

Enjolras felt the heat in his cheeks and looked back at Grantaire again,

"He's amazing....he's been through so damn much and look at him. He's beautiful."

Cosette smiled at him and rubbed his arm,

"Go get your man. Tell him that."

Enjolras smiled at her and looked back at Grantaire again. He was smiling at the woman before nodding and leaning in to kiss her cheek. The woman touched his arm and wrote something down before walking away. Grantaire watched her for a moment before looking around at the place and stepping back to escape the crowd. Enjolras frowned until his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and found a message,

"You about? Could use a moment."

Enjolras sent a quick reply and excused himself. He left the room and walked down a deserted hallway before finding Grantaire in an alcove.

"Hey you."

He smiled and sat next to him,

"How you doing?"

Grantaire let out a whimper,

"There's so many people."

Enjolras smiled and put an arm around him,

"Doesn't that tell you how brilliant it is?"

"Doesn't stop it being terrifying."

Enjolras smiled again and pulled Grantaire closer,

"Your art is amazing."

Grantaire smiled,

"I'm glad you think so."

"I always think so. The babies think so too."

"Can we still call them babies? I mean now they can talk they're not really babies anymore."

"They're our babies."

Grantaire laughed and pulled away to look at Enjolras,

"Thank you for being here."

"Where else would I be?"

They looked at each other for a moment.

"I never thought I'd be this in love."

"All these years later”

"Ask me again in another ten years."

"Jesus....ten years. I need to upgrade."

Enjolras pinched Grantaire’s ear making him laugh.

"Ahh I'm kidding. I'm kidding."

"More like it."

They kissed again until a laugh from the hallway interrupted them and they sat in silence again.

"I don't enjoy this."

"Hiding with me?"

Grantaire pinched his thigh,

"All these people fawning over me. Makes me uncomfortable."

"They're doing it because they see how talented you are."

Enjolras took his arm from around Grantaire and laced their fingers together,

"Yeah well....I didn't do it for them."

"Who did you do it for?"

Grantaire looked at him,

"Hmm I wonder?"

Enjolras clutched his chest,

"Are you suggesting you did this for me?"

"Never forget how lucky you got with me."

"I believe it's you who's getting lucky tonight."

Grantaire pressed his face into Enjolras' arm.

"You still get me, you know that?"

"I get you?"

Grantaire lifted his head and smiled at him. Enjolras squeezed his hand before leaning in and kissing him.

"I do believe you have a speech to make."

"I don't wanna. I wanna stay here and hide with you."

"Can't do that anymore I'm afraid. Not now you're famous."

Grantaire groaned and put his head on Enjolras' shoulder,

"Why did I decide to do this again?"

"Because you know how hot I find artists."

"Ohh if only I was that smart."

"You are a lot of things Henri Grantaire. Not smart is not one of them."

Grantaire chuckled,

"Fantastic grip on language there."

Enjolras leant in,

"I'd rather have a fantastic grip on something else"

"Enjolras!"

They laughed before Enjolras kissed him again.

"Come on superstar. Speech. Then we can make a break for it."

He stood up and Grantaire tugged his hand,

"Thank you. For being there through everything."

Enjolras pulled him to his feet and pressed a kiss to his lips.

"I love you."

"Love you more."

Enjolras smiled against his lips and kissed him once more,

"Come on. Let’s face your adoring crowd."

 

Grantaire stood at the microphone and took a deep breath he looked out at the crowd and caught Enjolras' eye. Enjolras winked at him and he smiled before tapping the microphone,

"Ladies and gentlemen..."

The crowd fell silent and looked at him; he took another breath before straightening up,

"Ladies and gentlemen, I wanted to start by saying thank you for coming out tonight. It's great to see you all. So thank you."

The crowd broke into applause and Grantaire blushed. He waited for them to stop before clearing his throat,

"I don't do this public speaking thing very often. So I'll keep it brief. I just wanted to say a couple words about the pieces on show. Uhm...they've been asking me all night about inspiration and I gave the usual spiel of...love and the world...but truthfully...truthfully it was loss that inspired this."

He cleared his throat again,

"Two years ago I lost my sister, her passing was...tough. On all of our family...but her love of life and her joy in everything helped create what you see today. The uh...the funds from everything we sell here is gonna go to her favourite charities so feel free to go nuts."

The audience laughed and he smiled,

"I just- before I leave you guys to it- wanted to say thank you to all my friends who have suffered through my disappearing to paint and complaining about it for months. You guys have been my rock...so thank you. But I especially wanna say thank you to my biggest inspiration in life. The uh...the reason I'm able to stand here today actually. I know I tell you I love you every day but I just need you to know that there is no way in hell I could ever do this without you in my life. You and our children are the reason I wake up. Thank you."

Enjolras smiled at him and mouthed 'I love you' before Grantaire turned back to the rest of the crowd,

"Everyone just...have fun and enjoy the food and the art and thanks for coming out. Cheers."

He raised his bottle of water as the audience clapped again and made his way off the stage. He was stopped a few more times as he made his way to his friends before finding them and sliding next to Enjolras to take his hand. Enjolras leant in to kiss his temple,

"You did well."

"Aah I hate public speaking."

"You did wonderfully."

Grantaire blushed and rubbed his nose,

"Thank you."

Enjolras chuckled and kissed his head again before returning to his conversation with Combeferre. Grantaire looked at his friends and smiled. His thoughts turned to Katie and when Enjolras tapped his shoulder he had no idea how much time had passed,

"Grantaire?"

"Mm?"

"Shall we make our escape?"

"Oh. Yeah."

"Where were you?"

Grantaire shrugged,

"I was just thinking."

"About Katie?"

Grantaire nodded,

"Yeah....I wish she was here."

Enjolras wrapped his arms around him,

"She is. She's always around."

"You don't believe in that kind-"

"She would never leave you. I know that. And she would be so proud of you."

Grantaire smiled and pressed his face into Enjolras' chest.

"Let’s go home."

Grantaire nodded and pulled away,

"Yeah. Let’s go home."

 

After sending the babysitter home and tucking Nicholas back in after he heard their voices and tried to sneak downstairs; Enjolras made his way into the bedroom and flopped onto the bed.

"That boy does not enjoy sleeping."

Grantaire chuckled as he hung his suit jacket up and unbuttoned his shirt.

"Takes after you then."

Enjolras propped himself up on his elbows and watched Grantaire.

"Hey. Famous artist. Painter extraordinaire."

Grantaire smirked and turned to the wardrobe before unbuckling his belt. Enjolras licked his lips and pulled at his tie,

"Oi."

Grantaire looked back at him again,

"What?"

Enjolras gestured at him to come over all the while pulling his tie off completely,

"Come here."

Grantaire walked over,

"What?"

Enjolras sat up more and put his hand out,

"Come see me."

"I can see you."

Grantaire took his hand and bent down to press a kiss to him palm before climbing onto the bed and straddling Enjolras as he pushed the jacket off his shoulders and began unbuttoning his shirt as well,

"As I am now a....famous artist...and you are in my bed, about to get..."

Grantaire rocked his hips pulling a breathy laugh from Enjolras,

"..Fucked. Does that make you my groupie?"

Enjolras bit his lip and lifted his hips to help his shirt off.

"Do you want a groupie?"

"Only if they're as fuckable as you."

Enjolras smiled and tipped his head back as Grantaire began pressing kisses to his throat.

"I had better be the only one you find fuckable."

Grantaire lifted his head and raised an eyebrow,

"You seriously suggesting that I would notice anyone else?"

Enjolras grinned up at him and raised his hips again.

"I have one more question."

"Oh?"

He pulled grantaire down close and brushed their lips together gently,

"Who said I was the one getting fucked?"

Grantaire chuckled against his lips before gasping as Enjolras flipped them over and kissed him hard.

 

Enjolras ran his fingers down Grantaire’s back and moved closer to press a kiss to his nose. Grantaire moved his hand to run his own fingers through Enjolras' hair,

"I miss your long hair."

"I haven't had long hair in years."

Grantaire smiled again and put his hand on Enjolras' face.

"Thank you."

"Stop thanking me I haven't done anything."

"Enjolras you saved my life. You gave me reason. You made me a man worthy of-"

Enjolras cut him off with a kiss,

"You can't give me credit for that."

"But it's true."

Enjolras shook his head and trailed his fingers back down Grantaire’s bare back again. Grantaire moved closer still until there was no space between them at all,

"I'm gonna love you forever."

Enjolras smiled and kissed him again,

"You better."

Grantaire sighed contentedly and rested his hand on the back of Enjolras' neck. A few minutes passed before Enjolras pulled away and climbed from the bed,

"What do you think you're doing?"

Enjolras grabbed his boxers from the floor and pulled them on.

"I'm putting underwear on?"

"Why?"

Enjolras chuckled as he got back under the covers,

"Because I can guarantee with such certainty that I ought to put money on it that one or both of our children will wake us up within the next three hours and I am not that comfortable with taking them back to bed in all my glory."

Grantaire laughed and rolled on to his back to climb from the bed and do the same.

 

Enjolras opened his eyes slowly and couldn't help the smile before he frowned,

"Baby why are you out of bed?"

Charlotte grabbed his hand,

"Daddy take me swimming."

Enjolras forced himself to wake up fully,

"I can't take you swimming baby it's still night time."

"I want to get up."

Enjolras yawned as he sat up and climbed from the bed. Charlotte put her arms up and he picked her up, he looked at Grantaire then turned back to Charlotte with a finger on his lips,

"Have to be quiet. Dads still asleep."

Charlotte mimicked him with a 'ssshh' and Enjolras felt his heart skip.

"Need to go back to bed for a bit okay?"

Charlotte shook her head as Enjolras took her from the room and down the hall,

"No daddy."

"Yes baby."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder. Enjolras sighed and kissed her head,

"How about daddy give you cuddles for a bit then you go back to sleep?"

Charlotte pulled away and nodded.

"Okay...don't tell Dad that I keep letting you do this."

Charlotte shook her head and smiled,

"Yeah you little pickle. Come on then."

He grabbed a throw from the closet and made his way downstairs into the living room.

"Daddy put numbers on."

"Will you go to sleep?"

"Yes."

Enjolras sat down on the sofa and moved Charlotte so she was lying with her back on his chest. He covered them both with the throw and turned the TV on. He put the volume right down and searched for the news channel, leaving it on the stocks programme. Charlotte settled as he put his arm around her and kissed her head again. She lifted one hand to put behind her head as she popped her thumb in her mouth, she stopped and looked up at Enjolras,

"Daddy go swimming later?"

"We'll see baby. We have stuff to do today. Go back to sleep."

Charlotte nodded,

"Okay we can decide later."

Enjolras grinned and kissed her mop of brown curls before settling back in the sofa and hugging her tightly.

 

"Daddy. Daddy wake up."

Enjolras groaned,

"Charlotte baby go back to sleep."

"I'm not Charlotte."

Enjolras opened his eyes to find his arms empty and Nicholas pressing his hands to his face. He smiled and reached out to him,

"You sure you're not Charlotte?"

"Nooo daddy!"

Enjolras pulled him onto his lap and kissed his cheeks,

"What are you doing up monster?"

Nicholas pushed him away and sat up,

"Dad said its 8:15 and if you want pancakes then get your butt up."

Enjolras mock gasped,

"Dad said that? Well we'll have to have words with him."

He grabbed Nicholas and stood up, the chill that came from only wearing boxers hit him and he shivered. He carried Nicholas into the kitchen and smiled at the sight of Charlotte at the table; her legs swinging as she ate her pancakes. Enjolras put Nicholas down on a chair and moved over to Grantaire. He wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed the back of his neck.

"Morning love."

Grantaire smirked and put his hand behind his to touch the back of Enjolras' head,

"You need to stop letting her wrap you round her little finger."

"You try saying no to her."

Grantaire turned his head and kissed him quickly.

"Pancakes in five minutes. Go get dressed."

"Yes sir."

"Don't sass me boy."

Enjolras laughed and kissed him again before turning away. He stopped and kissed Charlottes head before heading up to dress. Grantaire put pancakes on a plate and began cutting them up for Nicholas, the ringing phone interrupted him and he put the plate in front of his son before answering it,

"Hello?"

"Henri its Julia from the gallery."

"Julia of course hi. How are you?"

"I'm good I'm good. I hope I didn't wake you."

Grantaire chuckled and tapped the table to get Nicholas' attention back on his breakfast,

"I have two three year olds, I am always awake."

Julia laughed,

"Well I hope you're already having a good morning because I have some good news, we sold eight pieces last night."

"Really? Wow. That's...wow."

"I've been reading some of the reviews, they're good. Really good. So I think you should think about what we discussed before. About the gallery on the coast."

Grantaire stopped and leant against the counter,

"That's a pretty big decision."

"You take your time. I just wanted to let you know. Give me a call later, have a good day and congratulations."

"Thank you. Really thank you. I’ll talk to you later. Bye Julia."

"Bye Henri."

Grantaire hung up and let out a long breath. He watched the kids eating for a moment then turned back to make more food.

 

 


	59. Chapter 59

"You want juice or milk?"

Charlotte didn't look up from her colouring and Enjolras cocked his head,

"Baby?"

"Yes?"

"You want milk or juice?"

"Where's Dad?"

Enjolras sighed,

"He is...working. You know that."

"He was going to read to me."

"Well I'll read to you."

Charlotte looked up at him,

"Can I have orange juice?"

"Of course."

She carried on colouring as Enjolras poured her drink. He put it on the table and looked at the picture,

"That's brilliant."

She smiled and put her crayons down,

"Do you want it?"

"Is it for me?"

"Yes."

"Then I'd love it."

He kissed the top of her head and went to the counter to pour another drink.

"Nicky!"

Nicholas walked in and put his arms up to Enjolras. He picked him up and smiled at him,

"You okay?"

Nicholas rested his head against Enjolras' shoulder and hugged him,

"I don't feel well."

"What's wrong?"

"My tummy hurts."

"And why's that?"

Nicholas pushed his face into Enjolras' neck,

"Can I sleep in your bed tonight?"

"But where would Dad sleep?"

Charlotte picked up her crayons and started colouring again,

"Dads not here."

Enjolras looked at her for a moment and sighed,

"Come on Nicky. I'll get you a drink."

He put his son onto the chair and got him a drink. He watched his children for a moment before pulling his phone out.

_"Are you coming home any time soon?"_

_"I'm working. I told you. I'll be home later."_

_"I'll just put them to bed then. I'm sure you'll see them at some point."_

_"What do you mean by that?"_

Enjolras turned the phone off and threw it aside. He turned and looked at the twins as they watched him.

"What's the matter Daddy?"

"Nothing baby. You finished with your drinks?"

"Yeah. Can we watch Tangled?"

"You gotta have a bath first."

"Okay."

They climbed from the table and ran laughing into the living room. Enjolras tidied up and rubbed his face. He looked down at his hands and twisted his wedding ring round his finger.

"Daddy!"

He looked over to the door and smiled at Charlotte,

"What's the matter?"

"Nicky won't let me play with the cars."

Enjolras smiled at her and held his hand out,

"Come on. It's time for a bath anyway."

 

Enjolras closed the book and looked down at the twins. Nicholas had fallen asleep near the beginning and was stretched out across the pillow; Charlotte was looking up at Enjolras with her thumb in her mouth.

"Time to go to sleep now baby."

She nodded and shimmied down into the covers. Enjolras leant over and kissed her head,

"Night night. I love you."

"Love you daddy."

He stroked her hair and kissed her forehead again before scooping Nicholas into his arms and carrying him to the other bed.

"Daddy?"

"Shh shh little man. Bed time."

He put Nicholas under the covers and kissed his head,

"I love you."

"Love you daddy."

He put the night light on and went to the door,

"Eyes closed kids. Keep them shut."

He turned the lamp off and closed the door slowly. He rubbed his face and made his way back downstairs. He leant against the counter in the kitchen and looked at the phone in the corner. He chewed his lip for a moment then picked it up and turned it on. Within two minutes he had received 14 messages.

_"Enjolras?"_

_"You ignoring me now? That's brilliant."_

_"You've seriously turned your phone off?"_

_"You're being ridiculous. Why are you so pissed?"_

_"This isn't funny answer the goddamn phone."_

_"You know what? This is stupid. I'm working I don't have time for your hissy fits."_

_"Being immature is a real good way to prove your point."_

_"Fuck you Enjolras."_

_"Enjolras turn on your fucking phone."_

_"You're not gonna answer the landline either?"_

_"The fuck is your problem?"_

_"I will not feel bad for working on my career."_

_"Is this really your idea of punishment?"_

_"You're an asshole. Go to hell."_

He shook his head and scoffed.

"Fourteen messages. Good use of time R."

He dropped the phone on the side again and sighed. He stared into space for a few moments before letting out a long breath. He left the kitchen and went to clean up the toys from the living room.

 

The words in front of him were beginning to blur and Enjolras was tired. He took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. The noise of the car arriving distracted him and he sighed again,

"Round two."

He sat up and pulled another essay toward him. He waited for the door to open; his skin prickling with annoyance. He didn't look up when the door opened. Grantaire didn't say anything. Just dropped his bag on the floor and pulled his hoodie off.

"Kids asleep?"

"It’s 10:45 what do you think?"

"Okay seriously what is it?"

Enjolras shook his head and turned the page of the essay.

"Enjolras?"

He dropped the paper on the desk and turned around in the chair,

"What?"

Grantaire held his hands up,

"Why are you so pissed? I told you I was working tonight."

"When was the last time you put the kids to bed? Bathed them? Read to them?"

Grantaire faltered and Enjolras shook his head,

"It's been nearly a month."

"No...No it hasn't."

"28 days. And the time before that? It was six weeks. And before that? Another month."

"What so because I'm not always here for bedtime I don't love my kids? Loads of parents are working in the evenings."

"Do you even know what they're in to right now?"

"Of course I do."

"Go on."

Grantaire sighed,

"Charlotte is obsessed with The Little Mermaid and Nicholas loves robots."

"Wrong. It's Tangled and Nicholas hasn't played with his robots in ages."

Grantaire sighed,

"Does it matter? Really?"

"Does it matter? They're your kids!"

"I'm sorry that I'm busy trying to make a life for us."

"Oh shut up you know that's not the problem here."

"Then what is? What is the problem Enjolras? Because I am struggling to see what I've done wrong."

"You're never here. Ever. I get that you have these shows but you know what else you have? Assistants. And managers and interns and you have a family. I mean what the fuck are you doing that keeps you there until the middle of the night?"

"I am working."

"Are you sleeping with someone else? Is that what it is?"

"How can you even ask me that?"

Enjolras shrugged,

"What else am I supposed to think?"

"That I am working my ass off to make a future for them."

"You think they're gonna give a shit when they forget who you are?"

Grantaire shook his head,

"It is not fair that you are mad at me. I never got mad at you for working so hard."

"We didn't have children then. I changed my job to suit them because they are all that matters. Them. Not you and your fucking pictures."

"Fuck you."

Enjolras walked to the chest of drawers and leant against it,

"I don't know what to do anymore Grantaire. I mean do you even want this?"

"What do you mean?"

"This. This life. Because you are doing everything to stay away from here. So I have to presume that you don't want it."

Grantaire looked at the floor,

"I am finally making a name for myself and you're making me feel like shit for it."

"I'm trying to get through to you. If it was a one off then fine. Hell if it was just you and me then fine. But they don't deserve this."

"So now you're guilt tripping me? That's fair. Playing all high and mighty like you're parent of the year. You didn't even hold your daughter for the first weeks of her life."

Enjolras snapped in shock,

"That is not fair."

"Oh and basically saying that I neglect my children is?"

"You're the one who doesn't come home!"

"I'M WORKING."

"FUCK YOU AND YOUR WORKING. YOU'RE AVOIDING THIS BECAUSE YOU REALISED ITS A LOT HARDER THAN YOU WANTED."

Grantaire stepped back and crossed his arms,

"You're an asshole."

Enjolras nodded,

"Probably. But at least I'm here."

"You think I don't wanna be?"

"You tell me Grantaire."

He looked at Enjolras for a minute then looked away. Enjolras shook his head and stood up straight,

"What do you want Grantaire? You want permission? You want me to tell you to stay away? Fine. Fuck off Grantaire. Just take your stuff and fuck off."

Grantaire frowned,

"I'm not going anywhere. I love them."

Enjolras watched him for a moment; he could feel tears prick at his eyes and wanted to get out of the room before they fell.

"You love them."

"Yes. They're my children I love them. I'm not going anywhere."

Enjolras nodded and rubbed his face.

"You love them. Good to know."

He turned and left the room, leaving Grantaire standing alone.

 

"You just left?"

"I slept in the spare room."

Eponine put her mug down and rubbed his arm,

"Have you spoken to him today?"

"He's at work. Surprise surprise."

Enjolras looked over to the twins as they played in the corner,

"Do you think I was too harsh?"

"You had a valid point. I can't remember the last time I saw him so god knows what it's like for them."

"I don't want them to hate me for this. Or hate him."

"And you? Do you hate him?"

"No. No I'm in love with him. I just....I can't seem to make him understand. This is our life you know we're not 20 anymore we have responsibilities. We have two children who need us. He hasn't been to Nicholas' hospital appointments the last three times. I know he's making a name for himself I know that he's found something he's amazing at and god knows I support him. I do. And I'm so proud of him it's just...."

He put his head in his hands and sighed. Eponine rubbed his back and smiled at the twins,

"Daddy what's wrong?"

Enjolras looked up,

"Nothing baby don't worry."

"Does your tummy hurt?"

He smiled at Nicholas and held his arms out to them both. They clambered up onto his lap and he hugged them,

"I love you two, you know that?"

"Love you too daddy."

"Love you daddy."

He kissed their heads and sat back. Charlotte climbed from his lap and returned to the toys as Nicholas settled down on Enjolras' lap and stuck his thumb in his mouth. Eponine ran her finger through Enjolras' hair and smiled,

"You two will make it up. You will."

"I don't know."

He wrapped his arms around Nicholas and looked at his friend,

"He said he loved them."

"Well that's good."

"He said he'd stay because he loved them. Them."

"Oh....ohhh. Oh honey you know he loves you."

"Does he?"

Eponine put her arm around him and kissed his head,

"You know he does. He loves you more than anything."

"I'm starting to doubt that."

Eponine rubbed his arm and smiled at Nicholas.

"You're gonna make up. You will. Look at what you had to go through to get to this point. You've gone through ten years of hell and you're gonna be fine."

"I hope so."

She pressed their heads together and rubbed his arm again.

"I'm here if you need me."

"I know. Thank you."

"No problem."

 

Enjolras opened the door and let himself in. He dropped his keys on the table and took his jacket off.

"Hey."

He turned around and looked at Grantaire in the doorway.

"Shouldn't you be at the gallery?"

"They can manage."

"Hmm."

He turned back and flipped the kettle on,

"The kids around?"

"No...Combeferre picked them up. They're having a sleep over."

Enjolras turned his head,

"You didn't think to tell me about that?"

"I figured it wouldn't matter, I mean...it’s Combeferre."

"Should have told me."

Grantaire pinched the bridge of his nose and shifted on his feet,

"I don't wanna fight Enjolras. I organised it so we could talk."

"Talk."

He turned back and grabbed a mug,

"Talk about what Grantaire?"

"Talk about us."

Enjolras paused for a moment,

"So there is still an us then."

"Of course. Why would you.....look I've even thinking so much the last three days."

"Thinking about what?"

"I was thinking about what an asshole I am."

Enjolras turned to him again,

"Go on."

"I acted like a dick. I did and...I have no words really."

"Well that's certainly a well thought out-"

Grantaire walked forward and wrapped his arms around Enjolras' neck. Enjolras froze for a moment before hugging him back,

"I'm sorry Enjolras. I'm sorry I've been such a shit. I just got carried away with everything and everyone telling me how wonderful it was. I didn't mean to hurt you or hurt the kids."

He pulled back,

"I love you Enjolras. I love you more than anything. And I didn't mean anything by not saying it I just....I was angry and I wanted to hurt you and that was shitty. I love you. I love you so much."

Enjolras nodded and looked down,

"Please don't hate me. Please don't say that we're over."

"We're not over."

Grantaire felt his heart skip,

"I am sorry."

Enjolras nodded again,

"Me too. I was an asshole to you. I know you love the kids. You're a great dad you are."

"You're better though. You know them. I fuck up at every turn. I gave Nicholas black current juice and he cried."

"It's what he gets at the hospital he doesn't like it."

"See? I'm not a good dad. I need to fix it."

"Just spend time with them."

Grantaire lifted a hand and put it to Enjolras' face,

"I got carried away with this life. I had so many people all the time telling me how wonderful it was that I forgot. I forgot the life I had here. It’s not because it’s harder than I thought I just.....when I was there I wasn’t just a dad."

"You’re not just a dad. No one sees you like that."

"I do. You’re so good with them. you have this career and you come home and you watch the movies they like and you know what they drink and I was....I don’t know...jealous I guess and I brought up things I shouldn’t have and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry."

Enjolras gripped him tightly and leant into the touch on his face.

"It's okay."

"No it's not. I lay awake the other night and I realised that I am so close to losing you. And it terrified me. So I told them...the gallery I told them that I'm done. This show is ready in a few days and then I'm done. No more. I'm gonna get another job. Maybe the one down the road and I'm gonna be here okay?"

Enjolras paused,

"You...you want that?"

"I want you. I want our family. I want this life."

"Really?"

"Enjolras I love you. I love our family. I want this. I don't want to sleep alone because we're mad at each other."

"I'm not mad at you. I'm so unbelievably proud of the work you've done I just....I miss you."

"I miss you too."

"I'm sorry Grantaire. I'm sorry I was an asshole too. If you don't want to quit you don't have to."

"I do want to. I wanna be a dad. I want to be a husband. Your husband."

Enjolras leaned in and kissed him; Grantaire wrapped his arms around his neck more tightly and deepened the kiss. Enjolras' hands gripped his hips and turned them around so he could press Grantaire up against the counter,

"God I've missed you."

"I've missed you too."

"Don't leave again."

"I won't. I won't. I love you."

Enjolras kissed him in earnest; pulling away long enough to pull at Grantaire’s shirt,

"I want you so much. Do you....want to....?”

Grantaire gripped the back of Enjolras' neck and pulled him down,

"You have no idea how much I want you. I've never wanted anyone else. I promise."

Enjolras nodded and kissed him again. He pulled at his own shirt and removed it; throwing it behind him. They tried to unzip each other’s jeans before Enjolras stopped them,

"Wait wait....what are we doing?"

Grantaire froze,

"What's wrong? Don't you want to...?"

"Our children eat in here."

"So..."

Enjolras kicked his shoes off,

"Bedroom. We're not animals."

Grantaire grinned at him and lurched forward to kiss him again.

"Take me to bed."

"Yeah. Yeah."

He pulled away and headed upstairs with Grantaire on his heels.

 

Once in the bedroom Grantaire pushed Enjolras down onto the bed and climbed onto his lap,

"You're so amazing. So beautiful."

Enjolras pushed his hands up Grantaire’s thighs,

"I can't believe how wonderful you are. Such a wonderful man. You save me all the time. From the very start. What do I do? What do I do to show you I owe you everything? What can I do to make you happy?"

Enjolras cupped his face and brushed their noses together,

"Love me. Love me forever."

"I do. I do. I love you. I love you so much."

He pushed Enjolras back into the bed and kissed him. He sat back up and climbed off the bed to pull Enjolras' jeans down and throw them to the floor. Enjolras propped himself up on his elbows and watched as Grantaire removed his own and stood before him,

"Hey."

"Yeah?"

"Do you ever think about how many times we've had sex over the years?"

Grantaire froze and frowned,

"Uh.....no? Do you?"

"No not.....I was just thinking..."

"What?"

Enjolras sat up and pulled Grantaire close so he could press kisses to Grantaire’s stomach. Grantaire ran his fingers through Enjolras' hair with a grin. The man looked up at him,

"I was just thinking that nearly ten years later and you still make me feel like this...still make my heart skip."

"Really?"

"Make love to me."

"Yes sir."

 

Enjolras closed his eyes and smiled at the feel of Grantaire wrapped around him. Their fingers entwined on Enjolras' chest as Grantaire pressed another kiss to his collar bone.

"You okay?"

Enjolras carded his free hand through Grantaire’s hair and smiled at him,

"I'm fine. You?"

"Wonderful. It's been a while."

"Too long."

"I'm really sorry Enjolras."

"S'forgotten. We're good."

Grantaire sat up and kissed him,

"I love you."

Enjolras tucked a sweat drenched curl behind Grantaire’s ear,

"I love you more."

Grantaire smiled and lay back down, his head pressed against Enjolras' chest.

"I'm yours forever. You're the most important thing in the world. You know that right?"

Enjolras wrapped his arms around him and leaned down to kiss his head,

"You're the same to me."

 

"Grantaire?"

"I'm up- shit ow- I'm up here."

Enjolras climbed the stairs and stood at the top,

"Why on earth are you in the attic?"

"I had to-ow- I had to get some paperwork."

"You okay?"

"Uh huh."

"Okay....you gonna come back down?"

"Yeah lemme just find the file and I'll come down."

"We're making cookies."

"Okay."

Enjolras turned and went back downstairs. He walked into the kitchen and smiled at the twins,

"You two okay?"

"Yeah! Let’s make cookies!"

Nicholas stuck his arms up to Enjolras,

"Daddy."

Enjolras picked him up and carried him on his hip,

"You're getting too big to carry round the entire time buddy."

"No. I wanna."

Enjolras chuckled and leant against the counter,

"You doing colouring?"

"Yes."

"You making Dad a picture?"

"I'm making me a picture."

Enjolras looked at her for a moment then burst out laughing. Nicholas looked at him and covered his mouth with a hand,

"You laugh too loud daddy."

He blew a raspberry on Nicholas' hand making him laugh,

"Oh I'm sorry."

He pulled a chair out and sat down. Nicholas wrapped his arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.

"Hey E look what I found."

Charlotte looked up and smiled at Grantaire,

"E?"

"Daddy then."

Grantaire stuck his tongue out at her and sat next to Enjolras,

"Here."

Enjolras took the envelope from his hand and looked down at it,

"Oh my god. I didn't even know I still had this."

"What is it?"

Enjolras looked at Charlotte for a moment and tapped Nicholas' shoulder,

"Go to your dad for a minute bud."

Nicholas climbed from Enjolras' lap and onto Grantaire’s.

"Daddy what is it?"

Enjolras turned the envelope over in his fingers,

"It's uh....it's a letter your dad wrote to me a few years ago."

"Why did you write letters?"

"Because we were apart for a bit and he wrote me a letter."

He took the letter from the envelope and unfolded it.

"Did you write him back?"

"No actually I didn't."

"Why not?"

Grantaire reached out and stroked her hair,

"Because he came to talk to me in person instead."

"Then what happened?"

"Then we got back together and we were happy."

"Are you happy now?"

"Of course."

"I'm happy too."

"That's the important thing."

Enjolras read the letter to himself and smiled.

"I can't believe you found this."

"I can't believe you kept it."

"Of course I kept it."

"Enjolras..."

"Yeah?"

"It's still the truth you know. Even after....everything. I'm still in."

Enjolras reached out and took his hand,

"Me too. Always. I love you."

"Love you more."

Grantaire smiled then kissed the top of Nicholas' head.

"And I love you."

He looked at Charlotte and touched her nose,

"And I love you."

She smiled at him and carried on colouring in. Enjolras took a deep breath and put the letter back.

"What time do you need to go tonight?"

"Starts at 7. But I actually need to go soon. Still got some things to sort out."

Grantaire looked at the table and rubbed Nicholas' back,

"Is that....is that okay?"

Enjolras shrugged,

"Sure."

"Okay...."

Enjolras watched him for a moment then cleared his throat,

"Let's bake cookies."

He tucked the letter into his pocket before helping the kids wash their hands.

 

"When's dad coming home?"

"He's got the opening tonight. You'll see him tomorrow."

"Will you read to us?"

"Of course. Which book?"

Nicholas sat up,

"I want the dinosaur book!"

"No Nicholas we had that one."

"Hansel and Gretel!"

"Yeah Hansel and Gretel!"

Enjolras laughed and tucked the blanket around them,

"Alright settle down. Hansel and Gretel it is."

He pulled the book from the shelf and sat down on the bed,

"Okay, you ready? Once upon a time..."

 

He closed their door and leant against it for a moment with a sigh. He looked at the time and rubbed his face. He walked downstairs and into the living room to clean up. He was half done when the front door opened. He turned and stopped at the sight of Grantaire,

"What the-"

"Are the kids asleep?"

"Yeah...why are you here?"

"I got there and I....I didn't care."

"You....what?"

He walked over and took Enjolras' hands,

"I don't care. I don't care about the show. Or the critics...or the fact that people wanna buy my stuff. I don't care because you're not there. And my babies are not there."

"Grantaire..."

"I've been thinking all night about this and I just...what's the point? We have a good life, we have each other and we've had each other for years now. I don't want this life anymore. I want you. I want our kids. I want us."

"They're gonna kill you for ditching."

"Who cares? Enjolras we've been through rehab and depression and death and you beating the shit out of a grave. And we're still standing. I'm never leaving again."

Enjolras couldn't control the tears that sprang to his eyes. He smiled and pressed their foreheads together,

"I love you."

Enjolras laughed and pressed a kiss to his lips,

"I love you more."

 

 


End file.
